Beth giggled. ‘You sound like a gypsy now! Can you see a husband and children?’
‘Is that what you want?’
‘Don’t all women?’
‘You are all told that is what you want from an early age,’ he said thoughtfully. ‘Our society encourages that idea too and creates no alternatives. But I think it would be such a waste for you to marry young and spend your life bringing up a brood of children when you have so much talent.’
He was still holding her hand, and slowly he bent his head down and put his lips to it. Beth felt a sharp pull inside her, a hot flush washed all over her and her skin tingled. She had to resist the urge to reach out and run her fingers through his hair. Instantly she recognized her feelings were the start of passion.
Three days later, Beth was with Ira in the back room of the shop where they repaired and laundered clothes, when Ira asked the name of the man Beth was seeing.
‘I know you are seeing someone,’ she said, looking sharply at Beth. ‘You’ve been lost in a daydream since Wednesday.’
Beth lifted the flat iron from the top of the stove and spat on it to see if it was hot enough to iron the white cotton petticoat. She didn’t want to answer Ira’s question; she felt if she voiced anything about Theo, especially her feelings towards him, it might jinx everything.
He had asked her to supper when they eventually came out of the coffee shop, and much later he had walked her home to Houston Street. It was a cold evening and the street was deserted, just a handful of young men standing around the grog shop on the corner.
‘I suppose you live somewhere smart?’ she said as they came to a stop outside her place.
‘Not really,’ he said, and reached out to caress her cheek. ‘Don’t be embarrassed by being poor, Beth. The will to succeed is always strongest when you have the least.’
His hand on her cheek made that strange pulling feeling in her belly return. She wanted him to kiss her so badly that she felt faint with it. She didn’t even care who saw her.
‘Will I see you again?’ she asked weakly, knowing that was too forward but unable to stop herself.
He kissed her then, as though it was his answer to her question. His lips touched hers, so gently at first, awakening every nerve ending in her body. Then, just as she was aching for something stronger, his arms went around her tightly, the tip of his tongue insinuated its way into her mouth, and she seemed to erupt inside.
She couldn’t help but press herself closer to him; his kiss was so thrilling that her body was acting on its own volition. She could feel her nipples hardening and a kind of throbbing in her private parts, and she shamelessly slid her tongue into his mouth too.
It was he who extricated himself first. ‘You kiss as beautifully as you play the fiddle,’ he said softly. ‘You’d make any man lose his head.’
Then he said he had to go and she remained there on the doorstep dizzy with desire, watching him walk back down the street. He moved with the grace of a panther, straight-backed, chin up. As he got to the street light on the corner he turned and waved and she felt her heart might burst.
Sleep eluded her that night, for she relived that kiss over and over again until her body was on fire. She was reminded of a neighbour’s cat back in Liverpool that lay writhing on its back out in the backyard, making an odd, crying sound. Her mother had said it was in season and she threw a bucket of water over it to make it go away, for two tom cats were sitting on the wall watching the display. Mama said she didn’t want any of that nastiness in her backyard. Beth hadn’t understood the significance of how the female cat was behaving then, but she did now.
Since she was old enough to be curious about love, marriage and having children, she’d been led to believe that it was men who got the pleasure and women tolerated the act for their sake. Even pragmatic Miss Clarkson hadn’t suggested otherwise. Her mother’s dying confession was the first inkling Beth had that perhaps women could want or need sex, but she had been too horrified by the consequences of that illicit affair to have any sympathy.
‘Not answering my question won’t deter me,’ Ira said, coming closer and putting one hand on Beth’s shoulder. ‘It’s quite normal for a girl of your age to fall in love, but I know it isn’t Jack you are mooning over. So who is this new man, and where did you meet him?’
‘He’s called Theodore Cadogan and I met him coming over on the ship,’ Beth said somewhat reluctantly. ‘I only spoke to him once then because he was in first class. But I ran into him again last week in Heaney’s and when I came out of here on Tuesday evening he was waiting for me.’
‘So he’s a gentleman?’
Beth nodded glumly.
‘What was he doing in Heaney’s then?’
