What she had not been, however, was mortified. In the past, she would have been so upset that she would have hidden in her chambers for a week. Not this time. While Phin might not have believed his own words, Josie had taken them to heart. She no longer allowed gossip to rule her life. She was stronger than that.
Phin had helped her to see that. It was just a pity he hadn’t believed what he was saying.
She would have told him as much had she ever seen him after the final ball, but she hadn’t.
Josie had left Havenhurst with the first rays of dawn the next morning with Lord Radcliffe by her side in the family’s coach. She had been so heartbroken by Phin’s rejection that she hadn’t even bothered to ask him why he had been at the house party in the first place. He had simply appeared in the hallway as she had made her way back to her room and quietly assured her that he would make arrangements for them to leave at first light.
She hadn’t questioned him. Nor had she questioned him when he suggested that she return home with him for a time. After a few days, when it became clear to both Ben and Julia that Josie wasn’t about to harm herself and that she likely needed some time to recover on her own, they had made arrangements to rent out a small town home for her on the edge of Mayfair – well away from the center of gossip.
The couple had even arranged for a new Grey Lady to lodge with Josie for a few weeks until she could “find her footing,” as they said. The duke and duchess had also made certain that Josie knew she was welcome to spend the upcoming summer season with them so that she would not have to be alone.
Josie was seriously considering the offer. Tabby had also made a similar offer. At the moment, any place would be better than returning to Sharpe-On-Edgecombe to wait for her cousin, Mr. Stewart, to appear.
“Must you?” Tabby challenged, interrupting Josie’s thoughts. “Must you live with his decision? One he allowed you no part in making?”
Josie held up her hands. “What would you have me do, Tabby? I can hardly show up at his front door and demand he marry me!”
“Why couldn’t you?”
Truthfully, Josie had considered doing just that or something similar. According to Julia, Phin and Cilla had returned to London a few days after Josie and the other party guests had. They had been closeted away at Fullbridge House on the far side of Mayfair ever since. No one had seen or spoken with the siblings since their return – not even the Bloody Duke, which, according to the Town Tattler, was making the already grouchy man quite a bit grouchier. And no one really wanted that.
“Because it would only invite more gossip,” Josie reminded Tabby, who, Josie was coming to learn, had something of a blood-thirsty streak when she felt as if she or one of her friends had been wronged. “And gossip is what led to this problem in the first place. Or at least Phin’s reaction to it.” She rose, restless now, and went to the window. “Funny that.”
Tabby frowned. “I see nothing funny about this.”
Resting her forehead against the window, Josie looked out to the street below where horses and wagons clattered past, the world moving on around her as if nothing was amiss. For those people? Nothing was. For Josie? Everything she had envisioned for her future had vanished, her dreams shattered.
“Funny because when I came to London, I was terrified of gossip. Of how it would ruin me or haunt me or, well, whatever. And yet, at that house party, as Phin continued to insist that gossip didn’t matter? I came to truly believe that. I ceased to care what people might say about me, only to discover that, for all of his brave words, Phin felt the opposite.”
Tabby let out a low growl. “I said it yesterday, and I shall say it again today. He is a coward.”
“I agree.” Josie turned away from the window. “But there is precious little I can do about it, now is there?”
For a long moment, Tabby said nothing, and Josie could swear she saw the other woman almost thinking aloud. “We could take a walk.”
“A walk?” Josie’s eyes shot to her hairline. “It is threatening to rain buckets at any moment.”
“I know.” Tabby seemed wholly unconcerned about the weather. “But a short walk might do you some good. We needn’t go far. Just to the park across the way. We don’t even need a maid if we are quiet and careful about things.” She gestured out the window. “There is a pretty little pond and some benches where we can sit. We can both clear our heads, for I fear that I need a respite from things as much as you do.”
Josie frowned. “And if the weather turns foul?”
“We will come directly back here. I will even keep an eye on the clouds for us. I swear it.” Tabby plucked at her gown. “I’ve no wish to have my new gown ruined, but I do swear that I will go positively mad if I am cooped up inside for much longer. My parents are in the midst of making arrangements so we can depart for the country, and all they do is stay inside. I need fresh air and sunshine! Please, Josie.”
Once again, Josie peered out the window. She didn’t know how much sunshine there was to be had, as storm clouds were gathering once more. As for fresh air? This was smoggy, smoky London – hardly the best place for one’s lungs.
Still, Tabby did have a point. Better to be outside, even for a little while, than to be here, cooped up with her memories of what might have been with Phin.
“Very well.” She grabbed the bell pull. “I will have Williams get our cloaks.”
“But no maid.” Tabby wagged her finger. “I am sick to death of being followed about as if I am still five. The park is remote enough and empty at this time of day, I should think. We will not be seen.”
Josie wanted to argue against that, but she didn’t have the energy. Though she had vowed to move on with her life after Phin, she was having more trouble accomplishing that than she had imagined. She had been in love with the man, after all. In fact, she still was in love with him.
Apparently, one could fall in love quickly, but it took far longer to fall out of love. She hadn’t known that. Now she did. Much to her dismay.
