I awoke still drunk off the event of the early morning romp we had had, laying on my side there, I needed to use the bathroom but worried about waking her up. I gently move back to my back to sit up, expecting to see her there, the sun shining through the windows illuminating her beautiful body and making her shine like an angel. Instead of being greeted by the presence of a goddess, my heart sank and thudded in my chest. She was gone. I took a moment to breathe, thinking maybe she had gone to the bathroom or even ventured back down to her own room, but fear gripped my heart. This didn’t seem kosher…something was off, I could feel it in the pit of my stomach. I threw my underwear on and looked towards my bathroom, the door open and obviously not the place to look.
“Gwennie?” My voice cracked, my breath quickening as panic set in. “Gwen?!” I hollered again, hoping to hear her cherubic voice beckoning back to me. Nothing.
I threw on a shirt and a pair of pants and rushed down the stairs, nearly slipping due to the velocity of my stride. I thudded down her hallway and flung open her door, a feeling of dread overwhelming me as I realized that all of her stuff had vanished. Every single visible trace of her was gone. I ran over to the dresser and closet, opening them to find them barren. Tears swelled and spilled down my cheeks as I checked under the bed, the vanity…even running to the bathroom to check for her toothbrush or makeup. Not a single trace, even the trash can had been emptied.
In a moment of weakness, I thought maybe I was just going mad. Even for Gwen this was strange, there had to be some explanation. I had told her I loved her last night. She wouldn’t just take off like this, leave me hanging, not after everything- she wasn’t the love them and leave them type of girl. I went to the kitchen island and grabbed my phone, scrolling shakily through my last contacts, our picture together outside at the man-made lake behind my house we had took her profile picture. The low, dull, drone of the ringing on the other end was interrupted swiftly by an automated message: The number you are trying to dial is no longer in service. Recheck your number and try your call again.
Numb, I shuffled back to her room like a zombie, flopping down onto her bed- the smell of her perfume still lingering in the bedsheets. I grabbed her pillow and screamed into it, crying and carrying on for what seemed like hours. I had fucked up again. I had drove her away all over again and I deserved it. I had been a fool thinking that all of this could make up for the jerk I had been, and then regressing in the end back to that asshole filled bullshit? Fucking her in the closet and panicking and ducking out? My words before the previous night’s last romp? I did this. My stupidity and thoughtlessness had ruined everything, and I had no one to blame but myself.
15
Gwen
It had been two weeks since I had laid there against his chest, drunk of the love we had just made. At first my heart felt a glow, the broken and tattered fibers of my heart pulling, starting to weave its way back to being whole. However, as he pet my hair and went off to dreamland, my brain had screamed at me- what the fuck are you doing?! As I laid there, panic set in. I had been here before with Link, and I knew that loving him had come at a great cost mentally in the past. I had what I came for, the con was over, and now I could live my life carefree. So what the hell was I doing in his bed? He had already proven before that they were just that, words. Though his actions in helping me had seemed genuine, his words before our most recent romp upon hearing we had been victorious, had seemed to prove otherwise.
Like a cat burglar in the night, I had slid out from under his arm, creeping down the stairs, being careful not to make any noise as if my life depended on it. I decided that I had to get out of there, no good could come of this union of supposed love, only pain. I dialed Frannie, who for once hadn’t been working, and like the amazing friend she was she had picked me up and helped get my stuff to her van. As I sat there, looking up at the beautiful home I had occupied with my old enemy, I could feel my heart sink. I was sure I was doing the right thing, for me and for him. I was too broken to be of use to him for very long, he wasn’t good in relationships…I was saving us time and heartache, especially me.
