by M. A. Lee
As for Cole, he busied himself at the shop and fixing cars for his friends and neighbors. Occasionally, he would show up at the tattoo parlor to help Isaac, but if I would allow it, Cole would hang out with me while I was studying or editing another manuscript. It was almost as if he enjoyed the quietness when I worked in my apartment. He would sit and quietly watch television or rest on the couch with me as I studied. I was growing used to his presence around my apartment, especially since Lauren was never home anymore.
Once finals were over, Thanksgiving came and went without any issues. Lauren and Isaac spent the holiday with Lauren’s family, I went home to mine, and Cole enjoyed Burger King with Kat and Smalls who apparently hate family gatherings.
It wasn’t until December had come that I started to feel the pressure of my senior year of college looming.
“I don’t understand why you are freaking out,” Cole began, eyeing me as I scanned my college course catalog. I had one day left to select my Spring Semester classes. These would be the final classes I would take in college and I wanted to make sure I didn’t just fulfill my degree requirements, but that I also took classes that interested me and that I felt would actually benefit me in the real world.
Sighing, I closed the catalog and leaned back against the sofa cushions. “I know this sounds crazy, but I just want to make sure I make my last semester in college everything I want it to be. I want everything to be perfect.” I stated.
Cracking a smile, Cole began rubbing my feet that were sprawled across his lap. “You worry too much,” he joked. “You make good grades. You go to class and turn in all your work. I know you will have a great last semester. Dammit, you just need to stop worrying and actually believe in yourself,” he said strongly.
“I do believe in myself.” I shouted. “That is why I am in college and busting my ass to make sure I have a good future.” I continued as I kept my firm stance.
“No you don’t.” Cole shouted back, standing so that he was towering over me. His eyes bore into mine as he tried to appear intimidating. “That’s your biggest problem, Mel. You allow your fears about everything; the wreck, getting your heart broken again, you not succeeding, you let those things bother you. If you would just open your damn eyes and see that you are perfect and amazing and brilliant, you wouldn’t have to worry about the other stuff anymore. I am so sick of hearing you talk bad about yourself and throw these pity party tantrums. You have nothing to worry about, yet that is all you do.” He stopped talking and began angrily running his hands through his wavy black hair. He began pacing the room, muttering profanities under his breath.
I stood, unable to speak for what seemed like forever. I had never heard Cole yell at me before. I was angry and turned on all at the same time.
“Look, you can’t talk to me like that,” I yelled as I rushed over to where Cole was now standing next to the apartment door. I grabbed his arm and turned him around so that he was facing me. “Cole, if we are friends, then you just can’t lose it on me for no reason.” My voice trembled with anger and hurt as I spoke to him.
His eyes traveled to mine and before I could yell at him again, he wrapped his big arms around me and hugged me close. “I am sorry I yelled at you, but as your friend,” he said, almost growling as he said the word friend, “it is my obligation to call you out on your shit. You are going to do great. You just need to relax a little bit. I think you would be a lot happier if you just let it all go and smiled.”
“I am happy,” I began, before stumbling over my own words. “Well, I am happy enough.” I added, knowing Cole was probably the one person in the world who I couldn’t lie to. He seemed to have some weird ESP or could read minds.
“Yeah, but don’t you want to be happy? Not happy enough, or happy sometimes, but just pure happy?” he asked, his dark eyes glaring into mine.
Nodding my head yes, I just stared at him. “I want to be happy, I really do,” I said honestly. “I think I am happier now than I was two years ago.” I added, feeling the power of my words. It was true, after my accident I had lost faith in myself, and pretty much anyone and everything. However, all of that had changed and I could feel myself letting my guard down. I still feared the storm that could once again rip apart my world, but it didn’t paralyze me anymore.
“Good. You are making progress.” Cole said, squeezing my shoulder as he continued to hold me tightly. I didn’t move or struggle to get out of his grasp. I loved the feeling I got when I was in his arms. It was like that feeling you get when you have been away for a very long time, and you return home and everything seems right again.
