Alex shrugged. "We'll see."
Kara shifted in her seat and twisted around to check out what the black sedan was doing. It was still there, now right behind them. They weren't even trying to be covert.
"How is your dad doing?"
Like Kara, Alex appeared nervous about the black sedan. She scanned her mirrors. "Our dad? It's touch and go. The second heart attack did a lot of damage."
"Will they let us go up?"
"They have to, he's desperate to see you."
"I want to see him too," Kara said, as much to herself as to her sister.
"Thank you. It will good for you both."
"You said I have other sisters. What are they like?"
"You seem sad, maybe meeting him will make you feel better." Alex was trying to delve deeper but Kara wanted to change topics.
"Didn't you say there are two others?"
The slate-gray Hudson River, to their left, had small whitecaps from the March wind. Occasionally they passed a crop of moored sailboats, waiting for spring.
"Pigeon is the youngest. She's rebellious, a lost soul." Alex clicked on her left signal and moved into the passing lane. The black sedan did the same.
"Why do you call her Pigeon?" Kara pictured someone small, with a flexible neck.
"Monica, but she's been Pigeon since she could walk. I think Vanessa—that's our middle sister—called her that because of the way she moved. Anyway, the name stuck."
"Tell me about Vanessa."
Alex seemed edgy; she kept tugging at her hair and shifting in her seat. "Sophisticated, but I'm worried about her. I think she may be using drugs." She clamped a hand over her mouth. "I can't believe I just told you that."
Kara sought to make all of this information real, but so far it was just conversation, like discussing characters in a novel. She tried for an empathetic tone: "It's been that kind of a day."
"Indeed." Alex peered at her sideways. "Can I ask you something?"
"Okay."
"What are you going to do about the FBI?"
"Help them. I have no choice."
* * *
Alex was amazed at how easy it was to be with Kara. The cold, unforgiving person she had met earlier today was not the woman sitting next to her in the Jeep. This Kara was warm, vulnerable, intelligent, and as mixed up as Alex was.
They had just passed the George Washington Bridge, its lights strung across the Hudson River as if expecting a party. At this rate, they'd be at the hospital in less than thirty minutes. She turned up the music.
As nervous as Kara appeared to Alex, she seemed like someone who could take care of herself. Here she was meeting her birth father for the first time, while FBI agents followed her. Michael's words came back to her: who knew what else Kara was dealing with? Alex took a sip of water from an old bottle in the cup holder. She glanced at the rearview mirror. The FBI agents were still right behind them. She could see the male driver's hat-covered head and the female in the passenger seat. "They don't seem dangerous to me," she said to Kara with a shrug.
Kara cracked a smile.
For the first time since her search began, Alex was glad her father had asked her to do this.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
The hospital lobby was busy even though it was well past visiting hours, which ended at eight thirty. Kara and Alex were not the only people who'd just arrived. Three adults, perhaps family members, walked in behind them, and an elderly man using a cane was only a few steps ahead. The woman at the reception desk appeared uninterested.
People were also leaving. Visitors stepped off the elevator. Some of them moved with speed, as if eager to get away from whatever or whomever they left upstairs; others lingered, chatting with each other the way family members did during the final moments of a reunion, reluctant for it to end.
As Kara took it all in, she wondered if Bellevue was this clean and bright. Did it smell like sickness, or more like an office building, the way this lobby did? Were the doctors and nurses taking good care of Flyer?
The steady click-clack-click of Alex's car keys pulled Kara back to the purpose at hand. Alex stood to Kara's left, her eyes darting around. Kara could feel her agitation, which matched her own. Since she was small, Kara had imagined this day a thousand times, but it was never like this. They were always at a house filled with family and pets: Kara not only had Marty, but a puppy; of course, she had a room of her own. Her father was healthy, looking just like he did in the picture, and he was ecstatic to see her. She braced herself for reality.
"Excuse me," said a hefty aide pushing a woman in a wheelchair. "Coming through." Alex and Kara stepped aside.
"Are you ready?" Alex asked.
How could she possibly be ready? "Sure."