Beth sighed; she had seen that question coming. ‘He had gone there for a card game.’
Ira sucked in her cheeks. ‘A gambler, eh! Well, they are usually very entertaining, I’ll give you that. But you keep your head, girl, I wouldn’t want to see you led astray.’
‘I really like him,’ Beth said weakly.
Ira looked hard at her until Beth blushed. ‘I see,’ she said at length. ‘He’s stirred up feelings you don’t understand. Is that it?’
Beth just looked at her feet.
Ira laughed. ‘You’ve been told good girls don’t have those kind of feelings, I suppose? Well, that’s plain daft, there’d be precious few babies come into this world if that was the case! I’ll tell how I see it, there aren’t women who like it and another bunch who don’t, there are just women who’ve got good lovers and ones who haven’t.’
‘He isn’t my lover,’ Beth exclaimed, alarmed that Ira would even think such a thing. ‘I’ve only spent one evening with him.’
Ira chuckled. ‘If he can make you feel that way in one chaste evening I’d say you’d better not chance being alone with him, unless of course you want to find out what a good lover can do for a woman.’
Beth squirmed with embarrassment, making Ira laugh louder. ‘I know there’s plenty who will tell you that you must have a ring on your finger before you try the goods. But I was always glad I tried out my Gunter before marriage.’
‘I may never see him again anyway,’ Beth said in an attempt to wrap up this conversation which she was finding excruciatingly embarrassing.
‘I’m sure you will,’ Ira said. ‘Not just for your looks or your curvy body, but your gaiety, brains, manner and your fiddle-playing. You are quite a prize, my dear. But you’ve got to protect yourself. Don’t believe everything he tells you, don’t loan him any money, don’t expect him to marry you, and get some advice about how to stop yourself having a baby. That’s been the ruin of many a good woman.’
‘I wouldn’t do that,’ Beth said in horror. ‘Risk having a baby, I mean.’
‘Don’t be so sure.’ Ira patted her cheek affectionately. ‘In my experience when a woman is physically attracted to a man, she loses her common sense.’
Beth had to play that evening, and Heaney got a cab to take her home as Sam was working late. She woke on Saturday morning from a dream about Theo, and that made her start worrying about what Ira had said on the subject.
She pulled back the curtain slightly between her and Sam’s beds. To her disappointment it was empty once again, and the day loomed ahead of her devoid of any company.
When she heard Amy’s voice out on the stairs a couple of hours later, Beth called down to ask if she’d like to come up for some tea.
Amy was second-generation American, of Dutch descent, but she’d left the family farm in Connecticut because her father was angry with her for walking out with someone he disapproved of. She had told Beth ruefully that the man in question wouldn’t run away with her, and she’d arrived in New York alone. But she appeared to have done all right for herself: she and her friend Kate were always going out, they had nice clothes and they were happy and friendly. Beth often felt a little envious of them as they seemed to have far more fun than she did.
‘Tea! Just wh
at I could do with, it’s like a crazy house down there,’ Amy said as she came into Beth’s room. She looked like a farm girl, tall, with broad shoulders and a wide, flat-featured face and flaxen hair. ‘They’ve got even more of their family in now! I ask you, how can six people share one small room? As for getting into the kitchen…!’
Amy was referring to the Irish family who had a room in her apartment. There had been two adults and two children from the start, but with another two moving in it had become impossibly crowded. As Amy already shared her small room with Kate, and there were five people in the third room in the apartment, Beth could guess how difficult it was to get into the shared kitchen.
Amy flopped down on Sam’s bed and while Beth poured their tea, she ranted for a while about her neighbours. She suspected one of the Irish family was pouring slops down the sink. She said they took her food, and there was always a child crying. ‘I’ve got to find somewhere else to live,’ she finished up. ‘It’s unbearable.’
Beth felt a great deal of sympathy for Amy and Kate, and she was very aware how lucky she and Sam were to have to share only with the Rossinis, who were middle-aged, quiet, clean and good-natured.
