After downing my wine, I glanced over at Damien.
He was staring at me when he suddenly dropped a bomb. “She’s moving because of me.”
“What are you doing?” I whispered.
“What are you talking about?” my mother asked.
“It has nothing to do with the apartment. She’s moving because of me.”
“Damien…” I said in an attempt to get him to stop where this was going.
“Let me explain it to them. They’re your parents. They love you. And I don’t want them questioning your judgment. There is nothing wrong with your judgment.”
He turned to my father. “Your daughter is one of the best people I’ve ever known. She’s become a great friend and has opened her heart to me several times. I care for her deeply, and as you probably figured out, I’m very protective of her. That also means protecting her from me. I just can’t be the kind of man she deserves as a lifelong partner. I’ve had too many moments where I’ve seemed to forget that, because she makes it so damn easy to forget. I was trying so hard not to hurt her like he did, but I somehow managed to anyway. She’s moving to protect herself from getting hurt any further.” He turned to me. “I’m so sorry.”
I needed some air. “Excuse me.” My chair scratched the floor as I got up and rushed to the bathroom.
Somehow his being so open in front of my parents, apologizing to me in front of them, gave an unwanted finality to the situation. He wasn’t even trying to pretend that things were great between us anymore, because they weren’t.
This felt like a breakup.
There hadn’t been any actual sex involved in our relationship, but my emotions had been all in since day one.
Damien helping me move.
That speech.
I needed to see the situation tonight for what it was.
Damien was ending it.
After I returned to the table, the rest of the dinner was quiet.
When Damien eventually took off in the empty U-Haul truck, I urged my parents not to pry any further and assured them that I would be okay. They hugged me goodbye and left me alone in my new apartment.
Later that night, sitting on my bed and surrounded by boxes, I got an unwanted housewarming present. It came in the form of an email from the last person I ever expected.
Chelsea,
It took me a while to figure out if I should even send this message, mainly because I just don’t want to upset you. I needed to let you know how good it was to see you at Bad Boy Burger. I’m pretty sure you saw me, but in case you didn’t, it was the day you were sucking face with some dude who had a lower arm tat. I was going to go over and say something, but you seemed a little busy. I’ve lived with a lot of guilt since our breakup. Seeing that you’d moved on with someone else made me truly happy.
I wish you nothing but happiness.
Elec
I wouldn’t write back. The timing of that message was seriously like a sucker punch to the gut.
Shutting my laptop, I closed my eyes and cried myself to sleep for the last time, vowing that tomorrow would be the beginning of a new phase of my life.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
STALKER
My sister liked to call me during her meal in between performances.
Jade spoke with her mouth full, “You haven’t heard from him at all in two weeks?”
“No. And I’m telling you, after that speech in front of Mom and Dad, I just knew this was going to happen. It was like he was setting me up perfectly for life without him—apologizing to my parents, putting those locks on the doors. And his mood was just really bizarre and guarded that whole last day. It’s out of sight, out of mind now apparently for him.”
“So, you don’t plan to visit him or call?”
“I’m not going to be the first one to do that, no. It’s like what you were telling me a while back. You didn’t understand why I wouldn’t listen to all of the warnings he gave me. I just kept holding out hope. But the fact that he hasn’t contacted me since that night is really disappointing. I seriously feel like I’m never gonna hear from him again.” It pained me to say those words.
“I can tell you’re trying to be strong about this, but deep down, I know you’re hurting, and I know it’s not easy for you to not call him.”
“I just can’t believe he hasn’t called or texted.”
“It’s probably for the best, you know? I know you wanted to stay friends with the guy. But really…I don’t think you were ever capable of keeping your feelings in check. You needed this space he’s giving you now. On some level, I think he knows that’s really best for you, too.”
“So, what’s my next step?”
“You need to get back on that dating site.”
Even though the thought of that made me cringe, I knew I had to force myself to keep my mind off of Damien. “Actually, there was this guy Mark I was supposed to have gone out with weeks ago. I kept putting it off.”
“Then contact him. You definitely need to get out, but more than that, you need a distraction.”
“Okay. You’re right, even if it’s just to get out of the apartment.”
“You know, you’re not going to get over him overnight.”
“I don’t know if I’ll ever get over him. I just have to accept that.”
“Accepting the things you can’t change…now there’s a novel idea.”
“I preach that to the kids all the time. It’s time I started taking my own advice.
***
“I’m so glad we’re finally doing this,” Mark said as he opened the car door to let me out. “I was beginning to think you were totally blowing me off.”
“No. I was busy with the move and all. I’m sorry if I gave you that impression.”
We’d just arrived at the cinema for a nine-forty showing of the new James Bond movie. I figured a crowded theater was a safe place for a first date, although Damien would have scolded me for getting into Mark’s car.
