by M. A. Lee
***
Rolling over, I felt the sheets perfectly tangled between my bare legs. Cole had slept over again and I was in pure heaven as I watched him sleep next to me. His black curly hair was messy as it lay against the lavender pillowcase. I wanted to enjoy this moment for as long as I could. As soon as Cole woke, I would break the news to him that I had already planned a vacation to California and that I was considering accepting a job in San Diego. I had left out that small detail when I informed him of our vacation. I wasn’t sure why or how I would tell him, but I couldn’t keep the secret for long.
Ms. Harvey continually checked in on me about what my thoughts were about my future in the publishing world. She had spent the last three years teaching me all aspects of the publishing company. I had watched her perform her tasks and duties as a literary agent for several of the company’s clients. She handled all of the marketing and packaging of the deals as well as monitored the editors and public relations specialists daily. While my true passion was in editing, she made sure I learned every job to be performed. This I knew was a vital key in helping me obtain a job in a publishing company one day.
As graduation approached, she was now hounding me to make a decision. After telling Cole about our vacation options, I had left out one small detail. I had booked our hotel reservations at the San Diego Hilton and confirmed our airplane tickets yesterday. I had a scheduled meeting with the head of the San Diego publishing house to interview for a head literary agent in that location. As much as I would hate to leave everyone in Kentucky, I needed to experience a part of my dream.
“Good morning,” Cole said, his voice deep and groggy. The combination was sexy and dangerous.
“Good morning,” I replied, snuggling back into my sheets and next to Cole’s bare chest. “I have been waiting for you to wake up.”
Glancing at the clock on my bedside stand, Cole rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. “It’s only nine in the morning. How long have you been awake?” he asked as he pulled me in closer.
Trying to act coy, I peeked up at him to find him searching my face. “I have been up for a while,” I admitted. “I want to talk to you about something and I guess I just couldn’t sleep.”
Now he sat up, causing me to roll off his perfectly sculpted abs and back to my boring bed sheets. Pouting, I tossed a pillow behind my back and sat up with him. “What do you need to talk about?” he asked, his voice full of concern. “Why didn’t you just wake me?”
“You looked so peaceful sleeping. I didn’t want to wake you. Plus, I know how busy you have been with the shop opening and working extra hours so I thought you needed the sleep.”
“Don’t worry about me,” he began. “Come on, just tell me what is keeping you awake.” He demanded.
Sighing, I faked a smile as I tried to act like this conversation was just a breezy topic instead of one that may upset him. “Well, it’s about our vacation.” I began. My hands were shaking from my nervousness and I tried to keep my voice steady and calm. “I sort of already planned our trip. We are going to San Diego, California in two weeks. We are staying at a really nice resort downtown called the San Diego Hilton.” I paused, awaiting his first reaction.
“Awesome!” He yelled. “I’m glad you picked the location. I have never been anywhere outside of Kentucky, so I would have no clue where to pick as a vacation spot. Plus, this is your celebration trip. You should be the one to decide where we go and when.” He stopped and began tickling me. “Is that why you were so worried? You thought I would be mad you planned the trip without me? Seriously, I am relieved!” He laughed as he held me down, his body weight pushing me further against the mattress underneath me. His large hands caressed every part of my body, causing my limps to shake and my body to passionately convulse under his touch. I laughed with him, trying to push his strong arms off of me, but of course, I was no match for his strength and size. I yelled out for help, only to find myself screaming with laughter. Hair flew over my face and I struggled to see his beautiful face.
He stopped his attack and gently pushed my unruly strands of hair aside and out of my eyes. “That’s better,” he stated. “I need to see that beautiful face.”
It was comments like that, that caused my body to instantly cave in to his every want and need. He could have asked me to rob a bank and I wouldn’t have been able to say no.
Regaining my composure, I crawled out from underneath him and sat crisscrossed beside him. “I need to tell you one more thing,” I began hoping he would hear the seriousness in my voice. Instead, his phone rang and he glanced over at the screen and saw it was Tim, one of his new employees.
