She flipped around on the small bed so the sunlight coming in the window bathed her face. Closing her eyes, she enjoyed the play of light turning the darkness a reddish brightness. She soaked up the warmth like a cat and sighed with contentment. “Enough talking about me, Neenee. Tell me about you and Tim. Things still good there?”
“Never better,” Juanita assured her. “He’s awesome and I am deliriously happy.”
“You deserve it.” Sierra knew her voice sounded a touch too hearty, but it was difficult to think about happy couples while realizing she’d screwed up so badly with Parker. “I hope I have that some day.”
“Go see him,” Juanita ordered. “You know the man cares about you. He’s shown you in a ton of ways since you met. Don’t screw this up over something you don’t have to worry about right now.”
“What if I’m never ready for kids?”
“Then Parker will be satisfied with a couple dogs and the woman he loves, but I really don’t think that will happen. You will be a mother one day, and a damn good one.”
“I hope you’re right.” Sierra opened her eyes, blinking against the light. “It’s a beautiful day outside. Even if I don’t see Parker, I should go explore more of the island. I haven’t seen a lot of it, even though we’ve vacationed here so often. There are a lot of places employees go where tourists don’t, I’ve heard.”
“What you need to do is hang up from me and call Parker. Don’t put it off. Promise?”
He might not answer his phone, but Sierra supposed she owed it to herself and him to at least try and work it out. “I promise. I’ll call him right now.”
“That’s my girl. Love you, Sierra.”
“Love you, Neenee.”
The line disconnected on Juanita’s end, and Sierra looked down at it. She had a half-hearted hope it would ring before she punched in Parker’s number. If he called first, it would mean he wanted to make up with her. If she called first, he might reject her.
Knowing she had to keep her promise, she connected the call before chickening out.
It rang twice before he answered. “Sierra?”
“Hi.” Sierra took a deep breath, trying to shore up her courage. “Do you think we could meet somewhere and talk? I don’t like where we left things last night.”
“Ummm...” There was silence on the end of the line, and Sierra’s heart dropped. He must be searching for a way to give her the brush off.
“Just give me a chance, Parker. You were the one who said we should take things a day at a time. I think you’re right.”
“Look, Red, it’s not that I don’t want to see you, but I’ve had an issue come up this morning. I’m, uh, I’m going to be busy for a while.”
“Can we get together later in the day?” Good heavens… she sounded so pathetically eager. “I mean, neither of us work today, so it would be a good time to meet, right?”
“I don’t think...” Parker sighed heavily over the line. “I’ve got to spend some time with my folks today. An emergency has come up.”
A flutter of fear erupted in Sierra’s chest. “Are they okay?”
“Oh, yeah. Nothing like that,” Parker said, calming her panic. “I have to discuss some things with them, that’s all.”
If Sierra let herself consider that they might be talking about her, she’d go out of her mind with insecurity. She wasn’t used to being dependent on someone. Her entire life, she’d managed without needing someone to make her feel all warm and fuzzy. Now, just a few short weeks of becoming comfortable with Parker, and it had changed her into someone so needy. She needed to rely on herself more. Parker wasn’t in charge of babysitting her, after all.
Taking a deep breath, she knew she had to grow up and stop worrying all the time. “That’s fine. I wanted to see more of the island anyway. I’ll take one of the horses out. Call me later, though, okay?”
“Thanks for understanding. We’ll talk when I have time.”
The line disconnected and Sierra tried not to feel let down. Parker being busy probably had nothing to do with their fight. His parents needed him. That was it. Things would work out just as soon as he had time to talk with her. She had to trust that Neenee knew best.
She dressed quickly, deciding to go to the stables and hope one of the horses were free. If not, she could always try going out on a four-wheeler. She’d never done that before, but it might be fun and take her mind off Parker.
Just as she was getting ready to walk out the door, her phone rang again. Rushing to answer it, she couldn’t help but hope that Parker had already made time for her. “Hello?”
