by E. L. Todd
This guy was about to get his head ripped off.
She rolled her eyes. “Stop.”
“I meant it.”
I’m going to kill him. I’m going to fucking kill him.
“Everything looks so nice,” Janice said excitedly. “Your assistant did a wonderful job.”
He smiled. “She’s superwoman.”
They carried on a conversation, laughing and having a good time. I was totally ignored.
I cleared my throat. “Forgetting something?”
“Oh.” Janice turned to me, clearly flustered. “Sorry. Cal, this is Ryan.”
Are you fucking kidding me right now? “Ryan? I’m just Ryan?” I tried not to sound angry but I couldn’t help it.
She glared at me. “Knock it off,” she said under her breath.
Cal eyed us before he extended his hand. “You’re the boyfriend she won’t shut up about. Your name was enough.”
Janice gave me a triumphant look.
I was still pissed.
His hand still hung in the air, waiting for me to grip it.
Janice squeezed my arm, threatening me to take it. She squeezed harder when I didn’t move.
I finally took it, swallowing my pride.
He nodded then dropped his hand. “Having a good time?”
Before you came along.
“Yes,” Janice said with certainty. “It’s lovely.”
Cal put his hands in his pockets and gave Janice all the attention. I hated the way he looked at her. I saw the need in his eyes. Maybe I was imagining it, but I knew he was thinking about taking her on his desk. I saw the image in his mind.
He was the same height as me, and rocking muscle like he headed to the gym seven days a week. I was lean and limber, having the right amount of muscle in the right places, but I wasn’t a meathead like him. And I didn’t like that.
Why did her boss have to be a fucking Calvin Klein model?
“I had lunch at Rosario’s today,” he said, eyeing her exclusively. “They gave me a slice of that cake, on the house.”
She laughed. “After it had a bug in it last time? Wow, they really want our business.”
Our? She was having lunch with him too? Fuck. I was so close to blowing my lid. The steam was filling my lungs and my eyes. I couldn’t take this bullshit much longer.
“It’s probably because I tip well.” He shrugged.
“You always tip well.”
I tip well!
He placed his hand on her hip then looked over her shoulder. “I need to mingle a little more, but let’s meet up later.”
“Will do.”
He winked at her.
Did he just fucking wink at my girl?
He walked away then joined a small crowd of people. With his charming wit, he entertained the throng, and laughter reached our ears.
Janice turned back to me, and her smile disappeared when she saw the enraged look on my face. “Cut it out,” she whispered.
“Cut it out?” I snapped. “Are you fucking him?”
Her jaw dropped and her eyes glowed in embers. “Excuse me?”
“Answer me.”
She shook with anger. “Fuck you, Ryan.”
“Fuck me? Or do you mean him?” I don’t think I’ve ever been this angry. “Have you no respect for me? You were flirting with him right in front of me, and he clearly has a thing for you. Don’t insult me by denying it.”
“You’re being ridiculous!”
“Why are you having lunch with him and sharing a piece of cake? What the fuck, Janice?”
“We weren’t sharing anything,” she snapped. “We ordered our own.”
“Whatever. Why were you having lunch with him to begin with?”
“Because he asked me. It’s what friends do.”
“Fuck you, Janice. How would you feel if I was chummy-chummy with my female boss, who was a fucking underwear model?”
“An underwear model?” she asked with a raised eyebrow. “Are you mad at me for spending time with Cal because you’re jealous of me? Or jealous of him? Because it sounds like you’re gay.”
I knew my face was red because I was so livid. “I can’t talk to you right now. I’m leaving.”
“Fine.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “I don’t want you here anyway.”
“So you can spend more time with Cal?”
“Are you five years old?” she hissed. “He’s my boss that happens to be a friend. Get over it, Ryan.”
“I don’t care if you have guy friends. But platonic friends don’t act that way. I’ve hardly heard you say more than a few sentences to Cortland in the year you’ve known him, and he’s my best friend. But you act like Cal is a closer friend than Scarlet. This isn’t about jealousy anymore. You crossed a line, Janice.”
“You’re unbelievable,” she shrieked. “You’re just insecure.”
“Damn right. Who wouldn’t be after that show? You were about to make out.”
She held up her hand. “I can’t do this anymore.”
“What?”
“Just go,” she hissed. “You’re embarrassing me.”
“Well, I guess your work friends are more important than your boyfriend, the man you claim to love. That’s a load of crap.” I turned on my heel and stormed out. When I was on the sidewalk, I breathed through the anger that screamed in my veins. I admit I was being jealous and paranoid before. I shouldn’t have treated Janice that way. But after seeing her talk to Cal like they were lovers, I realized I was dead on about it. I waited for her to chase after me but she didn’t. When I knew she wasn’t coming, I went left—alone.
8
Cortland
“Hey. I haven’t talked to you in awhile.” Hazel’s sweet voice came through the receiver.
“Yeah. I’ve been busy with work.”
“I know how that goes,” she said with a sigh. “Want to hang tonight?”
Monnique was at work so I had nothing to do. “Sure. What do you want to do?”
“Honestly, nothing. I just want to sit on the couch and drink beer.”