Just to their left a voice interrupted, "Alex, Alex, over here." It belonged to a young woman with short black hair streaked with purple. She skirted a cluster of people and trotted over. "This place is crazy."
"You got here." Alex threw her arms around the woman and pulled her close. "Did you just land? Does Mom know you're here?"
This had to be Alex's sister Pigeon—not just Alex's sister, but hers as well. Kara searched for resemblances. It was strange meeting people who were blood relatives for the first time, people who a few days ago Kara didn't know existed. This sister was shorter than both Alex and Kara. Although by no means heavy, there was stockiness to her build, quite the opposite of Alex's leanness. She was dressed in jeans and an Angora sweater that shed wisps of wool with each movement; there were no similarities Kara could see in Pigeon's pointy chin or wide mouth to her own face. She decided Pigeon must take after Alex's mother.
As if she felt Kara's scrutiny, Pigeon took her gaze from Alex and stared back at Kara with equal intensity. There it was. Deep green eyes, one slightly darker than the other one, almond shaped and etched with arching eyebrows just like Alex's violet eyes and Kara's amber ones.
* * *
Following Pigeon's open stare, Alex said, "Oh, let me introduce you to—" Almost too late, Alex remembered she hadn't had a chance to explain the situation to Pigeon. She edited her sentence from our sister to just Kara.
"I'm pleased to finally meet you," Kara said.
In a quizzical tone, Pigeon replied, "Nice to meet you too." Her eyes pressed Alex for more information, but Alex was at a loss. Everything had happened so fast between Kara's call and the ride to the hospital and there had been no time to fill anyone in on the search. In addition, although she had begged Pigeon to come home, Alex was surprised to see her.
"Did you have a good trip?" she heard herself ask in that motherly singsong tone. She spoke to Kara: "Pigeon just flew in from LA." Back to Pigeon: "Have you seen Daddy yet?"
Pigeon appeared confused and Kara seemed expectant, making Alex's neck burn from anxiety. The lobby wasn't the place to have this emotional conversation. Surely Kara could sense the timing was off.
"The trip was fine, but too long." Pigeon peered at Kara. "Are you a friend of the family?"
"Not yet."
Alex shot Kara a look. What kind of answer was that? Just when she believed they were making progress. She led the way to the elevators and pushed the up button several times. It was going to be impossible to explain Kara to Pigeon once they were upstairs. Alex knew she should have thought this through.
The elevator doors opened and people pushed off.
"I feel as if I should know you," Pigeon said to Kara as the three stepped into the empty elevator.
Alex pushed the button for the CCU floor just as several people got on the elevator behind them.
Pigeon said, "I'm sorry if we've met before and I'm not remembering."
"I'll explain everything," Alex cut in.
"Explain what?"
"It's complicated."
The doors swooshed closed. Kara moved to the back so she was now standing behind Pigeon and Alex. Next to Alex, facing forward and watching the floor numbers go up, were the three strangers.
Pigeon le
aned closer to Alex. "Explain what? What's complicated?"
From behind them Kara said, "I'm your half-sister. Today I'm meeting my father for the first time. How's that for complicated?"
Pigeon made a funny sound in her throat. The second floor pinged its arrival and one of the other passengers got off. Another peered curiously at the sisters. The doors closed again.
Damn, Kara—that was no way to handle it. Even though it was Alex's fault for not telling Pigeon last night, a little sensitivity would still have been nice.
They reached the fifth floor. "This is us," Alex said. She stepped out of the car and the others followed. Pigeon would not meet her eyes. "I'll explain, I promise. We need to focus on Daddy right now, okay?"
"She's our half-sister?" Pigeon twisted around and glared at Kara, who trailed behind as they moved down the narrow corridor.
"Yes. It's a long story."
One of the nurses who Alex recognized approached them in the hall. Alex greeted her but didn't slow down until they came to Judy, standing guard in front of their father's room, arms crossed, fists tight, lips pursed.
"It's about time." She stared directly at the now shrinking Pigeon. "I see you haven't completely lost your mind and decided to show." She opened her arms and leaned forward.
