It was the heat in the air and the coolness of the water, the vibrant colors and the welcoming softness of her skin. He could blame his erratic behavior on all of those things.
It was easier that way.
Much, much easier.
Chapter Fifteen
Two weeks later…
Gabriella had cloistered herself away in the lab that Worth had arranged for her personal use. It was filled with two talented lab technicians who did as she requested, no questions asked, plenty of supplies, and an endless array of raw materials and synthetics gathered according to her needs.
She worked long days. Calculating formulas only to scrap them, recalculate them again and again until she was finally somewhat satisfied.
Again, somewhat.
Talking to Rhett had been sporadic. The plane ride back to New York, he’d been quiet, pensive. She wondered at his behavior. Was he embarrassed over how much they’d shared while in Maui? That final night together, when he’d been so fierce, so primal, had she gotten too close to the real Rhett? So close that he shut himself completely off from her?
Only a few times had they spoken since their return, always by phone. He’d been polite. Charming. The usual reckless, devil-may-care Rhett he displayed for all to see. Not the sweet, thoughtful man she’d spent long, blissful nights with. Not the raw, sexual beast who’d made love to her so thoroughly that final night…
Ella frowned. Made love was far too formal and flowery of a term for what they’d shared that evening. Fucking was the only proper description for it. Powerful, animalistic fucking at its most primal level, she’d relived those moments countless times in her memory. Perhaps she masturbated to those very same memories, though it always ended with a bitterly disappointing climax, her fingers never enough.
So she threw herself into her work. Creating the elusively perfect scent, using synthetic elements she knew most would consider odd, so she kept them to herself. The executives at Worth wouldn’t understand the use of synthetics, of bits of musk from wild animals that reproduced the scent of sex, the smell of a human body after it was so perfectly spent. That a particular element in algae smelled like the sea, how another synthetic created heat and warmth that enhanced the juice like the brightest sun.
It made no sense…yet made perfect sense to her logical, analytical mind. It was all calculations and formulas, mathematical problems and chemistry experiments. Yet it was also plenty of doodling in her notebook, staring at nothing and dreaming of salty breezes and warm, spicy skin.
Basing the scent on her idyllic time with Rhett didn’t help ease her worries. She’d tried her best to prepare herself for this…letdown. The island fling, how easily he forgot about her. How he moved on like she didn’t matter.
That hurt the most. The realization that she didn’t seem to matter much to any man in her life. Was she such a doormat they believed they could walk all over her without a care? They could always count on her being there, to take what they reluctantly delivered despite her always accepting, always willing to give, give, give.
She was tired of it. Her father had treated her in such a manner her entire life. Alarmingly enough, Rhett displayed many of the same traits. Men were selfish, the entire lot of them. And she was an idiot to believe she could change any of them.
Upon her return stateside, her father announced he was leaving for Italy. Good riddance, she’d privately thought, still hurt by his seeming betrayal. She hated how much she missed him, how alone she felt. Worth had settled her into a temporary living arrangement, one they provided for employees such as her, who received the apartment as part of their salary
She knew she was lucky. She had the job, the opportunity of a lifetime. But she was lonely and—scared. What if they hated the three juices she created for Worth? What if they released her from her contract early and sent her packing? Rumors would swirl. She wasn’t good enough. She couldn’t hack it. She was a disappointment, nothing like her brilliant father. She’d return to Vermont, her tail tucked firmly between her legs, her father shaking his head at her absolute failure.
His I told you so would be devastating to hear.
Thank goodness for Tessa Worth. They’d become closer, having lunch a few times in the two weeks she’d been in the city. Tessa had also invited her to dinner one night and she’d accepted, enjoying the time spent with Tessa and Alex and their sweet toddler, Charlotte. Tessa had confessed she was pregnant with another, that she’d only told Alex the night before and he was beside himself with happiness.
