by Emma Quinn
So, yeah. She really needed to talk to Claire.
Speaking of whom, there was her sister, waiting in the doorway for her, a huge grin on her face.
“Hi-i!” Claire squealed as Alana jogged up the stairs to the front door. It was getting decidedly chilly out these days and Alana wanted to get into the warm kitchen as quickly as possible. “I missed you!”
“I missed you too!” Alana smiled, wrapping Claire in a big bear hug and the sisters tottered backwards into the hall, heading for the stairs. “How are you?”
“Great!” Claire said as they climbed to their second floor apartment. “You?”
Taking a deep breath, Alana nodded.
“I want to hear everything!” Claire told her as they went in and Alana kicked off her shoes and hung up her coat.
“Oh, you will,” said Alana. “And, man, do I have things to tell you.”
Claire rubbed her hands together gleefully as they headed to the kitchen. “Excellent! I made a huge pot of coffee a-and,” she drawled, turning to look at Alana, “cinnamon buns!”
“Nooooo,” Alana replied. “The apple and walnut kind?”
“Of course!” Claire said.
“I love those! You’re the best sister ever!” Alana could feel herself salivating already.
“I know,” Claire replied matter-of-factly.
They got settled around the kitchen table and for a minute they were too busy eating cinnamon bun and dealing with the coffee too talk. But once Alana had recovered from the ecstasy of her sister’s delicious, gooey treat, she got ready to spill.
Claire saw the look on Alana’s face and grinned. “Okay, tell me,” she said, waggling her eyebrows.
Alana took a deep breath. Where to start? “Well, the kid is great. She’s so smart and funny and aware of what’s going on.”
Claire nodded. “She lost her mom, right?”
“Yeah. And she reminds me so much of me sometimes. And not always in a good way,” Alana said with a wan smile. She had been a difficult child too for many years. “But we get along. And I think she’s really grown to trust me. It helps that the dad’s girlfriend is, like, totally crazy. She does everything wrong with Lottie. She’s always criticizing her and on her case for the littlest thing. I dunno what’s up with her. Like, does she just really lack self-confidence and needs to be constantly putting other people down? Or is she trying to get rid of Lottie and eventually have her sent off to a boarding school or something? I mean, there’s no way she’s that bad with kids on purpose. At least…I hope not.”
Claire made a face. “Either way, that sounds rough for the kid,” she said.
“Yeah,” Alana nodded. “I know, right?”
“What about the dad? I mean, surely he sees what’s going on?” Claire asked.
Alana shook her head. “He does, but, it’s like…he doesn’t know what to do. I think he really loves the girlfriend. Or at least, he doesn’t want to be alone after what happened last time. Because he doesn’t get mad at her. The girlfriend, I mean. He just sort of tries to play mediator. But Lottie thinks he doesn’t love her as much, which is just awful.”
“He needs to get a spine,” Claire said. “I mean, come on. Family should come first.”
Alana nodded. “But I get the idea that he’s scared of losing another relationship, you know? That he’s trying to recreate this perfect family that he used to have and he’s scared of admitting that that’s not what he has now.”
Claire sighed. “Yeah, I get it. But still…poor kid. Well, at least she has you.” Then she cocked her head and looked long and hard at Alana. “You’re very quick to defend the dad,” she said.
Alana tried not to react, but she could feel a blush creeping onto her cheeks. “I…” she began.
“Oh my God!” Claire exclaimed, gaping at her sister. “You’re into him!”
“I…” Alana began again and then sighed. “Maybe a little. But, like…oh man, Claire. He’s so beautiful and…I dunno. You know me. I never have this problem. But there’s something about him that I just can’t handle. I dreamt about him last night. Like, that kind of dreamt about him.”
Claire raised her eyebrows. “Seriously? Man, Alana. You need to get laid, girl. On your next day off, don’t come here. Go out to a bar and find some beautiful guy and get laid. That’s all this is. You’re just horny.”
