“What happened to all the trees?”
“Cut down to make support beams for the mines and places for the miners to live.” Her voice had a coldness to it.
“You don’t approve?”
She led her horse across a shallow creek. “It’s not my place to approve, but I think it’s a fool’s errand. People are willing to risk everything to get rich, and most of the folk who come out here never do. They abandon their families, leaving behind perfectly good lives in the vain hope that they’ll strike silver. When they get here, they’re willing to lie, cheat, steal and do anything else to gain an advantage that doesn’t exist.”
She could have been talking about his pa. He’d come out here with the goal of finding silver to provide what the farm could not. But the little girl sitting in front of him on the saddle was proof of how his pa had discarded his principles.
But he refused to accept Annabelle’s evaluation that it happened to everyone.
“Some people get rich.”
Annabelle looked over her shoulder at him. “Don’t even entertain that line of thinking. Before you know it, you’ll be living in the filth, blinded by the tiny flecks you think mean something but turn out to be nothing.”
“My papa found a treasure.” Nugget, seated in front of him on the ample saddle, piped up. “He was going to build me and my mama a bigger house than anyone else in Leadville.”
The glance Annabelle gave him was enough to melt the rocks around them. “So you are one of them.”
She turned her gaze to Nugget, and he could tell it immediately softened. “You should just take her back to wherever you came from. Now, before you wind up losing whatever else you have left.”
Annabelle probably saw a lot of hardship in her line of work. It was natural that she’d want to be protective, especially of Nugget. But she didn’t understand. He had nothing to go back to. Only a family to send for, and he already knew there wasn’t a place here for them. His only hope was finding something of enough value in his pa’s possessions that he could use it to move the family west.
“All I want is what my pa found. Nothing more. Just enough to get home to my family and make sure they’re taken care of.”
“That’s what they all say.” Annabelle clicked her tongue and set her horse to a faster pace. The rocky path had widened until a large mining operation came into view. He’d spent some time working in a similar place when he’d first arrived in Leadville, bringing the ore to the smelter. Tents and ramshackle cabins dotted the area, but Annabelle made no motion to slow her pace.
He glanced behind him, noting that from this elevation above town, the view was so majestic, it was easy to forget the abysmal conditions of the mining camp they’d passed through. On the hardest days, it was this picture of being above the clouds covering the valley below that had kept him sane.
Once they passed through the camp, Annabelle followed the creek back into more rocky terrain. Joseph had to give her credit for her adept handling of the horse. His sisters probably wouldn’t have been able to do the same. They came around a rise and into a smaller clearing.
“Hey! This is where my papa lives,” Nugget cried out as she tried to scramble down from the saddle.
Joseph held her tight. “Wait. I want to be sure it’s safe.”
Annabelle slowed her pace, then pointed to an outcropping of rocks. “Based on the map, that’s where the cabin is.”
“How did you get to know the area?”
She shrugged, and said in a dull voice, “My father’s ministry is helping the people in the mining camps. Many of them don’t venture into town because they’re so afraid that if they leave, they’ll miss out on the big strike. So we go to them.”
“How often do you come out?”
“I haven’t in a while.” The familiar look of sadness crossed her face. “Not since everyone got sick.”
They dismounted, and she led them to the other side of the rocks, Nugget skipping on ahead into the cabin.
“She’s still here!” The little girl ran out of the cabin, carrying a worn rag doll. “I forgot her last time we came to visit Papa, and I’ve been missing her terribly.”
Nugget hugged the doll as Joseph stared at the place his pa had been calling home for the past five years. Sandwiched between outcroppings of rocks, the cabin was little more than a one-room shack built mostly of rocks, twigs and mud.
“I guess we found it,” Annabelle said, looking resigned.
“Thank you. I would have never found it otherwise.” Even though Nugget had recognized the area, it was clear she wouldn’t have found it, either. When she’d tried to get off the horse, she was looking in the opposite direction.
He walked into the dark building, grateful when Annabelle handed him the lantern. She obviously knew what she was doing. Looking at this place, Joseph could see why she sounded so disillusioned.
As he held up the lamp to illuminate the room, Annabelle walked around, lighting the lamps she found.
It was a simple room, with a small stove, a bed, a trunk and a few boxes. His pa had given it a touch of home, the bed covered with a quilt Joseph recognized as the one his ma had tearfully pressed into his arms when he’d left.
One of the crates was turned on its end, like a makeshift chest of drawers, with a picture of his family, as well as a picture of a bawdily dressed woman— Nugget’s mother, he assumed.
He walked over to the pictures and picked up the one of his family. If only Annabelle’s judgment of the situation hadn’t been so true. His pa had abandoned them to give them what he’d claimed was a better life. Only it hadn’t panned out, and now Joseph was looking for something, anything, to pick up the pieces.
“That your family?” Annabelle stood behind him, her voice thick.
“Yes.”
Nugget entered the room and noticed him holding the picture. “Papa said that someday I’d meet the rest of my brothers and sisters. That’s how I knowed you when you comed for me.” She pointed at the people in the picture.
