by Heidi Swain
‘He almost did,’ I told her. ‘But it didn’t work out.’
I wished with all my heart that it had. She hadn’t arrived until I was in my teens but Sarah Goodall was the one person in my life I came to trust after Mum had gone. She was the only woman Dad took up with who could keep him off the bottle and she had guided me through my final two years at high school. She wasn’t my mum but she didn’t try to be, and I loved her all the more for that. She was a good woman but there was only so much she could take and the Christmas I turned seventeen, Dad’s return to the bottom of a bottle proved too much and she left. She wanted to take me with her but had no claim on me. I should have just gone, or at least kept in touch.
I sipped my tea in silence and spotted Dorothy looking at me.
‘If it’s safety and security you’re looking for, Anna,’ she said, her eyes surprisingly bright with tears, ‘then you won’t find anywhere better on the planet than our Wynthorpe Hall.’
I nodded and squeezed her hand as a little voice in the back of my mind piped up, ‘But what about love?’
By the end of the day the town hall was awash with all manner of seasonal sprigs and it seemed to take as long to clear away as it had to make the decorations everyone was so proud to show off. Dorothy had gone on to arrange gargantuan wreaths for both the back and front doors of the hall, and eyeing them on the table I hoped my little Fiat would be able to fit them in along with all the other bits and pieces.
‘Don’t worry about not having enough room in your car to get this lot home,’ said Dorothy when she came back from her stint of washing dishes, ‘and don’t be cross.’
‘Why would I be?’
She nodded over my shoulder and I turned to see Jamie standing in the doorway talking to Lizzie, who was still wearing her wings and crown.
‘Did you ring him?’ I asked Dorothy.
‘She did,’ said Jamie, walking over. ‘And as I had just left Dad at the hospital we thought it would be easier for me to take all this,’ he said, pointing to the boxes and wreaths, ‘as well as Dorothy, back in the Land Rover and leave you and your date in peace.’
‘How is your dad?’ I asked, choosing to ignore the comment about my meeting in the pub and knowing I should have been more grateful that I was being spared the extra journey.
‘He’s fine,’ he said, shaking his head. ‘Bloody grateful to you, of course.’
At least someone was.
‘And keen to see you.’
‘Perhaps I should pop in this evening?’ I suggested, trying to meet him halfway.
‘What,’ he teased, ‘and miss out on the opportunity to hear tall tales from your handsome hero?’
‘That’s a good point,’ I said, turning my back on him and feeling annoyed that I had let my guard down. ‘I suppose your dad can wait.’
‘Oh for goodness’ sake,’ Dorothy scolded, ‘you two are worse than a pair of kids. If you’re so bothered about her seeing this chap, Jamie, then why don’t you ask her not to?’
I held my breath, waiting to see how he would react to such a blatant suggestion, but he was still determined to stamp his feet and have his toddler moment.
‘I’m not bothered what she does,’ he pouted. ‘And anyway, why is it so hot in here? Have you been fiddling with the radiators, Anna? Trying to set the alarms off and make your young man come running with his hose?’
He was obviously enjoying behaving like a spoilt brat, but I had no desire to take the bait and give him the argument he so clearly desired, especially in such a public arena. It hadn’t even crossed my mind at that point that he was probably feeling jittery about seeing his brothers and explaining to them that he would be the one taking over at the hall, not Archie.
All I could think about was that he was still aiming his annoyance at me and I hadn’t worked out why. However, had I stopped to think about him heading to the pub with a hot lady firefighter then I would have understood part of the reason for his foul mood far sooner. Just hours ago he had told me how he felt about me and now here I was, having shrugged him off, getting ready for a date with another guy. I really needed to find a way to convince him that I wasn’t bothered whether I saw Charlie again or not.
I turned back to try and explain but he had already picked up one of the boxes and made his way to the door, almost colliding with the heating engineer, who had finally decided to put in an appearance, but not in time to save the day.
‘You all right?’ asked Dorothy.