Alana sighed. “You’re probably right.”
“Of course I’m right. You haven’t had time for yourself in ages. You just need to get this out of your system. Or, hell, buy a vibrator!”
“Claire!” Alana squealed.
“Don’t ‘Claire!’ me,” her sister chided, laughing. “If you had one, you wouldn’t be lusting after your boss right now!”
Alana shook her head, laughing. “Maybe, but I doubt it.”
“Okay, then get a dildo if that’s more your style.”
Alana groaned. “You know that’s not what I meant!”
Claire laughed. “Yeah, I know. But just think about it. Because your boss is off-limits, so you’ve got to do something.”
Alana nodded. “You’re right.”
“Besides,” Claire shrugged, “who wants a guy that lets his girlfriend say mean things to his kid? I’m not impressed.”
“It’s trickier than that,” Alana insisted.
“Uh huh, sure,” Claire replied, clearly unconvinced.
“Anyway,” Alana said, wanting to change the subject, “what have you been up to?”
Claire raised an eyebrow. “Subtle, Alana.”
Alana stuck her tongue out. “It’s not just diversion tactics. I actually want to know.”
Claire chuckled. “Oh well, in that case!”
Alana let herself relax into her sister’s familiar, welcoming chatter. Claire was a great storyteller and always had some funny anecdote from the restaurant: some client doing something silly or a co-worker screwing up or just general mayhem.
When their father came home from his check up, they made lunch and watched TV together and went out for a walk around a nearby park and pet all the dogs that went by – Alana and Claire were both crazy for dogs. But it was difficult to have a pet when you worked all the time.
That night, as she headed back to the Menudas’, Alana felt calm and relaxed. Why had she been so worried about Jack anyway? She’d seen more beautiful men. He was nothing out of the ordinary. Claire was right: she was just horny and fixating on the closest hot guy.
Her new-found resolve lasted until the end of the driveway. As she got out of the car, she found Lottie and Jack waiting for her in the front door.
“Alanaaaaaa-aaaaa!” Lottie screeched as she ran across the gravel to fling herself into Alana’s arms.
“Oof!” said Alana, catching the excited little girl. “Hey kiddo! Did you have a good day?”
“Yeah! Dad and I hung out all day,” Lottie said, her eyes bright as she smiled up at Alana.
“All day? Wow, lucky girl!” Alana said.
“Is that your car?” Jack asked, coming over to where them. “I’ve been wondering where it came from.”
Alana glanced back at her yellow bug. “Uh, yes,” she replied, a little embarrassed.
“Do you want a new one?” Jack asked.
Alana blinked. None of her employers had ever offered her a new car before. “Uh…no. Thank you. That’s very generous. But I’ve had this guy for, like, half my life.”
“Only half?” Jack asked, but with a wicked half grin that told Alana he was joking.
“You don’t need to be rude about it!” she replied, faking indignation. “This car is a loyal friend. He’s never let me down yet!”
“Well, there’s a first time for everything,” Jack replied, still smiling.
Alana laughed. “I know,” she admitted, glancing at her old car. “But I would feel like a traitor if I traded him in for a younger model, you know?”
“I like him,” said Lottie. “He was the first yellow car I’d ever been in!”
&nbs
p; Alana chuckled, ruffling Lottie’s hair. “And what did you think?”
“A bit bumpy, but it’s very easy to put my feet up,” the girl replied, referring to her habit of putting her feet up on the dash.
Alana gestured to Lottie. “See? Another satisfied customer.”
Jack laughed. “Okay, well, when it collapses on you halfway home one day, I just want you to know that I will be saying ‘I told you so’ and with great relish.”
“Won’t happen!” Alana replied, shaking her head. “This guy would never let me down.”
Still laughing, Jack shook his head. “Well, the offer stands. Just let me know when you want something newer. I mean, if it makes the transition easier, I can find you something only slightly newer. To ease you into it. You know, like, a nice 1922 model or something.”