“Hi, Sierra. This is Susan McCallister.”
That was odd. Why was Parker’s mom calling? “Is everything okay? Parker said there was some sort of emergency.”
“Emergency?” Susan asked, clearly surprised. “Not that I know of. I was just calling to say how nice it was having you out to dinner last night. I sure hope you’ll come again next week.”
“What a minute…” Sierra sat on the edge of her bed, her legs feeling too shaky to hold her up. “You and John aren’t with Parker right now?”
“No. We don’t have plans to see him today. Now I’m getting worried. Is something wrong?”
He’d lied to her. She wanted to make up with him, and he’d lied to her. Why? Did he mean it last night when he’d said he wasn’t sure what they were? Did he decide she was nothing to him?
Forcing herself to sound happy, a skill that came so easy, she returned her attention to the phone. “I must have misunderstood what he said, Mrs. McCallister. I’m sure everything’s fine.”
Chapter 19
Parker set his phone on the coffee table and continued pacing his sitting room. The baby still slept, its little face relaxed and calm while it stayed nestled in the car seat. What would he do when it woke up? He didn’t know how much it ate or how to change a diaper. The last baby he’d been around was Shane, and that was twenty years ago.
And Sierra was upset now, even though she’d tried to hide it. That made everything that much worse. Why did he fight with her last night? He should have told her the truth. He should call her now and confess what was going on, but he was afraid she wouldn’t understand—wouldn’t try to understand and preserve their relationship.
True, it was a good sign that she called today. Maybe he wasn’t being fair. Maybe she’d take all this in stride and they could raise the baby together.
Yeah, right. She didn’t want kids. A single night’s sleep would not have changed her mind.
“What am I going to do with you, kid?”
It sighed and seemed to settle deeper into sleep.
No, not it, Parker corrected himself. Him. Ryan. My son.
He sat on the edge of the couch, spinning the car seat sideways so he could look into Ryan’s face. The baby had a tuft of dark black hair, but Parker thought he remembered most kids were born with dark hair. It might fade to the same light brown as half of the McCallister clan as Ryan aged. The shape of his nose and lips were all Vanessa. There wasn’t much in Ryan to make Parker think he was a McCallister.
Other than the birth certificate and the fact that Vanessa signed away her parental rights. It was still confusing. She’d never done a selfless thing in her life, but from how the woman in the airport explained it, she had done the best she could for their son by sending him here. She was doing something right for a change.
Parker slipped his finger into Ryan’s small, curled fist.
Ryan clamped down on it with a stronger grip than Parker expected for a two-month-old, and then his eyes cracked open. His eyes were the same clear blue as Parker’s, and the shape of them was undeniably McCallister.
“You really are mine, aren’t you?”
Ryan made a small whimpering sound and his face began to redden. Parker’s baby or not, the kid was about to bawl.
Parker quickly unbuckled the seat’s safety straps and lifted Ryan up. He worried that he might need to be careful with Ryan’s neck, but h
e was a tough little guy and held it himself, flopping it against Parker’s chest when he pulled him close.
“Shhh... Hush, Ryan. Don’t cry. I know we don’t know each other yet, but I’m your Daddy.” Parker bounced Ryan in his arms while continuing to talk in a soothing voice.
To his surprise, the onslaught of crying he’d expected didn’t come. Ryan settled almost immediately.
That didn’t stop Parker from figuring out what the problem was. Ryan’s diaper was heavy and full beneath Parker’s hand. Looked like it was time to learn how to change a diaper.
“I’ll do my best, buddy, but you gotta be patient.”
Ryan made a gurgling sound.
“I’ll take that as agreement.”
* * *
Sierra walked down the beach, stopping in front of Parker’s hotel. The four-wheelers usually parked out front were all in their designated spots and Parker’s car was in the lot. He was inside his apartment. Did that mean he just wanted to avoid her today, or was he not alone?
