“Oh I trust you. It’s Shadow Dancer I don’t trust. What if Treasure can’t find him.”
“Passion always works,” he replied.
Then he pulled me into his arms and kissed me. This kiss was different. There was an urgency that I’d never experienced before. I kissed him back until I gasped for breath. I couldn’t think straight. He’d never kissed me with such intensity. The world tilted. I felt dizzy. If he wasn’t holding me, I would have fallen.
He took his mouth away. We were both gasping for breath as if we’d been running hard. He leaned his forehead against mine. His breath warm on my skin.
“Passion,” he whispered.
The wind blew against my hot face. We struggled to get our breathing under control. It scared me because I had no control. Gradually, my heart slowed down.
Afterward, Rick helped me into the saddle. My legs were still wobbly. I couldn’t have gotten on Freeman without his help. Putting his hand on my leg, he looked up at me. The warmth of his touch started my heart racing again.
“We’ll give them two days,” he said. “Then we’ll come back to get ‘em.”
I nodded, praying his scheme would work. Riding back to the ranch the only thing I could think about was how Rick had kissed me.
Saturday, August 12, 1961:
The next day, Russ told Aunt Bess we were taking the horses on a longer ride to help with their training. Recently she’d gotten a letter from a girl in Montana who wanted a horse for trail riding. Russ thought Barrel was a good prospect.
“I don’t want you riding out and getting shot,” she warned.
“Not gonna live in a box, Bess,” replied Russ. “Don’t care what Grady is doing. I’ve got work to do and I’m going to do it.” From his tone I knew they’d had this argument before.
“I just want you to be careful,” said Aunt Bess softly. “If anything happened to you or Maryann, I couldn’t bare it.”
“Nothing’s gonna happen,” said Russ, firmly.
Her anxious eyes searched his face and she didn’t say anything else.
We rode out. Russ on Barrel, me on Freeman.
I’d grown comfortable riding horses. Although I couldn’t make up the years in the saddle Russ and Aunt Bess had, I had a natural aptitude. Even my aunt remarked on my progress.
“Riding is in your blood,” she said, as if that explained it.
We located the herd and approached slowly, giving the horses time to adjust to us. We didn’t see Shadow Dancer and my shoulders slumped. I’d been so sure he’d be here.
Maybe Rick was night and he was off sharing passion with Treasure. There was no sign of her, either. I wish I could share Rick’s plan about Treasure with Russ.
We dismounted to stretch our legs. The scene before us was idyllic — different colored horses grazed contentedly in the lush summer grass. Shadow wasn’t in the herd and I wanted to weep. I needed him to be alive.
“He’s not here,” I said, discouraged and tired. All this searching day after day and no sign of Shadow.
“More than one valley in these mountains,” Russ replied.
We checked several other places that afternoon. My Appaloosa wasn’t in any of them. Finally, we turned for home.
Barrel and Freeman were calm and willing. They acted like they’d been riding these trails their whole life. I patted Freeman’s neck and told him how good he was. His ears twitched backwards and he swished his tail as if he agreed. What a different horse he’d become since Russ rescued him from Grady.
“Aren’t there any other places to look?” I was reluctant to give up the search.
“You’re really sure he’s around, aren’t you?”
“I saw him.”
“You thought you saw him. There’s a difference.”
I glared at him. “Why don’t you believe me?”
Russ sat back and adjusted his hat. “Sometimes you want something so bad, you do see it. Only it’s just some part of your brain that makes it seem real.”
“Shadow’s around here somewhere. I know he is.”
He simply had to be.
I’d lost my parents and I wasn’t going to lose Shadow. I simply couldn’t bear it.
Chapter 34
Monday, August 14, 1961
Aunt Bess continued to look worn out. Even Russ couldn’t cheer her up.
“You didn’t sleep, did ya?” he asked at breakfast.
“Oh, I’ll be all right,” she said evading his question.
He patted her arm. “We’ll work it out, Bess.”
“I don’t see how,” she replied with a sigh. “The insurance company won’t pay for the barn yet. So how can we come up with the money for up a new one?”
Russ remained silent.
“I keep praying,” she said, her voice breaking. She took another swallow of coffee and glanced upward. “He hasn’t seen fit to give me an answer.”
Later, Russ and I went to feed the horses and do the other chores. Aunt Bess didn’t join us, using the excuse of having paper work to do. She didn’t fool us. Her heart wasn’t in it. Worry was making her sick and there was nothing we could do about it.
The remains of the barn loomed like the black hole it had become every time we went outside. Aunt Bess called it the pit of hell. We weren’t allowed to clean anything up until the insurance investigation was finished. They were still unable to tell us when that would be.
Meanwhile we were all just going through the motions of daily chores. The waiting was taking its toll on everyone.
I wasn’t sleeping too well, either. Would we find Shadow Dancer? Would Treasure come back when Rick whistled? It seemed like such a gamble. Sometimes I thought it was a brilliant plan then I had my doubts and thought it was the stupidest thing I’d ever heard. I didn’t want to get my hopes up.
