by Wendy Bayne
I looked up at him in shock. This is the first time that he had ever told me that he would marry me. “Why? We can run away and get married?”
He leaned down and kissed me on the forehead… I had never received such a tender kiss. “We can’t, my beloved. Dr Grimes believes he can help me, but he’s also promised to help Jibben with his part of the plan, so he has agreed to take me with him. The place we’re going to is isolated and it will be a hard journey, we’ll have to live rough at times…there’ll be no place for you with us.”
“Nonsense, I can stay nearby in a village.” He was already shaking his head no. “Surely there must be some place…I want to help you!”
Miles crushed me to him. “Please, Lissa…please understand. The Brownes know who you are, and a lady would look out of place where we’re going, you would be at risk. Dr Grimes insists that I cannot not take you with me, you would be a distraction and would impede what we need to do.”
I was furious and rested my clenched fists on my hips. “Oh, he does, does he! Well, we’ll just see about that. Where is the good doctor, I’d like to speak with him?!”
Miles chuckled slightly even as a tear escaped his eye. “I warned him about you and told him that he should wait for me in the village to escape your ire.” I made to move pass him, but he pulled me back, looking earnestly into my eyes. “He’s waiting for me, I have to go.”
I didn’t know what to do but I couldn’t let him leave without me. “Then I will come that far with you.”
Miles held me close to his chest, “No, we have say goodbye here. I’ll write as often as I can, my love. Promise me that you’ll keep safe or at least try to stay out of harm’s way. I know how you like to be involved in your father’s schemes. But please don’t take any chances without consulting him first.” He bent and kissed me thoroughly enough that I had no retort for him other than my tears when he let me go. He immediately turned his back on me and walked back to the chateau, making his way carefully around the trees until he disappeared. I sunk to the ground and cried. Not earth-shattering sobs but a steady quiet flow of tears, I would not distress him by sobbing aloud and have it carried to him on the wind.
Once my tears were done I just sat there pulling out the grass and throwing it into the wind. There was a dull ache in my heart and a weighty lethargy in my body. I just wanted to lie down and never move again. I watched a line of ants marching past my feet in single file, carrying assorted items back to their nest. Without warning a pair of boot tips appeared, how they could have crept up on me without my noticing I had no idea. I looked upward shading my eyes from the sun to see my father. He held out his hand to me which I took, he pulled me up from the ground and into a hug. He smoothed my hair back behind my ears then cupped my face with his hands, “You’ll survive, Lissa, your mother and I did, and you will too. Miles is luckier than I was though, I want you to know that I have no objections to him marrying my daughter.”
I wasn’t sure I had heard him right, “What do you mean?”
He hugged me again as he turned me towards the chateau with his arm around my shoulder. “Miles asked me for your hand in marriage this morning and your mother and I gave our consent.”
I started back away from him. “What!”
Father looked confused. “Did we do wrong?” The vindictive side of me would like to have said yes but I couldn’t. “I thought it’s what you wanted?”
I shook my head. “It would have been nice to have been asked first.” Father looked at me askance then I realised Miles had already asked me in his own way and that I had said yes in my own way. It was obvious that we’d never be a conventional couple, I chuckled, wiping my nose with my handkerchief.
“I’m sorry to confuse you…he did ask me in a way and I agreed. It’s just that I like to be celebrating my engagement with my fiancé and family. Instead he’s gone off with a retired pirate as his only companion!” I threw up my hands and huffed. “Have you ever noticed that our family attracts the most unusual people?”
He laughed. “Yes, my dear, I have noticed. It’s part of what makes life interesting; your mother and I wouldn’t have it any other way.” He paused…then smiling to himself, “Did she tell you yet?”
“Tell me what?” Knowing full well what he referred to but I did not want to spoil his pleasure in telling me, so I tried to look perplexed.
He was beaming and looked younger and happier than I had seen him in some time. “We’re to have another child. You and James will have brother or sister sometime in the new year.”
