“Gwen, I know I fucked up,” he swallowed, looking around for a seat and finding none, and sitting at my feet. “I fucked up hard. I didn’t know that day you were going to tell me about your dad.” He swallowed yet again, head in his hands and staring at the floor. “I also was so wrong about the shit that came out of my mouth. My parents wanted me in their lives again, and I wanted that more than anything.” He was hiding his face, but I could see the lines of tension all along his frame. Maybe if I was a bit sappier, I would even say I saw the guilty clearly weighing at him.
Good.
He deserved to be guilty.
He cleared his throat and shifted slightly, his tone wavering as he continued. “I really didn’t think you were holding me back or not good enough for Cornell.” He faced me, his nose and cheeks red from embarrassment and crying. “I always thought you were amazing, you and your family…” He trailed off, getting choked up. I sat up and instinctively rubbed his back, my empathetic side I got from both of my parents kicking in. If someone was crying, it was always hard to just let them be upset, no matter how mad I was. Hell, I had coddled the school bully one day because he wasn’t okay. I might have been called a snarky and sarcastic ass sometimes -well most of time, but I had a soft side.
“I-I don’t know what to say…” I stumbled over my words. I was definitely still angry as hell about everything, and I had figured out long ago why he had done what he did. However, it didn’t change what happened, didn’t excuse his past transgressions against me. I took a deep breath and decided now was the time. I had known someday it might come down to something like this, and I had already rehearsed what I was going to say. I channeled the past me, practicing in the mirror to myself exactly what to say.
“An apology is great, but it doesn’t take back what you did. What you did to me? Was horrible. You not only dumped me, but you ripped through me like a searing poker, your words its glowing tip, twisting and scorching. You left me so empty for such a long time. We weren’t just boyfriend and girlfriend; we weren’t just some high school sweetheart bullshit. We were best friends since I was in kindergarten.” I took another deep breath, trying to keep my tears at bay the best I could. I couldn’t cry, not now. I had to make sure he knew I was serious, that this wasn’t just out of a place of hurt, that these were my actual feelings. “You slept with me, then months later you left me. And I haven’t dated anyone since. You broke me.”Links eyes were wide with shock at my words, his lips quivering a few times as if to form words but losing steam. I could see that what I had said had hit him like a ton of bricks, leaving him speechless, and he sat there, quiet, for a while. He laid back on the bed, his legs dangling off the side, fluttering them every few minutes nervously. I heard him take a deep breath and sigh it out, turning from a sigh quickly to a groan. He pinched the bridge of his nose, like his thoughts were causing him physical pain.
“I’m sorry,” he choked out, “I’m so sorry.” He coughed and spluttered, tears running down his face. He laid there and cried a bit, and I adjusted my position, lying next to him with my feet dangling as well. I stared at the ceiling and gently held his hand as he got it all out. After he cried a bit more, he turned his face to mine.
We stayed there for a long moment, my mind wondering what things would have been like if he hadn’t made that one stupid, impossible, singular mistake. I didn’t know what was going on behind his eyes, but it certainly seemed morose until suddenly, his expression cracked open entirely.
“I know how I can make it up to you!” He sat up, as if someone had lit a firecracker under his rear.
“There is no making up for anything. Shit happens. I am still upset.” I grunted as I tried to sit up and couldn’t. Falling back, I squealed in frustration. He offered a hand and I took it. He sat me up like I weighed nothing, and I could tell the hamster was in its wheel, running another plan through his head.
“What if I was the boyfriend?” He said finally, as if that sentence made sense and wasn’t absolute horse shit coming from his mouth. I cocked an eyebrow and him and crossed my arms, putting my tongue to my cheek. Was he trying to get his ass kicked? “That’s not fucking funny, Link.” I spat, angry at the suggestion and angry that I couldn’t even get up and away from the conversation. The very idea that we would just date was ridiculous. “Not a real boyfriend…like, just pretend.” Link smiled, “Come on think about it- we date, they already think we are. You get the dowry.”“I have to be married to get the dowry, Link.” I scoffed. What a dumb idea. They had specifically said marriage would unlock those sweet, sweet trust funds. My goose was cooked.“Oh, I am sure I can work some magic in that department.” He paced the room, full of excitement as my eyes trailed him, highly annoyed. “I am, after all, a big deal neurologist, making lots of money.” I rolled my eyes and groaned. “This idea is fucking terrible,” I huffed, pulling myself back to the pillow and covering back up, facing away from him. “No, no!” Link pulled at my body until I was back to facing him. “I can do this. I can make this work. I want to prove to you that I am sorry, that I care.” Care? I gave him a weird and confused look. We hadn’t seen each other since his senior year…why would he care? That would be like me showing up at a high school reunion and checking in with every single person just because I knew them- wasn’t going to happen. He was right though; at the rate I was going how else was I going to get the money from my grandparents? He had the class standing, the great job. He was basically one of the golden gods of the town being a neurologist at the top hospital in not only the city but the region. People came from afar to see him and his associates. Who else did I know who could really pull this off? Hell, who the heck else did I even associate with that would tickle my grandparents fancy? My grandmother seemed absolutely thrilled to bits. “There is one thing that is going to have to happen to pull this off though and make it believable. He nervously stroked the back of his head with his hand, which in turn made me nervous. What in God’s name could that be?