There was another day to wait until Rick and I went back to look for Treasure. The waiting was driving me crazy. Somehow I felt getting Shadow Dancer back would solve all the problems at the ranch. I knew it was foolish to think that, but I did.
That night at dinner, there was a knock on the door.
“Evenin’ Mrs. Perkins.” The Sheriff stood at the door. His police car radio blared loud static in the yard.
“Hello, Gus. Come in” She held the door open and the two men came inside. “Want a cup of coffee?”
“No, thank you. This isn’t a social call. This is official police business.” He took off his hat and the deputy behind him did the same. They looked large and threatening standing in the kitchen in their big boots and pistols in holsters around their waist.
“I’d like to talk to your niece about her evidence,” he said.
“Evidence?” Aunt Bess looked at me. “What’s this all about?”
Reaching in my pocket, I pulled the silver-colored lighter I’d found last week and set it on the table.
“Where did you get this?” asked Russ.
“After the fire I had a bad dream. I went outside and I found it in the yard.”
“Whereabouts?” Aunt Bess asked.
“In the ashes of the barn.”
The Sheriff reached over and took the lighter.
“Can anyone identify who owns this?”
“It belonged to Grady Gibbons.” Russ pointed to the side. “See, there are his initials.”
“One more reason to find him,” said the Sheriff making notes on a small pad he pulled from his pocket.
“Are you making any progress finding that skunk?” asked Russ.
“We’re pursuing leads,” the Sheriff hedged.
“I’m gettin’ mighty tired of always looking over my shoulder,” said Russ. “We all are.”
“I know it hasn’t been easy. We’re doing all we can.”
“Well do more,” Russ fired back.
The lawman changed the subject.
“I’ll notify the insurance company about this, Mrs. Stokes. Seems to me it should tip the balance and wrap up their investigation.”
“It better,” sai
d Aunt Bess. “Those insurance people have been dragging their feet. I need to get my new barn built before the snow flies.”
After the Sheriff and his deputy left, the kitchen was quiet.
“Well maybe we’ll get the insurance check after all,” remarked Russ.
Aunt Bess didn’t comment. She didn’t have to. Her silence said it all.
Tuesday, August 15, 1961
The next morning I hurried through my chores in order to meet Rick mid-morning in the meadow. Russ has gone into town for another one of his meetings. Aunt Bess was preoccupied with paperwork in her office.
Since I’d been riding Freeman, he’d calmed down. It didn’t take him long to get used to me and there was little sign of the spooky horse he’d been when he belonged to Grady.
The air was cool and I was glad to have dressed warmly. It would be even cooler up in the mountains. I couldn’t wait for the sun to get higher in the sky and warm the air.
Rick waited by the boulder where he had taught me to ride. My heart leaped at the sight of him.
“I brought breakfast,” he said. “Want to grab a bite before we start? I’m starving.”
“So am I.”
We dismounted and tied the horses to a tree nearby. Dusty and Freeman touched noses in greeting.
“Hey, sweetheart,” said Rick closing the distance between us. He leaned over and kissed me. Not a long kiss. Just a hello-good-to-see-you-again kiss.
“Good morning,” he said his smile bright as the sun overhead.
“Hi.” I felt tongue-tied, thankfully he didn’t notice.
Opening the saddle bag, he brought out a bag and thermos.
“I made ham and egg sandwiches,” he said. “I’ve got coffee, too.”
He handed me a sandwich wrapped in aluminum foil. “Here, eat your sandwich before it gets cold.”
He poured coffee into two tin cups with handles and set them on a rock nearby.
Protected by the trees around the perimeter, the meadow was sheltered, it wasn’t as cold here as other places on the ranch. I took off my gloves and shoved them in my pockets so I could eat the sandwich. Breakfast never tasted so good. Hot coffee was a perfect antidote for the cool air. I smiled tasting the cream and sugar. He remembered.
“Thanks Rick, I didn’t realize how hungry I was.”
He took the thermos and cups then repacked the saddlebag. We mounted and took the trail up into the hills.
“Do you think we’ll find Shadow Dancer?” I asked feeling a contradiction of hope and doubt.
“If he’s out there somewhere. Treasure will find him.”
“Thanks, Rick.”
“For what?”
“For breakfast — and for helping me find Shadow.”
He smiled and reached across Freeman to ruffle my hair playfully.
“Come on, let’s ride.”
This time he led the way. We wound our way up through the pines and across a sparkling brook fed from mountain streams. His quick-footed buckskin scampered up the trail. I followed at a slower pace, since it was steep in places. Soon even Dusty slowed down. Now that the sun climbed higher, it warmed up and I unzipped my jacket.
When we got to the spot where we’d released Treasure, Rick let out a shrill whistle. We waited and listened. Nothing. He whistled again. Silence.
Continuing to follow the trail up, we looked for the horses. Rick kept whistling. There was no sign of Shadow Dancer or of Treasure.
Finally, I stopped and called to Rick.
“They’re not here. It’s getting late. We better go back.”
“I don’t understand it,” said Rick. “Treasure always comes when I whistle.”
