by J. A. Saare
I screwed my eyes shut, grabbed a pillow next to my head, and wailed into it as I came long and hard. Even though the sound was muffled, it was still loud enough to please my lover. He continued lapping at me, extending my release for as long as possible, prolonging the moment as much as he could. When the tingles zinging through my body subsided, he softened his touch, cleaning me gently.
“I’ve missed you so much,” he murmured against my twitching thigh, rubbing his chin along the muscle. “It’s been agony staying away.”
“Me too.” I had missed him, more and more each day. The anger I had felt was gone. There was only love, acceptance, and absolution. I would always remember what he had done, but I had found it in my heart to forgive and move forward. He wasn’t the only person at fault. What transpired was a series of horrible events that spiraled out of control.
A thought came out of nowhere.
Had the amulet bolstered my feelings of resentment? Making it impossible to let go of the past? My feelings were so different now, no longer guided by hatred.
He moved from the bed, discarded the remainder of his clothing and crawled up my body. He left kisses along the way, brushing his lips along the scars on my abdomen, his mouth skimming across my breasts and along my collarbones. I rested my hands on his arms, comforted by his nearness, eager for his touch. When we were chest to chest, he placed his hands on each side of my body, rose above me, and gazed down.
A lot can be communicated through the eyes—if a person is remorseful, if they are in pain, if they are happy. I couldn’t see myself through his gaze, but I thought Disco could view my feelings on the surface as I witnessed his. There was definitely love and hope. There was also a healthy dose of lust and need. His fangs had descended, the tips resting against his lip. His blue eyes were darker than normal. We remained just like that as he shifted his legs, placed the tip of his cock against my sex, and pressed inside.
Connection. Need. Want. Desire. Devastation. Loss.
Fear.
We both felt those things as we came together, becoming one. Disco had opened the mark between us, allowing us to share our emotions, so there was no barrier, no secrets. In that moment I understood the magnitude of his regret for what he’d done. It wasn’t as simple as being angry at me or Paine. Yes, he’d been jealous. But he’d also been furious.
With himself.
If he’d cared for me as he should have—if he’d never let me leave the morning I’d made a bargain to sever his debt to a demon—none of the horrible things I’d faced would have transpired. He felt responsible. As my lover, it was his place to protect me. He’d failed. And knowing that chipped away at him.
As he filled me completely, stretching me to take his cock until I could feel him nudge the softness of my womb, I knew I’d finally found the place I was meant to be.
“I was a fool consumed by jealousy.” Disco didn’t move, keeping us locked together, as close as a man and a woman could be. “What I did was wrong. I’ve agonized over it. Every single night I wished I could take it back and do things differently. Forgive me for taking things too far.”
I brought my hands up and cupped his face. “I already have.”
And I had. Holding on to my fury, devastation, and betrayal held no place for either of us. Loving him meant I had to take a risk, to jump into a freefall and trust he’d be waiting with open arms to catch me.
He kissed me, his lips tender against mine, and started to move. I welcomed him body and soul, losing myself in the moment, caught in a breathtaking maelstrom of desire and love. There was no room for anyone else, no place for what the future held. It was just the two of us, together again, a rightness and completion that could only be found in each other.
We moved in harmony, our hips meeting as he brought us together, withdrew, and returned. His skin was cool, easing the flush that spread through me. I moaned into his mouth, trembling as he increased the tempo. He slid in and out of my body, using slow and steady strokes, the width of his cock rubbing all the right places inside me. Flesh met flesh, his shaft spearing into me harder and faster. The warmth in my belly spread, building in intensity.
“Forever mine,” Disco breathed and dipped his head to nuzzle my neck. “I’ll never let you go.”
“Yes,” I murmured, held onto his shoulders, and dragged my nails along his back. The mark flared between us, our emotions becoming one. I belonged to him, just as he belonged to me. The tragedies that tore us apart only strengthened our bond, the love we felt for each other.
He angled his body so that he rubbed my clit with each thrust, and I bucked my hips when a climax swept through me. My muscles flexed, going tight, and I wrapped my legs around his waist. I felt weightless and free, floating in sexual ecstasy. My sex clasped and released his cock, urging him to succumb to pleasure with me so we could enjoy the moment together.
A swift plunge into my body, and I felt the chilled wetness where we were joined, his length jerking as he climaxed. He groaned as he came but didn’t stop moving, plunging into me as if he was branding me forever, so I would never forget who he was and what he meant to me. When he stilled, he remained buried inside me and blanketed my body with his. Our soft exhales merged, the only sounds in the otherwise quiet room. I lifted a hand and slid my fingers through his hair, combing through the silken strands.
“No matter what happens, they can’t take this from us,” I said, knowing through our bond that he was terrified of what was to come. Not for himself, but for me. Despite the fact we had made our peace, the unknown lingered beyond our sight, something we could perceive but not predict.
Disco rose on his elbows and gazed down. “We’ll face whatever comes together.”
The moment wasn’t shattered, not by a long shot, but the harsh reality of our situation returned. “I want you to promise me something.”