Frannie was ecstatic to have me back in the house, staying up to help me get settled in. We stayed up too late and ended up having to put Parker on the bus, getting him and cocoa puffs ready and giggling like we were back in high school, all my anxieties about Link seeming to melt away. As soon as he was off, we went back to my room and just laid there, shooting the shit. It had been weeks since we had properly talked. Catching up with her felt amazing, but when it got to my turn, I felt more like clamming up then gabbing. The more I talked about it, the more my own words cut in, leaving me sobbing by the end of it all. Frannie sat up on her elbows, eyes like saucers, taking everything in. From the roach hotel with Olivia- who I needed to catch up with and send some flowers or something- to the ‘I love you’.
“Christ, you have been living some sort of crazy soap opera type bullshit…” She gasped at the end, running to grab a box of tissues before plopping back down next to me. She handed me the box, and I wiped my eyes and nose, both running like a broken faucet. “And you’re sure this is what you want?” Her question puzzled me, especially knowing how much she disliked Link. When we had broken up my sophomore year the way we had, it had taken all the begging in the world for Frannie not to whoop his ass. I mulled it over quickly, echoing my own personal heart to heart previously, making absolutely sure I was sure...my brain was, but my heart? My heart was unsure. I couldn’t tell her that though.
“Yeah,” I nodded weakly, “Yeah no this is the right decision…nothing good could ever come from us being together again.” I called my phone company, changing my number completely, and dropped the phone to the bed. Frannie watched on, concerned, and I tried to keep it together as long as possible. As she laid down next to me, my crying turned into heavy sobs as she rubbed my back.
“It’s okay,” She had whispered, “It’s going to be okay.” I nodded again, unable to speak. She turned the tv on, putting on some sort of anime she liked to watch, and wrapped an arm around me. As we laid there, the screen too far from my face to see, I allowed the blurs of color to lull me to sleep. *
Two weeks later there I was, back at my doctor’s office. I had probably looked silly, headscarf and sunglasses adorning me like some old school Hollywood starlet. However, I had taken every precaution thus far for Link not to notice me, and the very thought of bumping into him seemed unbearable. I didn’t think my body, nor my heart could take a run in with him, especially not now when I seemed to be getting weaker and weaker.
For the past week, I had been afflicted with some sort of sickness, bogging me down and now making shit unbearable. At first, I had thought it was just stress, chocking it up to the past events and my healing heart. But then the dizziness got worse and worse. Some days I would spend hours in the bathroom, hugging the cool porcelain god like a lost friend. Frannie finally got so concerned, she insisted I make an appointment. At first in my usually stubborn style, I shrugged her off. It was nothing. I had been through way worse. I mean I had survived a tragic, violent car crash that had broke me down to my core in every way possible. A little nausea and vomiting seemed like a cake walk in comparison. It wasn’t until I passed out in the hallway one morning that it really hit me. What if I had been alone with Parker?
“Gwendolyn Feirnays!” The nurse called sing songingly, motioning for me to come with her. I breathed a sigh, wheeling my way through the hallway behind her. As we reached the room, a rush of unease washed over me. It was like this any time I went to a doctor, especially after the accident, I absolutely abhorred it. Even working at the hospital had been weird for me, but I had stomached it for survival, especially after Frannie had put her name out there to help me get in. When Frannie insisted that I take time off at the very least, especially with dowry now in hand and stipend checks still being written, I had breathed a sigh of relief. I had wanted to leave for so long now, but never had had the guts or funds to
say so.
The nurse did the usual nurse things- took my temperature, asked me about my symptoms, took my blood pressure and pulse. As I explained what was going on, she nodded and mused, doing her thing and entering information into the computer for the doctor.
“Is there a chance you could be pregnant?” She questioned, smiling at me. I shook my head no, I had had an IUD put in years ago. Despite all our sensual sexual escapades, I knew I was safe from that at the very least.
“So, just as a precautionary since you said you’ve been having some hot and cold sweats, and you have a little fever… do you think you could pee in this cup for me?”
“But I can’t be pregnant.” I assured her, waving her off.