Studying the formidable, intimidating Alexander Worth at the dinner table that evening, Ella couldn’t imagine him “beside himself with happiness”. He was always kind toward her, offering her polite smiles, chatting with her about a variety of subjects. She appreciated his efforts in getting to know her. He was nothing like his brother, though. Easy to talk to, easy to smile, easy to laugh, that was Rhett. Alex was much more guarded with his emotions.
But spending time with Alex made her miss Rhett terribly. They looked so much alike, yet were so very different. The family connection was enough to make her wistful. Make her yearn for what she could no longer have.
Her rational brain told her she should’ve never become involved with him and had only herself to blame.
The phone in the lab rang, the sound jarring in the utter, clinical silence of the room. Ella grabbed it, surprise coursing through her as she answered with a tentative hello. The sterile white lab phone never, ever rang.
“Gabriella.” The low timbre of Rhett’s voice was unmistakable. “We meet tomorrow at one o’clock.” He’d emailed her two days ago, letting her know everyone at Worth—including himself—was growing anxious. They wanted to sample what she’d come up with this week and no later. “Are you ready?”
Taking a deep breath, she smiled, knowing he couldn’t see her but hoping somehow that smile came through in her voice, her attitude. “I’m ready. Shall I come to the Worth building then?”
“We’ll send a car for you. Let Kara know your schedule, send her an email and I’ll ensure the car will pick you up wherever you are.”
“I can already confirm I’ll be at the lab all day tomorrow.” This was the tone of their discussions now. Pleasant. Businesslike. Formal yet friendly, though never too friendly. He crossed no lines. He was the epitome of the professional businessman. Her superior. Her boss.
That she happened to see naked too many times to count. She knew what his face looked like when he came, knew the taste of him when he erupted in her mouth…
“Then the car will be waiting for you. Is twelve-fifteen too early?”
“Sounds perfect,” she said crisply, clutching the phone receiver so tight, her fingers cramped.
“Gabriella.” His voice pitched lower, a velvety rumble aimed directly at her frantically beating heart. “How did they turn out?”
She remained silent, unsure as how to answer. Offering him the employee reply was the best route to take, she knew this. Simple, succinct. So she went with it. “They’re all similar, featuring the theme you expressed in the brief, yet varied enough that I believe you’ll be pleased with the results.” Ah, that was quite the proper answer. She sounded downright professional.
He snorted, the bastard, seeing right through her. “Be honest. Did you—capture the scent you wanted?”
Rhett referred to sex. Though he was being professional as well and not blatantly throwing the word out there. The air between them was heavy with the unspoken, though. They both knew it.
And chose to ignore it.
“I believe I did, to the best of my ability.”
She swore she heard him mutter a curse, but she couldn’t be sure. “I want to see you.” His abrupt request sent her head reeling and she inhaled sharply.
Her heart panged and she wondered at the sincerity of his words. “No, you don’t.” Her reply came in a heated rush, an automatic defense. “You just think you do. The feeling will pass.”
“No.” He soun
ded pained now. “No, I don’t think it’ll pass. It hasn’t passed since we exited the goddamned plane and went our separate ways. I want to see you. Tonight.”
Closing her eyes, she rested her forehead against the nearby wall, the cool, sleek feel of it calming her bouncing nerves. “Don’t ask me to do this,” she whispered. “I can’t do it.”
“I miss you.” He paused, the words sinking in like sharp, jabbing stabs to her vulnerable heart. “I told myself I wouldn’t. I told myself I didn’t need you.”
Harder stabs now, they penetrated deep, almost to her very soul. “How sweet of you to confess such romantic sentiments.”
“Jesus, Gabriella. Don’t act like this.”
“How do you expect me to act? Do you want me to beg you to come see me? Do you want me to be waiting for you, naked and willing in my bed, ready for you to use me, charm me, satisfy me with a quick orgasm before you’re on your merry way, as per your usual mode of operation? I don’t think so.”
