With my deepest disregard,
Stanley
Hans was right to have selected this first one. Clearly Stanley wasn’t her fan. Caroline could see hope through the lines though. EM technology might not have worked well for his life, but the potential of what has happened to him was quite clear. He had gotten rid of a woman he claimed to love, and perhaps it was so, but the sad truth was she didn’t love him back. Feeble love didn’t suit this man and that was all Anies had demonstrated with her act of going forth with an emotional invasive procedure. There would be the time that he could see that it has all worked out for the best. Caroline felt pretty certain of that. She poured herself another drink and continued with the second of Hans’s selections.
Dear Dr. Emerson,
I heard someone say in a recent interview you actually replied to a letter he had sent you. I hope you will write me also or just read my letter. My name is Brigitte and I live in Bohn, Germany. The EM in my city opened a few months ago, at the same time with others in big cities all over the world. I remember thinking how lucky I am to be content with my life when I first heard about the EM. I would even say I was happy. My family, my marriage, my job were all perfect. I remember feeling compassion for those using the services of an EM as obviously their lives were lacking something. I am the kind of person that uses technology on an everyday basis and I must say I am glad every time a breakthrough promises to improve our quality of life. Unfortunately, reality soon proved me wrong. What I had thought on the day I first saw the neon sign of the EM in the heart of Bohn was to be no more. My youngest son, Bertram, was diagnosed with a rare infant disease. Despite the exhaustive efforts of the St. Marien Hospital staff, nothing could be done to save him.
Bertram’s death and the ensuing period of time were traumatic. That applies to all mothers of course… Losing a child is perhaps the most terrible event in someone’s life. Although I am lucky enough to have two more children, I could not accept the fact I would never see my sweet baby again. My psychologist tried in vain to give me courage to continue. I refused to eat. I wouldn’t even drink water for days. The family mourned with me, but my behavior caused them additional distress. I was totally indifferent towards my husband and two other children. There were days I wanted to have nothing to do with them. They repulsed me, doctor. They were alive but Bertram wasn’t.
They were as understanding as they could be, but the damage my behavior was causing the family worsened with every passing day. What I was feeling after Bertram’s death could only be summarized in one word. Futility… I felt it and it showed. There really seemed no point for me to do anything. I couldn’t pretend I was happy or interested. During one of my long walks in downtown Bohn about six weeks later, I found myself before the EM. We had completely forgotten its existence. The psychologist I was seeing hadn’t recommended it either. I ran inside, begged for an immediate appointment but was turned down, so I waited patiently for an opening. I could think of nothing else: that was my only way out. To my tired soul the EM seemed like an oasis in the desert.
I had the feeling of grief reduced to a minimum, doctor! I did what I thought was right at the time to stay alive and not burden my husband and children with my sorrow any more. I really love them. I think my choice to go through with the invasive procedure proves it. Before it I didn’t love them. I loved nobody and it was an ugly frame of mind. Now I am calm. I still cry when I remember my darling Bertram, but I wipe away my tears, embrace my other children and the sad thoughts disappear. I look at my husband and know I love him and he loves me back. Every chance I get I pray for the parents who have or will experience the same hell we did; the loss of a child. I still remember Bertram’s death, as well as the period that followed it. My feelings or rather lack thereof. I haven’t forgotten. If the EM had promised me oblivion, I wouldn’t have had the procedure. However, the filter of reduced grief gave me something precious; the chance to love and be happy. The chance to live again!
I am grateful to you, doctor, for helping me with your discovery. I feel blessed despite my previous unhappiness. You are always in my prayers and hope God will keep you well and protect you.
A mother who can live and love without forgetting her baby
Thank you
CHAPTER 15
AT LION`S GATE AVENUE
At 43, Taylor Livestrong had to admit his life did not have many of the ingredients of success he had dreamed of as a child. Most of his old friends and peers of his age had had families for years; not him. Those without a family at least had a steady relationship and were on the way to marriage; not him because Emily had left him. Most of them had gradually saved enough from their jobs to buy a house or start a business of their own. Not him. The house he owned was ok and he had enough money of course, but it was slowly disappearing due to his top of everything else, gambling addiction. He had to be mentally healthy again and kick the costly habit in order to gain Emily back. Lucky for him, she did not seem to get along with any of the men she had met after him. Taylor believed an invasive procedure in an Emotion Market would solve both these problems. The brochure that he had found a while ago, next to the dumpster, had prompted him to stop being a fool! This phrase was constantly on his thoughts or rather a different interpretation of it. Fools were the ones that objected to the solution that EMs provided. He wanted all his troubles to magically disappear. It would be like a fairytale if he was to become a new man within minutes!
