Damn it, Devon. We’re going to have to talk about this. It’s a kind gesture, but he needs to know that as much as I appreciate it, if I say no to something, he needs to respect my wishes.
Waiting in the lobby of Devon’s building, I stare out at the rush of people on the sidewalk. Ten minutes ago, they were almost empty and now it looks like a concert was just let out.
Hands slide around my waist and pull me back. Letting out a sigh, I close my eyes and welcome his embrace.
“Did you find something nice to wear tonight?”
“I did, thank you. We need to talk about that.”
“About what?” I hear him ask, his voice laced with confusion.
“About you buying me clothes. I appreciate the gesture, but I prefer to take care of myself.”
“I know, that’s one of the things I love most about you.”
Love. Most.
All thoughts of shopping, dresses, and everything else leave my mind. All I can focus on are those two words.
As if in a daze, Devon shows me to a place I can change for dinner. We’re meeting his mother at a restaurant down the block in thirty minutes.
Freshening up my makeup, I stare at myself in the mirror and think about the last few weeks I’ve spent with Devon. Focusing on the way he makes me feel when I’m with him, I realize I’ve never felt this way about another man. I enjoy being with him. I look forward to it. Seeing him is the highlight of my week.
Mandatory vacation… no problem. I’ll go to Chicago and see Devon.
Asshole ex-boyfriend in the picture… who cares. I have someone new in my life who actually gives a shit about me.
No matter what happens tonight, tomorrow, or next week, I’m excited for what the future holds as long as Devon is a part of it. Admitting that to myself is the first step in moving forward. Confessing to him how I feel is the next step. I may not be ready for that yet, but I’m getting there.
Those three little words are perched on the tip of my tongue for when the perfect moment arrives.
Devon’s mother is running late, giving us a few minutes alone. This also gives him some time to prepare me for what I’m about to embark on.
“Just a heads-up, I’ve never introduced someone to my mother, so she’s excited and will probably talk non-stop.”
“I’m sure it’ll be fine,” I lie to him. My hands are shaking in my lap, my nerves on edge. My fear that his mother will hate me is all consuming.
“A few topics to avoid,” he begins, looking around before continuing. “Please don’t ask about my father, it’s still a tough subject for her to handle. I’ll explain about that later. Also, try not to stare. She hates it when people stare at her. Eye contact is fine but look away often. Down at your plate or at me. Lastly—”
“Devon!” a woman exclaims, her arms outstretched as she approaches the table.
Devon stands and I follow his lead. Walking into his mother’s arms, he wraps her in a hug and gently kisses her on the cheek. Introducing me, I extend my hand, but she pulls me in for a hug, her gentle tug catching me off guard as I topple toward her. Thankfully Devon catches both of us before we hit the floor.
If that’s not a memorable first impression, I don’t know what is.
Holly seems genuinely nice. She compliments my dress and asks me about myself. From the way she nods every so often, it’s obvious Devon has shared details about me with her before. The conversation flows smoothly from appetizer and drinks straight through dinner. I’m able to comfortably avoid making too much eye contact, and Devon’s father isn’t brought up. It’s not until dessert that things take a turn for the worse.
“So, Justine. Tell me, when are you stealing my son from me?” Holly asks.
“Mom,” Devon growls.
“What? I have a right to know. If you love this girl like you say you do, I want to know how long I have before you leave me for her.”
“Damn it, Mom. I thought we talked about this.”
“We did. I didn’t like what little you had to say.”
Watching as they go back and forth, fighting more like brother and sister than mother and son, I get a sense that as nice as his mother’s been to me all night, she’s not thrilled I’m dating her son.
“Just go. Leave me like your father did,” she practically screams, causing a few heads to turn in our direction.
“You make it sound like he had a choice, and you know that’s not what happened. Stop playing the victim, Mom. I can’t stop living my life because you want me to stay here.”
Motioning to the waitress, Devon hands her his credit card while I sit quietly waiting for what happens next.
“Look,” he starts, taking his mom’s hand the way he’s taken mine a hundred times. “You know I love you, but I also love Justine, and I can’t stay here anymore. We’ve been talking about this for years, Mom. You knew I was going to leave eventually. It’s about time I spread my wings a little, don’t you think.”
Tears are streaming down Holly’s face, mimicking the ones streaming down mine. He loves me. He hasn’t said the words to me yet, but he’s told his mother. On more than one occasion by the sounds of it.
“I’m not ready for you to fly away,” Holly says as the waitress reappears, placing Devon’s credit card and receipts on the table next to him.
“I know, but I promise not to fly far.”
After saying goodbye to Holly, Devon walks his mother to her car while I make my way back to mine. Setting my GPS for his house, I slowly make my way out of the city. Carefully replaying their conversation over and over again in my mind, I realize why Holly was so distraught.
Devon’s planning on leaving Chicago. Something Tyler and Ryder warned me he may never do. Neither of them would tell me why, and Devon hasn’t volunteered the reason either. It’s about time we had that conversation, I think. Especially if his mother is this upset about the idea.