I smiled up at him. “Then you may finally have your heir and a spare.” he smiled and clasped my hand tightly as we reached the gravel drive.
He paused and cleared his throat, “You’ll also have a cousin about the same time, Samuel told me this morning that he and Emilie are to be parents.” He was still smiling but it gradually darkened as he turned to look down at me then in a very sober tone said, “Lissa, we’ll be returning to London soon and there will be some very dark days ahead of us and I’ll need your help to keep our family safe. With that in mind your weapons training will resume a soon as we reach London.”
I brightened at the thought of being included and agreed readily “Whatever you need of me, Father.” He patted my shoulder as we walked companionably chatting about our expanding family and his plans for a pony for James and a tree house.
As we passed into the courtyard, “I suppose Miles told you that he and the doctor will be infiltrating the smuggler’s ring?”
I stopped moving, everything stopped, time, my breathing and my heart all stopped and in a whisper of desperation I managed to say, “No!”
Chapter 34
England: October 1830
The crossing to England was a bit rough but uneventful. Edward was on the same ship accompanying Julian’s body back home, but he kept his distance, rarely speaking to anyone even to his own father. He genuinely appeared to grieve for his friend, so I couldn’t fault the man as much as I had detested Julian.
I spent a great deal of my time on deck watching for England’s shoreline and feeling a weight on my chest because of Miles’ absence, knowing that he was willingly walking blind into danger. His only companion would be Dr Grimes and how much benefit there would be from infiltrating a smugglers ring remained to be seen.
I had made any number of plans to go after Miles and discarded every one of them. It always came back again and again to my father, asking me to care for our family when he and Uncle Samuel were away. Besides I barely knew how to get about in London let alone how to get to another part of the country without assistance. What really stopped me though was that I knew Miles would rebuke me for coming after him; I knew nothing about smuggling except that these men could be dangerous which would only make me a liability.
Father came up beside me as I was musing on the immediate future. The sun was starting to set, and he told me that we would see land at first light. It was getting colder, but he stood there with me holding onto the railing as the ship rolled on the waves. I stole a look at him, but his eyes were glued to the horizon, his mind seemed to be somewhere else. Finally, he moved to rub his hands together to restore their warmth then he rubbed his nose then with one finger and turned his head to look at me. “Lissa, I want you to know that I would not have let him go if I thought he wasn’t capable of dealing with whatever comes his way and I trust Dr Grimes as his companion.”
Why did he have to mention Miles being gone, everyone had tacitly avoided the topic since the day he’d left. I bit my lip trying to hold back a sharp retort and failing miserably, “Well, thank you so much, Father, for those words of comfort! But in case you hadn’t noticed the man is for all intents and purposes BLIND! Yet you trust Dr Grimes! Do you even know him well enough to say that?! Is he trustworthy? Will he care for Miles or leave him to fend for himself if things go wrong? Is this a way to get rid of Miles so he won’t sully the Turner name by marrying me? After all, in England he is still considered the Earl
’s bastard.”
Father clenched and unclenched his hands; his face was red and expressionless. Now I knew who I got my temper from. I waited to feel the sting or the barb of his tongue as I glared at him. It was not long in coming he grabbed me by the upper arms turning me to face him, “ENOUGH! Do you hear me, Lissa, that is enough!” Tears were streaming down my face, they were the first I had cried since Miles told me he was leaving. My father looked at me, huffed then pulled me to his chest hugging me closely. My arms gradually wrapped around his waist as he spoke quietly, “I couldn’t have stopped him, Lissa, it was better that he went with my blessing so that I was at least aware of what he, Jibben and Grimes had planned. If I hadn’t, you know that he would have gone without my approval, this way I can at least try to protect him. I do have friends that can watch out for him and Grimes.” I nodded and sniffed. He pulled back to place his hands on my cheeks then he kissed me on the forehead. “Miles left a message for you.”
I looked up at him. “And you’re just telling me now?”
He smiled. “He asked me to deliver it when I thought you were ready to hear it. You weren’t ready until now.”