I laughed. “Am I talking to Ryan?”
“I guess I’ve been reincarnated. So, your place?”
“Sure.”
“I’ll grab a pizza on the way.”
“Cool.” We hung up.
I hadn’t told Hazel about my rekindled relationship with Monnique. I decided to tell her in person. Knowing her, she’d be happy for me. Of all people, she knew how much I loved Monnique. Only a guy desperately in love could turn down sex from a beautiful woman.
When she knocked on the door, I answered it and watched her walk inside, a pizza in her arms.
“I got the family size because I’m starving.” She opened the box and pulled a slice out.
“Or you actually have five kids to feed,” I teased.
“No. I’m just a fat ass.” She plopped down on the couch then put her feet up. “Guess what happened to me?”
I grabbed two beers then sat beside her. “What?”
“You remember that audition I had a few weeks ago?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, I got it. I’m going to be on Broadway.”
“Wow.” The gravity of the situation dawned on me. “That’s huge, Hazel.”
“I know.” She smiled. “I just can’t believe it’s happening.”
“I’m so happy for you.”
“Me too.” The elation was evident on her face. “It’s a dream come true.”
I knew how hard she worked for this. She spent so many days rehearsing and getting her moves right. Her feet were blistered and sore every single day. She was a hard worker and deserved this success. I decided not to mention Monnique. The last thing I wanted to do was spoil her evening.
Hazel discussed all the details of the job. She was getting paid more than her usual wages. It wasn’t much, but she was happy with the raise. She was always so passionate when she talked about dance. It reminded me of Monnique when she spoke of nursing.
I didn’t know much about dance, but I knew it was as tough as a sport. There was no way in hell I could do it.
We settled into a conversation while the TV played. Hazel rambled on and on about her excitement for the play. I listened to her and nodded when I was supposed to. I was happy this happened to her. She’d been so depressed for the past few months. She deserved something wonderful in her life.
Monnique texted me around eleven. Just got off work. Come over.
I knew she wanted to sleep with me. We traded off staying at each other’s apartments. I hardly slept for the months of our break up, and I quickly settled back into the routine when we got back together. It was the first time I didn’t stay awake the entire night. I texted her back. In a few hours.
R U out?
No, I’m at home.
I can come over there.
I didn’t like it when she went out alone, especially at night. It’s fine. I’ll be there soon.
Is Scarlet there?
I knew her question wasn’t one of jealousy. She was just the most likely candidate to be here. No. I’m hanging out with Hazel.
Monnique didn’t respond.
I knew she felt awkward toward Hazel and slightly jealous but I wasn’t going to hide Hazel from her. We were friends—that was all.
When Monnique didn’t type a response I put my phone aside. Hazel and I watched America’s Funniest Home Videos and laughed at the ridiculous things people did. Personally, I didn’t like the clips where people got hurt. My favorites were the ones that people recorded of their pets. Hazel liked this show too, and we laughed at the same parts.
A knock on the door caught our attention. I had no idea who would visit me this late at night. When I looked through the peephole, I saw Monnique on the other side. What was she doing here? I opened the door.
“Everything okay?” I asked with wide eyes.
“Yeah.” She peered over my shoulder to get a look at Hazel. “If you’re just hanging out, I don’t see why I can’t join you.”
I’ve never seen Monnique lose her cool like this. She was never insecure in our relationship. Now she was in a defensive mode. “You don’t have to fight for me, Monnique. I’m already yours.”
“So, you told her?”
“Well…no.”
“Why not?” she asked with a hurt voice.
“She just got her dream job. I didn’t want to spoil the evening by talking about myself.”
“Or telling her she doesn’t have a chance with you.” The hostility was in her voice.
“What happened to trusting me?”
“Trust has nothing to do with this. I don’t see why I can’t hang out with both of you.”
“You can,” I said immediately. “I don’t have a problem with that.”
“Good.” She stepped inside.
“But, let me tell her about us first.” I held her back.
“Then go ahead.”
“I’ll do it tomorrow.”
She crossed her arms over my chest. “The fact you’re making this a bigger deal than it needs to be makes me uncomfortable. If she really was just your friend, you would just tell her. The fact you’re being so gentle and sensitive about it has me worried. Now, you’re my man and I want that to be clear.”
“It’s clear you have my heart. That’s all that matters.”
She stared me down and waited for me to step aside.
I knew this would go nowhere. I stepped aside and let her enter.
Hazel’s eyes furrowed in confusion when Monnique sat on the couch. Her beer was held to her lips but she didn’t drink out of it. The awkwardness was heavy, the tension even worse.
I sat down and Monnique practically crawled into my lap. Her arm hooked around my waist and the greed was in her eyes. I thought she would fall to her knees and suck me off then and there. That’s how crazy she was.
“Um…” Hazel’s gazed moved back and forth between us. But she closed her mouth and turned back to the TV.
I moved my lips to Monnique’s ears. “She gets it. Can you calm down now?”
Monnique didn’t loosen her hold on me. “So, what’s going on with you?” The question was directed at Hazel.
