“What is the rush, Karina?”
“This was a mistake,” I said as I searched for my panties.
When I turned around, he was twirling them on his finger. “What just happened between you and me? That was no mistake. You just finally gave in to the inevitable. And it won’t be the last time.”
CHAPTER 17 – KARINA
He wasn’t lying. It wasn’t the last time that we did it. Fucking Zymir became a thing that I looked forward to over the next three weeks.
In the beginning, the first three times it happened, it wasn’t “planned.” Once when I stopped by to ask about getting an oil change, we ended up having sex in his living room. The next time when he asked if I would come over to teach him to make stuffed peppers, we did it in the kitchen. And the final time, I had agreed to have a package for him delivered to my home while he was away during the day. When I took it to him that evening, we talked for a few minutes, and then we ended up fucking by the front door when I was preparing to leave.
After that, all bets were off. There were no excuses necessary for me to traipse my ass over there to get what I wanted. Yet, this was the first time that we were in bed.
It had started as having drinks by the pool. Then we’d shared a dessert in the living room where we had moved once the summer rain started. The dessert, a chocolate mousse I had made, ended up being eaten from between my thighs.
Zymir had taken me upstairs to his bathroom to wash me off after that, and we took a shower together. Soaping me up had been such a sensual thing for him I felt his rod hard against the backs of my thighs as he washed my belly and worked his way down.
The feeling of his hand between my thighs to wash away any remnants of “his” dessert was a turn-on. One that I couldn’t ignore. My hips involuntarily circled slowly as my ass bumped his dick a few times.
“You’re going to get what you’re asking for. Keep it up, hear?”
Giggling, I pressed back against him again, but before I could pull away, he grabbed my hips, pushed my back, causing me to shift forward.
“Grab your ankles, Karina,” he ordered.
No problem for me. I did just as Zymir said and spread wide.
Zymir slid into me with ease and worked himself to the base, burying himself inside of me. When he was inside of me like this, I forgot about everything else except the pleasure he brought to me.
My knees bent, I held onto my ankles while he kept me still in one place, making sure that I didn’t fall. The shower water fell all around us, plastering my hair to my head, streaming down my face. But it didn’t matter, only the pleasure he gave mattered.
When he finished, Zymir easily lifted me and turned me around. My legs clasped around his waist. I shifted as he eased me down onto his dick.
His hands were all over me; my hands were twisted in his locs, his lips moved from my lips to my shoulder, neck, breasts, and back to my mouth again. Zymir’s kisses were deep and passionate, and our tongues dueled for the right to take the lead.
He won. I followed his lead and fell into the comfort and ease of our kiss as he suckled, nipped, and licked all around my tongue and mouth.
It was so easy to be with him when we were like this. So easy to forget about demands, requirements, excuses, and anything else. I didn’t have to pretend when we were like this, simply enjoy his body and enjoy him delighting in mine.
But things were changing, and I felt it whenever we came apart, like now. When Zymir and I finished having sex in the shower, he carried me to his bed and dried me off. When I prepared to sit up, he pushed me down again and began to massage my body.
And once again, I forgot about everything. The demands of the YouTube show, the anticipation of The Cooking Network calling me back, or the cookbook. All of that was a mere shadow in my background underneath Zymir’s skilled, heavy, but gentle hands.
Briefly, I wondered where he had learned his techniques from but allowed it to slip from my mind and enjoy the moment. After a few sighs, I slipped off to sleep. When I awoke, there was a vague recollection of him moving me to situate me under the covers.
When I opened my eyes, it was to find Zymir lying beside me. We were face to face, his hand on my hip, gently rubbing little circles there.
Stretching, I yawned. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep on you. But that massage was so great. I guess my body needed it.”
“It’s okay. I wanted you to relax; you were thinking too much.”
“Thinking too much, Zy?”
Yes, I had gone from calling the man “Jamir,” to “Zy,” when I felt affectionate. Otherwise, he was Zymir, but I no longer called him out of his name.
“Yes, I can always tell when you’re about to start worrying and backing away into that dark place you go to.”
I closed my eyes. I was familiar with the dark place Zymir referenced, and I had never allowed him into that space or shared with him what went on.
Zymir placed his fingers under my chin and lifted it. Kissing my eyelids, he said, “Hey, look at me.”
“What?”
“I don’t want you to keep slipping away from me. Let me inside, Karina. Please,” he said, kissing my nose this time.
I sighed. “There’s nothing to let you inside of, Zymir.”
“That’s what lets me know that you have gone back there.”
“What?”
“You calling me Zymir instead of Zy.”
“You want me to call you Jamir instead? You know, I kind of like that name for you. In the beginning, I did it to get under your skin because I just didn’t like you. But now, I think it’s cute. Don’t you?”
“There you go deflecting again.”
“I am not deflecting, Zymir.”
“You are. I’m trying to talk about one thing, and you’re finding something so randomly off-topic to discuss. Can you be serious for once?” Zymir asked, pinning me in place with his intense bluish-grey eyes.
Zymir pushed up on one elbow and casually draped his arm over my hip.