I could tell by the way he frowned he knew what I was going to ask, and he didn’t like it. Of course, I didn’t expect anything less. He had sworn he would always protect and keep me safe. But he couldn’t do those things now. I had made my bed, and it was time to sleep in it. Marius’s concern when he’d confronted Disco terrified me. If Disco did anything to bring attention to himself, Revenald would kill him. I knew it. I had recognized it when Marius had pleaded with Disco to keep a level head.
“I won’t allow you to stand alone.”
“I can’t do this if I know you’ll be hurt.”
“I won’t make a promise I can’t keep.” His misery was mine, shared through the mark he’d given me.
“If you don’t, I won’t be able to do this.” I was grateful he could feel my resolve, my determination to do what had to be done if only to ensure we’d make it out of the hell that awaited us alive. “I’m stronger than you think. You’re going to have to trust me.”
“It’s not a matter of trust.” I hated seeing him so distraught. It chipped at my heart when he whispered, “I want to protect you, but I can’t.”
“Then be there for me. Wait until it’s over, come to me, and remind me that the world isn’t a place to hate.”
“I don’t know if I’ll be able to.” A muscle in his jaw spasmed, his golden-blue irises revealing his anger. “I don’t know what’s coming.”
A true statement for both of us. Yet I knew it was senseless to worry about things beyond our control. “We’ll cross any bridges when we come to them. As long as we have each other, the rest doesn’t matter. Promise me that you won’t do anything stupid. Promise me that you’ll be waiting for me when I need you most.”
“I can’t.”
“I didn’t think I could forgive you,” I said solemnly, hating to dredge up the past, “but I did. We’re capable of doing things when they’re important. Give me your word. I need to know that you’ll be waiting for me. That I have something to look forward to. Promise me.”
Several seconds passed, but finally he gave me what I wanted. “I promise.”
“We need to talk to Paine.” I ran my
hand along his shoulder, fingers teasing his skin. “If we’re going to survive this, we have to be on the same page.”
“You’re going to expect him to make the same promise.” There was no jealousy in the statement, only sadness.
I nodded, continuing to touch him, needing the connection. “I can’t take care of myself if I’m worried about the two of you. If my mind is somewhere else, I’ll be distracted.” I lifted a hand and rested it against his cheek, forcing him to look me in the eye. “You know how dangerous this will be. It’s the only way.”
“You know I love you. Don’t forget that.” He turned his head and pressed a kiss to my palm, whispering, “Please.”
The way he said please frightened me more than Marius’s threats. My heart skipped a beat then started to race. Although I knew Disco was aware of my panic, I tried to remain calm. Whatever was coming would be far worse than anything I’d ever faced, but I would face it. I wasn’t a coward.
“I won’t.” The smile I gave him was very real, a fuzzy warmth settling over me. “I thought I could erase you from my mind and move on with my life, but look at us now.”
He didn’t return my smile, remaining grave. “I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you safe. Even if that means making difficult choices.”
I wanted to ask what he meant, but Disco ended the conversation by lifting me into his arms. He strode toward the bathroom, holding me tight. I knew the routine: make love, shower, and return to our lives as usual. But this time I knew things were different.
Something horrible was coming, something neither of us could prevent. When everything was said and done, only one person would stand victorious. Since my opponent was a half-demon, I’d come out the loser. No sense in sugar coating things to make them easier to swallow. However, there was a light at the end of the tunnel powerful enough to help me face what was to come.
I took solace in knowing that, at the very least, I could protect those I loved.
Chapter Thirteen
Paine was aware of what had transpired between me and Disco the moment we entered his bedroom. His gaze darted back and forth between us, jealousy and hurt flashing across his face. The emotions vanished in an instant, becoming a blank mask he used to keep others at a distance. I felt bad knowing rekindling my relationship with Disco hurt Paine, but we didn’t have time to discuss that elephant in the room. We had other, more pressing things to worry about.
I walked past Paine and took a seat in the chair beside his bed, waiting to hear what he and Disco had planned. Disco didn’t follow me, but rather stood in the center of the room. There was apprehension in the air, hovering all around us.
“You’re not going to like what I have to say,” Disco said, looking at me.
“You’re right. I hate it when you say that.” My attempt at humor was met with a stern look. I took a deep breath for balance and said, “I’m listening.”
“Revenald intends to take the family to an estate he owns outside the city.” Disco’s golden-blue irises darkened, and I could sense his outrage. “It’s a palace of torture, where sex, humiliation, and death are completely normal.”
Torture and death. Fun for the whole family. Fabulous. “Why make the entire family travel to his home away from home? They didn’t do anything.”
“We don’t know,” Paine answered, glancing at Disco. “That’s the problem.”
“If he wants the family to attend, he has something planned. Something he knows I won’t allow. He’ll step on my toes just to prove he can. He’s that twisted.” Disco met Paine’s gaze. “The plan has changed. Get your things together as quickly as possible. I want you to leave within the hour. You have to take her somewhere they’ll never find her.”
Paine growled, his onyx eyes shining. “Have you lost your mind? Don’t be a fool.”
“Fools rush in,” Disco responded, unruffled, “and this is by no means a new conversation. I told you that if something happened to me, I wanted you to take care of her. I don’t trust anyone else.” He took a deep breath and said, “You gave me your word.”