Barely stepping into the embrace, Pigeon kissed her mother's proffered cheek. "Where's Aunt Peggy?"
"Ladies," Judy said, and then lifted her chin to the left, "go on in. He'll be glad to see you."
Pigeon stepped around Judy and went into the room. Alex could hear murmurs of greetings. Worth was awake. That was a good thing, at least.
"So, are you going to introduce me or not?" Her mother eyed Kara with obvious distaste.
Did she know? Her mother had a nose for every misstep Alex ever made; it was impossible to lie to her or hide things. She felt like a soap opera character who hadn't read the script. Determined to prevent a scene, she tried to make Kara's introduction as businesslike as possible.
"Mom, this is Kara Lawrence. As you know, she's here to see Daddy. Kara, my mother, Judy."
Kara said, "How do you do."
Judy soundlessly worked her mouth.
Alex could feel the pending explosion and couldn't think how to divert it. "Kara, why don't you go in first and I'll be right behind you." Just then, Aunt Peggy emerged from the bathroom across the hallway. Her purple suit fit snugly over her round body, and her tortoiseshell glasses were sitting low on the bridge of her nose. A piece of toilet paper sticking to the bottom of her shoe followed her.
Relieved for a diversion, Alex grabbed Kara's hand and gave a slight tug. "Oh, and this is Peggy Lawrence. Aunt Peggy, Kara. She's Daddy's sister, so she's your aunt too."
"I do not believe what I am hearing," Judy said, her voice rising with each word.
Peggy stopped. Her head swiveled from Alex to Kara to Judy. "Oh my. Well, so, you found her." Peggy bobbed her head up down and patted her damp throat with her ever-present hankie. Much to Alex's relief, Peggy offered her hand and Kara took it. "Well, well. Nice to meet you, Kara."
"Same here," Kara said.
Then, in mirrored gestures, Peggy and Kara used the index fingers and thumbs of their left hands to adjust their eyeglasses.
Before Judy could say another word, Alex turned her back to her mother, took a deep breath, and said to Kara, "Shall we go in?" She could feel the heat rising from Judy as they stepped into their father's room.
CHAPTER THIRTY
Kara hung back and let Alex take the lead. She felt as if she was barely breathing. Her father lay propped up with multiple pillows. He seemed old. Pigeon stood next to him, her eyes riveted on Kara as if she understood whose drama this was.
Although a private room, it was crowded. A television stared down from one corner; a nightstand, cube of monitors, and two chairs flanked either side of the bed. Everyone's skin looked pale under the fluorescent lights, but his appeared almost translucent. Dried saliva was visible at the corners of his mouth, and two branches from a single tube delivered oxygen through his nostrils. There was a distinct smell in the room—illness, medicine, and the faint scent of urine.
He lifted himself up on his elbows. "Hey, kitten."
"Daddy, I brought someone to see you." Alex motioned to Kara to step forward.
Kara managed to say, "Hello." It was hard to process it all—Pigeon's confusion, Peggy's warmth, and Judy's ire. She felt overwhelmed, ill prepared, scared.
"How beautiful you are," he said as he sank back onto the bed. "Like your mother."
Kara's tongue felt thick and her brain, stupid.
"A whole lot of Lawrence in you too." He shifted under the sheet that barely covered him and inched over. "Come sit by me." As he moved, the corners of an adult diaper poked out and he tucked it from view. "Please." The effort brought on a raspy cough.
Alex grabbed a glass of water with a straw and gave it to her father. Pigeon tried to help by placing her hand under his pillows so he could lift himself a little higher as he took a sip.
Kara could not move her feet.
Still holding the glass, Alex spoke to Kara: "Just sit a minute, please. You've come this far."
Kara heard the words but she couldn't connect all the pieces. Heat suffused her bosom, neck, and face. Her breath felt hot in her mouth and her eyes watered like they did from spring allergies.
"Tell me about you," her father said.
Her mouth wouldn't move either.
"What do you do for a living? Are you married?" He cough-laughed. "Am I a grandfather?"