“Any more of those crazy dreams?” he asked, concern filling his sweet eyes.
Shaking my head, I allowed a smile to light up my face. “Nope. The last few months I have been able to sleep and my dreams have not been filled with demons and monsters from my past.”
Squeezing me tighter, Cole sighed with relief.
Looking up, I met his gaze and smiled. “When did you finally allow yourself to be happy, truly happy?” I asked, watching how he licked his lips before he spoke. The small act had so much power to it.
Cole thought for a moment. “I guess,” he began, letting out a deep breath before continuing, “I guess I became truly happy and let everything bad in my heart and mind go the moment I met you.”
I gasped, unable to breathe. I wondered if he were being completely honest with me. Knowing Cole, he was. His proclamation scared me, I mean totally freaked me out beyond anything imaginable. The truth was, I think if he had asked me the same question, my answer would have been the same.
“Why do you ask?” he asked me.
“Just curious,” I responded, growing anxious by the conversation.
Laughing, Cole wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me close to him. I edged my hands against his chest as I lightly tried to push away from him. Noticing this, Cole only held me tighter.
“You know what I think?” he said, as he placed his face only inches away from mine.
Shaking my head, no, I had no breath in me to respond. Being this close to Cole caused my body to shut down and give in.
“I think you are happy. Well, at least happier than when I first met you. I think you are starting to enjoy your life again and it is all because of me,” he stated with a proud grin on his face.
Nervously laughing, I only attempted to push him away again. “You are so cocky and arrogant,” I declared, as I tried to hide the smirk on my face.
“Yes, I am cocky and arrogant and you love it,” he joked back.
“Whatever,” I said rolling my eyes and trying to hide my face. I wasn’t sure if my facial expressions could hide the fact that he was indeed, correct. Cole was the reason for my happiness. He had shown me how to live again and I did love that. But that feeling, that raw and unguarded emotion frightened me more than any monsters ever could.
14
Over the course of the last two weeks, I had finished my finals at school and was enjoying my Christmas Vacation. I knew once January hit, I would have to buckle down and really commit myself to school and work. Right now though, I was enjoying working part-time at my internship and not stressing about school. Ms. Harvey had closed the office for a few weeks so she could travel to see family. I appreciated the short vacation I was offered.
I regretted telling Lauren about my conversation with Cole two weeks ago. Ever since I confided in her, she had been reminding me every day what he had said. “I became truly happy and let everything bad in my heart and mind go the moment I met you.” Those words were now everywhere I went. While driving in the car I heard them on the radio. Watching television, I would swear I would hear them being whispered during a romantic comedy. And, every time I saw Cole, or heard him speak, or felt him, those words would replay in my mind.
It was just like Cole not to mention them again. He didn’t focus his time and energy rehashing our conversations the way Lauren did. Cole has kissed me, almost confessed deep feelings for me,
and told me I am the reason he is happy. With all of those things between us, he still hasn’t acted weird or strange around me. For some reason, I haven’t felt weird or strange around him. Some days I even wonder, did those events really happen or did I dream them? But, when I see his face, I am one hundred percent positive that those wonderful and amazing things happened. Even if I don’t want to talk about them. Man, I really might be bipolar.
“What are your plans for Christmas?” Lauren asked as she threw a load of her dirty laundry into our shared washing machine. She had spent the last week at Isaac’s house, and I could tell they were way past serious.
“My parents are going skiing in Colorado with some of their friends,” I said, sitting on the living room sofa watching a cheesy Hallmark Christmas movie. “They invited me, but I need to save money right now.”
I heard the water begin rushing into the washing machine as Lauren slammed the lid closed. She came in and plopped down beside me. Her face seemed to be constantly marked with a permanent smile. “I am going to take Isaac home, to my parents’ house this Christmas. My parents want me to spend the holiday at home, and they said Isaac could come too. He has to stay in the guest room, but I plan on sneaking him into my room every night.” she giggled, hugging herself as she thought about Isaac.
