by M. A. Lee
Happy to hear I was not helping aiding a criminal, I relaxed and sat back in my seat. “Okay. Let’s see what this baby can do.” I said, smiling back at him.
Arching his eyebrows, Cole looked at me and revved the engine again. His smile twisted to reveal a naughty smile. He was turning himself on listening to the power just under his touch. “Hold on, you are in for a wild ride,” he said as he backed up and began to drive, a little too fast, but I didn’t mind. His laughter increased along with the speed of the car.
We drove through Lexington, passing by the University of Kentucky and some of our favorite restaurants and bars. We continued to drive until we reached a section of town I had never been to. Which is sad because I grew up in this town. I noticed Cole glancing at me every few minutes, watching for my expression. When he finally stopped the car, I saw that we were at an old apartment building. It was dingy and obviously old. The brick was faded and the wooden stairs were all in need of major repairs and paint. There were a few people sitting outside, talking with each other but stopped when we pulled up and parked.
“Where are we?” I asked, as Cole sat closely watching me.
“This is where I live.” he said flatly. “I wanted to show you something personal about me. I don’t bring many people here. Isaac is the only person, other than you now, that I have ever brought to where I live.”
I couldn’t believe he brought me to his home, his personal space. Cole was a pretty private person, like myself. So this must be big.
“Thank you,” I said. I looked at the rundown building and realized, there was a reason Cole didn’t bring anyone here. It would be easy to judge the building, not knowing anything about it. It was old and in need of many repairs. The old brick was stained with markings of rust and once vibrant red colors were now faded. One apartment window on the second floor seemed to be cracked, just like the pavement beneath my feet. But the people outside seemed happy, content with where they lived. I could understand why Cole may not bring a lot of people here, but the fact that he trusted me, knowing I wouldn’t judge him based on the outside of a building, showed how he felt about me. He had faith that I could see more than just an exterior, that I could look past the walls and find the good inside.
Opening his door, Cole walked around and opened my car door too and led me to a short, uneven walkway with several cracks. We climbed a flight of stairs before we stopped in front of a tan door, the number three painted in black writing that was fading. Cole hesitated before he unlocked the door, and opened it revealing a one-room studio apartment.
“Here it is,” Cole said nervously holding the door open for me. “This is where I live.”
I glanced around the space before walking in. A small bed sat in the far corner of the room, and a dresser stood at the end of the bed almost blocking the bed like a wall. A faded, brown leather couch and chipped, wooden coffee table were positioned near the door, both facing a large forty-six-inch flat screen television, which was mounted on the wall. I laughed noticing this, as the television looked strangely out of place in the small room. The walls were freshly painted a neutral tan color and were noticeably bare. A kitchen area with a small round table was to the right. For a small space, Cole had positioned his furniture to make the area seem much larger. I was impressed.
I walked over and sat on the couch, patting the seat next to me. Cole smiled and closed the door and made his to way to where I sat.
“What do you think?” he asked, looking around the room like he was unsure himself.
Smiling, I took another glance around the room. Everything about the room screamed Cole. “I love it.” I stated.
Laughing, Cole sighed. “You don’t have to lie Mel. I know it’s a dump. But it’s all I can afford right now. I am saving my money to buy my own garage. I could probably live somewhere nicer, maybe even as nice as where you live, but I kind of like it here.” His tone was full of worry. It was almost cute how nervous he was, to have me in his home.
“I’m serious,” I stated again. “I think you have done a lot with the space. Plus, I think it’s great you are saving up for your own garage. You are really motivated, and I admire you for it.” I said, smiling at him.
“Yeah, I guess I appreciate everything I have because I worked for it all. I have never had anything nice, or new. Comes with the territory of being passed around a lot as a kid.” He rubbed the back of his neck as he thought about his life. I wanted to reach out and hold him, but I also wanted to give him this moment to share more of himself with me. “After the wreck, I had a really hard time finding anyone who would hire me. Either people knew me as a troubled kid, or they recognized my name from the papers. Shit, I probably wouldn’t have hired me either,” he laughed to himself.
