Ana of California

by Andi Teran

  “They spent tons of money on you to hike in Yosemite for a couple of months. I’m sorry, but that doesn’t sound too terrible.”

  They both stood there in the middle of the forest, the rain pelting down and the wind picking up and whirring through the trees.

  “I think your parents’ marriage falling apart has nothing to do with you. You have a place to live and people to take care of you—a family—that’s something I’ll never have. Have you ever thought about what that’s worth?”

  “Do you not think you have anything that’s worth something?”

  “I have a file,” she said. “It tells several sad stories, all of which are written down so nobody will forget, especially me. When I hear people talk about their ‘home’ or their ‘family,’ I always want to tell them that even their ability to use those words is all I’ve ever wanted. Try being locked in a house for days while your parents go off somewhere to get high or forget about you altogether in the backseat of their car. Try getting a dog as a kid only to watch it get beaten and then eaten alive by other dogs. I watched that happen, in our backyard, and I’ve had to learn how to live a different version of that story so it doesn’t haunt me at night. Try hearing gunshots across the street, next door, in your own house, and then finding your mother on the couch covered in her own blood. Try going to live with your grandma afterward, who loves and cares for you, who is the family and the home you’ve always wanted, only to have her gunned down by the same hands that killed your mother and stole your father and all because she walked down the wrong street. I’ve been shuffled from house to house, stranger to stranger, no one ever wanting me or believing in me or having faith in me. And I carry those people, that backwards three on the back of my neck, every day wishing, however terrible it all was, for them to come back.”

  Cole stepped closer and put his arms around her, even though she didn’t embrace him back. “I’m not in your file,” he whispered. “Neither is Rye. Abbie and Emmett are a new chapter.”

  • • •

  “Ana!” Abbie shouted.

  “Ana! Cole!” Will echoed behind her.

  “This is pointless,” Abbie said, stopping in the middle of the trail.

  “We’re not giving up,” Will said. “If she’s out here, we’ll find her.”

  “She took off before we had a chance to explain. This is all my fault,” Abbie said, shaking her head, and starting to walk faster. “I can’t believe I got so upset about that stupid album cover.”

  “I can’t either. I used to pray to that woman.”

  “Now you’ll probably shout at the devil.”

  “Did you just make a heavy metal joke in the middle of a crisis?” Will asked, putting his hand on her arm.

  “I’m delirious,” Abbie said. “Don’t read too much into it. But . . . well, I think it’s flattering that you’re my only fan.”

  “I told Ana about how I worshipped that album. I think she found it randomly, sort of like you found her.”

  Abbie stopped and took a breath.

  “She’s more mature than you give her credit for,” Will said.

  “She reminds me of me at that age, which is ironic considering I did this exact same thing to my father,” Abbie said. “Only when I ran I didn’t come back until there was significant crash and burn . . . and an album to prove it.”

  Rye and Della caught up with them, Della clearing the thicket with her walking stick. “A fierce spirit always finds her way back—and she will.”

  “Seriously, Mom, she’s been making out all night with a hot dude on an ironic motorcycle on the open road. They’re probably holed up in some diner making eyes at each other over a plate of waffles,” Rye said, sauntering past them and continuing to call out into the trees.

  “I can’t seem to shake this ominous feeling,” Abbie said. “I can’t seem to stop shaking.”

  • • •

  “Are you sure this is the way?” Ana said.

  “We’ve tried every other path; this is the only one left,” Cole said, taking her hand.

  They continued walking down the muddy trail, the rain lighter and dripping from the trees.

  “So, are you finally going to enlighten me about what’s going on between the Brannans and the Garbers?” she asked, stopping in the middle of the trail. “I’ve earned this story.”

  “It’s not easy for me to talk about.”

  “If I get shipped back to L.A. without hearing about what caused the rift, I don’t know what I’m capable of doing. And please don’t say it’s solely about land.”

  “Emmett should be the one to tell you.”

  “Well, he’s not here, so go for it.”

  “The land was an issue at first—”

  Ana put her hands over her ears.

  “Which is how my dad met Josie.”

  Ana’s hands shifted to her mouth. “No.”

  “Yes. They ran off together a little more than a year ago. They left us all handwritten notes, of course, because it’s only polite, right? Ours was left on the fridge—have no idea where Emmett found his. But they took off to the Bahamas, then to New York, then back to San Francisco, where he bought her an apartment, apparently, and moved in without looking back, except for when his wife refused a divorce, and then he moved to Keyserville. Now, he splits his time in between. My mom still refuses to divorce him, so she started throwing parties with his money instead.”

  “Hardcore.”

  “I think that’s also why she’s purposely been ordering catering from Abbie.”

  “Double hardcore.”

  “My sister’s begging and pleading didn’t bring him back, nor did my bonfire party or stint in Yosemite. He still sends money in his absence, but I refuse to touch a cent.”

  “Why not?” Ana said, skipping up ahead. “We could have flown to Portland.”

  She waited for his laugh, or a snarky comment, but when she turned around, she froze.