His main occupation gave him a satisfactory yearly income. He was a real estate manager in a prestigious firm which had a good name in the business world. Taylor sold real estate as if he was meant to do just that. Truth be told though, the more his income rose, the less money he saved. Gambling would gradually take it all away, it was a safe bet! In Taylor’s mind money was the lesser of his two basic problems. His mental issues had made Emily run away from him. Investing the little money he had left on an invasive procedure in an Emotion Market, was just the thing for him. He had read articles online explaining exactly how an Emotion Market operated and what it did to one’s psychological state. He had to choose carefully and under the guidance of a certified psychoanalyst his emotions that needed modifying. Fortunately Dr. Johnson was certified by the ICEC and happened to be the head psychiatrist in the closest EM. So at least he got that covered. It was not necessary to have a reference from a shrink to go ahead with the invasive procedure, but for the first time in his life he wanted to do everything right. Didn’t want to be a fool anymore!
It was just before his breakup with Emily, a year and a half ago, that he had started seeing Dr. Johnson. Taylor felt she would not stand his lies and excuses much longer and had thought it necessary to visit a therapist. The doctor hadn’t helped him avoid the breakup. He simply had not had the time… If only Ms Farley, that pathetic excuse of a woman, hadn’t meddled in his affairs…
While Dr. Johnson had just begun scratching the surface of his troubling issues, the separation came. Then they had to deal with that exclusively during their sessions. Emily had left him and that set him back. Dr Johnson had explained in a mild manner that not everything was her fault and that he should accept his share of the responsibilities for the breakup. It had all started from him. Emily may not have realized what the problem really was, but as a woman she felt the change in his behavior. She knew when he was lying or telling her half-truths. All these ingredients are a perfect recipe for a breakup. Emily even thought he might have been cheating on her!
It would have been so much easier had he been more of a man in their fight. When she confronted him with Ms Farley’s story he had admitted it was all true, but in such a way that showed no remorse whatsoever. He ought to have appeared more remorseful for his lies. Stupid, stupid Taylor! Finding out such a truth from the lips of an elderly nurse was devastating for Emily. Everything would be so much different had he been the one to tell her all about his psychiatric history… Emily would be willing to talk it through… She wouldn’t leave him. But she could no
longer love a man that was hiding this kind of sensitive information about his past!
Dr. Johnson was saying Taylor was not ready for the invasive procedure yet. They still needed many more sessions and Taylor didn’t seem to have understood his mistakes in depth. The doctor believed a magical moment would come when Taylor would feel the harm done by his lies in his every bone. Then would come the moment of the “perfect” admission of the problem and after discussing the suitable emotions for his case, he could, if he still wanted to, go ahead with the invasive procedure.
What a moron Dr. Johnson was! Obviously he had the stupid notion that people have nothing better to do than go and lay for years on his horrible couch and hear him state pompously in psychiatric terms what was best for them.
However, he should still go along with Dr. Johnson for a while until he got the much-desired reference. Obstacles! Everywhere! Although Taylor knew there were no restrictions regarding the use of the Emotion Markets, he had decided to make his own rules. He wondered how emotional chaos had not already prevailed in society. Anybody could buy any emotion they felt like…It was amazing! The reason ICEC existed was rather decorative! What did emotional control stand for, if not for basic rules and limitations? The emotions that were discarded from the list were a mere inconvenience! One could certainly tackle their way to affect these emotions by tampering with others. He thought that all these Movements against EM that multiplied at an undiminished rate could actually be right.
Organizations that kept growing all the time as the resolution of the Health law promoted by President Walters was approaching. There was also that unlovable congresswoman backing him up and speaking everywhere about the social benefits of the Emotion Markets. He could see right through Susan Parsons and he saw in her was a cunning and manipulative politician! Although Taylor knew he was not the ideal example of someone who had thought his life through, he ranked himself much above the average citizen regarding perception and self-awareness. He knew what his problems were and he had finally decided to do something radical about them! He was getting there!
But first things first, and now he had decided to attend a meeting of the opposing organizations. He believed always knowing one’s rival at work was a good tactic, so he had the same feeling about the issue of Emotion Markets. He wanted to attend such a meeting to see what the reasoning of all those opposing the new technological breakthrough was. He wondered if the term technological breakthrough was accurate to describe Emotion Markets. It certainly was one, but it also was so much more than a tech. If there was still no clear conclusion about how and to what extent social media had affected people and the society in general, then certainly many decades would go by before the question of how the Emotion Markets had influenced society was answered. That is, if there ever was an answer…
The Emotion Markets would probably bring such an upheaval to the social structure that in the future nobody would look for answers to questions like that. Maybe the future holds more answers than questions. While considering all this, Taylor was hastily walking down Lion’s Gate Avenue. He often came to this part of town to buy his favorite cigars. He secretly smoked one each time he completed a very profitable real estate sale. He did not need many cigars a year because the really profitable sales were few, so he bought them sparingly. During this surprisingly productive period of his career, he was confident enough to get up to four cigars, all for future sales.