“That’s great Lauren,” I exclaimed. “I am sure he will enjoy being around your family. Especially since he isn’t that close with his.” I added.
“Yeah,” Lauren sighed. “I hate that Isaac and Cole didn’t grow up like we did. I mean, sure having money doesn’t fix everything, but we had good homes and parents who actually cared for us. I don’t know how Isaac and Cole are as amazing as they are.”
I thought about what she had said for a moment. It really showed someone’s true character and willpower when they can come from such a terrible home life and end up being great and caring people.
“What about Cole? Is he staying here?” she asked, trying to get the dirt on my diabolical relationship with Cole.
“I guess he is staying here too,” I said. “He hasn’t really said anything about it.” I should probably ask him.”
Just as I finished my sentence, my phone chimed to alert me of a text. Of course it was Cole. Only two people texted me Lauren and Cole. My parents called, but never texted.
Cole: What’s up?
Me: Not much, talking with Lauren about plans over Christmas Break.
Cole: Cool. What are your plans?
Me: Staying here. My parents are going to Colorado with friends, and Lauren and Isaac are going to her parents’ house.
Cole: Cool, let’s meet up and hang out this week. No one should spend Christmas alone.
Me: Sounds fun! I will text you.
Cole: Okay. Look outside.
Me: Why?
Cole: Just do it, please!
I stood up and walked to my apartment window that faced the parking lot. As I opened the blinds, I saw white, fluffy snowflakes falling from a gray sky. The pavement below was already covered in a thin dusting of snow and it appeared the snow, wasn’t letting up anytime soon.
“Lauren, it is snowing!” I yelled as I motioned for her to come look with me.
Jumping up, Lauren ran to my side and began clapping as she watched the flakes dance around the sky.
“I love snow; it makes me feel like a kid again!” she exclaimed.
I ran back to the couch where I had left my phone and began texting Cole again.
Me: It is snowing!
Cole: Really, I had no clue!
Me: Shut up! Thanks for telling me, I didn’t even realize the weather was changing so quickly.
Cole: Yep. It’s the only thing I like about winter, the snow.
Me: Me too!
I smiled at my phone and looked up and was caught by Lauren. She stood next to me, a huge goofy grin spread across her face. I shook my head, already knowing what she was about to say.
“I am not going to say anything,” Lauren announced as she turned toward her bedroom. I was completely shocked and, at the same time, a little afraid.
***
I watched Isaac and Lauren load their suitcases in the back of Isaac’s truck as a slight powdery snow began to fall. The sky was a light gray and everything seemed to reflect the cold, December afternoon. Waving goodbye, they drove away as I turned to walk back inside the apartment. I was kind of excited to have a few days alone in the apartment. Sure, I loved Lauren, but sometimes I wished I lived alone so I could just have privacy and be alone.
I spent the afternoon and evening watching Christmas movies curled up on my couch with a warm blanket and cookies. Cole had been texting me all day wanting to hang out since we were both alone. After several failed attempts to divert him, I finally agreed to see him tomorrow on Christmas Eve. We had decided to get each other a small gift, since we were friends after all. I had spent weeks trying to find the best gift for him. Cole was not someone who was easy to shop for. He wore the same black or gray tee shirts every day and wasn’t someone into material items. Finally, after racking my brain, I had decided on a metal tool case with his name engraved at the top. It was a shiny silver color and looked very rugged, yet professional. I knew Cole was saving his money so he could one day own his own shop, so I thought it would be nice if he had a nice tool case for all of his tools. I had placed an antique sports car magazine and office organizer inside. I thought they could all be things he could use when he one day, achieved his dream.