I snorted, swiping my hands across my eyes then crossed my arms standing up straight and looking him in the eye. “Well?”
He pursed his lips shaking his head as he looked out over the choppy grey water of the channel with one arm around me then he looked down at me. “He said ‘don’t let her search for me, I may not be able to save her if she gets into trouble. Tell her that I will write when I can and that she needs to keep her eyes open when she pulls the trigger and’,” he paused and rolled his eyes of all things, “and finally he told me ‘tell her to look with her heart’.”
I was astonished. “That’s all?”
Father chuckled then became very sad, “Well, no, that wasn’t all but you’ll have to ask your mother about the exact wording. I’m just not comfortable expressing another man’s emotions. Let’s just say I know how he felt leaving you behind.” He dropped his arm, pivoted and walked away.
I saw my mother come up on deck as he moved away from me, she stood there waiting for my father then she reached out, hugged him, kissed him on the cheek then she turned and came towards me while my father walked on without looking back. I raised a brow at her as she approached me with a smile. “Well, Lissa, I see that your father is still intact, nothing missing, no bleeding or broken bones.”
I was breathless for a second. “Whatever do you mean?”
She chuckled. “I doubt that there is a person on this ship that didn’t hear you yelling at each other.”
I looked around and yes people were staring at me, one or two of the crew were even laughing and I heard the word ‘shrew’ as they passed by. I was mortified and hid my heated face in one hand while holding onto the railing with the other. Mother smiled again then held out a letter and I immediately brightened as she passed it to me. “It’s not from Miles, well, not directly. It’s his words I just put them down on paper for you. Aunt Mary did the same thing for me when your father left us for France, there were things he found he could say to her that he couldn’t say to me. It was the same with Miles, he could say certain things to your father and I that he was afraid to say to you.” She took my hand away from my face and placed the letter in it. “It’s on sturdy paper so it should last but don’ cry on it or the ink will run. Then I suggest you let it go.” I didn’t understand her, and she knew it, but she patted me on the cheek and went to join my father. I watched them go arm and arm down the deck as did many others. They were so close that you would be hard pressed to slip a piece of paper between them. I had never thought about what all those years of them being apart and what must have been like for them. They had spent years where they had only been able to meet occasionally for a few days here and there. My pain and fear were real but the only two people I knew that could understand that were my own parents. I was ashamed of lashing out at my father, but he seemed to know and accept that I needed to, and I knew he wouldn’t hold it against me. I looked down at my hand that held Miles’ last words for me. I held it tightly, but I couldn’t bring myself to read it. Miles had told me in the orchard what he needed to tell me, and I wouldn’t spoil that. I would wait for him to come back to me to tell me what he could only say to my parents. I looked back at my mother where she stood by the rail with my father, she was watching me, and I smiled at her as she nodded out to sea. Then I knew what she must have done with a similar missive that Aunt Mary had given her. I could picture her so clearly standing at the top of a cliff in Cornwall looking out to sea towards France after my father left. So, I let my letter go, it dropped towards the water, was caught on a breeze that lifted it up to fly past me just out of my reach. My heart clenched when it swooped back toward the ship, it fluttered in front of me again before it plunged back down to the water where it floated within sight for a time and then it was lost in our wake. I looked back at my mother, but she had turned away, her head resting on my father’s shoulder both looking towards England and home. I stood fast as well looking for home and I promised myself that I would do everything I could to help my father ensure Miles’ safety.
My parents argued all the way to London as to whether we should all stay in London, or that the women should go to Somerset or Cornwall. Since Aunt Mary and her guests were already in Cornwall he felt that we would stay in London for a brief time then join them. I know in my heart that I wanted to be as close to Miles as I could since my father had finally told me where he had gone but would going to Cornwall put him and us at risk?