‘I’m fine,’ I told her. ‘I’m not planning on being long. I’ll be back in plenty of time to help get supper ready for when everyone arrives.’
‘You don’t have to rush,’ she said. ‘If you’re having a nice time, then stay.’
‘I’m only going because I haven’t had a chance to let him know I can’t make it,’ I explained to her instead. ‘I’m really looking forward to meeting the family and I don’t want anything to get in the way of that.’
‘All right,’ she said.
I couldn’t help thinking she sounded relieved.
‘We’ll see you later.’
Fortunately my ankle felt far better than it had earlier in the day and the short distance between the town hall and the pub was easy to manage. En route I tried to think of what I could say that wouldn’t make my super-speedy desertion look quite so obvious, or make Charlie feel abandoned, and decided that the arrival of the family, and my need to help at the hall, was the ideal – and actually genuine excuse. However, as it turned out, I needn’t have worried about coming up with one.
‘So,’ said Charlie, after we had awkwardly exchanged smiles and greetings. ‘What can I get you to drink?’
‘Just a Coke, please. I’m driving.’
‘Lemon?’
‘Yes please,’ I said, ‘and plenty of ice.’
‘So,’ said Charlie again. He looked and sounded far less confident out of uniform, although the pale blue shirt and dark jeans did nothing to diminish his broad chest and blue eyes. ‘What have you been up to today?’
I didn’t get a chance to explain about the wonky candle creation, or the exotic temperature of the town hall, as his pager burst into life along with another guy’s further along the bar.
‘Shit,’ they both groaned simultaneously.
‘Sorry,’ said Charlie. ‘I’m on call and the other engine is already out. I have to go.’
‘Don’t worry,’ I said.
‘We’ll do it another time.’
‘Sure,’ I said, knowing it would never happen and feeling lucky to have been let off the hook so easily. ‘Another time.’
Chapter 23
I had mixed feelings as I headed back to the hall. On the one hand I was pleased to have been able to leave the pub so soon so I could get ready to meet the rest of the Connelly family, but on the other, I was riddled with nerves. To my mind, the family arrival heralded the real start of Christmas and that was a big deal for me in lots of ways.
At least, I thought, as I turned off the road and onto the drive, thanks to the extra hour or two my abandoned ‘date’ had afforded me, I would now have the chance to gather my thoughts in a nice relaxing bubble bath and pick out the outfit that would make me feel most confident when trying to explain my unusual role in the Connelly brothers’ family home.
Or not.
A large four-by-four I hadn’t seen before was parked in the stable yard and, judging by the kiddies’ travelling paraphernalia in the back, Christopher and his wife and boys had already beaten me to it. I locked my Fiat and tried to fight off the unwelcome feeling of déjà vu. This was exactly how my first encounter with Jamie had come about and look how that had worked out. I hoped I wasn’t about to hear something else about myself I’d rather not.
‘Anna?’
I let out a small scream and a string of expletives as Jamie appeared out of the darkness, carrying a loaded log basket.
‘Oh my God,’ I gasped. ‘Don’t you think I’ve had enough heart-rate-raising experiences in t
he last twenty-four hours?’
‘Sorry,’ he said, biting his lip.
I could tell he was smirking. I must have looked a right idiot, but he shouldn’t have crept up on me like that.
‘What are you doing out here?’ I demanded, clasping my chest as I tried to cover my embarrassment.
‘Log duty,’ he said, putting down a basket that was full to the brim. ‘What are you doing back from town so soon? Was Charlie-boy too hot to handle?’
‘Oh shut up,’ I snapped, turning back towards the hall.
Jamie stepped forward, caught me by the elbow and turned me back to face him.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said, shaking his head.
He did at least sound as though he meant it. In fact, he sounded totally miserable.
‘It’s all right,’ I shrugged.
‘No, it isn’t,’ he said. ‘I’ve been acting like a total prat.’
‘That’s true,’ I said, a small smile tugging at the corners of my mouth.
‘But you know why, don’t you?’ he said urgently. ‘I really did mean everything I said the other day, Anna.’