Curling up on Devon’s couch, he rushes through the front door twenty minutes after me. After we each have a glass of wine, we curl up on the couch and I mentally prepare for the conversation I know we need to have. Thankfully, it’s Devon who brings his father up, so I don’t have to.
“He didn’t leave her,” he says, taking a sip of his wine. “She says that because she doesn’t want to admit that he’s dead. She still feels guilty.”
Why would his mother feel guilty? Unless she killed him, but I doubt that’s what happened. She seems too reserved to take a life.
“They were fighting when he had a heart attack. My mother thought he was faking at first so when he collapsed, she froze for a minute before calling 9-1-1. They say it wouldn’t have mattered. It was what they call a ‘Widow Maker.’ I’ve tried to explain it to her and get her to stop blaming herself, but she refuses. She can’t even bring herself to tell people he’s dead. That’s why I warn everyone to avoid the topic.
“The moment someone brings him up, it’s like a switch is flicked. She turns from my mother into someone I don’t recognize. She tells everyone he left her after they fought one night. She doesn’t tell them where he went or why, just that they fought and then he was gone. It boggles my mind that people don’t ask questions or inquire. They accept my mother at her word and move on to the next topic.
“Maybe it’s the shift in her personality. It’s obvious it’s painful for her to talk about him, that she’s still angry about the situation. That doesn’t stop her from visiting his grave every year on his birthday, or their anniversary, or the day he died. She still wears her wedding ring every day and has never once been out with another man.
“I know she loved him. They were together for almost thirty-five years when he passed. My only wish is that she would accept his death and move on with her life.”
The room falls silent as Devon takes another sip of his wine. I attempt to process everything he’s told me, taking a sip of my own wine in an attempt to push back my tears.
“I know this is heavy shit, and I’m sorry to put this all on
you. My mother is a lot to take sometimes. Knowing you were going to meet her, I should have prepared you better for tonight.”
“I don’t think there would have been a way for you to prepare me for any of this. Yes, it’s a lot to take in, but at the same time, I wouldn’t have been able to process it without meeting her first. She’s a strong woman, Devon. I know it’s hard for you to see, but I can see it. It may not seem like she’s moving on, but I think she’s trying.”
“I’ve stayed here for her for eight years. When I mentioned the possibility of leaving a few years ago, she freaked out on me. I was surprised she brought it up tonight.”
Is this his way of bringing it up again? Because that’s a big conversation, a long conversation. It’s already late and he has to work tomorrow.
Do I ask him about it or ignore his comment? Do I even know what I want him to do?
There’s only one thing I know right now and that is I’ve fallen in love with him. I need to be honest with him about that and tell him at least.
“Wanting to leave and leaving are two different conversations. Neither of which I think we should be having tonight. What I would like to talk about is the fact that you told your mother that you loved me.”
My back is to Devon, so he can’t see the grin on my face, so I hope that the excitement in my voice is enough. When he sets his wine down and wraps both of his arms around me, pulling me closer, I smile a little bigger.
“Justine, there’s something I need to tell you,” he whispers in my ear.
“Oh yeah? What’s that?” I tease.
“I. Love. You.” Each word is punctuated with a kiss. First my neck, then my collarbone, and finally he turns my head and kisses me gently on the lips.
“I love you too.”
Chapter Eighteen
Devon’s gone when I wake up the next morning. He kept me up most of the night, tossing and turning. When he finally settled, he started to snore. After an amazing evening, one I’ll never forget, I got little to no sleep.
My phone is blinking on the table when I pull myself out of bed. It’s close to eleven o’clock.
ALLY: What did you do to piss JP off? He’s been in Tyler’s office yelling for almost an hour.
She sent that forty-five minutes ago.
ME: I told him to leave me alone and that I wouldn’t be there today. Is he still in there?
She replies immediately, her phone at the ready as if we’re in crisis mode.
ALLY: He stormed out of there five minutes ago. He didn’t look happy and Tyler’s been in Mr. Dixon’s office with the door closed since then.
ME: He’s such an asshole. I wonder what happened.
ALLY: Ryder just joined them.
ME: Who?
ALLY: He was called into his father’s office.
ME: Okay, keep me posted.
ALLY: Helen asked me if you were okay. She seems to think this has something to do with you. How would she know that?
ME: Helen knows everything. She sees everything. I need to shower and get ready to meet Devon for lunch. I’ll call you later.
ALLY: Okay. I’ll let you know if anything changes.
What in the hell? What could JP possibly be up to now? Whatever it is, he’s not going to get his way. Not if I have anything to say about it.
ME: Woke up late. Lunch at one o’clock instead okay?
DEVON: I should be done soon. I’ll come to the house.
ME: I can come down there.
DEVON: I’ll be there soon.
ME: Are you sure?
DEVON: Yes.
I’m not getting the impression he’s having a very good day. He’s never been short with me like this before. Even through a text message, I can tell he’s irritated.
Showering and getting ready for the day, I blow it off as lack of sleep. Turning music on, I don’t hear Devon come in. When I spot him out of the corner of my eye, I jump in the air and scream.