“That’s Mary, and Bess, and Evelyn, and Helen, and Rose, and Daniel and there’s you.” She frowned as she pointed at Ma. “And that’s the other lady. Mama said she was the reason why I couldn’t meet you yet.”
Joseph swallowed the unexpected grief and tried to ignore the anger burning his insides. Pa had never planned on coming home. At least not to his ma. Ma had been a good woman. She hadn’t deserved this. Once again, he wished his pa was alive just so he could kill him himself.
“She was my ma. She was a good woman.”
Nugget’s eyes widened. “Papa told Mama she was a shrew.”
It was wrong to disrespect your father, but if his pa was here now, Joseph would have no problem punching him. And yet, he could stand here and do nothing—not contradict an innocent child who hardly knew what she was saying, and try to avoid the knowing look in Annabelle’s eyes. Not that the girl looking around the cabin knew anything at all.
Annabelle had moved on and was looking at a stack of books beside the bed.
“Your father was a reader?”
“No.” Joseph coughed and took the book from her hands. “My sister Mary and I are. Mary thought that if we sent him with our favorite books, he’d have something of us so that he wasn’t so lonely.”
He glanced over at the little girl now rummaging through the trunk. His pa had obviously had no problem with loneliness. After having done the math in his head more times than he cared to count, Joseph figured his pa had met Nugget’s mother shortly after coming here the first time. Which meant his pa had gone home to Ma after being with Nugget’s mother. And then left his ma to return to a woman who— If it weren’t for the women present, Joseph would have wanted to smash the pictures representing his pa’s lies.
“I’m sure the books gave him some comfort. It looks lik
e he jotted notes in the margins.” Annabelle gave him a small smile, as if she was trying to be sympathetic.
Her words made him pause as he looked at the book. Why would anyone jot notes in the margins of Ivanhoe? Joseph flipped through the pages and noticed that random words had been circled, and sure enough, when you looked at some of the margins, his pa had made notes.
Only none of them made any sense. One page would have Mary May scribbled on the side, then some words would be circled. Why would he write Mary’s name on the pages of Joseph’s book?
He noticed that Annabelle had begun looking at his pa’s other books, sitting on the bed, and Nugget had joined her. He couldn’t deny that her treatment of his sister was genuine. One light and one dark head were pressed together, whispering over the books Annabelle was looking at.
“Do you like to read?” He moved back toward them, and Annabelle looked up, a real smile filling her face.
“It’s my favorite pastime. I love reading about the far-off places and countries. There are so many wonderful things in this world, and I would love...” She gave a soft sigh, then closed the book she’d been looking at. “Well, my place is here. The only way I get to see the world is through one of these.”
A wistful look crossed Annabelle’s face, and Joseph realized that there was far more to her dream of travel than she was saying. If conditions were different, he’d want to know more, but how could he give her any indication of his interest and raise false hope in her? Maybe Annabelle’s reticence was for the best.
Annabelle ruffled Nugget’s hair and stood. “Enough of that talk. Did you find what you were looking for?”
Back to the old Annabelle. Fully on task and avoiding anything personal. Clearly she had more sense than he. Nugget remained on the bed, looking at one of his pa’s books.
“I need a pencil,” she announced, unaware of the tension in the room.
“Oh, you’re much too little for that.” Annabelle held out her hand to Nugget. “We’ll go pick some wildflowers while your brother finishes what he needs.”
Nugget gave her a glare that made Joseph want to laugh.
“Papa lets me draw in his book.” Nugget stood, and proudly stomped over to one of the chests, leaving one of the books open on the bed to show a childish drawing scribbled over the pages of one of Mary’s beloved books.
Joseph’s gut clenched. His sister’s favorite book had been reduced to worthless garbage by a pa who had left his first family in need for a new life.
Annabelle caught his eye, and again he saw genuine emotion. Pity this time, and he wanted none of it.
“Such a shame,” she said in a quiet voice. “She loves stories, though, so perhaps I can help her learn to respect books. I can remember when Mother was giving us lessons, and Susannah, who was just a baby, got her hands on an inkwell and one of Father’s books. I thought poor Mother was going to die of apoplexy. But Susannah learned, just like Nugget will.”
“I’ll teach her,” he said gruffly, and went to the trunk where Nugget was still rummaging for something to write with.
“What are you looking for?” He knelt beside her and put his hands over hers.
“I want to make a picture for Papa,” she told him, those big green eyes reminding him so much of his sister Mary. Mary, who had the most loving heart in the world, but was going to be so hurt when she finally learned of the horrible sins their pa had committed.
How do you tell your siblings that their beloved pa was an unfaithful liar and cheat?
“You know your papa is gone, right?”
Nugget nodded, big eyes staring at him. “But someday when I meet Jesus, I’ll see him again. And he’ll want to see all of my pictures. He loved it when I made him pictures. He’d hand me a book and tell me to make him something pretty.”
Joseph’s stomach turned over again. How could his pa have been so careless with the things he and his sister held so dearly?
A stack of envelopes caught his eye. He’d recognize that writing anywhere. Ma’s. With childish scribbles drawn over it. Even his ma’s letters weren’t sacred. But why would they be? His pa hadn’t kept his marriage vows sacred, either.