Damien doesn’t have a say anymore.
The smell of buttery popcorn filled the air. Mark wrapped his arm around my waist as we walked to get in line. He was definitely forward, and I wasn’t sure how I felt about that, since the verdict was still out on my level of attraction to him both mentally and physically. There was also the minor detail of the fact that we’d just freaking met.
After we got tickets, we were waiting in the concession line when Mark spoke in my ear, “Were you ever a gymnast?”
That was an odd question.
“No. Why do you ask?”
“Your body looks very limber, like you might have a gymnastics background.”
Was he serious?
“No. Can’t even do a cartwheel.”
After we’d gotten our popcorn and drinks, we stood in the line where the man was collecting tickets to enter the theater. I jumped when I felt Mark’s hand on my lower waist. With each second that we waited, his hand slid lower until it was fully planted on my ass. My body stilled. After a minute of dealing with it, I positioned myself to face him so that he could no longer cop a feel.
Once inside, the lights hadn’t even dimmed yet, and I was already planning my exit strategy for after the movie. To be honest, I wasn’t even sure if I was comfortable getting into this guy’s car again.
I was just about to shut my phone off when it started buzzing.
Do you always let guys you’ve just met grope your ass?
It was Damien.
My heart started to pound.
It beat faster and faster as I frantically looked around the dark theater for him. Was he here?
Chelsea: Are you in this theater?
Damien: Where are you?
Chelsea: Don’t you already know the answer to that question, since you’re apparently stalking me?
Damien: You were supposed to be going to see the new James Bond movie. That’s where I am. Where are you?
Chelsea: We went to see the Will Smith movie. James Bond was sold out by the time we got
to the counter.
Damien: Tell him you have to use the bathroom and meet me outside.
When I didn’t immediately answer, he texted again.
Damien: I just need five minutes.
Chelsea: Ok.
“I’ll be right back,” I whispered just as the previews were starting. “Going to the restroom.”
Seeing Damien standing there, leaning against a wall as he waited for me nearly took my breath away. It made me realize that my feelings for him hadn’t lessened one bit throughout this time apart. Every bit of longing returned instantaneously, and that really sucked for me. My heart wanted to leap into his arms and ask him to take me home, but my brain stopped my legs from moving any farther than a foot away from him.
Wearing his beanie, he looked and smelled so good. He wore a white collared shirt under a fitted black sweater, which was a different look for him. The sweater clung to his muscular chest, and he had the sleeves rolled up, displaying a thick metal watch I’d never seen before. Black jeans and big black cargo boots finished off the look.
He’d gotten all dressed up to stalk me?
“Hi,” he finally said. His voice sent shivers throughout my body. I’d missed hearing it so much.
“What are you doing?”
“You never gave me his information to check him out.”
“I didn’t even realize we were still speaking. How did you know I was here and planning to see the James Bond movie?” I snapped my finger. “Oh, that’s right. You hack into my account.”
“You never changed your password.”
“I shouldn’t have to. That doesn’t give you the right to do this.”
“I’m just making sure you’re safe.”
“You’re a stalker.”
“I don’t give two fucks if that’s what you think. I already told you I had a bad feeling about that guy. If I need to swallow my pride and make a fool of myself to make sure you get home safe, I will.”
“Why are you getting involved in my life? You dropped off the face of the Earth—not one word since you moved me out.”
“That doesn’t mean I stopped caring about you. Staying away from you these past few weeks has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”
“Why don’t you spend Friday night picking up one of your whores and stay out of my business?”
“If you’d choose men who weren’t creepy, maybe I wouldn’t have to get involved.”
“You don’t have a right to tell me who to date.” Anger and bitterness rose like bile through me as I said, “I’m only out with him because I didn’t matter enough to you.”
“You have no idea how much you fucking matter to me,” he spat out.
“This time away has taught me a lot. I couldn’t ever really be your friend because I couldn’t limit my feelings for you. I didn’t know how to do that. You were right in keeping your distance. You should have kept it that way.”
Just then, a tall brunette seemed to come out of nowhere. Her lips were painted bright red. “There you are,” she said. “I thought maybe you ditched me.”
I looked her up and down then turned to him. “You’re on a date?” Raising my voice, I repeated, “You brought a date to stalk me on mine?”
“No. That’s not how it happened.”
Jealousy was pumping through my veins. I turned to her. “Do you know you’re dating a stalker?”
“Is this your sister or something?” she asked.
“It would seem that way, wouldn’t it?” I huffed.
“I’ll be there in a minute, okay?” he told her. “Go watch the movie. It’s gonna start.”
When she was gone, I shook my head. “I can’t believe this.”
“I didn’t mean for you to see her.”
“Whatever,” I said under my breath.
As he approached me, I backed away, refusing to allow myself any reaction to the nearness of his body.