“I don’t need anyone to take care of me.” I tried to place myself in the middle of the conversation—feeling guilty that each breath I took drowned those I loved. But Paine wouldn’t allow it, talking over me.
“It’s suicide. He’ll kill you.”
He’ll kill you.
My heart sank and my breath caught. I wanted to say something but words were lodged in my throat. Disco wanted me to run with Paine while he stayed behind. In the future Paine had said Disco wanted him to take care of me—to love me and see to my happiness in his absence—but I wasn’t sure how true that revelation had been.
Now I knew it wasn’t bullshit, not by a long shot.
“It doesn’t matter,” Disco replied, words soft.
I was ready to ask him what in the hell that meant. Of course it mattered. We’d finally found common ground, and he was going to throw it all away?
Paine beat me to the punch.
“Of course it matters!” Paine hissed, his lips drawing back to reveal a glimpse of fang. “You weren’t around to see how devastated she was after what you’d done, but I was. I watched her suffer day after day. She mourned you even though you were alive. Do you think she’ll survive your loss a second time? Do you have any idea of how much it will hurt her to know you’re dead because of her?”
“She’ll have you to care for her.” Disco rubbed his chest as he spoke, as though he could feel the impact of every word and it hurt to speak them. “You’ll have each other. I’ve always told you that I want the two people I care for most to be safe, no matter the cost.”
“She is sitting right here,” I reminded them. “Shouldn’t you ask me what I want?”
“Would you listen to yourself?” Paine yelled, so loud he drowned me out.
“He can track me,” Disco snapped, talking so quickly I barely had time to process what he was saying. “Even if I tried to take her somewhere, Marius would locate us within minutes. Staying with her would be a death sentence. His connection to you isn’t as strong. If you put enough distance between you and the family, the odds are that he’d never be able to find you. I can’t keep her safe. You can.”
“What?” I interrupted, leaning forward in the chair and wrapping my arms around my waist to hide the violent tremors that had overtaken my body. Marius made Disco and Paine, meaning he could find them if he wanted to. “How is that possible?”
“Paine barely survived the transition from human to vampire,” Disco said, glaring at his friend. “Marius was weak after he changed me, so the blood he gave Paine was minimal. Although he’s Paine’s sire, he wasn’t able to establish the full bond between a maker and a fledgling.”
“He could still find me, even if it takes time.” Paine raked his fingers through his hair. “I can only protect her for so long. Besides, I can’t help her sever her debt. Even if we left, there is nowhere I could possibly hide her from a fallen angel. ”
“That’s why you’re taking Ethan.”
Paine’s head snapped up. “What are you talking about?”
“It’s been taken care of—new identities, passports, money in a foreign bank account that can’t be traced. Ethan worked everything out. All I have to do is give him the go-ahead.”
“What?” I snarled, angry he’d kept something so important from me.
“When were you going to tell me this?” Paine lost his temper as well, his hands forming into fists.
“Keep your voices down,” Disco ordered, his deep baritone commanding obedience. He cleared his throat and shook out his shoulders, as though he needed to loosen the muscles in his back. “I hoped I wouldn’t have to. If Marius had come and gone, involving Ethan wouldn’t have been necessary.”
“You still should have told me.” Paine kept his voice low, but didn’t curb his anger. “This is bullshit.”
“I lead this family for a reason,” Disco retorted. “It is my duty and right to make the difficult decis
ions, and they don’t always include your input.”
As Disco and Paine continued bickering, I blocked out their voices. They were willing to put their lives in danger for me. To possibly die to make sure I would live. Guilt hit like a coldcock punch to the face. I’d been so selfish, worrying about my debt to a fallen angel instead of considering the harm I might cause to those I cared for. Paine was right: I wouldn’t survive losing Disco a second time. The first time had been hard enough. And the thought of losing Paine and Ethan tore at my heart. It was time to grow up and stop putting myself above others.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I whispered, knowing they would hear. They stopped arguing and I felt the weight of their stares. “Whatever you’ve planned doesn’t matter. I’m going to face the firing squad. If I’d listened to your warnings, we wouldn’t be in this situation.”
Disco came to me, kneeling beside the chair. “You have to trust me in this. You can’t stay. Do you understand? You can’t stay.”
“I can and I am.” I lifted my head, meeting his eyes. “I won’t run. It’s not my style.”
“You’ll never be able to forget the things you see. They’ll remain with you forever, and you won’t be able to face yourself the next day for witnessing them.” Disco placed his hand on my knee, his fingers quaking in fury. “He’ll destroy you,” he whispered hoarsely, the words strained.
The hell he will.
Revenald might but be one bad motherfucker, but I’d dealt with his kind before. Evil came in many forms, from human to demon. If I ran now, nothing I’d faced in the past would matter. I’d be just like everyone else—dodging my own shadow.
“He can try.”
Disco’s hand left my knee and he grabbed a handful of my hair at the nape, forcing my head back. “Damn you. This isn’t a game.”
“I didn’t say it was.” I didn’t fight or wince as his grip intensified. “But I won’t let you sacrifice yourself for me. I’m not afraid to face what’s coming.”