The next morning, I rushed through the apartment and cleaned the messes I had left since Lauren had been gone. Now, I am usually a very clean and organized person. However, with no class schedules, homework, or work to keep me on a tight schedule, I had become a slob. I quickly did my laundry and dishes and ran the vacuum over the carpet.
When Cole finally arrived, I felt that strange sensation rush over me that always appeared when Cole was around. It was a mixture of excitement and a terrifying thrill ride. I tried to ignore the heat in my face and the butterflies in my stomach as Cole walked through the front door.
“Hey,” he said as he looked around the small space. “I was expecting a mess,” he joked.
“Why?” I asked, thankful I had cleaned the apartment.
“You have been practically an unemployed bum all week. I thought you would have been laying around watching movies and eating cookies.” He stated, looking a little sad that he was wrong.
I tried to hold back the shock I felt as I realized Cole had basically described my entire week. Letting out a slight laugh, I shook my head. “I guess you don’t know me as well as you thought you did.” I mused.
Cole placed a large, wrapped box on the side table by the couch. Looking at the couch, Cole sat down and laughed. He picked up a few cookie crumbs I had missed and brushed them off the couch. “Sure,” he began. “I guess I just don’t know you at all.”
Rushing toward him, I inspected the crumbs as I tried to find a way out of this mess. “Um,” I began. Damn, I wish I were a better liar.
Pulling me on top of him, Cole began tickling me as he teased me. I tried to squirm away, but his grasp was too strong. He had me on his lap as his fingers dug into my sides, moving in circles so that I had no choice but to laugh. After a few painful, yet hilarious minutes, Cole finally gave up and let me go.
Reaching over me, Cole grabbed the present he brought with him. I jumped up and ran to the Christmas tree in the corner of the room and grabbed the only present under the tree, Coles.
“So, do you want to exchange at the same time or watch each other open the presents?” I asked as I sat back down next to him. I was excited to give him his gift, and oddly enough, I was excited to get mine. Brody had been the only guy I had ever dated who had given me presents. I wasn’t sure how I would feel once I saw what Cole had given me. I didn’t have high expectations. Not because Cole didn’t care for me, but because he was a guy. My friend. Someone who never went to the mall or cared about clothes, jewelry, or basically anyth
ing other than cars.
“I want to give you your present first,” he said as he placed the large box on my lap. “I want to see your face when you open it. I never did the whole Christmas thing growing up. My relatives who got stuck with me either didn’t have the money to buy presents, or didn’t care enough to get me anything.” He paused and thought for a moment. His eyes displayed such sadness that I wanted to reach out and hug him, and cradle him in my arms. How anyone could be so cruel to a child, I just couldn’t understand. I placed my hand on his and squeezed, letting him know I cared and was thankful for whatever he would give me. I cringed internally for thinking earlier that Cole wouldn’t put any thought into my gift. I was giving him his first real Christmas. “Anyway, I hope you like what I got you.” He finished, handing me the present.
The shiny, red wrapping paper was perfectly wrapped around a large square box. It was obvious he had taken it to a department store or asked someone to help him wrap it. The gift was beautiful, and for a moment, I took in the scene. I wanted to memorize everything about this gift, and Cole’s face full of excitement and nervousness as I held the present in my hands.
I began pulling the tape away, allowing the paper to fall around me. I was surprised to find that once I pulled all of the paper away, a small box was set inside the larger box. I pulled out the small box and removed the lid. I let out a gasp as I peeked inside and saw it was jewelry, a necklace to be exact.
I glanced up at Cole as tears began to fill my eyes. I knew he shouldn’t have been spending any large amounts of money on me. He needed to save his money for his shop. “Cole,” I began as I ran my fingers over the shiny silver necklace. As I pulled it out of the box slowly, I allowed the light to reflect off the small pendants hanging from the thin, chain.
I held it up to my face, marveling in the thoughtfulness and beauty of the gift. “Cole, this is beautiful.” I said, unable to say anything else.
His eyes were watching me closely and a large smile was spreading across his face. “Really?” he asked.