“Look, I was out to dinner nearby, and I happened to log into the site on my phone. I saw you were gonna be here. I thought maybe I would catch you coming out of that dude’s car, so I could run his plate to get info and check him out. You ended up getting here late, fucked up my plan. I don’t want you getting in his car again until I’ve checked him out.”
“If I want to get in his car…if I want to let him fuck me tonight…that’s my decision.”
A vein popped out of his neck. “Don’t say that.”
“You can’t handle even a little of your own medicine? You mean to tell me you’re not gonna take her back to your apartment tonight?”
“Actually, no. I don’t even like her.”
“Isn’t that the point?”
“It used to be. It doesn’t feel right anymore. This was the first time I’d gone out in a very long time. I forced myself because I desperately needed a distraction, since I’ve been trying like hell to stay away from you.”
“You really shouldn’t have followed me here.”
“I swear to God, it wasn’t my intention to let you see me. And it definitely wasn’t my intention to let you see me with her.”
“I bet,” I said, crossing my arms.
“I just wanted to check things out. When I saw the way you let him touch you, I fucking lost it.”
“Do you have any idea how badly it hurts me to see you with that fucking bimbo? You didn’t need to follow me here with her.” I muttered, “Stop hurting me.”
Again, he started to move in close to me, prompting me to back away.
“I’m sorry, Chelsea. I know I fucked up. I didn’t handle this well, but I don’t want you getting in his car again.”
“How am I supposed to get home?”
“I’ll drive you.”
Laughing angrily, I chided, “I’m sure your date would love that.”
“I don’t give a fuck what she thinks. I just want you home safe.”
Now, I was getting in his face intentionally. “You’re insane. You’ve lost your mind, Damien.”
“I don’t trust him. I’m telling you, he’s dangerous.”
“I think you’re the dangerous one tonight. Please stay out of my life. I don’t want to ever see you again.”
I turned around and never looked back. After entering the theater, I bypassed my seat, instead exiting out an emergency door to the parking lot.
As I passed Damien’s parked truck, I noticed he’d added three decals to the rear window: a man and two dogs.
My heart clenched at the sight. I missed him so much, yet I couldn’t deal with being in his presence anymore.
Replaying the night repeatedly in my head, I walked a couple of miles then hopped a bus home.
Damien sent me one text sometime after midnight.
I didn’t mean for shit to go down like that. I really was just trying to make sure you were safe. I fucked up. I’m sorry. Please just let me know you got home okay.
I never answered.
***
The more I thought about the movie theater incident over the next week, the angrier it made me.
The more I thought about the movie theater incident…the more I missed Damien.
I was still so confused.
I told myself I was going to his apartment that day to give him a final piece of my mind, to have the final say, since I never answered the text. That was a lie. I was going to his apartment because I missed him and the dogs, but I would tell myself otherwise to justify it. The truth was, I was satisfying the intense urge to see him.
An unusual sight greeted me as I approached the building. A crowd was gathered outside. Had the fire alarm gone off?
When I spotted The Double Ds with Murray, it made me wonder where Damien was in the midst of this chaos. Dudley and Drewfus were both chained to a fence.
The dogs had almost no reaction as I bent down to rub their heads. Looking up at Murray, I asked, “What the heck is going on?”
“It’s Damien.”
“What about Damien?”
“He collapsed. Ambulance just took
him to the hospital.”
I had to ask the question again, because the answer he gave me wasn’t possible.
My heart and head were pounding in synch. “What? What happened?”
“The dogs were banging themselves against the door, scratching against the wood, barking like crazy. When I knocked, he didn’t answer. I used my key and found him on the ground unconscious, called 911.” He shook his head. “Poor Boss.”
If I weren’t already crouched down, I might have collapsed myself.
“Is he going to be okay?”
“I don’t know.”
“Where did they take him?”
“I don’t know.”
“I need to know!”
“Memorial and General are both equally close. It has to be either one of those.”
I felt dizzy because I stood up so fast. “I took the bus here. I need your car.”
Murray gave me his keys, and I took off before realizing I didn’t even know which car was his.
He followed me and put his hand on my shoulder. Sensing my disoriented state, he said, “You shouldn’t drive like this.”
“I have to. You need to stay with the dogs.”
He pointed to a small older Nissan. “That’s my car. Be careful.”
“I won’t crash.”
“I’m not worried about the shit car. I’m worried about you.”
Running to the vehicle, I dialed Damien’s phone. It went to voicemail. I then punched the address for General into my phone. Ten minutes later, I parked illegally at the emergency room entrance.
Out of breath, I rushed to the front desk. “I need to know if Damien Hennessey is here.”
“I’m sorry you’ll have to wait in line.”
Leaning into the counter, I shouted, “No! You need to tell me if he’s here!”
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