“Fine.” Josie finally rang for the butler. “No maid. But if we are caught out…:
“We won’t be.” Josie didn’t like the way Tabby smiled just then. As if she was up to something. But no. This was Tabby, and she wasn’t the sort.
“If we are…” Josie tried again.
“If we are, then I shall take the blame.” Tabby winked. “Remember, I can do no wrong. I’m afraid of everything. So, if I am out alone and without my maid? It shall be seen as a bold step in overcoming my fears.”
Josie laughed for that sounded like a rather absurd explanation but exactly like something Tabby would say.
“Very well,” Josie finally consented when Williams finally arrived. “But if this goes badly, I am blaming you.”
“It won’t. It’s just a walk.” Tabby was supremely confident. “I promise.”
Chapter Twenty
“Are you ever going to bathe again? My God, you stink worse than my son after he’s soiled his nappies!”
Next to the Duke of Radcliffe, the Bloody Duke made something that might have been described as a gagging noise. “Really, Fullbridge. Get off your arse, bathe, and then go for a walk or something.”
From the depths of his bedchamber, Phin did his best to ignore the two dukes who had been here for the last hour attempting to dislodge him from his house. Cilla had attempted the same thing earlier that morning and had been met with little success. Phin had no intention of allowing these men to succeed where his sister had failed.
“I don’t bloody well feel like it.” Phin finally decided to give them some sort of reply.
“Now you just sound like a petulant child,” Candlewood snapped. “Ben? I’ve enough of this and Eliza it waiting for me. She has a gown fitting at Madame LaVallier’s this afternoon, and I should like to accompany her.”
“Very well.”
Before Phin could protest, the other two men had him about the shoulders and bodily hauled him to his feet.
“That�
��s better.” Radcliffe seemed pleased with their efforts.
“No. It’s not.”
It really wasn’t because all Phin wanted to do was hide away from the world. He had made an utter muck of things with Josie. How had he been so stupid as to say those things to her and send her away? He didn’t really believe what he had said, all of that stuff about how gossip and scandal would be the end of them.
Or at least he didn’t believe it now. To be fair, he had at the time, but then the evening of Cilla’s birthday ball hadn’t really been his best day. And he was known for putting his foot in his mouth when he’d had too much to drink, as he had that day. Memories of the words “birthing hips” sprang to mind just then, as well. As had a clearer memory of just how much liquor he had consumed.
It had been…rather a lot. Too much, he supposed.
On that day, Phin had been trying to figure a way out of the mess with Lady Margaretta since early that morning, all while her gorgon of a mother had hounded him to hand over the Fullbridge betrothal ring and be done with things. Apparently, she had seen the ruby and diamond creation on Faith’s finger several years ago and now wanted it on her daughter’s hand promptly.
Phin had refused so Lady Temins had threatened to ransack Havenhurst looking for the jewel.
That had led to a raging argument that had only been broken up when Cilla, accompanied by Lord Snowly, had threatened to call the magistrate and have both Lady Temins and Lady Margaretta removed from the house on suspicion of theft if either woman took so much as one step off of the path that led from their chambers to the ballroom.
But that had been two weeks gone by now. Except that it still felt like it had happened yesterday.
As did the pain Phin endured when he remembered how he had pushed Josie away because he had been a coward. And drunk. That had been a factor as well.
“The Temins gorgon has been dealt with, her harridan of a daughter is now wed to Harlow and just yesterday, Lady Gainsbridge was seen all but hunting down Queensbury in Lady Minton’s ballroom creating more scandal than I’ve seen in a week or more.” Candlewood yawned. “It is all better. People have forgotten all about you and that blasted house party. You are just too bloody blind and stubborn to see it!” He pointed to a copper tub full of steaming water. “Now bathe. Do not make me do it for you.”
Phin had no doubt that the Bloody Duke would make good on his threat if Phin didn’t get his arse in that tub in the very near future.
Besides, maybe the two men had a point. A walk might do him some good. It would certainly give him time to think. To think about how to properly apologize to Josie and wonder if she would accept that apology. To ponder whether or not she would take him back.
In all honesty? In her position? He probably would not.
He had been wrong. About all of it. Moreover, he had bungled things. Badly. Worse than badly. In fact, the way he had treated Josie that night made his “breeding hips” comment seem like a mere trifle in comparison.
She loved him, and he had hurt her – badly. He had all but tossed that love back her, insisting that it didn’t matter. Except that it did matter. Because Phin did love Josie, and over the last two weeks, he had come to understand that his initial belief was correct. Love was stronger and more powerful than gossip. Or scandal. Or just about anything.
If two people were in love? That was all that mattered. The rest? Would sort itself out.
“Fine.” Phin reached up to yank his shirt over his head and realized that he smelled worse than he had initially imagined. “But not while the two of you are here.”
“We shall wait outside.” Radcliffe offered a toothy grin, and Phin saw all too easily how it was assumed these two men had grown up as brothers and not neighbors.
“And then we will all go for a walk.” The Bloody Duke sounded far too cheerful. “Right?”
“Right,” Phin agreed dully.
There was no point in arguing. Radcliffe and Candlewood would make Phin do what they wanted anyway. And this way? He would at least be able to keep all of his body parts intact.