Home at last, Meg unpacked as much as I needed for the night and the next day. I told her the rest could wait, she was clearly relieved since the sea trip and carriage ride had exhausted her. While changing for dinner I asked how things were with Robert. She pushed out her lower lip and tears glistened in her eyes. “Oh, miss, he wants to get into your father’s business, like Dalton and the others. I don’t see why he can’t be happy with just being who he is.”
I looked up at her as she dressed my hair. A few days ago, I would have felt the same way about Miles. I didn’t know what to say to make her feel better, so I told her the truth. “He wants to be more than just a valet, it’s important to him.”
She cocked her head sideways as if genuinely perplexed by my answer. “What?”
I clasped my hands in front of my face as if in prayer, “It’s like you becoming a lady’s maid after being a tweenie. You didn’t ask for it but you were given the opportunity to better yourself and you took it. But you still wanted to improve yourself even more, so you started taking lessons with me. Then in Paris you wanted me to help you improve your French because you didn’t want to rely on just Robert translating for you.”
She nodded her head. “Yes, miss, but my learning French isn’t likely to get me killed. So, what’s that got to do with Robert?”
I tried to keep from grinning by pursing my lips before continuing, “You’ve grown and changed, Meg, since you became my maid. You’ve learned new skills that most lady’s maids wouldn’t know. You ride almost as well as I do, you are deadly with a cross bow, you have a delicate touch on the piano and your French has improved.” She blushed. “I’ve heard you conversing with Emilie and her maid sometimes, you really are getting quite good. But Robert came to this job already having a promising idea what was expected of him and he’s a fast leaner just like you and he’s good at it. But he wants more. He sees the other men in the house doing more than just their position within the household and he wants that, Meg.”
She took a deep breath nodding then slipping into her below stairs English with a smirk, “I seed he wants to better his self so he don’t feel so out of place just like I wanted ter talk better once.” She was watching me to see if I would correct her but all I could do was laugh and she laughed with me. “I think I understand now, miss, but I don’t have to like it.”
I looked down at the locket around my neck, touching it with one hand. “No
, Meg, you don’t have to like it. You just have to love him, look with your heart.” My nerves were now on edge thinking of Miles and the last thing I wanted was to join my parents and the de Bearnes in a meaningless conversation.
But I finished changing then went down to dinner, everyone had gathered in the drawing room. It seemed odd that Uncle Samuel and Emilie were not with us and Aunt Mary and Uncle Arthur were in Cornwall and the Earl had returned to his London home to prepare to join his wife and younger children in Cornwall. Dr Jefferson had to check in on his partner and their practice. And Jibben had disappeared presumably to join his family again on Hampstead Heath. That left Gabriel, Charity, my parents, and myself. The de Bearne boys who never strayed far from their parents even for meals were absent. They had been so exhausted by the trip to London that they were already asleep in the nursery with Lettie watching over them and James. When I came into the room, Father had a decanter in hand pouring Gabriel a drink and talking quietly. Mother and Charity looked up and beckoned me to sit with them.
Charity seemed upset about something and wouldn’t make eye contact with me. I faced my mother and queried her with my eyes. She nodded to Charity. I didn’t particularly like Charity, I could not forget her deception and arrogance and I still remembered how rude she had been when she was with the Clarkes even if she had only been playing a part. So, I swallowed my negative feelings and ventured to engage her “Mrs de Bearne, I—”
She put her hand up. “Please, Miss Turner, hear me out. When we came to dinner the night that Ramsey was so terribly rude to you, that was my doing I’m afraid. I encouraged him. It was the Clarkes’ intent to still plant someone in this house and your attraction to Ramsey seemed to be something that they were desirous to exploit. I couldn’t let that happen! He is an awful person and would have treated you abominably. So, I coached him on what his behaviour should be like towards a young lady of your social standing. I told him to be standoffish, even rude to you, that it would make him seem irresistible. I had hoped that you would detest him. At first, I was so pleased that he had taken my advice. But then I saw how hurt you were when you left the room that night. I felt badly. I must apologize for that. I can only hope that you will understand that what I did was with the best intentions.”