by Nhys Glover
‘This is the last port of call before Seleukeia Pieria. There’s bound to be word of the Praetorians here,’ Nexus said, edging a little closer to her. She knew he was trying to lend her strength by his words and his body but it didn’t help. If the Praetorians had oarsmen as well as sails and were travelling day and night, then they were at least two or three days ahead of them. This was a fool’s errand. Her mother was lost to her; just as her father was lost to her; just as everything she had ever known or loved was lost to her – except, possibly, Galerianna.
Except her sister.
When she didn’t acknowledge his words, the big Nubian turned away from the sea to look at her closely. She was starting to know every expression that crossed his handsome face, every gesture that he used to highlight his words. Now she read compassion and frustration in his features, and his hands closed into fists, as they tended to do when he was trying to control his emotions.
‘Despair doesn’t serve our cause, Galeria. Don’t give in to it. It’s sapping your strength and deadening your mind. You need both for what’s to come.’ He opened his fists and then closed them again.
Galeria looked deeply into his dark eyes, trying to find the courage she needed to combat the despair. He was right. Nexus was always right. But she was fighting a losing battle. Inactivity and days of disappointment had won too many of her internal battles.
‘I know. I’m trying not to let it get to me, but not being able to do anything… knowing we’re falling farther and farther behind…’
One fist unclenched and came up to her face. A long dark finger stroked down her cheek. His eyes held more pain than she could bear to see. She closed her own to keep it out.
‘Do you think I don’t know what you’re feeling? I spent nine long months in such despair, unable or unwilling to find my way out of it. I know what it is like to not be able to act; to not be able to do anything to change the situation.’ His passion, so carefully controlled, was none-the-less apparent to her.
This was the most he’d shared with her about himself on the whole, long journey. It felt like a wall had begun to crumble between them.
‘Who did you lose?’ she asked, opening her eyes so she could read what he said as well as what he didn’t.
For a moment, she thought he was going to pull away, but it was as if he girded his loins for battle. His face became a fierce mask. He dropped his hand to his side, closing it into a fist once more.
‘My soul. My Niobe. She was handmaiden to Livia and she died of a fever while I was at the other end of the world.’
So this was what Cyra had meant. This was why his heart was empty. She felt compassion rise within her and it felt good to feel something other than her own pain.
‘I’m sorry. Nine months of despair is an eternity. How did you drag yourself out of it?’
Nexus turned back to the sea, resting his big arms on the railing, shoulders hunched. He was closing her out again.
‘Tell me please, Nexus. I need to understand. I don’t know how to keep this heavy weight from dragging me further down.’ She placed a hand on his shoulder and felt him trembling.
‘I didn’t. I’m still there, but Livia asked me to do this for her and so I did. It was action; it gave me purpose again. Helping you keeps me from slipping too far back into that mire. It assuages some of my guilt.’
She found herself resting her head on his broad back, giving what little comfort she could to the tortured man who had been so good to her. He was her rock, but in that moment, she realised just how close to crumbling he was.
‘What guilt?’ Galeria wasn’t sure he would hear her soft question, but the way he stiffened beneath her told her he did. For a long time as the ship moved ever closer to shore, he said nothing. Then, as if drawing up the last ounce of his strength, he told her.
‘Everyone I love is eventually destroyed because of me. The gods have marked me. Have you ever heard of a jinx?’
She shook her head against his back as several sailors rushed down the deck to start lowering the mainsail.
‘It’s a bird in my country. It’s bad luck. When it lands near you, twists its head right around and hisses, people immediately know bad luck is theirs. I’m that bird. Everyone I love, everyone I’m close to, dies. I am a jinx.’
‘That’s how I feel right now. Everyone but me suffered during that attack. Why did I escape it? Surely if my father was considered a threat to Caesar, so was I. And yet it is my innocent mother and sister who are now in trouble. I must be a jinx bird, too.’