Hazel looked like a deer in the headlights. After some fidgeting and movement, she regained her composure. “I got a new job. I’ll be performing on Broadway.”
“That’s wonderful,” Monnique said. “Cortland and I will be in the front row.”
We would?
“Cool.” Hazel turned back to the TV.
Damn, this was awkward.
Hazel didn’t speak to me. In fact, she didn’t look at me. I was annoyed with Monnique for making Hazel uncomfortable. She’d been nothing but a friend to me. She may have offered sex, but I rejected the offer and the subject was dropped. End of story.
Within twenty minutes, Hazel bolted. “I should get going…it’s late.”
Monnique stuck to me like super glue. “I’ll walk you out.” I stood up and Monnique rose with me.
“It’s okay.” Hazel grabbed her purse and headed to the door.
I chased after her, Monnique quick on my tail.
“Wait,” I said. “Hold on.”
Hazel stopped but didn’t look at me.
“Give me a second.” I turned to Monnique. “Wait in the bedroom.”
“Excuse me?” She acted like I just asked her to steal a priceless gem from a jewelry store.
“Just back off,” I said quickly.
She tensed at the aggression in my voice.
“I’m yours. She gets it.”
Guilt moved into her eyes, and she slowly walked into my bedroom. When I heard the door shut quietly, I knew I had some privacy. I approached Hazel. “I’m sorry about that.”
She tightened her purse on her shoulder. She seemed to be more fascinated with the door than my face.
“I wanted to tell you but—”
“Monnique thought it would be better if she just showed me?”
“I had no idea she was coming over. I wanted to tell you, but you seemed so excited about your new job and I didn’t want to ruin that with my personal bullshit.”
She shifted her weight. “So you’re back together?”
“Monnique didn’t make that clear enough?” I said with a chuckle.
A slight smile formed on her lips.
“She’s just…threatened by you.”
“Why?” Hazel asked.
“Well…I told her about…what you wanted to do.”
“Oh.” Her cheeks reddened. “I guess I can understand her hostility.”
“Yeah…”
“So, that’s it for you and I?” The sadness was heavy in her voice.
“No,” I said quickly. “We’re still friends.”
“It’s okay, Cortland.” She opened the door. “I understand. Monnique isn’t going to want you to hang around me anymore.”
“Then she shouldn’t have dumped me.” The resentment was still evident in my voice. I wasn’t sure how long I would feel this way. Perhaps forever.
She stilled. “You still sound angry.”
I shrugged. “I guess I’ll always be a little angry. We lost a lot of time, you know?”
“But you’re happy now, so let it go.”
“I am happy,” I said firmly. “She and I just have a lot of work to do.”
“No. She has a lot of work to do.” Her eyes flared. “That trust doesn’t rekindle overnight.”
“You think I made the wrong decision.” It wasn’t a question.
“What I think doesn’t matter. If Monnique is what you want, you should be with her. I’ll support anything you want. The moment you stop caring what other people think, you’re free.”
Hazel was different than all my other friends in a very profound way. She accepted my choices without argument. I had to listen to Ryan shred Monnique apart because he despised her so much. The entire gang had their own ideas of how I should act, but they never considered my own thoughts. While Hazel car
ed, she never pushed me in any direction. It was a breath of fresh air. “I appreciate that.”
“What are friends for?” she said with a shrug.
“But you still think I made the wrong decision.”
“Now it doesn’t matter whether you did or not.”
I held her gaze, asking her to elaborate.
“I’m sure Monnique loves you, but three months is a long time to be apart. I have a hard time understanding why she was gone for so long. How can someone take off like that then return feeling the same way they did before? I don’t know about you, but when a relationship is done, it’s done. There’s no going back and forth. I’m not sure why you took her back. You seemed determined to move on.”
“I thought she was seeing someone.” It was an immature and lame excuse, but it was the deciding factor in my decision. “I hated thinking about her being with someone else.”
“Well, she moved on quick.” The accusation was in her voice.
“She didn’t. She just fed me the lie in the hope I’d take a bite—which I did.”
“This is what I think. I think we try to hold on to the past because it made us feel good at the time. And when that time passes, we find ourselves in a dark place. Naturally, we turn to what we already know for direction. What made you happy? What made you sing? Then we assume if we find that variable again it will solve everything. But there’s a huge issue with that; you aren’t the same person. And neither is Monnique. Just keep that in mind.”
“You think I’m trying to keep a dead relationship alive?”
“I didn’t say that,” she said quickly.
I processed her words for a long time. “For someone so young, you have a lot of wisdom.”
“Because I’ve been through more pain than any young person should.” There was bitterness in her voice. Just a calm acceptance. She was unique in her thoughts, and she was unparalleled in her selflessness. I still had a hard time understanding why her ex left her. What was wrong with her? She stepped into the hallway then ran her fingers through her hair. “I should go.”
I followed her then shut the door. “Hazel, you mean a lot to me.”
She flinched at my words.
“And I’m not going to cut you out of my life. I don’t care what Monnique says or does. She can either trust me or leave me. That’s up to her. Everyone else in your life has abandoned you and made you feel worthless. I never will.”