“What, Zymir? What is it that you want to talk about?” I asked, turning serious, as well.
Lifting a hand, he caressed my cheek and leaned in and kissed my lips.
Laughing, I said, “You want to talk sex?”
“No. I want to talk about you and me.”
Instantly, I tensed up and pulled back. Sitting up in the bed, I pulled the sheets up over my breasts and swung my legs over the side of the bed.
“Where are you going, Karina?”
“Home,” I said, getting out of the bed and pulling the sheet with me, wrapping it around my body.
Zymir jumped out of bed, grabbing me around the waist and pulling me back to him. Placing his lips against my neck, he said, “Don’t go. Please do not leave me.”
“Zymir, I...I can’t do this,” I said, shaking my head as I felt panic rise within me.
He was asking for things that I couldn’t give.
“What is it that you cannot do, Karina? Spend quality time with me? Get to know me? Enjoy my companionship? Because you sure as hell have no problem with me eating your pussy, licking your ass, and shoving this dick inside of you.”
Pulling away from him, I snarled, “That’s not a way to talk to me, Zymir! I won’t accept it.”
“Why not? Because it’s the truth?”
“It is not the truth, Zymir.”
“Oh, so you do have a problem with me doing those things?”
“No! I don’t have a problem with those things...just other things.”
“What other things, Karina!”
“Damnit! The other things you’re expecting from me!”
“Like what? Real intimacy? Conversation between you and me? Or the real reason you walk around like a damn ice queen keeping your feelings and heart tucked away.”
His words were like an ice pick to my heart, but rather than blowing up like I normally did, I breathed deeply several times.
I ran down the steps and into the living room and grabbe
d my shorts off the couch.
Slipping on my shorts, I looked around for my halter top. I had purposely worn no panties over here, so there was no underwear to be placed back on. But I couldn’t find my halter top.
I got on my hands and knees and searched under the couch to no avail. When I stood again, Zymir was leaning against the doorway staring at me with my halter top in his hands.
“Looking for this?”
I marched back to him, reaching for my top.
“Give it to me!” I said as he held it above my head.
“No. You’re not going to run out on this conversation, Karina.”
“You cannot force me to stay, Zymir.”
“I promise that I won’t let you go until we have this conversation.”
“Is that what you think?” I asked.
“That’s what I know,” he said, turning around and heading back for the stairwell.
The sheet that I had wrapped myself in to come down the step, I fashioned into a halter top and tucked the excessive ends underneath my arms.
I looked up the stairwell to make sure that he was out of sight. Pulling the door open, I flung it wide, and jogged down his steps, making my way quickly across the street to my house.
I did not give a damn who saw me in my makeshift top. But it had grown dark outside, and I was sure no one would be able to see me well if they were to drive by.
After I made it to my house and had locked the door behind me, I ran to my bedroom and flung myself across the bed.
The tears that I wanted to come would not come.
“Aighhh!” I screamed in the empty room.
I started knocking things off my dresser, listening to perfume and cologne bottles crash to the floor. The picture frames that held Luis’ picture in and the one of him and me together went crashing to the floor, as well.
I kneeled on the floor and picked up the one of him and stared at his smiling face.
“Why did you leave me all alone, Luis! Why the hell did you desert me when you promised that you would always be by my side? Always here to protect me?” I screamed, spittle flying from my mouth.
He continued smiling back at me from the picture. Anger and rage fueled my emotion, and I threw the picture frame against the wall opposite me.
Finally, the tears that had evaded me before came. I pulled myself off the floor and climbed into bed. Pulling the sheet that I had taken from Zymir’s bed loose from the fashioned top I made, I wrapped myself in it and lay on my bed.
His scent clung to it, which only made me cry harder. Already I missed the feel of his arms around me. But I would not walk back across that street to be with him.
The expectations that he was placing on me scared the hell out of me. I wasn’t ready to give my heart like that to anyone else again. And while he hadn’t asked for my heart, I knew me. I knew that I was the type of woman to go all in, and I would lose myself in him. I couldn’t afford to lose another love the way that I had already done.
Because losing Luis had cost me everything. It had taken three long years to climb out of the dark hole I’d fallen into and carefully put myself back together again to craft the life I now led. It was the only way that I could protect my heart and soul.
Keep. Men. Out.
Not long after my breakdown, I heard the doorbell ring. I knew that it was Zymir, but I wouldn’t answer it. Instead, I remained in my bed curled in a ball, my heart hurting and too scared to open the door, let alone myself to him.
“Damnit! This was just supposed to be sex, Zymir!” I shouted after I thought he was safely back across the street.
Pulling my legs up to my chest, I cried myself into a deep sleep.
CHAPTER 18 – ZYMIR
“You fucked up. That’s just the bottom line.”
Rolling my eyes, I turned my gaze to Kole. “Dude, did I ask for your opinion?”
“Nope, but I’m giving it.”
Kole had come into the shop today to get a custom paint job done on his car.
“Don’t need it. Are you ready?” I asked, snatching the keys to my Jeep from a peg on the wall behind me in my office.