He spun around and gripped her shoulders, bending his head so he could glare into her eyes. ‘Don’t be foolish. You’re not the only one in your family who escaped that attack. Your brother is out there somewhere. Appius, isn’t it? And the gods spared you on that night so that you could be free to find your missing loved ones. They want you to do that! Why else would I have been sent to assist you from the other side of the world? I didn’t get there in time to save your family. I probably wouldn’t have been able to save them anyway if I’m honest. The Praetorians are the best of the best. They wouldn’t have given up until they killed your father, but I arrived just in time to help you. Why would the gods have done that if you were a jinx?’
‘Would the gods have sent a jinx to help me?’ The clarity of the argument was like seeing the sun appear from behind a cloud. What he said was the truth and it contradicted his assessment of himself. The gods wouldn’t have sent a jinx to help her! It made no sense.
She saw the realisation flicker in his eyes as he made the same connection. Then she watched as the idea fought with the others he had held for so long. In the end, he threw up his hands and turned away.
‘Maybe I’m being given a chance to clear my taint. I don’t know. All I know is that everyone I love dies because of me.’
‘Everyone? Who is everyone? Your Niobe sounds as if she died naturally. What part did you play in her death?’ Now she was fired up, determined to convince him of his illogical rationale.
‘I should have been there!’ He yelled at her. The scurrying crew around them faltered and Nexus brought his fury under control once more. ‘Let it go, Galeria. I have a job to do. Let me do it. I’m sorry I told you…’
She felt shut out again. It hurt more than she thought possible. The sun had gone behind the cloud once more. Slowly she made her way back to their space on the open deck behind the wheelhouse. If he wasn’t ready to face his furies then it was not her place to make him. As long as he continued to help her, that was all that mattered. Because, if she lost him now, she knew her task was finished. Alone, she could do nothing to save her mother.
Wordlessly, they made their way off the dock after the Reshep was tied up. As was their habit, they took the advice of the Master on suitable accommodation for the night. Some nights the bed was comfortable and clean; other nights the pallet that awaited them was disgusting. But it would be the best to be had in the area, and at least it would be fairly priced. Not that it really mattered to Galeria. She didn’t sleep well anyway. The nightmares were getting worse with each passing night. Now she fought sleep because she feared what Morpheus would force her to confront this time. There was always blood, so much blood.
Nexus dropped the bags on the floor of the little room he found them. He couldn’t stand up straight because the ceiling was so low. Even she had to stoop a little.
‘Stay here and keep the door barred. I’ll go ask around.’ He spoke briskly and without an ounce of emotion. It was worse than when he’d yelled at her.
He left the room without a backward glance.
Nexus didn’t understand why he was so angry with the girl. It wasn’t her fault. None of this was her fault. Yet the way she’d challenged him felt like a betrayal. How could that be?
Shaking off the thought, he focused on the task at hand. The harbour was alive with activity and the smell of rotting fish turned his empty stomach. This river port was small and catered only to passing ships. There was no real tow
n to speak of, and any answers that he needed he would have to get from the waterfront.
His first port of call was the Harbour Master’s office at the end of the dock. This one was like so many he’d visited in the last week. He’d lost count of the money he’d parted with trying to get information on their quarry, and so far, no one had seen anything of the Praetorians or their vessel. It was as if they’d fallen off the end of the world or maybe the informant at Rhodos had been wrong. Maybe they hadn’t been heading to Syria. Could this whole journey have been a wild goose chase?
Fighting down the hopelessness that threatened to overwhelm him, he increased his speed. He didn’t notice the way people jumped out of his way as he approached. All he saw was his destination and the look of hurt that was in Galeria’s eyes when he’d left. Why was he so angry with her? She didn’t need that from him. She had enough to contend with.
But how dare she argue about things of which she had no knowledge. It was so easy for people like her to point out the logic in the situation. He knew he didn’t cause Niobe’s death but it felt like he did, and he couldn’t escape the thought that, had he been there he could have done something, anything to save her.