  • • •

  A makeshift command center had been set up near the entrance to Kenyon Park. Emmett’s and Manny’s trucks were parked along with those of various townsfolk who had joined the hunt. Abbie and the others were surprised to see a few police cars in the mix, including the sheriff’s.

  “I thought you said they didn’t want to do a big search,” Della said.

  “They didn’t. But it’s not like they have anything else better to do,” Abbie said.

  The sheriff emerged from behind his car with a distraught Nadine Brannan behind him. Two other police officers stood nearby taking notes.

  “But that’s his motorcycle!” she yelled.

  “I know it is, ma’am, and that’s why we’ve got our guys out on the trail searching. They’re in here somewhere. My guess is they got lost, which happens all the time up in these parts.”

  “He left his credit card and his cell phone on the kitchen counter in plain sight for me to see. If that doesn’t scream suicide note, I don’t know what else does.”

  “Mrs. Brannan, we have all the evidence to believe that your son left of his own volition. We’re trying to rule out something happened to these kids in the forest. We lose hikers out here all the time with this kind of weather. We’re doing the best we can.”

  Abbie watched as Nadine’s face dropped. It wasn’t because she wasn’t in control or that the police were unwilling to make her son a priority; Abbie realized that she was suffering as a mother, and no one was noticing that. Abbie walked over as Nadine stood there, her face blank.

  “How are you holding up?” Abbie asked.

  “Not well. If these idiots would actually get out there and do their jobs properly, maybe we’d have found my son by now. There’s no telling where he could be, and they’re losing time by limiting the search to right here because of some crazy beekeeper’s bear theory. It’s the most ludicrous thing I’ve ever h
eard of! I could kill my husband for moving us to this place.”

  Abbie refrained from saying anything she’d regret, especially the part where Alder Kinman found Cole’s motorcycle near the entrance to the park. She chose to respect Nadine’s pain as a mother even if she didn’t understand the woman’s undermining platitudes. “I can empathize with how worried you must feel.”

  “And how is that?”

  “I’m only measuring it with what I’m feeling about Ana, and my fears and worries for her well-being. I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you.”

  “How can you begin to relate when you’re not a mother and you’ve never had children of your own? You don’t have the slightest inkling of what this feels like; so spare me the empathetic concern.” Nadine stopped herself. “I’m . . . I’m sorry,” she said, taking a moment. “I had no right to say that. It’s . . . it’s been a long night and a tough year.”

  Despite her desire to walk the other way, Abbie put her arm around Nadine’s shoulders.

  “I know,” she said. “We’ll find them”

  • • •

  They both stood completely still. There was a crunching of sticks before Ana felt hot breath on her hand. It crept into Ana’s peripheral vision first, just a few feet to her left, before making its way over to where Cole was standing. She couldn’t move. Cole gave her a look that said, “Stay calm.” The mountain lion eyed her and moaned, a long guttural moan from the back of its throat as it licked its lips and lowered its head, its whiskers sniffing in Cole’s direction.

  It paced behind them, growling, before coming into full view.

  Something told them both not to scream or run. They kept their eyes locked on each other, as flashes of burnt yellow slunk in and out of the trees around them. Ana was angled in a way that she had a clear view of the lion as it got close enough to touch. Her legs began to tremble. She moved her foot slightly, catching the cat’s attention.

  “It’s coming,” she mouthed to Cole as the cat moved forward and then back again. It hunkered down and growled.

  Cole moved his body, positioning himself to take the full weight of the attack if the cat should pounce. “Look at me,” he mouthed to Ana.

  The cat moved forward again before it stopped abruptly just a few feet away. Ana looked back and forth from Cole to the cat as its entire body angled to jump.

  There was a rustling in the trees.

  The cat stepped back, then snapped its head to the right. It leaped and disappeared into the brush. Just as they were about to take a breath, a massive black bear ambled into the clearing. It stopped and seemed to make eye contact with Ana before continuing in the direction of the mountain lion.

  “That’s Eli,” Ana said.

  “Eli?” said Cole, still afraid to move.

  “Yeah. I think I know that bear.”

  • • •

  The sheriff and volunteer police officers headed back to Hadley, a few others joining them. Abbie approached Emmett, who was staring at a park map like it held the secrets of the universe.

  “How’s it going?” she asked him.

  “Not well. We need to get back out there before it gets dark. I don’t understand why people are leaving.”

  “Because they have jobs and families to tend to. But we can appreciate their help.”

  “I’m going back out there,” Emmett said.

  “Maybe’s she’s back at the farm already . . .”

  “Minerva would have called by now,” he said. “Your friend, the chef guy—”

  “Will.”

  “Yes, Will. He just called and said he made it back to the restaurant. He rallied everyone on Main Street, so everyone’s looking down there too, apparently.”

  “I’m amazed and not surprised,” Abbie said.

  “He’s, uh, he seems like a good guy. Looks like Dad’s nightmare, of course, just like all the rest of them. But I give you my approval.”

  “Your approval? Do I still need that, big bro?”

  “Always.”

  “At some point, we need to think about calling Mrs. Saucedo.” Abbie sighed.