But Amy was never one to dwell on her own problems for more than a minute or two. By the time she’d drunk her tea she was making Beth laugh with a story about the grocer round the corner who had been caught with another woman by his wife.
‘Where’s Sam?’ she asked a little later. ‘I hardly ever see him these days. Has he got a lady friend?’
‘I expect so,’ Beth said. ‘But he hasn’t told me anything about her.’
‘She’s a lucky lady, whoever she is,’ Amy said with a sparkle in her eye. ‘He’s real handsome.’
‘If he’s not careful he’ll find himself having to get married,’ Beth retorted.
‘I’m sure he knows how to prevent that.’
‘Can you prevent it?’ Beth asked innocently.
‘Of course, you silly goose.’ Amy laughed.
‘How?’
‘Some men, the more thoughtful ones, withdraw in time,’ Amy said airily. ‘But I wouldn’t trust any of them to do that. They can use a sheath too, but they can split and men don’t like them. But most women I know use a douche afterwards. Or there’s a little sponge that you pop in before you get going.’
Beth had got to like Amy in the first place because she was so direct and open, but she blushed with embarrassment at these intimate revelations. ‘How do you know all this?’ she asked.
When Amy’s expression tightened, and she didn’t come back with one of her usual quips, Beth felt she had to apologize. ‘I didn’t mean to be nosy, I won’t ask you anything more.’
Amy looked back at her and sighed. ‘I wish I’d had someone when I was your age to ask such things. But I didn’t, so I got pregnant.’
‘What did you do?’ Beth asked in a scandalized whisper.
‘An old woman in the know got rid of it for me,’ Amy admitted. ‘It was soon after I got to New York. It was terrible. I thought I was going to die.’
‘That surely must have put you off men?’
The older girl chuckled. ‘Sure, for a while, but then I met another charmer. Only before I let him get anywhere near me, I got some advice from one of the girls at Rosie’s.’
Beth’s eyes widened with shock because she’d overheard some men in Heaney’s talking about Rosie’s, and it was a brothel.
‘Don’t look like that,’ Amy reproved her. ‘Not many of us have got a talent like your fiddle-playing to keep us. For some of us it’s the only way we can keep a roof over our head. I soon wised up to that and went to work at Rosie’s.’
Beth could hardly believe what Amy had just admitted. She had never asked her friend what she did for a living; she just assumed she worked in a store for her clothes were smart.
‘Don’t tell me you didn’t know?’ Amy threw back her head and laughed at Beth’s shocked expression. ‘I thought someone must’ve told you by now!’
‘I don’t really talk to anyone but you,’ Beth said feebly. ‘I would never have guessed. I mean, you’re so nice.’
‘Whores can be as nice as anyone else,’ Amy said with a touch of acid in her voice. ‘We don’t advertise what we do by walking around half naked with our faces painted either.’
‘I didn’t mean it like that,’ Beth said quickly. ‘I meant I thought you worked in a store or a restaurant.’
Amy rolled her eyes skywards. ‘Honey, I thought working at Heaney’s would’ve opened your eyes! Few of us girls set out to be whores, but when you’re hungry and you ain’t got no place to call home, it ain’t so bad to take a few dollars for givin’ a man a bit of lovin’. Why would I be a maid, or work in a store for five or six dollars a week when I can make that much with one trick?’
Beth was floored. It did of course make sense of why Amy seemed to know so much about men, and indeed why she was often home during the day. She was trying to find something to say that wouldn’t sound patronizing or disapproving when Sam arrived home, and Amy immediately got to her feet and said she had to go.
Not wishing to let Amy think she was too prim and proper to deal with such a revelation, Beth went to the door with her. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said. ‘You just took me aback.’
Amy put her hand on Beth’s shoulder. ‘I guess you’re still a greenhorn. You see, I thought you knew and I was so glad that you liked me despite it, but I guess that’s the end of us being pals?’
‘Not at all,’ Beth said, and meant it. ‘I like you even more for being honest with me. I just feel a bit foolish that I hadn’t guessed before. But you’ve given me an awful lot to think about.’