I nodded, understanding what he meant. Sure, I had a great childhood with loving parents and an upper class home, but I understood the stigma that came from that accident. Since a drunk driver had run a red light, I never told my parents or the police about what happened with Brody and Alice. I was never at fault for the wreck. At least not at fault to anyone else, but to Brody and myself. He and I blamed me for Alice’s death because I was driving.
“Anyway,” he continued. “I used to work on my buddy’s cars growing up. That’s the only way I was able to make money to buy food or clothes or whatever else I wanted or needed. When I finally landed the job at the garage, Jim, the owner, gave me a shot. He has been really good to me. He teaches me about all the different parts of the business. I’m a good mechanic and he knows it. But he’s teaching me the management and business side of it too. He believes in me. That really means a lot, so I work hard and I help out wherever I can.” As he talked about his job and about Jim, his eyes seemed to dance with happiness. Cole could be tough and looked the part of the bad guy, but really he was a sweet guy who had a crummy childhood.
“I really do admire you for how hard you have worked to overcome the accident and to build a life for yourself. You had a hard childhood but you pushed past it.”
Cole threw his arm around me and hugged me to his side. I inhaled his scent, my favorite smell of vanilla and spice. His body was always so warm, inviting me to cuddle even closer. “This is turning out to be a great day, I love spending time with you,” I said, not realizing I had said the words aloud first. I had meant to only think them, but once they slipped past my lips, I became embarrassed.
Strengthening his grip, Cole hugged me tighter. “Yeah, it really is,” he said, kissing me on top of my head. His warm breath tingled against my neck as he inched himself closer to me.
In that moment, my mind began to blur as my body ached for that touch again. We hadn’t talked about what had happened in my bed the other night, proving our relationship was one jacked up mess. I don’t know what came over me, again. In one instant I was sitting next to Cole, holding him tightly as I sank in his world, his personal world. The next moment, I was climbing on top of his lap, straddling him and pressing my lips together with his. Once my lips graced his, any space between us quickly disappeared. His eyes grew wild at first, then he took hold of me and kissed me back with such force it took my breath away. His hands were positioned on my neck, pulling me closer as our bodies collided against each other. His lips had a wicked effect on mine, as passion and desire coursed through my veins. My hands were in his hair, pulling and tugging at each curly strand of coal black hair. His touch thrilled every nerve in my body. The moment was intense, so powerful that I felt it becoming my new obsession. I was addicted to his touch, his kiss, and to his soul. His lips were rough but tasted sweet, a perfect combination that made me want more, much more. He was relentless as our bodies and minds collided with that one, perfect kiss. Every movement he made was calculated to bring me pleasure.
I began to move my hips so that my body was caressing his hardness. Cole’s hands transitioned to the hem of my shirt, which he quickly pulled off and threw on the floor behind him. With my breasts in clear view, Cole moved his mouth to kiss the skin p
rotruding from my black-laced bra. I allowed my head to fall back, as the sensation sent tingles down my spine. With our bodies still moving, my hands began to roam to the zipper of his jeans. In a slow, strategic movement, I unzipped his jeans and gasped as I saw his thickness protruding through his plaid boxers. A sly smile crept along my face as I took in the sight below me. Moving his hands to the hem of my jeans, I felt him carefully pulling them down as he unbuttoned each button with his smoldering eyes locked on mine. Our breathing was coming out in thick puffs as neither of us could control our bodies. Pulling my face back to his, Cole began to kiss me again as my hands slipped under his open jeans and to his throbbing member. Placing his large cock in my hands, I almost let out a shriek as I took in the size. Letting out a dangerous laugh, Cole’s eyes caused my body to heat to dangerous levels. I wanted him so badly in that moment. I needed him to take me, to dominate me, to control me in ways I had never allowed a man to do. My entire body was pulsating with a strong desire as I began rubbing my hands up and down the thickness of him. Cole’s head dropped back and he let out a loud moan in pure ecstasy.