Galeria would ask him if he were a medici or surgeon. What knowledge did he have that might have saved her from a fever? The truth was he had none. He would have been helpless to do anything. All he would have been able to do was hold her hand so that she wasn’t alone when she died.
But she hadn’t been alone. Livia had been with her, and Livia loved Niobe as much as he did. If anything could have been done for Niobe, Livia would have done it. He knew that. He just didn’t feel it.
He’d reached the shack that passed as the office of the Harbour Master. A guard lounged at the door. With a flash of insight, he chose this man to address his first questions. The Master would be busy with manifests at this time and would give him little attention. This guard was bored, and had plenty of time to watch the comings and goings around the port.
Nexus removed a copper from his pouch and then took a silver denarii out, too. He was getting better at bribery as the days passed. Flashing the silver coin, he offered the copper one to the guard.
‘I’m after information. That’s for your attention. This,’ he held up the small silver coin, ‘is if your information is useful.’
The man took the as and pocketed it. Nexus had the guard’s full attention now and he stood up straight, clutching his spear more tightly. His fat belly wobbled as he drew in a deep breath, anticipating the riches to come.
‘Soldiers. Praetorians. Red cloaks, stars and moon on their breastplate and shields. Probably a scorpion, too. Have you seen any in the last few days?’
The man’s eyes darted off to the side. Nexus felt his spirits lift. He’d seen something. Nexus was sure he’d seen something, and now he was trying to decide what it was worth. Edging closer to the man, he used his superior height and muscle to put pressure on the man to decide quickly.
‘Saw a soldier like that ‘ere a couple of days ago. Lookin’ for a guide through to Katabolis. That’s a treacherous stretch if yer don’t know it.’
‘Where would they go from there?’ Nexus demanded, feeling his spirits rising further. At least they were on the right track.
‘Nowhere by sea. Must’a wanted to get ta Tarsus by land.’
‘Tarsus?’ Nexus thought feverishly. He knew little of this part of the empire. Was that a suitable place to offload a woman for the slave markets of Parthia? He had been sure they’d go farther south into Syria to do that.
‘How far is Tarsus from Parthia?’
The man looked at him stupidly. Wrong question. ‘How far is Tarsus from Katabolis?’
‘Three days by cart. But marchin’ soldiers? Maybe one or two.’
‘Was there a woman with them?’
‘Only saw the one soldier.’
‘If their manifest said Seleukeia Pieria, why would they go to Katabolis?’
‘Beggared if I know, but that might be their final port o’ call. They could go from Katabolis to Myriandros and then Seleukeia Pieria, but it’d be faster from here. Unless they needed to detour to Tarsus. That’s all I know…’
Nexus’ mind was spinning with possibilities. If the soldiers had taken Papia Donicii to Tarsus it would be because it was close enough to the border to get rid of her. If it wasn’t, then they might still take her on to Antiochia, which he knew from inquiries did have a lucrative trading network with Parthia.
His informant cleared his throat loudly. He’d almost forgotten the man was there. Absently, he dropped the silver coin into the outstretched hand. Then he turned on his heel and strode back in the direction of the inn. Galeria needed to hear this. It was the most promising information they’d had in a week! And his heart felt lighter than it had in months.
When he knocked on the door and told Galeria it was he, she unbarred the door quickly. Her anxious expression was transformed as soon as she saw his face.
‘Good news?’
‘Yes. A Praetorian was here several days ago arranging for a guide to the port of Katabolis farther into the gulf. The man assumed they were heading for Tarsus, which is the only reason anyone would want to go to Katabolis, so he says. Tarsus is several days overland from Katabolis.’
‘Could they be planning to sell Mater at Tarsus?’
‘That I don’t know, but I doubt they’d go out of their way by several days just to find a slave network to get rid of your mother. They must have another name on Domitian’s list to remove. The man I spoke to thinks that if their manifest said Seleukeia Pieria, then that’ll be their final port of call.’