‘Quit thinking and have a lot more fun,’ Amy said with a wide grin. ‘Your brother’s got the right idea.’
She was gone before Beth could ask her exactly what she meant by that.
Some little time later Beth was making tea and a sandwich for Sam before he left for work when she heard a strange swishing noise coming from their room. She hadn’t questioned where he’d been all night, because he’d been washing and shaving, and anyway her mind had been on the things Amy had told her.
But as their room door was partly open she put her head round it to see what the noise was. To her surprise he was sitting at the little table by the window, playing with a deck of cards. As she watched, he shuffled them, then did what looked like elaborate tricks with them, swishing them into a row upon the table, each one partially overlapping the next.
‘What’s that?’ she asked.
‘Just practising,’ he said without turning his head, and flicking the row of cards so that they all turned over together.
‘Is it a trick?’
‘No. Just stuff a dealer does. I’m not fast or slick enough yet. But I’m nearly there.’
‘Why would you want to do that?’ she said, coming right into the room.
He put the cards down and looked up at her. ‘Because I want to be a dealer. I want to learn everything about gambling, poker, roulette, faro and all the rest.’
Beth felt her little world had just turned upside down. First she found her only girlfriend was a whore, and now Sam was talking about becoming a gambler.
She could accept that Theo gambled — for gentlemen it was part of their way of life. But Sam had been brought up warned about the evils of it. Their father wouldn’t even put a shilling on a horse, for he always said it was a slippery slope.
‘I want to work in gambling houses, not to throw my money away in them,’ he said, giving her a sharp look as if daring her to disapprove. ‘There’s good money to be made in them; the house never loses.’
‘Has Heaney got anything to do with this?’ she asked.
‘No more than seeing how much he makes from the games at his place,’ Sam retorted. ‘That’s why I have to stay late — he gets me to serve drinks to the players. I’ve been watching them closely.’
Beth slumped down on to his bed. She felt panicked for suddenly everyth
ing seemed threatening.
‘What’s wrong?’ he asked. ‘Oh, for God’s sake don’t go all holy on me, Beth! Gambling is big over here, people don’t think badly about it, so why should we?’
‘Don’t you ever get afraid about losing the values we used to have?’ she asked.
‘That we had to remember our place? To kowtow to the gentry? To be poor but honest? You tell me, Beth, why shouldn’t we be rich? Is it written in the stars that because our father was a shoemaker, we shouldn’t aspire to more than that?’
‘I suppose I’m scared we’re getting corrupted,’ she said weakly. ‘You know very well, even if you won’t admit it, that we’re bound to Heaney, and he isn’t a good man.’
‘I know he’s using us, but we can use him too, Beth. You’re gaining experience and practice while you play for him, and I’m learning all about gambling. When the time is right we take all that experience and move on, out of New York and on to Philadelphia, Chicago or even San Francisco. We came here for adventure and to make our fortune, and that’s just what we’re going to do.’
‘You won’t just go off one day without me, will you?’ she asked fearfully.
Sam moved over to sit beside her on the bed and hugged her tightly. ‘Beth, you are the only person in this whole world I really care about. You’re not just my sister, you’re my dearest friend. I will never go anywhere without you.’
Sam had never been one for flowery speeches, and knowing he meant what he said made Beth burst into tears.
‘Don’t cry, sis,’ he whispered, stroking her hair. ‘We’ve done just fine so far, and we can do better still.’
Chapter Fifteen
After Sam had told her of his aspirations to run a gambling house, Beth sat by the window looking at the view of the rooftops and the grey sky above them, thinking of all the people she knew back in Liverpool. She wondered what they would make of how she and Sam were living.
She had written to the Langworthys every two weeks since they arrived here, and she knew that she was guilty of adding a kind of glossy veneer to everything. She used the word ‘hotel’ rather than ‘rooming house’, she described Central Park and Fifth Avenue rather than the Lower East Side. While she hadn’t exactly told lies, she had created an image of Heaney’s as a select establishment and implied that Ira’s shop just sold clothes, not second-hand ones. She’d jubilantly announced their move into the apartment, but failed to add they had only one shared room.
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