by Wendy Bayne
I didn’t understand why making his fortune was so important, he was the eldest son of a wealthy, old and influential family and he stood to inherit a considerable sum. The Hughes family were just as wealthy and esteemed. It made no sense to me, what could have created an impediment to their marriage before now.
Irene interrupted my thoughts by lifting my chin, so she could look into my eyes. She smiled sweetly, and it was breathtakingly beautiful. I had never seen her so happy as she leaned forward to kiss me on the cheek then whispered in my ear. “We have always loved you, my darling girl. You belong with us, Lissa, not with the General.”
I frowned trying to process why she was so insistent that I should be with her and Colin. I knew that the General was not my actual father. Yet I couldn’t help but wonder if my real father would ever come back for me and if he did, would he be able to find me if I left this place? The answers to those thoughts scared me.
Irene and Samuel had always treated me as a favoured sister despite my having a different mother and father. But what could I expect if I left the only home I had ever known? At least here I knew who and what I was. What would it be like if I were to stay here without Irene? I shivered pushing that unpleasant thought aside, even though my future with Irene and Colin wasn’t clear.
Still not sure though, I asked her about the only other person I had ever trusted. “What of Samuel, what does he think of my going to live with you and Colin? Does he approve? Can’t I stay here with him?” I stopped to catch my breath and let my mind relax then added, “You’re to be married, Irene, I should not impose myself on you and Mr Turner at such a time.”
Irene smiled. “Sweet Lissa, Samuel loves you very much but he’s a bachelor. He’s not at the Abbey often these days and I believe he’ll be here even less in the future. He has a life outside of these walls.”
I was lost and not sure what to say when out of desperation I blurted, “I could keep house for him here at the Abbey just as you have. You’ve been teaching me and I’m a good pupil, you’ve said so…”
Taking my hands in hers she looked pained by my doubts, “The Abbey will be his one day but that may not happen for a considerable time. Until then he must make his way alone.”
She sighed, seeming to struggle to find the right words to help me understand. “You know that his work for the Crown often takes him out of the country. As much as he loves you there wouldn’t be a place for you with him.” She sounded sad, even hurt as she spoke.
I flinched away from the hand she had rested on my shoulder glaring up at her. She made a face that seemingly pleaded for my understanding. Then she continued in a more resolute voice, charged with emotion. “Lissa, none of us are going to leave you in the care of the General, especially not here in the middle of nowhere!” She lowered her voice as she smoothed her skirts out. “After the wedding Samuel will take you to Colin’s estate in Somerset.”
I pulled back in surprise to look up at her, her eyes were downcast, but her voice was still firm as she continued. “Don’t worry, my darling, Samuel will stay with you until we return from France, then we’ll join you there for a few weeks before we all go on to London.”
Why did they have to go France? Why not just stay here in England with me in Somerset? I wasn’t sure I wanted to stay in a strange house even if Samuel was with me.
I knew that Samuel and Colin both worked for the Crown and what they did was important. But that was all I knew about their profession. To the rest of the world both appeared to two wealthy young men that were friends, leading the life of privileged gentleman. Both were from fine families dating back to the Norman Conquest. And they were related to at least half the aristocracy of the country and were considered prime catches by the mothers of every debutant in London, even though neither possessed a title.
I had so many questions racing through my head. What would Colin’s parents think of me as his ward? Why was I not staying with them while Irene and Colin were away? Perhaps his parents were too old, I was a boisterous sixteen-year-old with one foot firmly planted in childhood and the other dreaming of a future with all its possibilities. I started to blink back tears as my thoughts overwhelmed me. Perhaps his parents disapproved of the marriage and wanted nothing to do with me. Perhaps they had disowned Colin because of me. I felt totally disheartened and lost.
Irene slid out of her chair to sit beside me on the floor, “What is it, Lissa? What’s bothering you, my sweet?”
I turned to look at her with unshed tears in my eyes, “Who do I belong to, Irene? I have no one that I can call mother or father. Even you and Samuel are not really my brother and sister despite what the law says. And I know that the General can take that away from me any time he pleases with just a few words. Who will have me as a wife with no name and no fortune to claim as my own?” I sobbed, and the tears were now streaming down my cheeks. “What is to become of me?”
She reached out and touched my cheek, then pulled me into her arms, looking as crushed as I felt. “Lissa, you are only sixteen years old. Don’t you think you are looking a bit too far into the future and borrowing trouble where it doesn’t exist? Colin and I want you with us, my sweet child. You are our family!” My sister smiled while taking out her pocket handkerchief and wiping away the tears on my cheeks. She leaned forward to kiss me on the forehead before she got up, pulling me up with her. “It’s time you were asleep, young lady.” She rang the bell for Meg to come and help me get ready to retire. When she arrived, Irene gave her instructions to start packing my things in the morning.