“Such as?” I grumbled, entertaining his tomfoolery. And with a fox like grin, he tittered his next words off like it was nothing:“You’ll have to move in with me.” “Are you crazy?!” I croaked, caught off guard by his preposterous proposition. “Gwen, I already told him we are both here temporarily.” Link put a finger to his lips, trying to get me to quiet down. I rolled my eyes at him as if anyone here gave a shit about if I was loud. I waved him off. “Don’t hush me, tell room number three to quiet down their crack parties if we’re suddenly worried about noise complaints.” I growled, folding my arms and turning in bed to look at the ceiling.
“Jesus Christ, Gwen! There’re crack parties here?!” He raised his voice this time, seeming to almost lose his cool completely. There was one thing that he had always been against- drinking and drugs. He watched his parents drink their lives away, drink his childhood away, and he couldn’t stand even the suggestion that shit like that was going down. He had always been a complete straight edge to my knowledge. “I mean they don’t bother me.” I sighed, realizing I had opened my big fucking mouth a little too wide this time. I cursed quietly to myself, my virtue as a blunt and truthful person, was going to bite me right in the ass. Link was a stubborn guy, and there would be no way I would be staying here another moment if he had anything to do with it. “That is not the point.” He snarled, “It’s one thing to live in a shitty place but to live around hoodlums and druggies?” “Yeah well how do you know I am not one of them? Hmmmm? Mister judgmental?” Link looked at me for a moment as I glared at him and burst out laughing. He laughed so hard I thought he was going to cry. “What?! I drink beer and stuff.”“Yeah, what, every once in a blue moon?” Link snorted, “You are on pain medications you can’t be mixing those with alcohol, you aren’t stupid like that.” He hunched down next to the bed and looked me in the eyes, flashing a classic pretty boy smile. “Come home with me, Gwen. We can get that money from those racist mooks and I can prove to you that I am not such a bad guy anymore. Kill two birds with one st
one!”
I laid there, staring at the ceiling again angrily. What other choice did I really have? I really needed the dowry to get my own place, and once I did, Link and I could be done with each other. Forever this time, as I had intended. I kicked my legs and bit and whined. “Fiiiiiiiiiiiine.” I huffed. “But it’s only my grandfather that’s really the bad guy here.” I heard Link scoff as he walked out the door, returning with garbage bags he had stowed away in his car.
And that is how the big con started. The dastardly duo, back together again for one more big shebang. As Link began to pack my things, I couldn’t help but wonder how the hell I was always so lucky enough to get into all these messed up situations. But I resigned it was best not to look a possible gift horse in the mouth. It was on to my future, a fake one for now, and that would have to be good enough for the moment.
5
Link
As awkward as this whole thing was for the both of us, I couldn’t just let Gwen live in squalor. It wasn’t a safe place on so many levels, and I truly did feel like I owed her. Maybe this way I could prove to her that I wasn’t the awful, snooty bastard she thought I was. Yes, I had done some superbly awful things, but that wasn’t who I was anymore. Hell, I hardly talked to those booze hounds I once called parents. Once I had made it through medical school and realized all they had wanted was me to be their personal cash cow, I mostly broke free. I had realized over time that family didn’t have to be blood, it could be chosen- and I should have chosen Gwen all those years ago.Unfortunately, my immaturity and longing for a real family like hers, left me searching for something that didn’t exist, and abandoning the only family I had ever really known. If not for Theresa and Alfonso, I definitely wouldn’t be the man I had grown to be. I owed it to them and to Gwen to make things right- even if it meant conning her old racist coot grandparents.