Joseph’s heart twisted inside him as those letters beckoned at him. His ma hadn’t been perfect, and in most recent years, with their pa gone, she’d been unbearable at times. But he couldn’t help himself when he took that stack of letters and put them in his pocket. Tonight he would read them and grieve, both for parents lost, a marriage broken, and the realization that everything promised them had been a lie.
* * *
Annabelle watched Joseph talk to the little girl by the trunk. It had been difficult for Annabelle, going through her mother’s belongings, and even more difficult for her to watch her father give them all away. But it couldn’t possibly compare to the difficulty of going through a parent’s belongings with the evidence of that parent’s sin right there.
“Nugget? Are you ready to collect wildflowers? I’m sure Joseph would like some time alone, and I know Maddie would be pleased to have a bouquet for the table.”
Nugget didn’t move from her position. “Papa always has me make a picture for him when I come so that he has something to remember me by.”
For the first time, Annabelle realized that as much as she had been focused on her own grief, and tried to understand Joseph’s, she hadn’t looked too deeply into the grief of a little girl who had lost not only a mother, but a beloved father. Being in this cabin made Annabelle realize that poor little Nugget had been just as close to her father as Annabelle was to hers.
Well, as close as they’d been before the family had gotten sick.
But now...as much as Annabelle tried to embrace her family’s mission, she couldn’t. And how could she remain close to a man who would eventually see through her attempts to pretend everything was all right when it wasn’t?
The backs of Annabelle’s eyes prickled with the tears she couldn’t allow herself to release. Because if she let herself cry, she’d be too focused on her own pain to be of any use to Nugget or Joseph.
Which was the cruelest trick of all. She’d been fine, just fine, until they’d come into her life, forcing her to acknowledge all she’d lost.
The worst part was that as much as she tried to harden her heart and not let herself love again, she only found it softening toward the sweet little girl and her brother who would soon be gone, just like all the others.
The sunlight nearly blinded her as she exited the cabin. Though she had lit every lamp in the place, she hadn’t realized how dark it had been until coming out into the open. Birds trilled in the meadow, singing beautiful but shallow songs of hope. They could afford hope. But for Annabelle, hope was nothing more than a fairy tale. She had to keep herself from believing the myth that caring for Joseph and Nugget would end well.
Joseph would return to wherever he came from, defeated by the dream of his father’s riches, taking Nugget with him.
Somehow, she had to find a way to convince her father to let her go East with Lucy and her family. There, she could stay with her aunt and finally have the space to let her heart heal. Until then, she’d endure the best she could, hoping against hope that she’d have some of her heart remaining in the end.
Chapter Seven
Nugget skipped out of the cabin, placing her hand inside Annabelle’s with such love and trust, it was hard to remain detached, especially when the skies were so clear and blue. She’d even take away her resentment of the birds, who meant no harm with their innocent songs.
“Are you ready to find some flowers for Maddie?”
Nugget smiled, the grin stretching from ear to ear. “I’m going to press them in one of my books.”
They’d passed some young cow parsnip at the entry to the meadow. There, they could not only find some pretty flowers, but maybe even some gree
ns to bring home for dinner. After a long winter with few fresh vegetables, it would be a welcome addition to their supper. Her mother used to say that anytime they had a chance to experience God’s bounty, they should. Annabelle’s heart gave a pang.
Why did the things that occurred to Annabelle most naturally hurt so much? She should have been able to more easily erase the memories so that she could do a simple task like picking wild plants without that awful prick at the back of her throat.
Nugget seemed to sense where Annabelle was heading, because as they got close to where she’d spotted the wild greens, Nugget took off running.
“Flowers!” The gleeful shout rent a hole in Annabelle’s heart. The joy should have made her happy, and she wanted to be happy, but mostly, Annabelle wanted to cry.
Surely her father would let her visit Aunt Celeste if she was traveling with Lucy’s family. The sights, and the parties, and being a world away would lessen all the pain.
“Look how beautiful!” Tiny fingers thrust a crisp white flower in Annabelle’s face, and even she couldn’t deny the sweetness.
“Thank you.” She made a show of smelling it. “Beautiful. Perhaps we can find enough to bring back to Maddie.”
“What will we put them in?” Wide eyes stared back at Annabelle. Though Susannah had lighter hair and was slightly older than the small girl, Annabelle couldn’t help but remember that same face staring at her last summer.
So not fair.
Annabelle turned away before the little girl could see the tears forming in her eyes. It wasn’t right to inflict her grief and fear on an innocent child.
“I’ll see what I can find in the cabin.”
At least she had a viable excuse. And unlike Joseph, Nugget didn’t dig deeper into Annabelle’s heart or question her motives. Maybe for some, letting go was an easy task. But the harder Annabelle tried, the more it hung on, like the sticky ooze from the creek.
She left Nugget in the meadow, singing a song, and plucking flowers. A small smile cracked Annabelle’s face, reminding her of the impossibility of resisting the sweet child.
Rocky Mountain Dreams (Leadville, Co. Book 1) Page 6