Meg hummed as she combed out my hair and I sat glumly staring at our reflections in the mirror. She was eighteen which was rather young to be a lady’s maid but then I was still too young to have a lady’s maid. Her mother was the chief laundress at the Abbey and the district midwife, her father was our head gardener. Meg had been my only playmate when I was little, but when she turned twelve she became a tweeny, then at fifteen a house maid. I thought at the time I had lost my best friend forever. It was true that our play days had ended abruptly, but we still exchanged confidences and gossip whenever she could slip into my room. Though it was never the same, it was our friendship that had prompted Irene to select Meg as my lady’s maid. According to Irene a good lady’s maid was worth their weight in gold and it took years of training. So, in a way I got my friend back and Meg rose above what would have been her normal station in life. Irene’s maid Beth was a distant relation to Meg’s mother and became her willing teacher. So, it was with a sense of adventure that Meg willingly launched herself into the life of a privileged servant.
Her humming though was getting on my nerves which were so raw I snapped at her, “Why are you so happy!? You have a lot of extra work to get done and it all has to be ready for us to leave the day after tomorrow!”
She stopped humming, tilted her head to the side so I could see her in the mirror. Smiling at me, she responded, “Oh, not to worry, miss, I got a warning from Beth yesterday that we’d be on the road before too long and I’ve got most my work done already. I’m just saving some of the ironing which I’ll get done up tomorrow.” Meg had become very good at her job but her continued cheerfulness rubbed me the wrong way and I frowned at her reflection. Undeterred, she continued combing and added, “Isn’t it exciting, miss, we’re going to London!”
Meg’s enthusiasm didn’t infect me, but my lack of response didn’t seem to bother her in the least. I admired and envied her for her sense of adventure, but I wondered if she knew that we wouldn’t be returning to the Abbey. I would have to ask Irene in the morning. Meg might decide that she wanted to remain here with her parents. Then again it might have already been discussed and my asking would only be redundant. I sighed deeply making Meg stop brushing to squeeze my shoulder in reassurance.
I had too many unanswered questions floating around in my head and was fidgeting so much that Meg seemed ready to give up on my hair. One painful tug elicited an ‘Ouch!’ from me, “Your hair would make a proper ra
t’s nest, miss! I suppose you’ve spent the day in the orchard running around like a wild banshee, never giving a thought to it.” She tsked at me a few more times then finally got the last tangle out and plaited my hair into my night braid. As she finished she bent forward considering me in the mirror. “Cheer up, Miss Clarissa; this will be such an adventure, you’ll see it’ll be grand! I can’t wait to see London. You’ll see…it’ll be wonderful.”
As she helped me into my night rail she added, “You know how I know everything will be grand?” I shook my head no. She leaned close to me and whispered, “You were born under a lucky star!” Then she stood up and began picking up my discarded clothes, searching the pockets and shaking her head at the grass stains.
I arched a brow and glared at her, “Who told you that? I’ve never felt particularly lucky!”
She chuckled, “My mum says so and she was there when you came into the world, so she should know.” She got a wistful expression on her face. “Da said I about drove him crazy back then, I missed her something fierce while she was gone to help birth you. He told me that it had seemed like ages before she came home with you and your mother.” She giggled then added, “He was at his wits’ end with me for sure.” I jerked around looking hard at her, but she took no notice and continued. “Mum says that I’m ready to strike out on my own now. So, I can’t thank you and Miss Irene enough for giving me this chance.”
I tried to smile when she patted me on the shoulder as I rose and walked to my bed, climbing under warmed sheets. Meg banked the fire and blew out all the candles except for the one by my bed. “Goodnight, miss.” she gathered up the remainder of my clothes from the floor and left, closing the door softly behind her.
My mind was a whirlwind, so much was happening so quickly. What did Meg mean that I was brought home to the Abbey? I had always been under the impression that I had been born here. I laid there watching the flames dance in the hearth, my final thought before I fell asleep was that I would find my answers in London.
The next day was mayhem. I decided the best course of action was to get out of the house and stay out, until I was either called for or the sun was setting.
I snuck into the breakfast room hoping to avoid an encounter with the General. Samuel was there and in high spirits. Apparently, he was looking forward to getting back to the city and all its pleasures. He regaled me with what we would do in London, where he would take me and what he would buy me. I just laughed at his stories. As brothers go he was almost perfect, except that I knew that half of what he promised me would never happen because somewhere along the way duty would call…it always did.
But there were things that I knew he wouldn’t forget no matter where he was or what he was doing. They included books of every possible description, drawing and writing materials. I was a ferocious reader and fancied myself a keen observer of life, recording my observations of everything and everyone around me in my journals, including sketches to illustrate my words. Samuel hid these journals in his room to keep the General from finding them since everything of mine was to be made available for the General’s inspection at any time. I couldn’t bear the idea of him reading my personal thoughts and I was sure that if he ever found them, he would fling them into the fire just as he had done to a much worn and beloved copy of Gulliver’s Travels. He had called it a frivolous piece of trash before flipping through it, then consigning it to the flames.
Samuel gulped down his coffee, grabbed a letter beside his plate, then standing he bounced it off my head. “Have a good day, Lissa, but you’d best stay out the house and out of trouble; it will be a bedlam here. I’ll see you later, my sweet.”
As he walked towards the French doors that opened onto the garden, the General entered the room by those very same doors. I quickly shoved a roll into my mouth and put two into my pocket then slipped out of my chair. I headed for the door that led to the hall just as the General bellowed, “Stop, both of you! Samuel, I wish to speak to you about your sister and this misalliance she has made.”