  “I don’t want to do that yet,” Emmett said, taking control of the situation. It had been a long time since Abbie had seen her brother focused on something other than the farm. “I’ve been thinking, what if they’re on their way to San Fran or up north and they crashed on that kid’s bike? We are responsible for her well-being, Abbs. I don’t understand why she left, why she didn’t think to call or tell us when she’s coming back.”

  “I don’t think she wants to come back.”

  “She does,” Manny said, approaching and tossing a couple of flares into Emmett’s backpack. “I talk to her. But she worries. She puts pressure on herself. She’s concerned about pleasing you both, but doesn’t know how to do that and also be her own person. You have to trust that she has good instincts, especially for her age. She’s very strong, not unlike two other people I know.”

  Della and Rye Moon ran to Charlie Moon’s car, which pulled into the small parking area, and grabbed a box of flashlights to pass out to everyone. Nora and Brady Lawson arrived straight from the school run, a trunk full of milk and cookies from their dairy to hand out to the search party. Vic and Rolo huddled around Manny’s truck with Joey, the three of them discussing Ana’s disappearance and if she’d ever return, Joey vowing to return with her. Nadine Brannan stayed by her car, her ear glued to a phone, continuing her one-woman assault, allowing no one to intervene.

  Everyone gathered with flashlights, water bottles, whistles, and even a bullhorn, waiting for Emmett’s instructions as to how to divide into groups and which directions to go. That’s when they heard the shouts. Way down the road, walking out of the trees and onto the edge of the road, was Alder Kinman, followed by Ana and Cole.

  Without thinking, Abbie Garber ran down the road and met them halfway. Emmett watched as she threw her arms around Ana and held her there, not letting her go. Ana wrapped her arms around Abbie, the tears coming fast and quick, a relief in the heaving. Rye ran all the way too, embracing both Ana and Abbie, shaking them, smiles erupting. Emmett watched his sister put her arm around Ana again, her mouth saying, “You’re okay. You’re here. You’re with us.”

  “You gave us one hell of a scare,” he said as he approached.

  “Even more than the day you saw me sitting at the airport?” Ana said.

  “Much more than that.” He patted her shoulder and pulled his hand away again. She hugged him anyway.

  “Where were you?” Manny asked impatiently as he approached. “We’ve been so worried.”

  “We went for a ride and then we fell asleep. I’m . . . I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking when I left.”

  “Neither was I,” Cole said, hoping if he chimed in as much as possible that maybe Ana wouldn’t be sent away. He scanned the side of the road where all the cars were parked. He wasn’t surprised that he didn’t see his mother.

  “We ran into some trouble,” Ana said.

  “Trouble?” said Emmett.

  “They brushed up against a mountain lion,” Alder Kinman explained, leaning against Emmett’s truck with his thumbs hooked in his belt loops.

  “If it wasn’t for Eli,” Cole said.

  “Eli?” Emmett said, turning around.

  “Eli . . . the bear, saved us,” Ana said. “Scared the mountain lion away.”

  Alder nodded his head. “Yep. Just like I told ya, Eli’s a good man.”

  The hugs continued all around. No one asked questions about what went on between Ana and Cole or why they’d run away. Nadine Brannan finally came running from her car, shouting to someone on the phone before tossing it into her handbag. She crossed the clearing, past the cars, making a beeline for her son as Cole walked up to meet her. Ana watched her run, waiting for her to embrace him, as Ana knew she would; she watched C
ole waiting for the same thing. But once Nadine got there, tears running down her cheeks, she stopped and kept her distance.

  “What in the hell were you doing? I’ve been on the phone with your father, who is outraged; your sister is a mess. And, in total, you have worried us to death with this selfishness. Was she worth it?”

  “I’m fine, Mom. It’s great to see you too. Thank you for the warm welcome. Glad you were able to reach Dad, wherever he is.”

  “What were you thinking? Did she put you up to this?”

  Cole took a breath, realizing everyone was listening even though they were pretending not to.

  “Do you realize what could have happened? And after all the progress you’ve made? I am utterly embarrassed, your father is furious . . .”

  Cole glanced over at Ana, who looked back.

  “Mom,” he said, lowering his voice. “I’m sorry if I worried you.”

  “I can’t handle this anymore, Cole, I just can’t—”

  He embraced his mother without giving her a moment to step back.

  She was quiet before letting go. She reached up and embraced him back. “I can’t stay here,” she said. “Everything’s falling apart. All of these people, this place . . . I don’t know what to do anymore.”

  “I know,” Cole said.

  He looked over his mother’s shoulder at Ana, who was looking over Abbie’s shoulder. She smiled at him. It was a strange feeling, he thought, having your heart ripped in two. He knew the decision needed to be made, and he was the one who’d have to make it.

  “We can leave here,” Cole said to his mother. “If that will make it better.”

  • • •

  Ana waved as the Moons drove away. She laughed as Rye thrust herself out of the back window of the car, both of them saluting each other, hands over breasts. Abbie was on the phone updating both Will and Minerva about the rescue. Emmett and Manny were talking with Joey, who said he wanted to return to Garber Farm. Ana leaned up against the back of the pickup truck. If she’d had her sketchbook, she thought, she wouldn’t have wanted to capture this scene. Sometimes it was much better just to live it.