by E. L. Todd
Fuck. Shit. Damn.
“This is Mike?” she asked in disdain.
Cassandra flinched. “What’s the problem…?”
“This guy got me wasted then fucked me at his place. When I woke up, he wasn’t there. I had no wallet, no keys, and I had no idea where the hell I was. He took advantage of me and didn’t even get me home safely. This guy is a fucking asshole.” The rage burned in her eyes. Even a year later, she was still livid about it.
This was going to be bad.
Everything she said was completely true. I tried picking her up at the bar but she rejected me, so I sent her drink after drink until she was so drunk she could barely walk. Then I made my move and took her to my place, fully aware of the fact that she didn’t have a clue what was going on. After I got off, I left her at my place because she passed out. I didn’t come home for a few days until I knew she was gone. I was a really, really big dick.
I didn’t regret my actions until recently. When I saw Sean and Scarlet together, I realized how wrong I’d been. I was nothing like the man I used to be. I loved and cared for Cassandra with my whole heart. She was first and foremost in my life.
Zeal shook her head. “This piece of shit is using you, Cassandra. You went from my cheating brother to this?” The shock was in her voice. “This guy is just going to hit it and quit it.”
Cassandra was silent. The hesitation and surprise was in her eyes. She had no idea what to do or what to say.
“He’s trash,” Zeal said. “I’d spit on him if I wasn’t afraid to get you in the line of fire.”
Cassandra finally turned to me, fear in her eyes. “You did that?”
I wasn’t going to lie like a coward. I had to own up and be honest. I just hoped Cassandra would still be there after I did. “Yes.”
She took a deep breath and her eyes filled with emotion.
“I did a lot of bad things. All those rumors you heard about me were true. I won’t deny it. But I’m nothing like that now. And you know that without a shadow of a doubt.”
Zeal shook her head. “Fucking trash. His mouth is full of lies.”
If she were someone else, I’d tell her to shut up. But I knew I hurt her. “Zeal, I’m sorry about what I did. I’m not proud of it and it’ll haunt me for the rest of my life.”
“You think your apology means shit to me?” she asked incredulously.
“I’m sorry nonetheless.”
Zeal turned back to Cassandra. “He’s full of shit. Forget him, Sandy.”
I didn’t know she had a nickname with her friends.
Cassandra remained glued by my side. Veronica and Lana fell silent, feeling the awkward tension set in the air.
I cleared my throat. “I really meant what I said. I’m sorry for my behavior.”
“You practically raped me.” The hostility flew out.
Now that was untrue. I didn’t fuck around with rape. That wasn’t my style nor would it ever be. I couldn’t force her to come to my apartment and I couldn’t force her legs apart. She was hot and horny at the time, begging me to fuck her. “That’s not how it went down. I’ll own up to everything I did, but I definitely didn’t rape you. Get your shit straight.”
Her eyes widened in aggression. “Sandy, this is the man you claim to love? You’ve got to be kidding me.”
Cassandra was speechless. I knew a huge bomb was dropped on her. I didn’t know how to prepare her for it or shield her from the flying shards. I could tell it ripped a gash in her heart. She probably never understood just how shitty of a person I was, and she never expected me to sleep with her closest friend. I wished I could go back in time and take it back.
I really do.
Cassandra slid away from me then stood up. Her eyes were still wide. She fidgeted in place, unsure what to do with herself. I’ve never seen her act nervous. I’ve never seen her so unsure of herself. “I need to leave…”
I jumped to my feet then grabbed her wrist. “Baby, I know this is a lot to take in, but I’ve never lied about my past to you. Don’t push me away.”
“Don’t touch her.” Zeal hit me hard on the shoulder.
I ignored her, immune to any pain. “Baby, talk to me.”
“I just—”
“Leave her alone!” Zeal slapped me across the face.
This evening was just getting worse. I swallowed the anger and didn’t retaliate. “If Cassandra didn’t want me to touch her, she would tell me. And if she didn’t feel like asking, she’d kick my ass. Now back off.”
Zeal’s eyes got even bigger. She raised her hand to slap me but I grabbed her wrist and pushed it down.
“Knock it off.” I squeezed her wrist in warning then turned back to Cassandra. “Talk to me.”
“I just…want to be alone right now.”
I was scared. I was fucking terrified. “Stay at the apartment and I’ll go elsewhere.”
“No, I’ll—”
“Please go to the apartment. I won’t come back until you ask me to.” I didn’t want her staying with a friend that would brainwash her into leaving me. And I wanted to know she was safe. My apartment was the most exclusive place in the city.
“Okay.”
“Can I walk you?”
She stepped away. “No.”
God, this was bad.
She walked out without looking back, making me hollow and alone.
When I turned back around, her friends stared at me. Veronica and Lana didn’t give me mesmerized looks anymore. It was clear they despised me as much as Zeal did.
“Get the hell away from us,” Zeal snapped.
Without saying goodbye, I walked out.
2
Scarlet
With every passing day, I recovered from the horrible trauma that happened to me. It was difficult to process the loss, but I got stronger every day. Sean reminded me he was always there and we would get through this together.