Samuel puffed out his cheeks, whistling. He tried to look calm, but I could tell that he was annoyed that the General had blocked him from leaving. “Father, I really don’t think there’s anything else to be said on the matter. You already know that I support Irene completely.” Samuel motioned for me to come around the table to stand next to him. Once I reached him he put an arm around my shoulders as if offering his protection. “I also know that you couldn’t possibly have anything to say to Lissa. You barely acknowledged her existence. So, step aside and let us pass.” He squared his shoulders taking a step forward and pulling me with him. “We’re leaving tomorrow so you can fester here in this pile of rocks alone.” I looked up at Samuel as he squeezed my shoulder. I was terrified that he was renouncing his own father on my account and what this might mean for him.
The General glowered, his face was crimson as he spoke, he was practically spitting he was so enraged. “You dare to talk to me in such a manner, boy! I could cut you off without a moment’s notice, where would you find yourself then! You and your fancy life in London and on the Continent. How would you support yourself then, sir?!” Samuel tensed as the General smiled in triumph and continued. “Yes, sir! I know what you are about, you and that Turner. Carousing and gambling with the hoi palloi, making fools of yourselves in good society. It’s well known that you’re a wastrel. If it was only you I’d say good riddance and be damned. But that trumped up Turner is stealing my housekeeper!”
Samuel drew himself up to his full height looking the General in the eye, then he coldly but calmly said, “Your housekeeper, sir? Is that all Irene is to you? Might I remind you that she is your daughter and not in your employ!” Samuel’s neck was rigid, and I could see the vein in his neck pulsing as he continued, “Never fear, Father, Irene has taken care of it. She contacted your sister who will arrive tomorrow to assume the duties of running this house. I’m sure that you’ll barely notice the difference.”
Then Samuel lowered his voice. “And as to what I do with my life, sir, that is my business. Go ahead and cut me off. It will make no difference to me. I have had private means to live on for some time. Or have your forgotten our mother’s bequest to Irene and me?” He smiled as the General drew back as if Samuel had struck him, but Samuel was not done. “Grandfather was very bold when he tied up his capital so that you couldn’t get your hands on it. It must have made Mother one of the wealthiest women in England at the time. And as for my allowance, sir, I haven’t spent a penny of it since coming down from Cambridge.”
The General seemed to age before my eyes as each of Samuel’s words hit him. “It has been safely invested to benefit Lissa when she comes of age.” He looked down at me and smiled, then looked back at the General with a stone-cold glare. “I knew that you would never make any provisions for her future.”
Samuel made as if to walk around our father, but the General moved to block our way. His colour had returned to normal and when he spoke it was with less venom, “What of the family you may have someday?” Samuel looked down at me arching his brow. The General was gritting his teeth as he hissed, “Are they not to benefit from that investment?! Would you give it all to this—this person and deny your own flesh and blood?!”
Samuel laughed, relaxing, but his arm remained protectively around my shoulders. “Your memory has become exceedingly poor, Father, to have forgotten what I just said. Mother’s bequest was exceptionally generous. And as for my family, when and if I have one and whether they are of my blood or not, they will never want for anything. But most especially they will never want for love.” He smiled down at me. “Come, Lissa, what do you say to a ride across the moors.”
I was so astonished by this whole dialogue, I could only nod. This was the first time I had ever witnessed Samuel openly defy his father. He took my hand as we brushed past the General who now leaned against the doorway looking as if he couldn’t fathom Samuel. I could feel his eyes following us as we crossed the garden and headed
for the stables.
We walked away quickly yet the General’s voice still reached us as we ducked out of sight. “Nothing good will come of her raising! She should have died with her mother.” From that moment on I knew that I wouldn’t miss my life at the Abbey.
Samuel and I reached the stables and within seconds he had the grooms scurrying to saddle our horses even before the General’s words had died in my ears.
Chapter 2
Secrets
While we waited for the grooms to bring our mounts Samuel grabbed a couple of windfall apples. Handing me one, “Here, take this for your Lotus.” Lotus, my old pony, was being led out for what I thought would be our final ride. But she wasn’t saddled, and our head groom Jem led her right past me to tie her lead to the back of the trap that was loaded with her saddle and tack. Samuel turned me around to face him. “Go on, say goodbye to her, Lissa.” I knew that Lotus would never be able make the trip to London, she belonged here in the country and besides I had outgrown her, these days I was more likely to take out one of the mares for my ride. Samuel watched my face crumble at the realization that another part of my life was being stripped away, he cupped my cheek and continued, “Lotus is getting old, but Farmer Biggles has two young ones that would love to have a pony like her. She’ll live out her days loved while getting fat on apples and carrots. Jem here is going to take her over to the farm today.” I looked back towards the house and when he saw my gaze, he knew instinctively what I was thinking. “Never fear, Lissa, Lotus has always belonged to you. She was a gift to you and Father has no claim on her.” I walked over to say goodbye, stroking her velvet nose, I kissed her then gave her the apple.