“Well there’s way more that could be happening than pregnancy, dear.” She laughed a little. “There could be a UTI or Kidney infection going on…” I hadn’t even thought of that- a kidney infection! I had been having cramps here and there but there was no pain in my back. Then again, I had a friend who once who had a kidney infection so bad, they ended up in the hospital. The weird part had been they had had zero idea, almost completely asymptomatic except a slight fever and some wild nausea. She had mistaken it as a passing stomach bug and just simply ignored it. At least I had insurance, incoming antibiotics, and a loveable but naggy nurse at home in my corner. Her little tryst with one landed her in some serious debt.
“Do you need help?” The nurse questioned, shaking me from my thoughts.
“Excuse me?”
“Do you need help making it to the bathroom and onto the toilet?” She inquired, her thick, British accent melodic and full of kindness.
“Oh! No! that won’t be necessary.” I took the cup from her and she opened the door for me. I told her thank you and made my way across the hall. Even though I was sure I was right, I couldn’t shake this weird and uneasy feeling. As I filled the cup, I closed my eyes, trying to detect any inkling of pain. Nothing. I sighed and laughed in spite of myself, the nurses question hanging over my head, looming like some weird cloud in my brain. I couldn’t be pregnant...so there was no reason to give it any more thought.
I took the cup with me in my lap and headed back to the room, clicking the door quietly behind me and setting my catch on the counter. The nurse had run off already to deal with another patient. She came in momentarily to take the cup, winking at me as she left. I could feel myself getting antsier and antsier, reading the posters on the wall, trying to distract myself. I felt like I was going to vomit as made my way to the trash can, heaving dry heaves into it. I hadn’t ate this morning, the nausea had been too much for me, and I had thought forcing myself to eat would’ve just led to another visit to the bathroom. I was so sick and tired of being sick and tired, my frustration overwhelming me. I just wanted my antibiotics and get the hell out of here. My stomach being empty probably didn’t help matters much. I had hardly ate for the past few days, nibbling here and there. I grabbed a tissue from the sink and wiped my mouth, thinking now of a big juicy burger to pass the time.
Finally, the doctor came in after what seemed like hours of waiting. He was a short and stocky man, balding, his moustache a vibrant white color. He reminded me a lot of my grandfather, which despite all his bullshit, made me feel a little more at ease. Almost a familiar face is better than feeling alone, I supposed. He had a grin on his face as he pulled the stool to the computer, reading over my symptoms.
“And you’ve been feeling this way for how long?” He asked, not looking up from the screen, the words scrolling past his eyes with the roll of the mouse wheel.
“About a week now,” I sighed, the doctor looked at me and nodded. He returned back to his screen, clicking on what looked like a labs screen and began reading. “So, will I make it, doc?” I joked, trying to break the weird clinical tension in the room.
“Well yes of course you will my dear,” He said, twirling around to face me head on now. “You my dear are doing just exactly what the body is expected to do in a time like this.”
“L-like w-what?” I stammered, my heart pounding. I knew the words that were about to come out of his mouth. I knew before he proclaimed them with great gusto and shook my hand.
“Congratulations, Miss Ferinays! You are having a baby!” The dizziness I had been feeling. The throwing up and nausea. The slight fever. I felt a mixture of joy and anger that I had never experienced previously.
“H-how?” I stuttered, tears starting to form in my eyes.
“Well miss, you are twenty-four years of age…I am pretty sure you know how this happens?” He raised an eyebrow at me, circling back to his computer and typing stuff in.
“No, no I know how making a baby works, doc.” I could feel the anger start to reach my throat and took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. “I have an IUD in. How am I pregnant? They are supposed to be very safe and effective!” My calm voice shaking into an almost yell at the poor old man in the labcoat before me.
“Well, that is strange now isn’t it…” He looked at me, mulling over what I said before checking back into his computer. After about five minutes of reading, his eyebrows raised, a little gasp escaping his lips. He had made it to my accident, and every doctor I had ever known always reacted in the same way. “You are a medical marvel, Miss Ferinays!” He exclaimed, “You are…”
“So lucky to be alive? Right?” I sniffled, putting my head in my hands. I looked at the floor, my breath catching in my chest. How could this be happening?