Suddenly, my mind began to clear from the lust-filled fog that had rolled in. I sat back, removing my lips from Cole’s, and pushed him off of me. I pulled my jeans up and quickly buttoned them back together. I glanced around the space for my shirt, and then rushed to get it back on. Cole situated himself as his eyes remained closed. Once our mouths had parted, I could sense the static in the air immediately, but now it was almost too thick to breathe. My heart had betrayed me as it allowed me to act on impulse and desire rather than rational thinking. Cole opened his eyes, and I saw a glimmer of something inside as he watched me. His chest, like mine, was heaving rapidly. I took a second to catch my breath before I began talking.
“I’m sorry,” I stuttered. “I shouldn’t have done that.” I said weakly, removing myself from his lap.
Throwing his head back, Cole let out a frustrated sigh. “Why do you do that?” he asked.
“What?” I asked, that uneasy feeling growing inside me again.
“Why do you stop it? Why do you stop us from having a moment, from connecting? We obviously want each other. And trust me, it would be fucking awesome if you let me get inside of you. What are you so afraid of?” he asked, this time an edge to his voice.
I placed my hands on my hips as I struggled to form the right words to say. Nothing I would say would fix this. The line between friends and something more was gone now.
“Cole, we have talked about this. We are friends. Complicated friends, but still friends. I am not ready now, maybe not ever, to love someone again. I don’t want to hurt you. I just want to be with you, as friends.” I closed my eyes, afraid to see the expression on his face. “I don’t know how to just be your friend though. I have feelings for you that I just can’t explain,” I admitted.
I felt his hands cup my face and pull me toward him. When I opened my eyes again, I was staring into his beautiful gray eyes. He held me close, staring at me for what seemed like forever. I didn’t dare to move. I knew I was acting like a deviant. Fighting him one minute than lusting after him the next. I felt like I was being pulled in two separate directions.
As his lips began to move, I couldn’t help but turn my attention to them, watching how they curved and lifted with such grace, it was almost magical. “Mel. I am your friend. But one day, I want to be more than that. You are too stubborn now to see it,” he said, frowning. “But I will show you that you can have love, friendship, and hope again.”
All I could do was nod my head okay. There were no words for what he had just said. No response could express how I was reacting on the inside. His sentiment was perfect, highly impossible, but perfect.
We were complicated for sure. I wanted him in all ways possible, but knew I couldn’t give myself to him. He loved to push my buttons and he knew how his touch would drive me crazy, but he did it anyway. Together we were a perfect blend of a tornado and a hurricane. Everything we seemed to touch was left behind in a path of destruction. We were hot-then-cold every day. The constant turbulence of our unsure feelings and emotions were what drove us crazy, and were what kept pulling us together.
We stayed on the couch for another hour, flipping through the television and talking about why Cole had decided to move into the apartment four years ago. It was difficult trying to forget how we were only a short time ago, mauling each other like two wild animals in heat. Oh well, I guess that was all part of our twisted and complicated relationship.
When we decided to leave, Cole held my hand all the way to the car, opened my door again, and began driving. I watched him as he carried on with his life, like nothing had just happened between us. I kind of admired that about him, his ability to just turn off his emotions or forget that something wild and magical had just happened. He was able to just move forward. I wanted so badly to be like that.
Instead of turning onto the main road leading back into town and to my apartment building, Cole went down a different path.
We began driving on a small road, and as we continued on, fewer and fewer buildings passed and more trees and rolling farms became the norm. We were heading into the country, and I wasn’t sure why. The scene was beautiful. Black fences outlined several horse farms as luscious trees outlined the pastures. Several chocolate brown horses galloped through the rolling pastures and the Kentucky Blue Grass as we drove past. Their tails and manes flew in the wind as they galloped with such grace and speed, the movement alone caused my eyes to glisten with tears. The leaves on the trees were now changed to beautiful oranges, reds, and yellows and they seemed to dance like tiny flags in the slight wind. Everything about the scene looked like a painting with beautiful accent colors and perfectly placed objects.