“It’s different with you,” he started, but she cut him off.
“It’s different only because you spent a few days with me versus one night. You were trapped with me on an island, remember? You had nowhere to run. Otherwise, you would’ve been out of there before dawn broke.” She knew it was true, he’d admitted as much. She hadn’t believed him at the time, thought she was different. That she could change him.
Foolish, stupid girl she was.
“You don’t want me.” He sounded like a petulant child. Well, truly he was. The man had never fully grown up, didn’t know how to handle a mature woman and her wants and needs. Playthings, he knew all about. One-night stands, pretty trophy bimbos hanging on his arm, he was a professional at dealing with those types.
A real woman, one with faults and problems, who knew how to love and give and expected the same in return, he hadn’t a clue what to do.
The thought of that, the knowledge of what he was missing, made her sad.
“I want you too much.” The agony in her voice, the sadness, was so palpable. It hurt her throat to say the words, let alone the emotions swirling within her, threatening to break her down. “But I can’t do this to myself. I can’t see you again, only to watch you walk away so easily. It can’t happen, Rhett. No matter how much I want it to.”
The silence stretched, fraught with tension. Finally, he sighed, the sound ragged. Painful. “I fucked it up. As usual.”
“Yes, you did,” she agreed cheerily. “You’ll be fine. You always are. Eventually, you’ll forget me.”
“I doubt that,” he murmured, hanging up.
He couldn’t eat. He couldn’t sleep. He hadn’t been able to do much of anything normal upon his return from Maui but work. So he did what most people do when they’re having trouble with their personal life and they wanted to forget.
Rhett threw himself completely into his job.
Filling his days with meetings was first on the agenda. Endless, lengthy meetings, they consumed his every thought and action during the daylight hours. From approximately seven in the morning to seven at night, he lived and breathed his work. Too busy to eat, too busy to think of much else, but the upcoming fragrance launch and all the preparation that came with it.
Until the night came, enveloping him in darkness, reminding him of what he couldn’t have.
Gabriella.
His large, empty apartment was nothing but a reminder of how utterly lonely his existence had become, had always been. Where was the joy? The laughter and the love and the light Gabriella brought into his life? Oh, the times he spent alone during the long, lonely nights were where his thoughts became most dramatic. Hunter had always accused him of being as such, from the time they were little kids, and now Rhett had more than proved him right. Not that he’d ever confessed his melancholy thoughts, the woe-is-me pity parties he held on a daily basis, to anyone.
No one knew of those dark, desperate moments but him.
Tonight though, was the worst of them all. He’d spoken to her, heard her sweet, sultry voice murmur in his ear, saying the words he’d longed to hear.
I want you too much. The confession had sounded pained, as if she never wanted to admit such a thing to him and that hurt. He wanted her too. They wanted each other. So why weren’t they together?
Because she was right. He was scared. And when he was scared, he ran. He didn’t stick around, he’d never stuck around in his entire life. No one ever had for him. Not his parents, only Alex, though he’d done so because he was obligated. Rhett had been nothing but a burden, growing into the biggest pain in the ass to both of his brothers for years.
His past habits had ruined his potential future with Gabriella.
He was a damn fool.
It didn’t help, Alex flaunting his stories of how much time Ella spent with Tessa. They were becoming close friends, Alex had shared recently one early morning over coffee, before yet another scheduled meeting. Why, Ella had come over for dinner last evening, Alex had said, stirring cream into his coffee with a pensive smile on his face. The women had much in common and she seemed to enjoy playing with Charlotte, and Alex hinted more than once that he and Tessa believed Rhett and Gabriella would make a great couple, despite his initial warnings when they first hired Ella.
Rhett had no reply for his brother. What could he say? Oh, I fucked her senseless for four days running until we returned to real life. Then I ditched her. Because that’s what I do.