“Hey,” he says, casually leaning against the door frame of the bathroom.
“You scared me,” I reply, silencing the music coming from my phone.
“We need to talk.”
His arms are crossed over his chest, his face a blank canvas. If I were to guess, he’s suppressing his anger. At who? Me? What did I do?
“Okay. Let me—”
“I’ll meet you in the kitchen,” he states, cutting me off. Disappearing down the stairs before I have a chance to respond, I pull my hair up and follow him.
“What’s up?” I ask, taking a seat across at the table.
“Who’s James Shuran?”
My breathing comes to a halt. There’s no reason his name should ever cross Devon’s lips. I’ve never mentioned him before and—
The rumor.
No. It can’t be that. Can it? There’s no way in hell he could have heard it. Tyler and Ryder are both aware of what’s going on. Neither of them would have mentioned it to him. Right?
“He’s a client. Why?” I ask, cautiously.
“Is that all he is, Justine? A client?”
“Yes,” I reply, my voice sounding more confident than I thought possible in this moment.
Wait, why am I lying to him? This is my opportunity to tell him the truth.
“So he’s not your ex-boyfriend?”
Damn it. He’s baiting me. He knows exactly who he is, and there’s a reason he’s asking questions.
“I prefer not to think about that time in my life.”
“I’ll take that as a yes.”
“What’s this about? I don’t want to talk about him. Not now, not ever. He’s the one part of my past that I prefer to forget ever existed.”
“I think we need to talk about him. Especially since you’re sleeping with him.”
No. This is not happening. There’s no way.
“Excuse me?” I ask, my voice failing me when I attempt to sound confused.
“Don’t play stupid with me. I’ve fallen for enough of your lies. What I don’t understand is why. I thought we had something good here. I was ready to uproot my life and move to be with you. I had it all planned out. This weekend was supposed to be the first weekend of the rest of our lives.”
Devon pauses, giving me an opportunity to defend myself, but I don’t. He’s going to believe whatever he wants to believe.
“I guess I should be grateful, right? I found out before falling in love with you. Oh, wait…”
Tears stream down my face as Devon slams his front door behind him. He’s given me an hour to get my stuff and get out of his house.
As I gather my things and begin throwing them in my bag, I pull the black dress he bought me from his closet where I hung it last night. Lying it across the bed, I stare at it in awe.
Twenty-four hours ago, I was happy. Life was good. I was in love.
Right now, all of that has vanished. In its place, a heart that yearns for Devon. A heart that will break the moment I walk out his door, knowing I’ll never see him again.
Searching his office for a piece of paper, I do the only thing that I can. Confessing all my sins to Devon doesn’t make me feel any better, but I knew it wouldn’t. My only hope is that it helps him to understand. I want him to know what we had was real.
Devon,
For the past three weeks, I’ve been the happiest I’ve ever been. That’s all because of you and I want to thank you for that. You made me feel special. There was a time in my life where I never thought that would happen again.
James was the last man I dated. We lived together and after two years, I found him cheating on me. It was more than that, though. He wasn’t just cheating, he was with our neighbor and her husband, in our bed. They paid him for his “service” from what I found out, and they weren’t the only couple.
I left him that day and never looked back. That was two years ago and until last week, I hadn’t seen nor spoken to him since. I had never planned to again. Then he walked into Tyler’s office and the crushing pain from that day came rushing back.<
br />
Since then, he’s been finding ways to get me alone, to spend time with me, using work as an excuse. While Tyler was gone, I met with him once to go over his media campaign. I had dinner with Tyler and him last Friday night. And he’s the reason I was put on mandatory vacation.
Because I told him exactly how I felt about him. How much I loathed his existence.
He doesn’t like to take no for an answer. He’s a persistent man.
He’s been showing up at the bar the girls and I go to, sending me gifts and text messages. No matter how mean I am to him or how many times I tell him to stop, he keeps at it.
I’m telling you all of this because I should have told you about him from the moment he walked back into my life. I don’t expect you to forgive me, but if you want to verify anything I’ve said, you can ask Tyler or Ryder. They both witnessed me telling him off the other day.
I hope that one day we will see each other again and that maybe we can be friends. I’m truly sorry things ended the way they did.
Love,
Justine
Leaving the note on top of the black dress, I hike my bag higher on my shoulder and head downstairs. Stopping in the kitchen to grab my purse, I remove the key Devon gave me to the house and place it on the counter. After one last look around, I step out the front door and close it behind me, my head held high.
This feels like the walk of shame, only worse.
I’m not walking away from a one-night stand. I’m walking away from the man I love and the future we could have had together. A future I destroyed because I wasn’t open and honest with him.
ME: On my way home. Drinks tonight?
ALLY: What? Why?
ME: Drinks?
ALLY: Of course. Let me know when you’re back in town.
Shutting my phone off, I pull away from the curb and watch as Devon’s house disappears in the rear-view mirror. Tears are still streaming down my face as I cross the Michigan border. Two hours later, as I pull into my apartment complex, my eyes have run dry.
Rumors: Justine & Devon Page 13