She tried to sustain her anger about him not being honest with her, but she couldn’t stop the hope from creeping in that he had a good reason for doing so.
Maybe he was handling family stuff, just not with his parents. However, if she were to be a part of Parker’s life, he was going to have to open up to her, even about family stuff. What could it hurt to knock on the door? If he really wasn’t home, she’d just return to her walk, no harm done.
Decision made, she trudged through the deep sand to the access stairs. Unfortunately, she’d left her shoes back near her building, but it wasn’t a long walk across the pebbly parking lot.
She slipped through the entryway and smiled at the woman sitting behind the long oak counter.
“Hey, Sierra. Are you here to see Parker?”
It seemed if word got around about someone dating a McCallister, soon the whole island knew them. Sierra didn’t remember ever meeting the woman.
“I’m hoping to catch him, but he isn’t expecting me,” she admitted. “Do you happen to know if he’s home?”
“Oh, yeah. I saw him come in about an hour ago. Who’s baby does he have?”
“Baby?” Sierra’s mouth dried out. “What baby?”
“Hmmm... You don’t know either?” She shrugged. “I guess you’ll have to go see what it’s all about. Good to see you.”
“It’s good to see you too,” Sierra mumbled, heading for the elevator bank.
Parker had a baby with him? But why? Who’s was it? Did he have some sort of plan to convince her she could be around children or something? Was the baby his emergency?
The questions swirled in her mind while the elevator ascended to his floor. When she stepped into the hallway and walked along the plush oriental carpet, her hands began to tremble. She tucked them into the pockets of her shorts and forced herself to keep walking.
It wasn’t as though the baby were Parker’s. She could be in the same room as a kid. She just couldn’t be a mom. So why did she feel so nervous? Somehow, it felt like she walked to her doom—or at least the doom of her relationship.
He’d see how horrible she was with kids, realize she was right about not being mother material, and that would be that.
But Neenee thought she could do it, thought her heart was pure and full of love, not the hate Cece had. If Sierra really believed she could turn out like Cece, that meant Juanita had meant nothing. That just wasn’t true. Juanita showed her a mother’s love, even if it could only be in secret.
Parker had caught her off guard with the talk of children last night, but it didn’t have to be the end of things. They could ease into it. Get the dogs he wanted first. Once she became used to caring for them, maybe Quinn and Larissa would have a kid by that time. She could try babysitting and see how it went.
They had time. She didn’t have to be a mother today.
She reached Parker’s door, staring at it for several seconds. Now all she had to do was knock. Knock and ask him for more time before he pushed her into motherhood. He’d give her that, he had to. She was falling for him, and she knew he was falling for her—even if she’d been uncertain of that last night by his weirdness, he cared for her. They’d work this out.
Still trembling, she raised her fist.
* * *
A knock on the door startled Parker. He hadn’t invited anyone over, and no one had called. How could he explain Ryan?
The baby currently lay on his tummy on the blue blanket Parker stretched out on the floor. His small head would lift for a few seconds, and Ryan seemed to be trying to track Parker’s voice every time he spoke.
“Will you be okay if I get the door?” Parker wished he knew what he should be doing. He was pretty sure Ryan couldn’t roll over yet. He’d probably be fine for a few seconds. “Daddy will be right back.”
As the person on the outside knocked again, Parker hurried to the doorway. A quick peek through the peephole had him suppressing a groan. If he answered, Sierra would want to come in. How would he explain about Ryan? He needed more time to figure out what he was doing.
“Come on, Parker,” she called. “I know you’re in there. The lady at the front desk told me. Open up. We need to talk.”
Cracking the door open, Parker positioned himself so Sierra wouldn’t be able to look past him into the room. “What’s up, Red? I thought you understood I’m busy today.”
She dropped her eyes to the ground. “I hoped if I just showed up, you’d be happy to see me. Was I wrong?”
Her obvious disappointment tugged on Parker’s heart, making it twinge with pain. If she walked away from him for good, Parker knew his heart would more than twinge—it would shatter.