“It says here that when you had your accident, they removed your IUD as a precaution and due to you needing all these scans and surgeries. They didn’t tell you this?” My heart thudded in my chest, the room began to spin. I gripped into my wheelchair, and the doctor’s words now sounded like they were underwater.
“No…” I managed to get out. The doctor began naming off options before realizing I wasn’t okay. He wheeled towards me and checked my pulse, calling for the nurse on a his phone. I felt like I was going to pass out then and there, the gravity of my new plight aa shock to my system. The nurse barreled through the door like the hero in an adventure movie, carrying supplies. They leaned me back and helped me take a sip of cold water, thoughts running through my head and careening into one another like runaway bumper cars. Not only did I have really no family except my grandmother, no friends except Frannie, I was now pregnant with my ex’s baby who had broken my heart- TWICE. I had always wanted kids someday, but not with someone like Link. He was a reliable source of income for helping with a baby, but he wasn’t a reliable partner. I wanted a real family, not a broken one…
As they got me righted around, they congratulated me again, letting me know that no matter what I decided they were here for me. He gave me an appointment card for an obgyn appointment, and headed out, the nurse flashing me a weak smile as they disappeared into the hall. I weakly made my way out, barely able to push my chair. As I went past the nurse she asked if I needed help and I nodded. She wheeled me out towards the sliding doors, pushing the wheelchair button. She pushed me through the doorway but stopped abruptly, muttering shit under her breath.
“Excuse us,” She said to whoever was in front of us, my eyes concentrating on my lap.
“Oh! No I’m sorry for getting in your way.” The familiar voice apologized to her. I looked up slowly from my lap to be met by the cool, emerald eyes I had abandoned weeks ago.
“Fuck.” I muttered under my breath.
The nurse looked at me and looked to Link in concern, reading the distraught look on my face as an apparent red flag. She bent down and whispered in my ear.
“Do I need to call security, Miss?” I shook my head no.
“No, no. I’ll take it from here.” I looked back at her and smiled. When I turned back to Link, I crossed my arms. How convenient for him to be here today, of all days…at a hospital adjacent clinic…that he didn’t work at.
“W-we need to talk!” He managed to get out. Oh yes, indeed we did…and about far more than me taking off.
16
Link
It was almost poetic, running into her like this. As she and the nurse came into the foyer, she looked scared and distraught. My first instinct was to hold on to her, hug her, ask her what was wrong and what I could do for her. But in our reality, she had run off, leaving me heartbroken and confused. Plagued with self-doubt and anger, I had drunk myself silly. Luckily, I had had a week’s work of paid sick time on the books and I used it to its full potential. My liver was probably screaming for sweet release by now.
Hungover and tired, I didn’t normally frequent this office. This was my second week back after my hiatus, I was here to confer about a patient of mine with their general practitioner. I was well liked in the local medical community, and often compared notes with colleagues in person, usually over lunch.
“Stalking me?” She huffed, scowling at me intensely.
“N-no I would ne-” I started. She raised an eyebrow at me, her once shocked and troubled face now full of determination. She pushed past me and out the front door, and I followed behind her. “I’m here to confer about a patient of mine with Doctor Mendara” I came around to the front of her chair and braced himself against its arms. “But now that you’re here, and I have a minute…that shit can wait.” I furrowed his brows, feeling the pain and confusion start to surface as I looked into her eyes.
“Come on, quit leaning on my chair…I am waiting for my ride, Link.”
“Let me take you to Frannie’s! I’ll cancel my meeting and reschedule.” I rattled off, nerves taking hold a bit. I needed to talk to her, but I was so angry and hurt that I wasn’t even sure if I could have an adult conversation right now…but since Gwen was here now, I couldn’t take the chance to not try.
Pretend Boyfriend (Be My Boyfriend Book 4) Page 14