Naming Things
Copyright 2014 Bull Garlington
One day, Eve asked God what to do about Adam.
"What do you mean?" God asked.
"He keeps naming things."
"So?"
"Every time he names something, it disappears."
"Sounds serious"
God was in the form of a snake this morning. He curled suggestively around Eve's thigh and probed his nose gently into her short and curlies.
"Stop."
God fluttered his forked tongue against her skin. Eve brushed him away.
"It might be a problem."
"I told him he could name things if he wanted to."
"The thing with the big horn and two other big horns and the thing like a kind of a flat rock like a wing—I don't know. It's gone. And the other one with the teeth," Eve shuddered.
God slid across her back and dropped his head over her shoulder. He brushed his scaly lips along the bottom of her ear.
"Gone?" he whispered.
"Not that I care."
Eve sat down on a rock and watched several enormous animals lurch past. They reeked with a reptilian dry husk reek. Eve picked a tamarind from a low hanging branch and slit it's skin with her thumbnail. She held the tangy ball under her nose.
God slipped down to the ground and raised his head to hip height. His body curled behind him in a heap, melted into a ropey sludge, then rose up. God spread his ample wings, stretched in the sunlight, and gleamed darkly before Eve. She looked on approvingly.
"He's down by the ocean now, naming things."
Eve listened with interest. She turned behind her and saw a larger, flatter rock. She rolled onto her stomach and twisted slightly to look at God standing behind her. God grinned.
When they were finished, God flew up and danced on the treetops to make her laugh. He dropped down and gathered her into his arms and kissed her forehead and gripped her ample breast in his black hand. Eve squirmed.
"You have to teach him how to stop making things disappear."
"I'd rather get back to that other thing."
"I've got a headache."
"A what?"
"This place is going to be a big sandy hole by the end of the day if you can't figure this out."
Adam ran by. God draped his wings over Eve and himself but it didn't matter. Adam was oblivious, staring at a tiny winged snake in his hands. He whispered "basilisk" and it disappeared with a squeak. Adam looked shaken and rubbed his hands together. His eyes were wild and sunken into dark holes.
God looked on nervously. "He'll be fine."
Two angels appeared nearby under a tree that fluoresced in their presence. One of them carried a tablet. The angel coughed gently. Eve practically leapt off the rock. God rolled his eyes.
"What?"
"The other one is causing problems."
"That's what I hear."
"He's close to discovering class distinctions among forms. He's creating abstract theorems, thinking about infinity . . . we can't figure out why stuff keeps disappearing but if he even glances my way I'm setting him on fire."
"Same here," said the other one.
"We could strike him dumb," God considered.
"Yeah, maybe. But all he has to do is think: those things that look like that are all called rocks and we're left with a mighty flat paradise."
"Aaaah! Dammit! I don't care what happens. You guys handle this," God glowered and turned back to Eve. "I'm busy."
Eve crossed her arms and gave God the look. God turned back to the angels and reared back up into his bipedal form. God kicked the dirt and flexed his wings with a pop. Adam raced past chasing a pair of hippos. They disappeared in a quiet puff. Adam wailed.
"I can't deal with this," Eve said. "Fix it."
God signaled to the angels and they flitted over to Adam. Adam sat on a log crying. He would lift his head every second or so, point to something and it would disappear. His eyes were aflame and he was focused. He had a branch clutched in his hand. He peeled a leaf off the branch and shoved it in his mouth and chewed.
"Well that explains that," God said to one of the angels. It looked at the branch and its eyes narrowed.
"Where'd he get that?" It asked.
The other one watched blankly as Adam's face lit up and his eyes twinkled. Adam muttered. A range of mountains six miles away popped out of existence. The angel looked over at God.
"I give us fifteen minutes tops."
God looked out across the sweeping vista and focused on some cork trees. He set them on fire, causing a diplodocus to run bellowing out of the stand across the field and plunge beak first into the ocean. Adam took off toward the fire. Eve walked up behind them.