Alana laughed. “Rude!” she said, the effect somewhat ruined by her laughter.
Jack grinned at her. “It’s just so easy…” he said, unrepentant. “But come on, come inside. It’s cold at night these days. Have you had dinner?”
Alana nodded, taking Lottie’s hand in one of hers. “I have,” she replied.
“What about dessert?” Lottie asked seriously.
“Hmmm,” Alana replied, pretending to think. “You know, I don’t think I did have dessert.”
“Yes!” said Lottie. “Then we can have dessert together! I told you we should wait for Alana,” she said to her father.
Jack laughed, closing the front door behind them. “Maria made an amazing tiramisu and Lottie has refused to let me eat any of it until you got back.”
Alana smiled down at Lottie and the girl grinned back. “She knows I love tiramisu,” she told Jack.
They went into the kitchen and sat around the island and, as Lottie kept up a constant stream of questions about Alana’s family, Jack scooped them up generous helpings of a beautiful-looking tiramisu. Looking from Lottie to Jack and back, Alana she realized that she felt just as at home here as she did with Claire and her father. She wanted to grab them both in a giant hug, but settled for smoothing Lottie’s bangs back from her forehead.
I’m pretty gosh darn lucky, Alana thought to herself as she accepted her portion of tiramisu, which was served to her with another of Jack’s disarming grins. But Alana was feeling so happy that she didn’t even pause before giving him a smile of her own.
It was only when Lottie cleared her throat pointedly that Alana and Jack realized they’d been staring at each other.
“Sorry, what did you say, sweetheart?” Alana said, looking quickly away from Jack and trying to pretend nothing happen. Lottie repeated her question as if nothing had happened and Alana fervently hoped that she hadn’t noticed anything.
7
A
nother few weeks went by and still Eleanor hadn’t put in an appearance. It wasn’t her place to ask, but Alana couldn’t help but be curious about what was going on. Her questions were all answered, however, late one Thursday night when she came down in the middle of the night for a snack. She’d woken up starving, wanting nothing more than a grilled cheese sandwich. Well, why not? Alana had thought to herself. Tomorrow was Friday – she’d be able to catch up on her sleep tomorrow night. Plus, it was nice sometimes to be up late, alone in a house that was usually full of people. As a nanny you don’t get many moments completely to yourself. You may as well enjoy the ones you get.
But, as it turned out, she wasn’t alone that night. Someone else had beaten her to the kitchen.
“Oh!” Alana exclaimed softly when she saw Jack sitting hunched over at the island where they’d been eating tiramisu only a few weeks before.
“Alana!” Jack heard her exclamation, looking up before she could disappear.
“Sorry, I didn’t know you were down here,” said Alana. “I’ll leave you to it.”
“No, no. Don’t be silly. This is your home too. Come, sit. What brings you down to the kitchen at the fine hour of…” he peered at his watch, “twelve forty-three in the morning?”
As Alana approached, she caught sight of the bottle of wine on the island in front of Jack. Ah, she thought. He’s drunk. “Look, really, I don’t mean to interrupt,” she said.
Jack followed her gaze to the bottle. “No, it’s not…I’m not drunk,” he said. “This is my first glass, I promise.”
Something’s the matter though, Alana thought to herself as she sat on the stool next to his, trying to pull her over-large t-shirt lower on her thighs. She was wearing short cotton shorts underneath it, but still. Sitting down she showed a lot of leg.
Her movement caught Jack’s eye and his gaze lingered a second longer than it should have on the smooth, pale skin of her thighs. Quickly, he looked back up at her face. “Would you like some?” he asked, picking up the bottle.
“I…” Alana hesitated.
“Please,” said Jack. “I’d…it’d be nice to have company right now,” he said softly.
Alana’s heart squeezed at the sad tone of his voice. “Wine sounds great,” she said.