“Yeah, I’ve got a Zoom call with the director at K-102 in an hour anyway,” he said, pulling himself out of the chair across from my desk.
Kole was a big man. Tall like his cousin and my best friend, Bishop, but much larger than my friend. He was even bigger than his older brother, Darnell, who happened to be the shortest of the four of us. Kole had a consulting firm that helped businesses improve their operations. What exactly that entailed, I had no idea. My business was running perfectly fine.
“Word? K-102, my friend. You’re moving up in the world.”
“It’s a pretty decent contract. But I’ve got my eye on bigger fish,” he said, following me out of the office.
“Are you sure you’re going to be okay without your car for the next couple of days?” I asked as I led him to where my Jeep was parked.
“Yeah, I told you that I’m getting a rental. The rental company is supposed to meet me back at my place. But I’m good until mine is ready.”
“All right, cool.”
I turned on the radio when we got in the Jeep, my mind a million miles away.
“Aye, Zymir,” Kole said after a couple of minutes, reaching to turn down my radio.
“What?” I asked, slowing down at the traffic light that had just turned red.
“She’s got you fucked up, man.”
“Nah, not really. I just...I wish I knew what it was that kept Karina so locked up within herself, you know? Like she’s a good woman, but she’s hurting inside. I can tell. She’s intelligent, feisty, sexy, and funny. And she can cook like nobody’s business,” I said.
“That’s what happened. She put that damn mojo on your ass and made you fall in love with her. Now she’s stringing you along and shit,” Kole chuckled.
“No, it’s not like that, Kole.”
“You sure?”
“Yes, besides, she’s not that type of woman that plays with voodoo.”
“How you know? She might have some people from Louisiana. Where’d you say she was from, anyway?”
I shrugged. “Not sure about that.”
“When’s her birthday?”
I shrugged again.
“How many siblings does she have?”
Another shrug.
“Does she have kids?”
“I don’t think so.”
“You don’t think so?” Kole asked, lifting an eyebrow at me.
“I’m just not sure. I mean, Karina’s never mentioned any, and I don’t see signs of kids around.”
“She ever been married?”
“I doubt it.”
“Did she go to college? How long has she been in the neighborhood? Does she own the home, or is she renting? What’s her favorite color? What’s her favorite season? Does she prefer jazz or R and B? Showers or bubble baths?”
“Damn, Kole. I haven’t asked her any of this shit,” I said in an aggravated tone as I continued driving.
“Wait, what the hell do you know about this woman?”
“Not much.”
“And she’s got you gone like that? Either the cooking is off the chain, or she’s got some good pussy!” Kole declared.
“Aye! Watch your mouth, man. Do not disrespect her like that.”
He threw his hands up. “My bad! My bad! I didn’t mean to offend. When is the wedding, pah’na? I will never disrespect Mrs. Espinola again.”
Sucking on my teeth, I said, “Whatever.”
“But come on, Zymir. Every time we come around, this woman is all you talk about. You can’t focus on anything else except her. It’s obvious you care about her, and you want to get to know her better. But on that same note, Zymir, she doesn’t seem like she’s into you like that.”
“You do not know that, my friend.”
“Well, you can’t get within a couple of miles of her unless you’re giving her sex. I mean, I’d be cool with that,
but it’s obvious you want more. And she keeps you at a distance. If she’s not letting you in, maybe it’s because she has another man. Or maybe she’s even married.”
“Married? I’ve been to her house. There’s no other man,” I said, glancing at him and shaking my head.
Shrugging, he replied, “You never know. He could be on the road, or maybe they’re separated. There’s a reason you can’t come inside her house beyond the foyer.”
I forgot that I had shared that with him and Bishop.
“Sounds like she’s using you for sex. Now, as I said before, most dudes, myself included, would be okay with that. But if that’s not okay for you, I’d suggest you pack up and move on. Honestly, Zymir, it sounds as if you’re setting yourself up to get hurt. She’s an older broad, and most of them would love to get their claws into a younger man. The fact that she’s not interested in that or you tells me there’s more to the picture than you realize. She’s lived life longer than you,” Kole advised.
Kole had a point, but I wasn’t ready to accept that. I mean, if she had a man, wouldn’t there be some signs? She was over my house too much, and nobody was taking care of her home the way she needed other than the maintenance men that came and went.
And if she did have a man in her life, then he wasn’t taking care of her sexual needs because she depended on me too much for that.
But on the other hand, every time I talked about going out on a date or wanting to talk about our personal lives, she shut down on me.
It was impossible to get past the wall she erected that didn’t include her cooking, my business, and family, or my home country of Rio de Janeiro and the Brazilian culture. But we could not discuss anything personal about Karina.
By the time I pulled up to Kole’s place, I was in a foul mood.
“Look, dude, I’m not telling you to give up on ole girl, but you need to figure out what you want. Once you’re able to determine what Zymir wants and what is non-negotiable for you, then you need to have a conversation with her. One way or the other, she needs to know where you stand, and you need to stand for something, dude. Don’t let that broad run all over you like that.”
Desire Page 10