"What is that stuff?"
"It's a tree--" said one of the angels.
"A bush really."
"Gets you going. I used to eat it all the time."
"Those were the days," the angel smirked. The other angel didn't say anything but a sneaky grin touched his lips.
"It's got of all kinds of tricky combos. I forgot all about that." God peeled off a leaf and handed it to Eve. He reached over and plucked one of the small fruits off the branch and tossed it to her. "These are even better. Smell it."
Eve sniffed the amber colored fruit. Her eyes half closed and she breathed again, deeply, with enthusiasm. God ran his hand down her back and cupped her cheek. He looked into her eyes. "Take a bite," he said. She did. She sat down on the ground weakly. She felt strange. Her heart was racing. The angels seemed to shine. God was blinding. She put up her hand. She looked down at her body and saw that it was made of holes. Everywhere on her body were holes, tiny indentations, dark crusty pores, and pinpricks of shadow. She looked up at the angels who were regarding her with concern. God spoke but she couldn't look at him. His voice was full of earthquakes.
"Eve? What's the matter?"
"I'm hollow!" she screamed.
"You are not--" God turned to the angels. "That might've been a bad idea."
Eve bawled. God bent down to look into her eyes but she scuttled backwards away from him. He was a radiant ball of fire and his eyes shone through like spiked rays of liquid light. Eve pressed her hands into the hollows of her eyes. "Don't look at me!"
God flapped his wings and blew dust across the scene. Eve screamed. "Don't look at me. It burns! Oh!" God looked pleadingly toward the angels. Two more had arrived and they were conferring. One spoke, it seemed older than the others. It walked calmly over to God.
"We think maybe there's an unanticipated effect. It's like the naming but--hey!" God whirled. Eve was bounding away toward the ocean. God leapt up and flew after her, His shadow racing along the ground. Adam saw her coming and opened his arms.
As she burrowed into his side and sobbed, Adam held her close. His heart was like a hole she filled and he pulled her harder and harder to him and he was crying too, though he didn't really know why. Warmth leaked out of his heart and swallowed them both. He couldn't take his eyes off of her. She filled his world. He reached up and touched her nose. Her lips.
Eve stopped crying as the warmth spread through her. She traced a figure on Adam's chest and looked up into his eyes. She knew something then, something enormous. She smiled and stopped crying and light sprang up from the ground and a beautiful voice seemed to be laughing all around them and the flowers seemed to lean their smiling faces toward the two lovers and the sun itself looked down with a grin and she leaned forward and kissed him and said: "You have to try this."
Adam swallowed half the fruit. His eyes lit up and he looked down at Eve's face. "You're hollow . . ." he said in horror. Eve screamed. "It's all going to run out," he roared, clawing and the ground frantically. He smeared himself with mud trying to fill in
the holes. Eve grabbed leaves, dabbing them with mud and slapping them onto her skin. Soon they were both cemented with a green and grey stucco of leaves and mud. God fluttered down and they hid their eyes, trying to hide under the wicket of naked branches.
"Leave us alone," Adam screamed. "You're on fire!"
"You are having a bad reaction to that fruit. You need to rest. You should lie down." Adam cried and smeared mud onto his feet and tried to pretend God wasn't there. He turned to God and yelled.
"I was ok till today! What happened? Everything started to go away. I figured out what to call the hippos and they're gone. I knew what to call the Tyrannosaurs and now he’s gone. I know everything's name and as a soon as I know it's gone and I can't make it stop!" Adam wiped the mud out of his eyes and looked up at Eve. "Woman." and she disappeared. Adam howled, began stuffing dirt into his mouth.
"Crap," said God. He signaled to the angels and they waved at Adam and he fell asleep in the mud, caked with leaves. God sighed. He went over and crouched next to Adam and ran his hand along his side. He waved his hand and a tiny rain
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