Yeah. Alex would think he was a complete asshole. Tessa would have a different opinion of him and would eventually tell Gracie, who was his biggest supporter in the family. The only one who believed his intentions were always good.
He’d abruptly changed the subject, a special talent of his. Alex had said nothing, but Rhett had noted the shrewd gleam in his brother’s gaze. He’d known he was being purposely diverted.
It was easier that way. Yet she’d somehow seeped into his life, deeper and deeper, until she pulsed in his very blood and he had no way to stop it. No way to prevent it.
He soon realized he didn’t want to prevent it. Wanted to revel in it, love it…love her.
But she refused him. The fact hurt more than he cared to admit.
Careless, hopeless, he grabbed his cell phone and scanned through his contacts. He had her number, of course he did. He had everyone’s number. An endless list of feminine names filled his contacts, filled him with anger. Ruthlessly he stabbed at the delete button, eliminating them one by one. Skipping past the women he worked closely with. His assistant Kara; Alex’s assistant; his brothers’ wives; Becky, the human resources manager who thought he was a world-class fuckup.
He kept them, only them along with Gabriella. The rest of them were gone.
The virtual black book had been burned. And he didn’t regret it.
Deciding for once in his life to be brave, he scrolled back to her name and hit the dial button. The phone rang for what felt like an infinite number of times. Nerves ate at his gut, turned his blood ice cold. She wasn’t going to answer.
Her voice sounded, clear and sweet, declaring herself unavailable right now but please leave a message and she’d get back to him as soon as she could.
Ha. Fat chance of that ever happening.
The beep sounded, prompting him into action. “You don’t answer, which most likely means you don’t want to talk to me. But I’m not hanging up.
“I’m tired of running away, Gabriella. I’m tired of being that guy. The only reason I want to change is because of you. I know you don’t believe me. You probably think I’m full of shit, but I’m not. You’ve changed me. I want to be a better man for you. Only you.”
His phone beeped, indicating he had another call and with a frustrated growl he switched over. “What?”
“Did you call me?” Her voice was soft, sleep-roughened, and he wondered if he woke her up. “Rhett?”
His heart flipped over itself. Jesus, he hadn’t expected this. “Yeah. It’s me. I did call you. I woke you, though, h
uh?”
“I, uh, fell asleep.” She cleared her throat, he heard a rustling sound and he wondered if she was already in bed.
The image of her soft and sleepy weakened his knees.
“It’s late,” she continued when he hadn’t said anything. “The phone rings in the middle of the night and it scares me. Are you okay?”
Should he be honest? Did she want to hear it? “Not really.”
“Oh.” More rustling, a soft sigh. She was trying to kill him. “You should try and get some sleep.”
“I haven’t had a full night’s sleep in days.”
“You must be exhausted.”
“I am.” She talked to him and he took that as a good sign. He might be clinging to anything, the mundane, the foolish, but he didn’t care.
He needed something to cling to, after all.
“I…haven’t slept very well either.” She said it like a reluctant confession had been dragged out of her. “I’ve been so busy in the lab.”
“I can’t wait to see what you’ve come up with.” He meant it. He was excited to smell her creations, see her in action. His chest threatened to burst with pride and the moment hadn’t even happened yet.
She would be a star and Worth would be the company that made her. She’d shine so brilliantly, everyone would eventually want a piece of her, but she would only give to those who deserved it. Figured, he would be the damn fool who let her get away.
“I’m scared you’ll all hate it,” she whispered. “The self-doubt that plagues me is awful. I’m afraid you won’t extend my contract and I’ll return home a failure.”
“You shouldn’t give me a reason to refuse you,” he reminded her. Memories of their first conversation flooded his consciousness. How captivated he’d been then. How utterly enthralled he was now.
“I already have.”
Closing his eyes, he breathed deep, fell back against the pillow. He glanced toward the wall of windows, staring at the city skyline. He’d taken to leaving the windows bare, the city his only company. “Tell me how I can make this right.”
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