He held up a finger, motioning for me to hold on as he answered the call. Normally, Cole would have ignored any other phone call as we sat in bed together. However, with his new business flourishing, he always made a point to answer any and all calls related to work. Respecting his work ethic, I made sure never to get upset if I had to wait for his attention.
After listening to the person on the other end, Cole nodded intently. “Sure man. I will be there in a few minutes.”
Hanging up the phone, Cole gave me a pained expression as he rolled out of bed and began putting on his jeans. “Sorry babe. That was Tim. He had a buddy call and thinks his engine might have blown. I need to get to the shop to let Tim into the garage and to help him. This could be a major cost, which means big bucks for us.” He said, a smile glowing on his face. He was so proud of his shop and I loved how happy that accomplishment made him feel.
“Sure. I understand. I will talk to you this afternoon after I get out of class.” I said as I tried to hide the disappointment in my voice. I understood he had to leave and I would never be upset with him for that. But, I really wanted to talk with him about California.
“Thanks babe. You are the best.” He said as he kissed me goodbye and then ran out the door.
Sighing, I threw myself back against my pillows and yelled out in frustration. No matter what happened tonight, I had to tell Cole my plans. I only hoped he would still love me after everything was said and done.
27
“You are such a wimp,” Lauren yelled at me from across the hall.
I had unfortunately told her how I chickened out that morning and let Cole leave for work before telling him my plans for California. Even though Lauren was still upset about the idea of me moving clear across the country, she had been more understanding to the idea than I had thought she would be.
“I meant to tell him,” I whined, as I continued reading over my latest manuscript that I was editing. I wanted to make sure my notes were clear and concise before I turned them in on my deadline tomorrow. “He had to head to the shop, and I didn’t want to make him late for work. Plus, I had to get to class.”
“Sure,” Lauren replied as she sorted through her clean laundry. “You have to tell him tonight, Mel. Graduation is next week. You are leaving in two weeks for that insane vacation. I am still jealous that my parents are not sending me on some elaborate trip for graduating. Anyways, you are running out of time. Don’t just throw this on him. I mean, he has to find someone to watch the shop while you all are gone. He needs to know what he is about to get himself into.”
I hadn’t thought much about how much Cole would be sacrificing if I went to California. Sure we loved each other, but it’s not like we are engaged or anything. He has his shop here, and I know it would be difficult for him to leave. But, he could visit me in California. And, I could fly home and visit him and my family and friends, too. If he could just listen to me and see my vision, he may be willing to keep our relationship while I am gone.
Before I could respond to Lauren, my phone chimed with a new text.
Cole: Hey, babe. Sorry I had to rush out this morning. I meant to call when I was free here, but you were in class.
Me: I understand. No worries!
Cole: Come over to my apartment tonight at six. I am making you dinner.
Me: Are you sure? Do you cook?
>
Cole: Yes, I am sure. No, I don’t cook. I will pick up something.
Me: Lol. Good. Sounds awesome. I’ll see you later!
Cole: Great! Love you.
Me: Love you
I could hear Lauren making kissing noises in her room and I stopped staring at my phone to give her a disgusted look. “What?” I asked, trying to hide my amusement.
“You!” she cried out. “Whenever you talk to Cole, your face lights up and you get this silly smile. Mel, you are so head over heels in love, it’s almost disgusting!”
Laughing, I huffed and pretended to pout. “You are one to talk,” I yelled back. “You have Isaac wrapped around your pinky finger. You are about to be his wifey!”
Laughing too, Lauren stuck her tongue out at me. “I know, right! We are so in love with our guys, it’s almost sickening!” she laughed and continued to fold her laundry and dance around her room like an adolescent teen.
Trying to ignore her hilarious dance moves, I turned back to my notes. It was hard to focus now. Cole had given me the perfect opportunity to tell him about my plans. Lauren had just ingrained in my mind that our lives were practically perfect now and I may, just maybe, be about to cloud over that new happiness. Oh no.