“Tabby, it really does look as if it will rain at any moment.” Josie peered up at the sky. “After Phin’s house party, I really have had enough of being soaked to my skin.”
Josie and Tabby had arrived at the little gazebo on the far side of this little park about ten minutes ago. It was quiet and secluded, and on another day? Josie might have found it extremely charming and peaceful. But the storm clouds were gathering quicker now, and the scent of rain hung in the air. A deluge was coming. Josie could tell.
“If we leave now, I think we might just be able to make it home before it rains.” Josie attempted to prod her friend into leaving once again. “I mean it, Tabby. I want to go home. This walk was an excellent idea, but now? I think I just want to rest.”
Josie was fairly certain her friend was ignoring her. Tabby seemed content to stare off into nothingness, as if she was waiting for something. Which was, of course, ridiculous because there was nothing and no one to wait for.
Finally, Tabby perked up and nodded in the direction they had taken into this back section of the park. As if everything that Josie had just said finally sank into her brain. “As you like.”
That seemed a bit bland of a response, especially since Josie had been all but nagging Tabby to leave almost from the moment they arrived. Still, they were departing, and that was all that mattered.
Taking a moment to gather up her reticule and make certain her bonnet and pelisse were securely fastened, Josie was surprised to see Tabby already bounding down the gazebo steps and onto the pathway as if she had been fired from a cannon.
“Tabby! Wait!” Josie hopped up and followed after her friend as quickly as she could.
However, as Josie made it to the bottom of the gazebo steps, she could already see Tabby being escorted away by two gentlemen who looked suspicious like Lord Candlewood and Lord Radcliffe – at least from behind.
“Tabby!” Josie called out again, but if the other woman heard her, she gave no indication.
“Josie. Wait. Please.” Spinning around, Josie saw Phin, hat in hand, standing on the path that led to the opposite side of the park.
“Phin.” She still didn’t have the heart to call him by his title, even though she should. It would be proper. It would avoid a scandal. Wasn’t that what he wanted? It no longer mattered to her but perhaps it still did to him. “Did you need something?”
He took a step toward her. “I need to apologize. For, well, everything. Candlewood and Radcliffe were right about that. They dragged me here because I think they knew you would be here, as well. They were right. About everything. And I? Well, I have been an idiot. So…I apologize. Deeply.”
Josie stood there looking at him, uncertain of what to say. “Apologize for what happened the night of Cilla’s ball?” she finally asked. “Or for something else?”
Another step. “For my behavior at Cilla’s ball. For treating you as I did. For saying one thing and then doing quite another. As I said. For everything.”
“You told me to ignore gossip. That scandal did not matter.” Josie made certain to keep her lips in a firm line. “And yet, the moment there was even a hint of a scandal, you pushed me aside. You said it was for my own good, Phin, but it wasn’t. It was for your own good. To protect yourself.”
He nodded as he continued to fiddle with his hat. “You’re right. Of course, you’re right. I thought I believed every word that I said. And I do. Or I thought I did.”
“And yet, you don’t.” She could see the remorse in his eyes, but she refused to be swayed by it. He might be sorry, but what would happen the next time scandal came knocking at their proverbial door, as it surely would?
Would he stand by her, or would he push her aside as he had this time? Josie didn’t think she could tolerate being pushed aside once more.
“I do believe that gossip is just words. That night at the party? I was not thinking clearly, but now? I am. Please, Jos
ie, you must believe me.”
Phin was directly in front of her now, and when he reached for her hand, Josie allowed him to grasp it. It went against her better judgment, but she was finding it increasingly difficult to stay away from him. “That night at the ball? So many things were happening all at once, and we hadn’t declared ourselves to each other. I had no idea how you felt about me. Yes, we agreed that we cared for each other but nothing more. I have a son to think of as well, and if you weren’t sure of your feelings? Then I thought I was doing what was best.”
She might have brushed aside his words if he hadn’t mentioned his son. “I hadn’t considered Philip.”
Phin stroked the back of her hand. “I know I do not mention him often, but I do think of him. When he gets older, it is inevitable that stories will leak out about his mother. Those stories will cause gossip. What happened the night of the ball? He will hear of that as well, I am certain. To be uncertain of your feelings for me? To force him to endure life with two parents that could no longer tolerate one another? That would have been too much. I just…couldn’t.”
“I told you that I loved you,” Josie whispered, her eyes growing suspiciously moist. “I was devastated that you did not believe me.”
Phin shook his head. “I have no excuses, Josie. All I can say was that I was not in my right mind and beg you for another chance. Because I do love you, Josephine Marshwood. I should not. I am not the right lord for you because of scandal and gossip and age and so very many reasons. I am all wrong for you, and I know that. But I do love you, and I want to be your husband.” He paused. “If you will allow it.”
As marriage proposals went, this one was sort of backward, Josie supposed. However, she could hear the truth of Phin’s emotions in his words, and she could not really fault him for his hesitations that night. The entire scene had been chaos, and she would have fled the room as well had Lord Queensbury not been there.
Loving the Wrong Lord Page 22