by STEVE MARTIN
1. Look around you constantly. Danger can come from anywhere, at any time.
2. Bodyguards are usually very tall and extremely muscly and strong. Do lots of press-ups and eat lots of protein to make yourself as big and brawny as you can.
3. Always chew gum – bodyguards need to look tough and cool to impress the person they are guarding, and to intimidate everyone else. Wear sunglasses for the same reason, and keep your face set in a mean and moody expression.
4. If you are guarding a celebrity, stop them being mobbed by large groups of their fans. Do this as peacefully as you can.
5. If anything happens, get whoever you are protecting away as quickly as possible. Always plan an escape route, wherever you are.
6. Remember your job is to protect the good guy, not catch the bad guy. If someone attacks and then runs away, don’t chase after him, stay with the person you are protecting.
HOW TO DO THE PERFECT PRESS-UP
Press-ups are the perfect exercise, as you don’t need any equipment. You can do them anywhere, even if you have only got a couple of minutes to spare, and they are excellent for building your strength.
However, they are only the perfect exercise if you have a perfect technique. It is much better to do a few press-ups and perform them correctly, than to do a lot but carry them out the wrong way.
Here’s how to make sure you get maximum benefit from the exercise:
1. Lie face down on the floor.
2. Place your hands underneath your shoulders with the palms touching the floor and fingers facing forwards.
3. Keep your feet together and position them so it is your toes, not the tops of your feet, that are touching the ground.
4. Push yourself off the ground by pushing up with your arms until they are straight.
5. Lower yourself slowly by bending your arms at the elbow until your chest hovers just above the floor.
The golden rule of press-ups is to keep your body straight. This takes a bit of practice, and you need to concentrate to make sure you do not stick your bottom up in the air or arch your back upwards. Practise in front of a mirror so you can make sure you are in the correct position.
Top Tip. As with all exercise, it’s important not to overdo it. Do not try to break any records at the beginning. Practise your technique by doing a few each day and then build up the number you do slowly.
HOW TO MAKE A SHRUNKEN HEAD
There was a time when certain tribes would attack their enemies, cut off their heads, take the severed heads home as trophies and shrink them. The problem with doing this is that it is dangerous, cruel, very messy and could get you into a lot of trouble. Because of this, here’s a shrunken-head method that uses an apple. The result looks just as good and you don’t have to go to all the bother of chopping someone’s head off.
You Will Need:
• a large apple • 600 ml of water • 60 g salt • 2 tablespoons lemon juice • 30 cm string • wooden or metal skewer • coloured chalk • potato peeler • a small knife
1. Remove the peel of the big apple using a potato peeler.
2. Use a small knife to create the face. Ask an adult to help you. Remember that the head is going to be shrunk, so make the features a bit bigger than you normally would. Make each eye quite deep set as this helps to give the shape of the nose, sticking out from the face. Shape the mouth so the two lips stand out. A nice deep cut between the lips will help them to separate during shrinking.
3. Take a bowl and add the water, salt and lemon juice. Stir until the salt has dissolved, then put the apple in. The head needs to be completely covered by the liquid. If it isn’t, add more of the above mixture.
4. To make sure the apple stays completely covered by the liquid at all times, place a plate on top of the bowl.
5. You now need to show a little bit of patience as you have to leave your ‘head’ in the liquid for a full 24 hours ... the apple head, that is – not your own head!
6. The next bit needs a lot of patience, as the head will take about three weeks to dry. Stick the skewer through the top of the apple, and tie a piece of string to the top of the skewer. Hang it up somewhere it won’t be in the way. It needs to be hung up so that the air can get to every side of the apple and stop it from going mouldy.
7. Finally, your shrunken head is ready to decorate. Use coloured chalk to colour in the head and features.
Top Tip. To make your head even more realistic and gruesome, use glue to add some raisins for the eyes and pieces of rice for teeth.
HOW TO PLAY THE TRICK BOX GAME
This creepy game is perfect to play on Halloween, or to spook up a sleepover. The reason it’s so terrifying is because the most frightening things are the things you can’t see. When you can’t see something, the power of the imagination takes over. Here’s how to create your trick boxes and give your friends the fright of their lives.
You Will Need:
• 5 cardboard boxes with lids (shoeboxes will work perfectly) • black paper • white paint • a paintbrush • scissors • sticky tape • 5 paper plates • 50 g cold, cooked spaghetti • a small piece of fake fur • a rubber glove •100 g flour •10 peeled grapes • one small cauliflower
WHAT YOU DO
1. Cut a hole in the lid of each box, just large enough for someone to put their hand through.
2. Decorate each box by covering it with black paper and painting scary objects on it with white paint, such as bats or skulls.
3. Cut a piece of black paper for each box, large enough to cover the hole, and tape it at one side of the hole. This creates a flap so people can slide their hand underneath and into the holes without seeing what is in the boxes.
4. Put a paper plate in each of the boxes and tape it to the bottom so it doesn’t move.
5. Now it’s time to add your spooky items. Put the spaghetti on the plate in box one, the fur in box two, the peeled grapes in box three and the cauliflower in box four. Fill the rubber glove up with flour before placing it on the plate in box five.
6. Make sure you create the right atmosphere for the game. Turn the lights down low and play eerie music if you have some. Tell your friends that each box contains a truly gross item that you have taken from a witch’s cavern.
7. Each person places their hand into the boxes, one at a time, and tries to guess what the objects are by feeling them. Get ready to hear some screams!
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