“Um, where are we going?” I asked, watching as the scene unfolded for several miles.
Without answering, Cole began to pick up speed, both hands gripped around the leather steering wheel. My heart began to race as I realized we were driving really, really fast. His face was full of various emotions as he kept his eyes focused ahead. Becoming fearful, I cried out again. “Cole, what are you doing? Where are we going?”
“We are driving. We are going to have fun. You are going to live,” he said, his voice flat.
I was becoming afraid now, as the outside views became a blur with our increasing speed. My mind began to flash back to the accident two years ago. I had sped like this, focused only on my anger and the road. I hadn’t seen the rain, or the other cars, or the lightning that struck when all three cars collided. I only saw my hurt and anger. Was this what Cole saw too? Did I upset him that much with my kiss at his apartment? Growing fearful, I didn’t think I could take much more. Tears filled my eyes as I felt my body growing numb. I sat back, hard against my seat and stared at the ceiling of the car. I began to cry slowly at first, then the sobs came down like a heavy rain storm.
Without warning, Cole violently pulled the car over on the side of the road, sending gravel and dirt flying around us. As soon as the car stopped, I jumped out and ran to the grass and collapsed. My body couldn’t take the fear anymore. I couldn’t take the pain or the images anymore.
I felt Cole’s embrace as I cried, lying in the long grass. “I am sorry,” he whispered. “I had to do it. I wanted to scare you,” he said.
Pushing him off me, I scooted back farther away from him. I wiped my eyes so I could clearly see his face. “Why would you want to scare me?” I asked, anger penetrating my voice.
Cole stood, towering over me. He ran his hands through his hair as he began pacing next to the car. He was cursing silently as he stared up at the sky. Finally turning to me, he threw his hands up in the air. “Mel, you are not living. You are just existing. You have allowed that accident two years ago to destroy your life; it is as if you are in some kind of limbo.” He knelt down next to me, and took my hands in his. “I wanted you to feel real fear. I want you to realize that fear can go away too.”
Ta
king his hands, Cole wiped away my tears and helped me off the ground. “I want to live again,” I said, my voice barely audible. “I am just scared. I haven’t driven in two years. Being with you has been the first time I have really laughed or smiled since that night. I just don’t know how to get better.” I stated, the truth finally coming out.
Cole placed the keys in my hands and then led me back to the car. I began to protest, but stopped when he helped me into the driver’s side of the car. “You are going to live again,” he said, as he walked to the passenger side and slid in next to me.
I sat in the seat, keys in my hands, and felt paralyzed. I opened my mouth, but Cole only hushed me as he took the keys and placed them in the ignition. I felt the car roar to life under me and I tensed immediately. I turned to face Cole, but he was smiling at me, nodding his head.
I placed my hands on the steering wheel and put the car in gear. Even though it had been two years, it felt like second nature to me. I checked the mirrors and then slowly pushed down on the gas pedal and the car slowly moved forward.
I squealed, as I forgot how much power a car could hold. A smile spread on my face as I realized how much I had missed driving. How I had missed the power and comfort that came with driving a vehicle.
“Just drive,” Cole demanded as he held his breath and smiled. He lifted an eyebrow as he glanced in my direction.
Pushing down even more, I watched as the speedometer increased. Ten. Twenty. Thirty. Forty. Fifty. I was pushing the car and myself as we sped down the road. Cole rolled his window down and placed one hand out into the air that was blowing past. I did the same, and felt the cool, crisp, October air rush my face. I felt invigorated. I felt alive.
“I forgot how much fun this is,” I said, the wind blowing my hair all around my face.