When we had dinner together, I picked at my food but didn’t eat it. Olga made filet mignon, salad, and potatoes. It was delicious, like everything she made, but I wasn’t hungry.
“Everything alright?” Sean asked from across the table.
I didn’t meet his gaze. My fork slid through the potatoes. “Yeah.”
He studied me then ate a slice of asparagus. “Tell me.”
I’d been thinking about this for a while. Not knowing the truth was killing me. I was desperate to know why I couldn’t carry my baby to full term. Was there something wrong with me? With him? If there was, I needed to get my tubes tied. I couldn’t suffer through that again. “I want to go to a fertility clinic.”
He wiped his mouth with a napkin then sipped his glass. “You want to try again?”
“No,” I said quickly. “I just need to know…”
His hand moved across the table and rested on mine. “If that’s what you want.”
“If there’s something wrong with me, I want to make sure I don’t get pregnant again. I couldn’t go through that another time.”
“I understand,” he said gently.
I pulled my hand away then stared at my untouched plate.
Sean abandoned his food and stared at me. “Even if we get bad news, there are other options. We can get a surrogate carrier and we can adopt. Scarlet, we will have children. Don’t stress out about it.”
“I just feel so horrible that I can’t give you children.” I felt the tears bubble under my eyes.
“We don’t know that,” he said firmly. “Miscarriages are common. Perhaps it was just a fluke. And even if you can’t conceive, don’t feel guilty. I love you for you. Nothing will change that.”
“Really…?”
“Of course, baby.” His eyes softened. “Besides, there’s so many kids in the world that don’t have parents. I know I’d love an adopted baby just as much as my own. It’s going to work out, Scar.”
His words consoled me. Knowing we had other options was a relief. I didn’t realize how much I wanted children until I couldn’t have them.
&nbs
p; He patted my hand again. “I’ll make an appointment tomorrow.”
“Okay.”
Sean returned to his food but cast glances my way. He was always so protective of me. He put me first in every situation. I hated to compare it to our earlier relationship, but when I did, I saw how much he changed. I was the apple of his eye, the person he loved the most. Having his support and devotion meant the world to me. He would stand by my side forever, and I him. “How was work?” I asked.
Sean gave me a detailed description of his day at work. He mentioned something about quarterly taxes and a meeting with investors. His job sounded pretty damn boring, but Sean seemed to be passionate about it. I listened to him even though I couldn’t follow most of what he said. “How was your day?”
“It was fine.” My day wasn’t nearly as intense as his. I didn’t have much to contribute to the conversation.
“Maybe we should buy an office and you can Janice could work there together. At least you would be in the same room.”
“Could we just use the house for that?” I asked. Sometimes Sean threw his money around like it was infinite. Just because he had money didn’t mean he should spend it frivolously.
“I guess.”
“And we are both silent anyway. It wouldn’t do much.”
“Okay.” He finished his plate then carried it to the sink. Sean always did the dishes even when I offered to take care of it. I wasn’t sure why. He worked hard all day so he shouldn’t come home and do the same. But he was insistent on it.
The front door opened and Mike walked inside.
Sean looked at him. “Don’t you knock?”
Mike usually had a smartass comment to say back, but today, he didn’t. The despair was in his eyes. I immediately knew something was wrong.
I stood up. “What happened?”
He plopped down at the table then covered his face for a moment. Then he looked at me. “I slept with Cassandra’s friend, and Cassandra just found out about it. It didn’t come out in a good way, and I certainly looked like a fucking asshole.”
I sat beside him and rubbed his back. “That’s unfortunate luck.”
“She said she needed time alone. Is it cool if I crash here?”
“You don’t need to ask,” I said gently.
“We’re a damn hotel, I swear.” Sean shook his head.
I glared at him, telling him to comfort his brother.
Sean rolled his eyes then sat across from him. “It’ll blow over.”
“I don’t know,” Mike said quietly. “She seemed…devastated.”
“How close are they?” I asked.
“They are best friends,” he answered.
“Oh.” That wasn’t good.
“I’m just afraid what this will do to our relationship,” Mike said. “I slept with this girl a year ago and I was a total asshole. I told Cassandra the truth from the beginning, but I didn’t expect it to bite me in the ass like this.”
I continued to rub his back. “Sean’s right. She’ll let it go.”
“How do you know?” he asked incredulously. “What if she doesn’t? What if it’s too awkward for her and Zeal?”
“Zeal?” Sean asked. “What kind of fucking name is that?”
“Not now, Sean,” I warned.
Mike sighed.
I dropped my hand and stared at the despair on his face. “Cassandra knew you were a playboy before you got together. Honestly, this shouldn’t be a surprise for her. Sean told me about his past, and whenever it comes up, I let it go. The past has nothing to do with the present.
“Cassandra is strong and smart. After she recovers from the shock and the hurt, she’ll forget about everything and come back to you.”
“Really?” he asked hopefully.
I nodded. “Just give her space. It’s one thing to know about your past in a theoretical way, and another when it gets thrown in your face. Just give it time.”
“I can’t lose her, Scar.” The emotion was in his voice. “She’s my whole world, you know?”