What was wrong with her? Of course he wouldn't look like the picture, or sound or smell like her fantasies. She knew he was sick. Why couldn't she tell him about Pace University, how she worked her way through, going to class at night, working days? Maybe he'd want to know about the Teacher of the Year award she'd received two years in a row. This was the moment of her dreams and a thousand reenactments. Instead, all she could feel was the heat. It took a few moments for her brain to name it: she was angry, and angrier as each second ticked by. It started at her mind's edge, and as she stood there speechless it built until it became a body-shaking fury.
"Kara lives in Harlem, Daddy, and she teaches school," Alex said, strawberry-blond curls in motion. "Her old caseworker gave me her address. Did you ever speak with Liz Kennelly? Very nice woman—she and Kara are friends and . . . well, I'm talking too much." Alex turned to Pigeon: "Maybe we should leave these two alone."
The persistent ache in Kara's head seared. Finally, she found her voice: "Why didn't you come and get me after my mother died?"
Pain rippled across his face. "I thought it would be best for you to be with your own people."
"You weren't my people?"
"I didn't mean that."
"He raped me."
Someone in the room groaned but Kara only heard it as background noise, like the whir of the machines and the muted screech of a siren outside the window.
"I had a wife, children. They told me you were with a good foster family and that they'd find you a permanent home."
"Night after night, he raped me."
Her father pushed himself up on his elbows again, his voice as tortured as his expression. "There was no proof, just your grandmother's suspicions. If I had known . . . She was incoherent half the time. How was I to know for sure?"
"Every day, I waited for you to come and save me. I'd stand by my window and watch the road, thinking, Today he'll come."
* * *
Alex was stunned. She could not believe this. Raped—that was the terrible thing Michael had hinted at, that Kara claimed, He doesn't know what he's sorry for. Raped.
"Daddy, what are you saying? Kara's grandmother told you someone was molesting her and you did nothing?" In the background, like music threading through a movie, Alex could hear Pigeon crying. Kara's tears ran down her cheeks, mucus slipped from her nose. Alex knew soon she'd start crying as well. "Tell me this isn't true."
Vanessa must h
ave come into the room while Kara was speaking. "What did you expect, Alex? He deserted us, why wouldn't he desert her?"
"Not now, Nessie," Alex begged.
Still in her camel-hair coat, honey-blond hair twisted into a French knot, made up so you wouldn't know she had any on, Vanessa stood in the doorway, hands on her narrow hips. Her lids drooped and her words slurred. "He left us with a mad woman, why wouldn't he leave her to vultures?" She spun toward Kara, pressed her hand against the doorjamb, and steadied herself. "He didn't love us enough, and he didn't love you at all."
Kara made a strangled noise.
Alex couldn't focus. She heard Vanessa's words, could feel Kara's and Vanessa's anger and pain, but she couldn't reconcile it with her own feelings. All she had tried to do was fulfill her father's sickbed wish, to help both him and Kara.
"Only you never got it, Alex." Vanessa stepped farther into the room.
Pigeon's sobs underscored each word.
"Always Daddy's good girl, you never figured out he didn't give enough of a shit to be there for any of us. Not even you."
"Kitten, you have to believe me," their father pleaded.
Alex blinked, trying to clear her mind.
Worth Lawrence leaned on one elbow, reached his free hand out to Alex. "I didn't think it was true. Honest." He sank back.
Alex focused on his face. His eyes, up until now clouded from illness and drugs, were clear.
"The grandmother was forgetful, confused. I had to think of you and my girls. Your mother would have never given me custody. She'd never have let me see you." He coughed and beads of sweat dotted his forehead. "I had to think of what was best for you."
Alex swiped at her tears. "For me? Kara's grandmother called, and you decided it wasn't true?"
"I would have lost my family."
"It was true, Daddy. It happened and she was just a little girl, your little girl."
Alex could hear Kara's ragged breathing just to her right. Vanessa's breathing was also loud, adding to Pigeon's sob-music. Although Alex didn't know exactly when, Judy and Peggy had joined the ensemble, so now everyone was onstage. Everyone knew everything.
Getting It Right Page 18