For physical discipline, the “rod” actually means a reed-like item for spanking, not a large weapon that could cause bodily injury. You should never strike your children in the face or head, and never with a closed fist—on any part of their body—which would amount to child abuse. Instead a spanking is most appropriately applied to their rear end. A spanking should cause enough of a short sting to get the job done but never to wound a child physically or emotionally long-term. Discipline is not intended for a child’s “destruction” (Proverbs 19:18) but rather for his or her good. It’s ultimately an act of love.
But a father should not discipline his child whenever he is in a rage or displaying uncontrolled anger. If you’re extremely angry, send your child to another room until you can calm yourself down. Don’t discipline until you’re emotionally under control. Your kids should always know that when you discipline them, your desire is to lovingly help them learn right from wrong, to help them make better decisions in the future, not to harm them.
Always clarify first with your child exactly what happened and why any potential discipline may be necessary. Help them see their situation from God’s perspective, not just yours. If you choose to spank them, then leave the room afterward for a few minutes, and let them have time to cry privately and think about what they’ve done. Take this time yourself to pray for God to give them wisdom and a repentant heart.
After a few minutes, go back in and embrace them and comfort them. Tenderly remind them again why you needed to discipline them. Explain that you only want what’s best for them, that you are accountable to God to train them, and that you love them very much. Tell them you are an imperfect father who makes mistakes of your own—that you’re trying to do what is right, but you need God’s mercy and forgiveness too, just like they do. Then pray with them, asking God to help them in the future to maintain a clean heart.
That’s correcting a child with love. That’s growing character to match their growing minds and bodies. That’s looking down the road and seeing a destination worth the discipline. It’s how children become men and women who honor authority and will hopefully one day fear God.
“I Will Train Them to Live Responsibly”
In the end, not only does discipline instill in children a biblical respect for authority, it also develops them into people who know they’re responsible for their actions—people who “own” their consequences. People who can be trusted with great responsibility.
So even as they grow—even when discipline begins taking the form of withheld privileges and freedoms rather than enforced spanking—we must stay diligent to help them see that irresponsibility never stops coming at a cost, no matter how old they get. They can’t be blaming other people or passing the buck. They can’t keep coming to us to bail them out of tight situations they’ve gotten themselves into. If they need to apologize or make restitution, they must own it. If a tough consequence comes to them as a result of their actions or decisions, they must own it.
Yes, there are times for lots of grace and mercy on the part of a parent. But this should always be considered in light of the status of your child’s heart. God resists the proud and gives grace to the humble. If you can see they are learning to own up to their mistakes and showing sincere remorse for their actions, then wisely demonstrating extra grace may often be the best thing to help them grow.
Your decision to show mercy could help them see that God understands we can’t always live up to His standard, that He doesn’t take pleasure in punishment but in restoration and redemption. However, if your child is only trying to escape more consequences and is showing little genuine remorse, then discipline may be more appropriate. And the more you have your child’s heart, the more effective you will be.
Our culture doesn’t need any more kids who are good at skirting the system and getting away with as much as they can. We’re raising children of honor. Children of responsibility. Children who know that if they make the mess, they clean it up. If they borrow it, they give it back in good condition. If they break it, they pay for it. If they make a promise, they keep it. Children who are a blessing to us and to others wherever they go. Who are strong leaders of families, businesses, churches, and governments of the next generation. Who love God, fear Him, walk in honor, and learn to let their light so shine before men that they may see their good works and glorify their Father in heaven (Matthew 5:16).
That’s the kind of men we want to be. And that’s the kind of kids we must grow and develop through our faithful example, training them to love God and to fear God, discipling them with a real-life understanding of their own sinful nature and sin’s inescapably harmful consequences.
“Your kids honoring authority and living responsibly.”
“Your kids changing the world for good and for God’s glory!”
You’ve got to love the sound of that.
This is worthy of your resolution.
COURAGEOUS CHALLENGE
Ask your children if you have hurt them in any way in the past and never made it right. If so, apologize.
MEMORY VERSE
The conclusion, when all has been heard, is: fear God and keep His commandments, because this applies to every person. For God will bring every act to judgment, everything which is hidden, whether it is good or evil. (Ecclesiastes 12:13–14)
He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.
Micah 6:8 (NIV)
CHAPTER 9
RESOLVE TO FIGHT FOR JUSTICE
I WILL confront evil, pursue justice, and love mercy.
Every generation encounters evils that need to be confronted and addressed. And every generation needs strong men to rise up courageously against them.
This generation—for the sake of future generations—needs you.