***
I arrived at Cole’s apartment at 5:50 p.m. The air was crisp and cool, but not cold. Warmer temperatures were on the horizon, and I could smell the scent of spring and change in the air.
Cole’s apartment smelled of Cajun spices and garlic. My mouth began to water as I walked toward the small kitchen and found his old card table set up as a kitchen table. Two plates (his only two dishes) were positioned on the table with two wine glasses (mine with my favorite pink Moscato and his with water) and a plate of garlic bread in the center. As he sauntered over to the table, I saw he had two take out boxes from my favorite Cajun restaurant. Chicken Cajun Pasta poured onto our plates as Cole continued to set the meal. I was in awe at how thoughtful he was. Of course, I never expected him to cook. Once, I had tried to teach him how to make a basic meal of spaghetti, but after he burned the meat sauce and turned the noodles to mush, I decided it was best that we either dine out or let me cook.
“Everything smells wonderful” I complimented as I walked over to one of the small wooden chairs.
Offering a smile, Cole pulled my chair out for me, then sat near me in his chair and placed a large helping of the pasta on my plate. For a guy who grew up without a dad to each him chivalry, he sure knew how to treat a lady. He was always holding doors open for me, or pulling chairs out for me to sit.
“Let’s eat,” he clapped as he began digging into his meal.
I took a few bites and savored the creamy and spice filled sauce. My taste buds were delighted, as I made sure to chew slowly, allowing my senses to be filled with each taste. “This is delicious,” I added, as I wiped my mouth with my napkin.
“Yeah, I’ve been cooking for hours,” he joked as he shoved another mouthful in his mouth. I had to laugh. Even though he could be a perfect gentleman, he still ate like a cave man.
After eating and spending a few minutes catching up on each other’s day, we washed the dishes and refrigerated the remainder of the pasta left. Once the kitchen was tidy, we made our way to the living area and fell onto the couch. Our bellies were full and we were tired from our hectic daily schedules. Deciding this was as good of a time as any, I finally decided to talk with Cole.
Turning off the television, I gained his attention quickly. He was trying to catch up on Sports Center but the instant the screen went black, he turned to me.
“I want to talk to you about something,” I said, making sure I was not sitting too close to Cole. His effect on me sometimes could be lethal. One touch and my mind would forget everything I needed to say. I scooted further down the couch so that we were not touching.
Sitting upright, Cole took in the distance between us. His eyebrows rose and his face turned serious. “Okay. I am listening.”
Inhaling and exhaling a deep breath, I finally mustered the courage to begin. “Well, remember how I told you when we first met that it was my dream to go to California?” I asked, trying to show him my decision had been something I have thought about forever.
“Yeah,” he said curiously.
“Okay. I have wanted to go out West for, well forever. Now that I get the opportunity to spend a week in San Diego, I have decided to interview for an assistant literary agent position at the MEA Literary Agency’s San Diego office.” I paused and waited while the information sank in.
Cole’s eyes grew wild and large as he realized what this meant. “Hold on,” he yelled, jumping off the couch and pacing the small space in front of me. “So we are going to San Diego so you can interview for a job?”
I nodded yes, afraid to say anything just yet.
Throwing his hands in his hair, he let out a frustrated sigh. “Is this a joke? I thought this was supposed to be a graduation present. A way for us to spend time together alone. Instead, you planned this trip so you could interview for a job that you will more than likely get, and then move across the country and far away from me?”
“This isn’t about you!” I screamed. He was being irrational. I needed to explain myself to him. I stood slowly and reached out to him. He pushed my hands away as I tried to grab his. His callous move angered me, and I could feel my blood begin to boil deep inside me. “Don’t you dare push away from me.”
“What am I supposed to do? My girlfriend wants to take me across the country to show me where she will live.” His voice was enraged and full of fear and sadness. I knew he was hurting, but I had to explain myself to him.