‘Do we follow them or do we go on?’
‘We’re days behind them if we follow their route, even if we could find a ship going that way in a hurry. I’m more inclined to take the risk they’re eventual destination is still Seleukeia Pieria, and if we get there ahead of them we might have a better chance of saving your mother.’
‘Unless they took her to Tarsus?’
‘Yes. We need to find out more about the trade routes to Parthia from Tarsus. The taproom downstairs might get us that sort of information. Do you feel like eating?’
The look of optimism and gratitude on her pale face humbled him. Suddenly, the neckline of his tunic felt too tight. He lifted it away from his throat as he squirmed.
‘Yes. I’m hungry now for the first time in days. We might actually have a chance, Nexus; we might really have a chance! Maybe the gods haven’t forsaken us.’
‘Maybe so. Come on, I’m hungry too.’
With light steps, they made their way downstairs to the crowded and noisy taproom.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
An hour later, they were back in their little resting space, their spirits even lighter. From Tarsus, the trade routes went into Capadocia, which, although not strictly part of the empire, obeyed its laws concerning slavery. The most direct way into Parthia was via Antiochia, which had a much more lucrative, unofficial trade with Osrhoene, Armenia and Parthia.
As Nexus lay down on their bed, his hands behind his head, his mind raced through the possibilities. If they reached Antiochia first, could he pass himself off as a slave trader and buy Papia before she had a chance to join one of the caravans heading east? It was a thought, but he would need to grease many palms to achieve that end. However, such a plan was easier than attacking a slave caravan on the road, and it would save Papia the pain and indignity of being part of such a convoy.
‘What are you thinking?’ Galeria asked as she sat on the edge of the pallet they would share that night.
It had felt uncomfortable sharing such close quarters with the girl in the first few days, especially in private moments, but now it felt second nature. She was an easy person to get along with, didn’t stand on ceremony and put up no social boundaries between them. Of course, after seeing her with the little Parthian slave-girl, he’d known she wouldn’t be any different with him. She, like Livia, was one of the
rare patricians who took a person for who they were, not for what class to which they belonged. Even Niobe wasn’t as egalitarian.
Why did he have to compare Galeria to Niobe? They were nothing alike, which was a criticism of neither one or the other. They were just different. Galeria had an analytical and open mind, with much formal knowledge. Niobe had been less intelligent, but probably more pragmatically wise in the ways of the world. Galeria was an idealist, Niobe a realist. Galeria believed in abstract concepts like truth and beauty. Niobe lived them as concrete aspects of her day-to-day life. Niobe was fiery, Galeria calm and poised, even in the midst of chaos, and both girls had courage. He had no doubt that both would stand up for what they believed in and for those they loved.
‘Nexus?’ Galeria was asking for an answer and he could hardly tell her he was comparing her to his lost love.
Guiltily, he shrugged his shoulders and looked up at the rafters above them. There were cobwebs in the corners and he could see a small spider making a feast of a fly that had become entangled in his web. He couldn’t help thinking of Festus whenever he saw a spider. He had helped to foil that spider’s plots, and he would help save this girl’s mother from the emperor’s schemes. Not a jinx then, when he was working for the greater good, only when he sought his own personal goals.
Galeria placed a small hand on his chest. He automatically placed one of his over it. ‘Sorry, sorry. I’ve got so many plans running around in my head; I’m not sure which way to go.’
‘Talk them out with me, please. Let me be your sounding board. It’ll help clarify issues.’
She was right – and even more, she needed to feel useful. He would give her what he could.
‘Working under the assumption that the Praetorians will go on to Antiochia, I was trying to sort through possible ways to get to your mother before she joined a caravan heading east. If there is time, I might be able to pass myself off as a slave trader and buy her. It’s that, or wait until she’s heading east and attempt to buy her then. But as she can’t be legally sold until she’s across the border, it’s unlikely a slave trader who wants to keep his business would try selling her beforehand.’