Our culture—even many Christians in our culture—are slowly becoming numb to evils that twist and confuse our moral compasses. Men are tolerating more and more what God has said in His Word we should hate and despise. Not only are we failing to guard our hearts from moral filth and pollution, we are often entertained by the very things we should be regarding as wicked and shameful. Instead of grieving over the serious ills in our society, we have allowed ourselves to slip into sports and media-induced comas, oblivious to the real problems and issues that could use our attention. Instead of investing ourselves in efforts that could shape society for generations to come, we’ve crammed our schedules so full with work and entertainment that we don’t have time for anything more substantial and eternal. The average American watches five hours of shows on television or over the Internet every day. That’s the equivalent to non-stop viewing twenty-four hours a day for more than two months straight—every year. That time is usually noninteractive for families too.
How can we expect to hate evil if we routinely welcome it into our homes through the television and the computer screen? How can we impact our communities for Christ if we don’t take the time to really care about them? How can we hope to play a role in influencing culture if we don’t have time to notice and reach out to those who are suffering under its worst injustices?
The Scripture lays out three requirements that any man of resolution should take seriously to heart:
He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God. (Micah 6:8 NIV)
“To act justly”—to deal fairly and honestly with others, to confront evil both in ourselves and our society, and to intervene on behalf of the weak, vulnerable, mistreated, and oppressed.
“To love mercy”—to discern the physical and spiritual needs of others, and to represent the hands and heart of Christ to people who desperately need help, compassion, and deliverance from evil and injustice.
“To walk humbly with your God”—to live a circumspect and selfless life before Him, devoted to Him and to His Word, exercising our faith a
nd love in a way that actively, consistently honors Him and His lordship.
Justice. Mercy. Humility.
The daily battle with evil.
Any time a man gets serious about loving God and loving his neighbor, it will always lead him out of his comfort zone and to a place where he must get his hands dirty confronting evil and bringing about justice while extending mercy. These are the things Jesus died for, and they are worth taking a personal stand for. They are higher causes rooted in love that are worth a man’s sacrifice of money, convenience, popularity, anonymity, and even his so-called personal rights and entitlements. They are also tests of character that define the kind of footprint men will leave on this generation—the battles their sons and daughters will see them fighting for the cause of Christ, and then will take up themselves as they meet their own generational challenges with the same deep convictions.
Will you be that kind of man?
Will you be that kind of father?
Men resolved to be courageous don’t shy away from the struggle. They know they were made to fight for what’s right, and they’re willing to strap the truth on and head into the battle. Even when it’s hard.
Sometimes very hard.
“I Will Confront Evil”
Men are wired by God to fight for what is right. When William Carey, “the father of modern missions,” went to India in the late 1700s to tell them about the love and truth of Jesus, he was shocked to discover horrible atrocities among the Hindus—female infanticide, widows being burned or buried alive with their dead husbands, the sick and the weak being discarded like unwanted garbage. India’s British government—though aware of all this—didn’t want to interfere or create a disturbance among people they didn’t really understand. They found it easier and less troubling just to turn a blind eye to it.
But Carey, out of his compassion and love for the people, began writing against these practices in his missionary magazine and setting up public debates to air the issues and call for justice. He opened his home to children and the elderly who were left alone to die. He appealed to leaders in his English homeland, working for reform and legal remedies. He made many personal sacrifices—and made many personal enemies—but within his lifetime he was asked to translate into the Bengali language a decree from the British government that abolished many of these cruel customs. Carey had gone to India to share the gospel, and God used him to impact a culture by living what the gospel proclaimed.
Carey wasn’t alone. Missionaries and evangelists like John Wesley actively opposed slavery. Charles Finney had a major role in the illegal Underground Railroad, saving the lives of many slaves while being criticized by fellow Christians because of his civil disobedience. D. L. Moody opened homes for underprivileged girls, rescuing them from exploitation. Charles Spurgeon built homes to help care for elderly women and rescue orphans from the streets of London. All of these were men who carried out the Great Commission for a living. But their evangelism was made most effective because they actually lived and practiced the gospel they preached.
As far back as Bible times, we see men taking hard stands for righteousness, truth, and justice.