I took a moment to let that sink in. We were supposed to be putting our potential feelings for one another to one side, along with my decision about whether I should stay on at the hall or go, but it was proving hard. Trying to keep the lid on Pandora’s Box, especially as it had sprung open once already, was proving tricky.
‘And the thought of you with another guy,’ he continued with a little shudder.
‘Yes?’ I asked, knowing my desire to hear him say it was putting me in very real danger of lighting the touch paper all over again.
‘I hate it.’
‘You were jealous,’ I whispered.
‘Of course I was jealous.’ He frowned. ‘How would you have felt if I’d asked out the cute paramedic?’
I didn’t want to answer that. I already knew how I would have felt, courtesy of how my stomach had clenched when I had watched him kissing Hayley in the woods.
‘But I didn’t have a chance to say no before he had to go,’ I said instead.
Jamie hadn’t been there when Charlie had asked me out and I wanted him to know how it all really happened, not how he was probably imagining it had happened.
‘And there was no time to cancel, and besides it was only supposed to be a drink in the pub.’
‘That’s what Dorothy said.’
‘When?’
‘On the way back from town,’ he sighed. ‘She said you didn’t really seem keen on the idea and were only going to The Mermaid so you could tell the guy you had to come back to work.’
‘Well, there you are then,’ I said.
‘So am I forgiven?’ he asked.
‘There’s nothing to forgive.’
‘But did you want to go out with him?’
‘No,’ I said truthfully, ‘I really didn’t, and I know you were hurt when I stopped our kiss and when I stopped you saying those things to me, but I didn’t stop you because I didn’t want us to kiss or hear you say . . .’
‘That I’d fallen for you.’
‘Exactly,’ I swallowed.
I had relished and relived every second of him saying those words and pressing his body down onto mine. I had saved them up and savoured them in the long, dark nights that had followed.
‘But,’ I said quickly, to remind myself as much as him, ‘I stopped you with the best of intentions. You said yourself that I’m being offered everything I could ever dream of here, didn’t you?’
‘Yes.’
‘So then you have to understand how afraid I am that I’ll mess it all up.’
‘But you won’t. We won’t.’
‘But I might,’ I said softly. ‘We might.’
Jamie nodded and scuffed at the frosty ground with the toe of his boot. I hoped he understood what I was trying to convey.
‘I just don’t want to see you with anyone else,’ he said.
‘I don’t want to be with anyone else,’ I told him. ‘I just want to see if I can get through this family-filled Christmas your father has lined up and then think about the rest of my life – and the possibility of whether there can be an “us” – after that.’
‘Of course,’ he said with a sigh. ‘And I know I shouldn’t be pressurising you like this. It’s just that I really need an ally right now, someone I can rely on. It’s going to be tough telling the others that I’m taking over and about the charity idea. It would be good to know that you really are with me on this, Anna.’
‘Of course I’m with you,’ I said, thinking back to the night we made our deal under the stars. ‘I told you I’d find a way to help you fall in love with this place again,’ I reminded him. ‘And I’m sticking by that promise.’
‘And I told you I’d find a way to help you enjoy Christmas again, didn’t I?’
‘Yes,’ I said, ‘you did, and since then you’ve given me so much more besides.’
His fingers reached out for mine and I was tempted to give in as he closed the gap between us.
‘Jamie!’
‘Yeah?’ he answered, rolling his eyes.
‘Have you got those logs?’
‘Yes. I’m coming.’
‘Well, hurry up, will you?’
‘Christopher,’ Jamie explained to me, with a nod back towards the hall. ‘We better go in.’
‘OK.’
‘But we’re friends again, yes?’
‘Absolutely,’ I said, taking a deep breath. ‘We always were.’
‘With benefits, perhaps?’ he smiled cheekily, his eyes glistening as he picked up the log basket.
‘Don’t push it,’ I laughed, following on behind. ‘Let’s just take this one step at a time, shall we?’
If the hall kitchen had seemed packed before, it was positively bursting at the seams now, and that was without Hayley and Angus and their larger-than-life personalities bouncing off the walls.