“Cole, please, just listen to me. I don’t know if I will get the job or not. But, this has been my dream forever,” I explained.
“Yeah. Well, you have been my dream forever.” He said in a flat voice that scared me.
“Cole...” I began, but he walked away and stood by the lone window in the room.
“Melanie, my life is here. If this were six months ago and I didn’t have the shop, then, I could go with you. But, I can’t just pick up my life and move across the country right now.”
“I am not asking you to,” I cried, the tears escaping my eyes as I tried to fight them back.
“Great. So is this what you really wanted to tell me? You are breaking up with me? Ending us.” His voice was devoid of emotion but his face displayed a broken man.
“No, I don’t want us to be over, Cole. I have to try. I have to see if I can do this.” I stated flatly.
“I understand you need to do this, but what about me, Mel?” He looked at me with such sadness, a part of me wanted to just jump in his arms and forget about my plans. But, I couldn’t do that. I loved Cole, but I have to love me too.
“This isn’t about you,” I said, trying to control the anger building inside me. This was killing me more than he knew, but his reaction was causing me to erupt.
“Of course it’s not about me,” he cried out. “Everything is always about you Melanie.” The sharpness of his tone tore through my heart. Did he really think I was selfish?
“Stop it!” I screamed. I ran over to him and forced him to turn around and look at me. His eyes faced the floor as I held his head in my hands. “Cole. I love you. I know you are upset and confused, but I promise it will be ok. You just have to trust me.”
Shaking his head, Cole slowly broke my heart into a million un-mendable pieces. “I don’t know how we could make our relationship work if you are living across the country. I need some time to think about this.”
I released his face and stepped back away from him. Tears were now running down my face as I tried to find the courage to walk away from him. “I am going to walk out that door right now,” I stated, as I made my way to his front door. “I graduate next weekend. I would like for you to be there and at my parent’s party. If you don’t show up, then I know you are too upset to understand my decision to leave. If you do show up to watch me earn a d
iploma for my hard work in college, then there is faith that we can push through this and find a way to come out stronger. I will give you a week to make a decision.” I said, as I opened the door and took a step out onto the front entryway.
“What about you? How will I know your decision?” he asked, his head down and facing the bare floor beneath him.
“I just gave you my answer.” I said, as I closed the door and refused to turn around and look back. I ran straight to my car and drove home as fast as I could. I refused to look in the rearview mirror. I refused to check my phone. Everything inside me screamed to go back to him. To tell him I would never leave him. Instead, I went home, found a suitcase, and began packing.
28
There are certain moments in your life that you just know you will never forget. The first day of middle school. The day you graduate high school. The day you meet the love of your life and soul mate. These moments can define the essence of your life and the journey of your past. For me, the day I graduate from college will be one of those milestones that I know will forever hold a special place in my heart. I just hope that image is one of Cole and me together and not one of me standing alone with my diploma.
“Mel, hurry up please. Isaac and Kat are already there. My parents said they were finding a parking space.” Lauren was busy running around the apartment as she dressed in a tight black dress and fixed her hair. Hanging from each of our bedroom doors were our perfectly ironed Kentucky Blue caps and gowns.
The madness that ensued was definitely keeping my mind off of Cole. Well, at least it did for a few minutes before I would quickly remind myself that I still hadn’t heard from him. I had been avoiding seeing or talking to my parents since my fight with Cole. I knew they would question me today if he did not attend my graduation ceremony or after party. I dreaded the thought of having to explain to them his reasons for being upset. Unfortunately, I had a gut feeling that they too would be upset with me once they found out what I planned to do once I went to California. Sure, I am an adult and can make my own decisions. But as an only child, my parents had been a bit over protective throughout the years and had the expectation that I would stay close to home. I knew my leaving would break their hearts, but I hoped they would remember back to a time when they felt it necessary to leave the safety of their parent’s world and venture out alone.