The prophet Nathan courageously confronted King David about his adulterous relationship with Bathsheba. (2 Samuel 12:7–9)
Nehemiah spoke out against those who took financial advantage of others, who were forcing people into debt and slavery. (Nehemiah 5:6–13)
John the Baptist eventually lost his head for publicly condemning King Herod’s adultery and marriage to his own brother’s wife. (Mark 6:17–18)
When God’s temple was being compromised through corrupt profiteering, Jesus upended the moneychangers’ tables and drove them from the premises. (Matthew 21:12–13)
After Martin Luther posted his ninety-five theses in response to widespread corruption in the church of his day, he was hauled before the religious leadership in 1521—as well as the Emperor himself, the highest civil authority—and was ordered to repudiate his “errors.” Luther replied, “My conscience is captive to the Word of God. I cannot and I will not recant anything, for to go against conscience is neither right nor safe. God help me. Amen. Here I stand, I cannot do otherwise.”12
British parliamentarian William Wilberforce, shortly after his conversion to Christ in 1784, began his battle for the black man’s freedom. In the face of apathy, scorn, and strong-armed opposition from the slave industry, this one man relentlessly kept reintroducing to Parliament a motion for the abolition of slavery, vowing, “Never, never will we desist till we . . . extinguish every trace of this bloody traffic, of which our posterity, looking back to the history of these enlightened times will scarce believe that it . . . has been suffered to exist so long a disgrace and dishonor to this country.” He died in 1833—three days after the Bill for the Abolition of Slavery brought the unjust practice in England to its final end.
Twenty-seven-year-old Dietrich Bonhoeffer, even while many in Germany were celebrating Hitler’s ascent to power, broadcast a message entitled “Christ Is Our Führer,” preaching against the wicked leader for making an idol of himself and his office. Halfway through his message, the Gestapo cut off the transmission. But Bonhoeffer refused to remain passive while his countrymen were being murdered. As a leader in the German resistance, he was eventually captured and detained by the Nazis, then executed by orders of Heinrich Himmler, acting on Hitler’s behalf. Had he been silent, he could have survived the war. But he was fighting in another war, serving another Commander. Stripped naked, Bonhoeffer was led to the gallows. The author of The Cost of Discipleship would pay the price he had written about: “When Jesus calls a man, he bids him come and die.”
The disciple and the Führer both died in April 1945—Bonhoeffer on the ninth, Hitler on the thirtieth. Exactly three weeks apart, both men faced God. Dietrich Bonhoeffer knew that a moment after his death, he would hear his Lord say, “Well done, my good and faithful servant.” Adolf Hitler, a moment after his death, no doubt heard something terrifyingly different.
Martin Luther King Jr. saw social evils with unusual insight and faced them with uncommon courage. He was a strong warrior against racial discrimination in 1950s and ’60s America. Resisting the calls of many to lead a violent, bloody resistance toward the bastions of societal injustice, he championed a stronger, silent form of retaliation based largely on Jesus’ teachings from the Sermon on the Mount. Such passive, nonviolent rebellion shocked a nation’s prejudices by sheer numbers and stoic restraint. Many would be beaten and bloodied for taking bold stands of defiance. King himself would be shot dead as the inspirational leader of the movement. But as he had boldly stated, “Cowardice asks the question: is it safe? Expediency asks the question: is it politic? Vanity asks the question: is it popular? But conscience asks the question: is it right? And there comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular—but one must take it simply because it is right.”13
History is filled with examples of those who stood against the tides of injustice and immorality—men who courageously applied God’s Word and His principles to situations where the Creator’s purposes had been debased for personal gain or a thirst for power and cruelty. But our confrontation of evil and pursuit of justice should originate in our own homes, churches, and neighborhoods. Whether it’s teaching our older children not to belittle the younger ones, confronting an alcoholic relative who’s been beating his wife, speaking up for a coworker who’s being trampled at work, or standing against unjust practices in our cities, we need to respectfully defend those within our reach who are being mistreated, taken advantage of, or led astray.
It’s easy to look back years later and know these historical figures were right to counteract the wrongs that existed in their generation. But it’s not always easy to know what actions to take now—when we’re living in the midst of crisis. Only the man who relies on God and trusts in the timeless insights of His Word will understand what should be done . . . and done now.
Will you live out the love of God that you profess? Will you open your eyes to the true needs around you? Will you seek God’s will for this hour of darkness? Will you find the one thing He may be calling you to confront, and then commit yourself to leading and partnering with those who share your godly concern?
That’s what men of resolution do.
They become the heroes of today. And tomorrow.
“I Will Pursue Justice”
The recent church history in America includes a lot of good men doing nothing. Men who are wired, called, and empowered to be men of action, yet who choose to be soft, insensitive, and passive—men who fail to remember that “to one who knows the right thing to do and does not do it, to him it is sin” (James 4:17). Passivity is a curse.
Being a Christian once meant faithfully and boldly representing Christ, even when it came at great risk, even when it meant being unpopular. But too many men today have redefined being Christlike to mean “nice and quiet.”
By that definition, however, even Christ wasn’t always Christlike. He was known to confront people with their sin, sometimes raise His voice in righteous anger—even call people names to describe their blind indifference to God and to people’s needs. If we don’t challenge ungodliness and indecency in our culture, in government, in the entertainment media, and especially in the church, then we’re trying to be nicer than Jesus.
The Resolution for Men Page 13