I remembered Alfonzo telling me of he and Albert’s big fight, and it had made my blood boil hot through my veins, even after all the years that had passed. I was sure that the grandmother was the driving force behind this weird reunion, and that Albert was only helping because his wife was making him. And though the grandmother didn’t seem like a bad seed, she had been complicit in her husband’s bullshit, and that was just as bad in my book. Coming from a different time period or not, kids should always come first, no matter who the villain is.As I sifted through the ramshackle drawers of the once beautiful vanity that was across from the bed, I realized Gwen had hardly a thing to her name. She had clothes, sure, but as I searched the closets and bathroom, I realized she was living on bare minimum. I expected a closet packed full of her and Theresa’s belongings, and found it pretty bare- save a few totes full of various things.
After a moment’s hesitation, I knelt down to go through them. Uncertain what to expect, I found myself hoping that they would be something to make the situation a little less miserable.
And they did… sort of. A lot of what was in the totes was photos of her and her family, keepsakes and heirlooms, as well as some more clothes and childhood knick-knacks.
I felt the memories pour from them as I looked over the top layer of things. I wasn’t quite willing to touch them yet, to break that physical barrier and cross yet another line of privacy. But even with all the nostalgia dripping down my throat like warm honey, I knew there should have been more.
“Where is all your stuff, Gwen?”“There is a few more totes of it at Frannie’s, but this is mostly it. I had to pawn a lot of things to keep surviving for a while.” Her eyes slid to the floor, clearly ashamed. And that made the guilt in me nearly triple, choking out any other thoughts.
I’d just been standing there every Wednesday, hiding in the shadows like some damn weirdo, keeping tabs while she was in the hospital or working…and I never even investigated what the hell she was doing outside of the place. Every time I thought I had gotten away from what seemed to be my inherently selfish nature, life showed me just how wrong I was. I had failed her, just as I had when we were kids.
Ugh.
But failure aside, it was not the time to beat myself up. I had to get her out of the shithole she was clearly stuck in before she changed her mind about my harebrained scheme. Gwen was a stubborn ass, and when she had made her mind up about something it was hard to shake, so me catching her off guard was a perfect opportunity to help her- and I wasn’t sure how long it would take her to protest. She sat there, looking defeated, making my heart sink into my chest despite the opportunity that it was presenting.
“We will just have to go over there and get them when she has a free minute at some point.” I smiled brightly, trying to pull her out of her sour mood. She looked at me like she was about to cry, and all I wanted to so was to just take her in my arms and hug her. I had wanted to since the accident.
Before she had woke from her brief coma, I would come in and hold her hand, talking to her. My hope was I would be able to get through to her, maybe jog her brain into coming out of it. Unbeknownst to her- as were a lot of things it seemed- I had. She woke up as I sat there, the first words out of her mouth a series of raspy swears. But I didn’t let her see me, slinking out of the room and getting Frannie as soon as I could. After all, she was the head nurse of the ER department, and Gwen’s other best friend from school. I figured she wouldn’t want to see me, and Frannie was a familiar face, someone she would be happy to see upon waking up…especially since her mom was…
I shook the thought right out of my head, the scene from the wreck trying to creep its way back into my head like a slippery snake. I loaded up all of Gwen’s stuff from the hotel into my Mercedes- some clothes, two totes worth of stuff, some art supplies, her cane, a walker, and medications-and made my way back to her. I looked at my watch and realized neither of us had ate, and suggested we stop somewhere. She perked up a bit at the mention of food, and I let her pick the place, she of course picked the cheapest option- burgers. I wheeled her back to the car and picked her up, she was so light I felt like I could toss her across a football field and make a touchdown. I set her down lightly in the front seat and buckled her in, before hopping into the driver’s seat, leaving the old shack of a hotel behind me. “Wait!” She whined “I forgot my blanket, Olivia’s washing it!” She pressed her face anxiously against the glass, like a puppy on its first car ride, afraid to leave in the big machine. “We can come back for it,” I sighed, glad to be out of that festering cesspool. “But,” she whispered, her voice cracking in a way that was downright torturous, “It’s mom’s…”
Fuck.“Hold on to your ass!” I yelled, making a U-turn and heading back. There was no way I could let the blanket stay there, who knows who or what would turn up here and whether or not they would steal it on her. She already was living with so little, and I wasn’t about to let her lose something so valuable to her. Especially if it was Theresa’s.