Over the past few weeks, he’d let himself fall in love. The problem was, he had Ryan to think of now. Sierra was a grown woman, able to take care of herself. If it came down to it, he had to pick Ryan. If Sierra truly loved him back, maybe he could have both.
Allowing the door to swing open wider, Parker took her hand. “I am happy to see you, but I had a complication show up today. It changes everything.”
“The baby?” she asked.
Parker narrowed his eyebrows. “How’d you know about him?”
“The woman at the desk. She said you had a baby and wondered who it belongs to. Is this your way of getting me to change my mind about kids?”
Parker looked over his shoulder, noting Ryan still lying on his belly. Stepping back, Parker pulled Sierra in with him and then shut the door.
“I’m not using Ryan to change your mind,” he said. “But I would like you to meet him.”
What might have been fear passed behind Sierra’s eyes, but she nodded. “Sure, I’ll meet him.”
He led her the short distance to the baby and then released her hand, stooping to lift Ryan into his arms.
Ryan’s eyes locked onto Sierra and he wiggled a bit.
“I think he likes you, Red.”
She shrugged and ran her hands up her arms. “He can probably see my hair or something and is looking at that. How old is he?”
“Two months.”
She took a step back, seeming unable to tolerate being that close. She leaned against the breakfast bar that separated the sitting room and the kitchenette. “Are you babysitting?”
That was the tricky part. How did he explain about Ryan without her running out the door and never looking back? Avoidance was the best solution, at least until she felt more comfortable. Ryan was beginning to fuss, giving Parker a reason to change the subject.
“Well, I’m taking care of him right now,” Parker said instead of answering directly. “Hey, can you do me a favor?”
Sierra’s eyes widened. “Ummm... Depends what it is.”
As in, she wouldn’t have anything to do with the baby. Parker could read that loud and clear.
“I hoped you’d look in that diaper bag over there and see if there’s a can of food or something. I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“His mom didn’t tell
you what to do?”
“It was, uh... I didn’t speak to his mom.”
Sierra still looked uncertain, but she stepped around him and walked toward the purple bag on the coffee table. “Nice bag. I’m sure his dad loves carrying this thing around.”
Guilt pressed down on Parker. Ryan’s dad would definitely be getting a different diaper bag, but when Sierra figured it out, he’d also need a new girlfriend.
“Here it is.” Sierra pulled out a can with a white and yellow label. “There are bottles in here too.”
“Can you see about mixing one? Are there instructions on the label?”
Sierra turned the formula around, eyes flowing side to side. “I think I can handle this much. It’s easy to make.”
Ryan shifted from slight whimpers to a louder cry, as if to make sure Sierra knew to hurry.
“Thanks, Red. I appreciate the help.”
She rushed to the kitchen, letting the tap run hot before testing it with her fingers and filling the bottle most of the way. She then opened the can and measured out a scooper full of the white powder, dumping it in the bottle. With a twist to replace the nipple, she shook it vigorously.
“That’s not difficult at all,” she said. “I think you’ll be fine if even I can handle it.”
“Well, I already changed a diaper.” Parker grinned at her surprised look. “I’m not sure it’s on perfect, but Ryan seemed happy.”
She brought the bottle to him. “It’s probably easier if you sit down to feed him. At least, that’s what my friend with a baby always did back home.”
Parker took her advice, supporting Ryan’s head beneath his arm on the side of the couch. “Come sit with me. If you had a friend with a baby, you already know more about them than I do. Make sure I don’t screw this up.”
Sierra did as he asked, actually sitting close enough that their thighs touched. Maybe she was already losing her fear of Ryan. That was a good sign.
As soon as the nipple touched his lips, Ryan calmed down and latched on, sucking the milk down.
“He does this all on his own practically,” Parker observed. “You want to try feeding him?”
Diving Into Love (McCallister's Paradise Book 2) Page 16