When he came to the tobacco store, he walked past with some anxiety in case the shop owner saw him. He did not quite understand why he felt like that. He kept walking along the opposite sidewalk looking at the stores and passersby around him with the eyes of a child. It was his first time so far down Lion`s Gate. He was impressed by an antique store. Laid out were pieces of furniture, lighting appliances, metal vases reflecting the sunlight and some carved wooden statuettes in colors he had never liked. An elderly man reading a book sat on one of the exhibited chairs. He seemed absorbed and never raised his head to look at the people walking past. Taylor could see drivers going by turning their heads suddenly to glance at the old man and his peculiar store. So many pairs of eyes were looking at him. Eyes passing by, some full of curiosity some with aversion, and yet he did not waste a moment to look back at their owners. His eyes were glued to that book. Taylor felt envious of the old man reading something so interesting. For a moment he felt like walking across to ask him politely what he was reading. He changed his mind. Asking politely was never his thing… He went on his way always along the left sidewalk going down Lion’s Gate towards number 438. He was sweating slightly due to the heat. Taylor loved walking fast and had known for a while now that this fast pace rhythm lengthened the telomeres at the end of his chromosomes. That was a good thing as his life span would increase. His life expectancy would be longer… A life tormented by his addictions which he had finally decided to get rid of. He wanted to be a better man and he really hoped the invasive procedure at the Emotion Market would help him do just that. He was close enough to the meeting point and could already detect the large banner of the Movement set on the sidewalk. It read “END EMOTION MARKETS” in big red letters and under the title there was something else Taylor could not make out yet. He noticed other people going down some steps, following the arrow on the banner that pointed downstairs. The idea the meeting of the Movement would take place in some basement in that God-forsaken part of Lion’s Gate Avenue did not please him at all!
Among the people going down, he saw two women who he thought belonged to some parish because of the way they were dressed. Obviously the Catholic Church was furious with Dr. Emerson’s discovery! Modifying one’s emotions at will was most certainly not the righteous, Christian way to face life and its problems… Many were going down the steps, mostly women. It seemed they had gathered in the street until the time the meeting started. Taylor went down to the second basement of the building following a bespectacled elderly man who limped slightly and stank a lot. He overtook the man with two long strides, dropping his phone in the process. Embarrassed he stooped to pick it up and heard the stinking old man saying, “He who is in a hurry to get somewhere always leaves something behind.” “You are right,” Taylor replied seriously. He would have preferred to tell him to take a bath occasionally instead, but the man’s advanced age stopped him. He thought the wrinkled face gave the impression of a man in need of advice. But he hated taking or giving advice… On reaching the second basement, he went through a red metal door and was stunned at the sight! The meeting area was a big, old parking lot where for some reason no cars could be seen. Hundreds of chairs were placed in lines. Few were unoccupied. People of all ages, shapes and colors were discussing softly in small groups of three or four. It seemed everyone was impatiently waiting for the meeting to start. Some were pointing in the direction of a man who was standing and seemed to be explaining something to a group of attendees.
Taylor found a seat about halfway down on the left end of the row of chairs. He wanted to be close enough to the speakers to hear as there were no microphones. He was under the impression of being in the past, at the meeting of a religious sect where the followers were waiting for their leader or teacher to tell them what to do. Deep down he was particularly amused that he was there looking forward to what the teacher would say. He doubted whether anyone present was there for the same reason he was.
A few minutes later the man most people were paying attention to took his place at the podium set on a platform.
“Good evening, comrades and friends,” he said seriously, which was followed by loud applause by most of those present. Taylor applauded with the rest. He did not want to cause any suspicions. The man speaking did not seem serious enough to him. Also the space was a bit repulsive. The car park was filthy, without any ventilation and this Movement did not seem to have any particular sponsor.
“Sadly, Nicky Fallows will not be attending today’s meeting,” the man continued without introducing himself to the audience, which showed he was
a total stranger to communication skills. There was a long disturbance from the audience that had obviously gathered to hear Nicky Fallows. Some even got up and made for the exit. Nicky Fallows was their leader. And as such he unfortunately had to be in another meeting of the Movement. The announcement that at that moment Nicky was with comrades in Toronto, Canada was made in such a way as to grant the fact great importance. Taylor tried not to laugh. It all seemed so amusing to him. Not so to the others. He thought that probably all the attendees were serious about this organization and they really meant to intercept the meteoric rise of the Emotion Markets’ credibility.
A young woman started handing out questionnaires and the man at the podium, who had still not introduced himself, explained: “Friends and comrades, you are kindly requested to complete the questionnaire checking which issues you would like discussed on next week’s 10 with Mary Ann where our own Nicky Fallows is invited. The issues most checked will have a good chance of being mentioned, given the limited time of the interview.
The still unidentified man emphasized to the audience that the questionnaire was of vital importance. He said in the limited time Nicky would have, it was necessary for him to bring up those issues that would serve the foremost purpose of the Movement; namely, the shutting down of the Emotion Markets.
“Our society is not mature enough, cannot and will not accept this violent, vicious attack of technology upon our souls. Allowing Emotion Markets to prevail will certainly prove to be catastrophic for generations to come!”, stressed the unidentified man.
EMOTION MARKET: the Tailor of Hearts - A gripping psychological thriller Page 12