I leaned my head on his shoulder. “I know.”
We fell silent at the table. Mike stared at the cherry wood and Sean folded his hands on the surface. I kept my head on his shoulder, consoling him in a quiet way.
“Hungry?” Sean asked.
“Depends,” Mike answered.
“We got steak and potatoes.”
“Then duh,” he said quickly.
I was glad Mike was still alive in there somewhere.
Mike stayed in a spare bedroom and returned early. Sean and I watched TV downstairs before we headed to bed. After Sean was under the covers, he pushed me into the bed and moved on top of me. Like every other night, our bodies combined together in throes of passion.
Sean stayed quiet when we had guests in the house, but when it was his brother, he didn’t care. He rocked the bed hard into the wall and gripped my thighs as he slid in and out of me. He took me to the place I loved, making me moan as I released. Sean followed me then grunted as he made his final thrusts.
Wordlessly, he lay beside me and cuddled me to his chest. I knew my husband’s breathing patterns as well as the English language, so I knew the moment he fell asleep.
I crept downstairs then picked up the phone.
Cassandra answered on the third ring. “Hello?” Her voice was quiet, hollow.
“Hey. How are you holding up?”
Silence ensued on the other end. “I appreciate you checking on me, but I really just want to be alone right now.”
“I understand.”
Cassandra was quiet again.
“After seeing Cortland and Monnique break up over something so juvenile, I really don’t want to see it happen again with Mike. I understand why you’re hurt and shocked, but keep in mind that Mike never lied about his past. When he said he used to be an asshole, he meant it. The important thing is the present. He’s nothing like that with you. He adores you.”
“I’m not breaking up with him,” she said quietly. “I just need my space. I just couldn’t believe he did that…and with my friend.”
I breathed a sigh of relief, grateful Mike wasn’t going to lose her. “I know it’s a lot to take in. But I went through the same thing with Sean. He’s sweet to me now, a perfect husband, but he wasn’t always that way. We had a lot of problems and he pulled a lot of stupid shit on this journey. But despite all that pain, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Mike is already at that point, and he treats you with nothing but respect. Thank you for not breaking up with him.”
Cassandra was mute.
“I’ll let you go now…”
“Thanks for calling,” she said quickly. “I know you’re looking out for Mike.”
“He’s my brother. I always have his back.”
“Is he there?”
“Yeah,” I answered. “He’s in bed.”
“Is he okay?”
“He feels like shit. But that isn’t surprising.”
“Okay. I’m glad he’s safe.”
“You’re staying in the apartment?”
“Yeah,” she said sadly. “It’s not the same without him here.”
‘Then let him come home.”
Cassandra took a deep breath, the air hitting the receiver of the phone. “I’ll think about it.”
That was the most I was getting out of her. “Good night, Cassandra.”
“Night.” She hung up.
3
Cortland
Monnique and I were about to move in together again, but I changed my mind at the last minute. While I loved her and I wanted to be with her, we had to take this slow. I was still healing from the break up. It would take me a while to completely get over it.
She was patient with me. As long as we were together, monogamously, she didn’t seem to mind. Every time I needed my space or I pulled away from her embrace, she understood and let me be. She didn’t pressure me one way or another.
When I imagined her moving on with someone else, it made me
shake in pain. I didn’t want her to end up with anyone else. Her little ploy totally tricked me and made me beg to be with her again, but I didn’t have any anger toward her. She made me realize how much I loved her and couldn’t be apart from her. The fact Victor wasn’t real made it better. It made me appreciate Monnique when I thought I couldn’t.
I arrived at her apartment, wearing dark jeans and a red t-shirt with a black jacket. We were going out to dinner, doing something normal couples did. She and I ate at home most of the time, but we liked to have a date night a few times a week. We were getting back into the routine of normalcy.
She opened the door wearing skinny jeans, boots, a black top, and a short jacket that showed her stomach. When she dressed like this, she looked like a model. She could pull off any style and any clothes. She was perfect in that way.
“You look amazing,” I blurted. Her appearance always took me by surprise. When I thought she couldn’t be more beautiful, she proved me wrong.
She grabbed either side of my jacket and pulled my lips to hers. She was more aggressive than she used to be, treasuring me after our time apart. When our lips touched, my cock grew hard in my jeans. She always aroused me even when we were being tender. It was hard to have a gorgeous girlfriend and not have a hard-on all the time. “You look delicious.”
I smirked then rubbed my nose against hers. “Thank you.”
She led me back into the apartment, taking a few steps back.
I wrapped my arms around her waist and steadied her. “Let’s get through dinner first.”
She growled playfully. “Fine.”
We made love as soon as we were back together, but after the initial time, I ended the physical relationship. I wanted to be back to where we were before we became serious again. While I loved her and wanted to spend my life with her, she couldn’t erase the past overnight. She would have to earn my trust again.
We left the apartment and arrived at the restaurant. I pulled her chair out for her then sat across from her. A few heads turned her way, checking out her perfection. I stopped caring about the stares of other men a long time ago. There was nothing I could do about it, and honestly, I didn’t blame them. Even if she wore a wedding ring, they’d give it a shot.