But when she made to get up and find a glass, Jack laid a hand on her leg and shook his head, getting up himself, leaving her skin warm and tingling.
“I don’t know if you’re hungry, but I was actually going to make a grilled cheese,” Alana said as he poured her wine.
Jack’s face broke into an enormous grin. “Grilled cheese? I don’t even know that last time I had a grilled cheese. God, it must be years. I would love a grilled cheese!”
Alana took a sip of wine and smiled, but stayed where she was. “There’s one condition,” she told him.
He raised his eyebrows. “Oh?”
“You have to tell me what’s wrong,” she said as gently as she could.
Jack sighed. “Is it that obvious?” he asked.
Alana nodded as she got up and headed for the fridge. “Yep,” she told him as she pulled out the cheese and the butter.
Jack brought her the bread and watched her start to assemble the sandwiches, sipping her wine intermittently as she sliced the cheese and crusty Italian loaf.
“I broke up with Eleanor,” he said finally.
Alana’s hand froze over a half-buttered slice of bread. “Oh, Jack,” she said, looking up.
“Nah, don’t…don’t be sad for me,” he said, taking a gulp of wine.
“You want to talk about it?” she asked as she finished with the butter and assembled the sandwiches.
Jack laughed humorlessly. “Well, you can’t tell me you’re surprised,” he said.
Alana said nothing, but went to the stove and put a pan on to heat. “I wondered,” she said at last. She held out a hand and, without having to be asked, Jack passed her her wine glass. She grinned at him and took a sip.
Forcing herself to break their shared smile, Alana turned away and gently placed the sandwiches into the pan. The buttered bread sizzled enticingly.
When she turned back to him, Jack was watching her with a smile. With her wineglass she gestured for him to continue.
Jack’s smile disappeared and he shrugged, shaking his head. “We just weren’t good for each other. And, more importantly, I realized that I was being so, so selfish. I had really missed being with someone, you know? Being part of a…a partnership. I’d missed that so much that I was putting my relationship with my daughter at risk. I mean, I don’t need to tell you that Eleanor and Lottie don’t get along. But it was that day when they fought about clothes and I overheard Lottie asking why I didn’t defend her…It was then that I realized that I was throwing away the best partnership I could ever wish for: the one I have with my daughter.”
Alana nodded, sipping her wine. “She loves you so much, you know.”
“I know,” said Jack. “And I love her. And I’ve been an idiot. But I’ve learned my lesson. I need someone who can love me and Lottie. When I think about how close I was coming to losing Lottie for good…choosing Eleanor over her and pushing her away…well, I feel like scum.”
“Don’t be so h
ard on yourself,” said Alana gently. “We’re only human. We all want to be loved.”
Jack smiled gently at her. “But that’s the thing: I am loved. I was just being blind. What more could I want than Lottie’s love? It’s time I focused on the good relationships in my life.”
Alana flipped a perfectly golden grilled cheese onto a plate and handed it to Jack. Then she plated her own and joined him back at the island. He’d moved and they were sitting kitty-corner to each other now, their knees dangerously close to each other. Alana swallowed and tried to focus on what Jack was telling her.
“That sounds like a good choice, she said, taking a calming sip of her wine. “I don’t think you’ll regret it.”
“Neither do I,” said Jack. “Besides,” he said softly, “my relationship with Eleanor had been losing steam for weeks. I guess I’d never had anyone else to compare her with and then, suddenly, I did and I realized…” he cleared his throat and refilled his wine glass. “Well, suddenly it became clear to me that she wasn’t what I wanted.”
Alana paused, her sandwich inches from her mouth. “What do you mean ‘someone to compare her with’?” she asked, confused.
Jack looked at Alana, his eyes dark. “Let’s just say someone appeared on the scene that made me realize how much better things could be.”
Alana felt excitement and confusion race through her. “Oh,” she said in small voice and hurriedly took a bite of her sandwich, nearly burning herself on the still-hot cheese.