I pulled in and parked, a questionable group of ruffians on bikes pulling up as well. “Lock your door and I will be back.” I said as I eyed them, they looked back at me with amuse looks on their faces. Apparently, a dude in a Mercedes was either amusing to them or they realized that meant money. Either way, I wanted to get the blanket and get out of there fast. I headed into the hotel office, finding no one behind the desk. A bell sat on the desktop, the old brass tarnished, a post it that said ‘ring for service’ was placed upon its weathered dome. I rang it quickly, the twang of the bell echoing off the walls of the small, empty room. I waited a few moments and rang it again. A groan and some shuffling came from the entry way to the room behind the desk. “Hold your horses,” and old and weak voice warbled. In a minute or so, an old woman nearing her eighties came to the desk, looking at me with a surprised look on her face. “Been a long time since we had a doctor her…” She looked me up and down, then looked out the window and saw my car. “Is that Gwen?” She seemed shocked, looking back at me. “Yeah, I am uh… her boyfriend.”“Gwen doesn’t have a boyfriend.” She scowled at me suspiciously, her eyebrows bushy and her eyes li
ke two black beads, fixated on me like I was some crazy nutjob. “Well…I am a boy…and her friend.” I shrugged, Olivia not breaking her apprehensive stare. It was obvious she dealt with rapscallions on the regular, so to her, I could be just another asshole rolling through, it was just this time she quite obviously cared about Gwen. “Listen, her and I are friends from school. Primary school, for that matter. She is going to be coming with me to stay, she is having a hard time getting around on her own. She needs extra help.” The little old lady’ s face dropped, seeming to be upset by the news. “I-I figured this day would come, such a shame” She shook her head sadly, “She’s such a bright young girl. But it’s so hard for her to keep herself fed and to walk. She spends a lot of time with Frannie, her friend.”“Frannie is a wonderful girl, she is the head nurse of the ER at the hospital I work at and has known Gwen and I for years” I smiled sweetly, trying to gain her trust. “I am a neurologist there. Gwennie speaks fondly of you, Miss Olivia, I am sure she will be back to visit!” I beamed and she smiled back, nodding back with a weak smile. “But first, she says you washed her mother’s blanket?”“Oh yes! I do have that all done up for her.” She smiled weakly, heading into the back and retrieving it for me. It definitely was her mothers’ blanket, and not just any blanket, the patchwork quilt her mother had made when we were kids. We had both spent many a night growing up, sound asleep under the warmth and security, decorated with squares of designs representing the things we liked- singing, dancing, our favorite cartoons… I couldn’t believe she slept with this every night. Looking back at her in the car, the minute I laid eyes on her, I could tell she was embarrassed. I’m sure to her having to admit that she still slept with our blanket would be a sign of weakness, but to me, it was just a testament to how much we had meant to each other- even after all this time. Or maybe it had nothing to do with me at all, and just to do with her mother entirely. Either way, it was bittersweet.“Thank you, Miss Olivia,” I put my hand out for her to shake, and she took her wrinkly hand in mine and tugged weakly. “Take good care of her,” She said, a look of sadness across her face. “I wish I could help her, but I am much too old and tired these days.” As I went to turn to leave, she stopped me, placing an arm on my lab coat. “I didn’t catch your name, Mister.”“Link.” I smiled, “My name is Lincoln Gallagher, but all my friends call me Link.”“What a strong name, Lincoln!” She smiled back, withdrawing her hand. “I hope to see you all soon!”“We will definitely stop in, Miss Olivia!”“Call me Olive, Doctor Link.” She winked at me. I chuckled and winked at her, toting the blanket with me. As I made it to the car, I could see she was getting more and more uncomfortable and anxious. I decided I wouldn’t make a deal about it. I handed the blanket to her and she held it to her face, still warm from the dryer, a smile spreading across her face.We stopped at a drive thru on the way then made our way to my home, munching on burgers and fries as I drove. Gwen seemed famished, scarfing hers down like she hadn’t eaten in days. If it wasn’t for the fact that I knew Frannie was in the picture, I might have believed that to be true. I chalked it up to the day’s events being stressful and tiring, and let it go. I didn’t want to press my luck being too intrusive or naggy; I had already convinced her to come with me. However, I knew quite well that Gwen didn’t take any shit, and her rope with me was probably still very thin. I couldn’t blame her for that If she had done to me what I did to her? I probably wouldn’t like or trust me either. She was a much more forgiving soul than I.As we pulled into the long driveway, Gwen seemed in awe, gasping.“This is your house?!”“Yep! Bought it a few years back.” I said proudly, tapping excitedly on the steering wheel. Although we weren’t on the best of terms, I could feel excitement bubbling up inside of me from the thought of her being there. Like we were kids again and I was showing her my shiny new Ninja Turtle figure. She raised an eyebrow and snickered at my childish drumming, making me stop and flush slightly. I had worked hard to get where I was at and showing one of the biggest parts of my life my accomplishments felt…amazing. Even if it was due to the wackiest of circumstances.
Pretend Boyfriend (Be My Boyfriend Book 4) Page 5