‘Here he is,’ smiled Catherine, when she spotted Jamie with the basket. ‘And Anna,’ she added, ‘we weren’t expecting you back so soon. Come and say hello to everyone. Everyone!’ she called, raising her voice above the chattering din. ‘This is Anna.’
The room fell silent and four extra sets of eyes turned curiously to me. I felt myself blushing in spite of my efforts to look cool and not at all fazed. My ankle was still uncomfortable and I couldn’t wait to take the weight off it, but by the looks of it I wouldn’t be escaping up to my room anytime soon.
‘Well, now,’ said Christopher, his eyes crinkling at the corners as he smiled. ‘Hello, Anna. It’s nice to see Dad’s taken on some young blood to liven things up around here.’
‘Cheeky boy,’ tutted Dorothy.
‘You have met Hayley, haven’t you?’ I asked, knowing he was teasing and that I needed to give him an adequate response. ‘No livening up necessary around here when she’s in full flight.’
Christopher nodded in appreciation and formally held out his hand, which I leant across the table to shake.
‘I’m Christopher,’ he said, ‘the eldest one.’
He was taller than Jamie and more solidly built. His eyes were green too, but nowhere near as striking.
‘Pleased to meet you, Christopher, the eldest one,’ I smiled.
‘And this is Cassandra,’ he said, pulling his wife to his side.
‘But everyone calls me Cass,’ she said, dazzling me with her beautiful smile.
‘Hello, Cass,’ I nodded.
She was quite possibly one of the most striking women I had ever seen. Tall and slender with a curtain of sleek blonde hair and the sort of figure that could wear absolutely anything with sophistication and finesse. She was just the sort of woman I aspired to be when I grew up. Assuming I ever did, of course.
‘And this pair are our pride and joy,’ said Christopher teasingly, pointing at the two boys, who had already got bored of looking at me and gone back to making a fuss of Floss.
‘I’m Hugo,’ said the taller of the tw
o, assuming a grownup demeanour and standing up to shake hands just as he had seen his father do. ‘I’m like Dad. I’m also the oldest.’
He said it as if it made him king of the world, and when he looked witheringly back at his younger sibling, who was clinging fast to the teddy under his arm, I guessed he thought he was.
‘I’m Oscar and I don’t always have my teddy,’ said Oscar defensively, when he spotted his brother looking at him with disdain. ‘I just fell asleep holding him in the car and forgot to put him down when I came in.’
Hugo shook his head and went back to stroking Floss.
‘Of course you did, darling,’ said Cass, gathering her younger son into her arms.
‘And besides,’ I said to make him feel better, ‘it wouldn’t have been nice for poor old Ted to be stuck out there in the dark and cold when we’re all in here saying hello to one another, would it?’
‘Exactly,’ said Oscar, who I could tell was just desperate to suck his thumb but didn’t want anyone to see.
Cass looked at me over the top of her son’s head and smiled and I felt my shoulders relax a little, relieved to have said the right thing.
‘So what’s all this about Dad then?’ Christopher asked his mother as Jamie went to offload the log basket and I helped Dorothy lay the table for supper.
‘How did you get on?’ she asked in a low voice while everyone else was occupied with conversations and jobs of their own.
‘He was called to an emergency,’ I said. ‘So that kind of let me off the hook.’
Dorothy nodded and passed me the cutlery basket.
‘Not that I’m pleased someone was in trouble, of course,’ I quickly added, ‘but it did mean I didn’t have to come up with an excuse to leave.’
‘Mm,’ she said with a wink. ‘It might have sounded a bit odd if you just turned up and admitted to being in love with the boss’s son.’
The oven timer began blaring out before I had time to get over the shock or attempt to correct her, and as I watched her rearranging pots and pans I realised that she might be much older than Hayley, but she was every bit as much of a minx.
Getting on for an hour later, we could all see that little Oscar was going to be asleep on his feet if we didn’t eat soon and Dorothy’s carefully cooked supper was going to spoil.