“Maybe she’s out of range.”
“Maybe.”
We rode back to the rock in the meadow where we met. Along the way we stopped for Rick to whistle in case Treasure was around. She wasn’t. There was no sign of the two horses..
“We’ll find them,” said Rick before we turned back to the ranch.
“I hope so.”
I didn’t know what to believe. Bad enough Shadow was missing. Now Treasure was gone, too.
”You should never have let Treasure loose,” I said, close to tears again.
“Maryann, it was my decision. We’ll get her back, and that Appaloosa, too. You just wait and see.”
“Yeah,” I replied, not believing him.
“I have confidence in my girl;” he said.
Was he talking about me or his horse?
Russ was cleaning out stalls when I got back to the barn,.
“Where in heaven’s name have you been?” he demanded.
“Where else? Looking for Shadow Dancer.” I began unsaddling Freeman. What did it matter if Russ knew? My beloved horse had vanished along with Treasure. “I can’t find him,” I wept, struggling to undo the cinch on the saddle. Everything blurred. I couldn’t see the strap.
His hands touched my shoulders and gently moved me aside “
“I’ll take care of this. You go back to the house.”
“I can’t…I didn’t do any of my chores today.” I felt guilty taking off without doing any of the ranch work assigned to me. “I can’t do anything right,” I cried. “Nothing’s been right since Shadow Dancer’s been gone. Nothing.”
I stumbled out of the barn. Could this day get any worse? It could. Aunt Bess was in the kitchen.
“There you are,” she said. “Where have you been?”
In no mood to be diplomatic or lie, I’d reached the end of my rope.
“I went with Rick to look for Shadow Dancer.”
Her eyes got fierce and she exploded. “I told you…”
“Yeah, well it doesn’t matter,” I said cutting her off. “Because we didn’t find him. We’ll never find him. Rick let Treasure loose because she’s ready to be bred and he thinks Treasure will find him. It’s been three days and she’s still missing.”
She stared at me like I’d lost my mind.
“I’ve prayed. I don’t think God cares about horses — or me.” I bolted for my room.
“Maryann,” she called as I ran up the stairs.
“Don’t want any supper,” I shouted down. “I’m not hungry.”
Slamming the door behind me, I collapsed on my bed.
I woke up in the middle of the night, fully clothed. Aunt Bess must have come in because a quilt covered me. Too tired to change, I turned over and went back to sleep.
Chapter 35
Wednesday, August 16, 1961
By the next morning I felt like turning over and going back to sleep. Reluctantly, I got up and dressed.
The kitchen was empty. I ate a bowl of cereal and poured a cup of coffee. I was still half asleep. I poured another cup after I’d finished the first. Then I went to do my chores. As usual, Russ had a head start on me.
At lunch I had no appetite and picked at my sandwich. Russ was in town again. Finally, I tossed the rest of my lunch in the trash and brought my plate to the sink. Aunt Bess didn’t notice since she had lost interest in her food, too.
Then I asked the question I’d been thinking about for a couple of weeks.
“Aunt Bess, what are those meetings Russ is always going into town for?”
There was a look in her eyes I couldn’t read. She looked sad.
“You best ask Russ about it,” she replied. “Not my story to tell.”
“I don’t want to pry or embarrass him or anything.” I regretted asking her.
She smiled. “You won’t. Russ will be glad to tell you.” Her eyes got shiny. “He’s a good man, Maryann. Been through hell.” Her eyes filled with tears. “Well, we’ve all been through hell, child, haven’t we?”
She didn’t expect an answer, so I gave her one anyway.
“Yes, we have,” I murmured. My parents’ death lodged like a dull ache in my chest, a constant reminder of my loss. Sometimes it hurt so bad I couldn’t breathe.
Later that afternoon I found Russ cleaning out stalls. I plunged in with
my question before I lost my nerve.
“What are those meetings you go into town for?”
Russ stopped shoveling. Holding the top of the pitch fork, he stood and looked at me.
“They’re AA meetings. Alcoholics Anonymous. I’m a drunk, Maryann. To stay sober I have to go to meetings.”
“I’ve never even seen you take a drink.”
“And Lord willing, you never will.”
“How? I mean when…” I stopped talking. “I’m sorry. I guess it’s none of my business.”
“I don’t mind your questions. I began drinking when I was still in high school. My older brother, Cory, took off for the rodeo. He was a heck of a bull rider.” He stared off into space, caught up in memories of his past. “After graduation, I joined him. Bronc riding was my specialty. We had our share of success. Won a lot of buckles and drank a lot of booze. Then one day….” he swallowed. “Cory pulled a bull called Geronimo. Got thrown and landed wrong. He never got up.”
“Oh Russ.”
“I crawled into the bottle for the next two years. Can’t remember anything that happened until Jacob found me. You see, he’d gone to school with Cory. Heard what happened. Tracked me down and brought me back to the ranch. Took a long time and a lot of meetings for me to dry out.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, feeling my words were woefully inadequate.
“Not as sorry as I am,” he replied. “I’m sober now and have God to thank. I still need to go to meetings though.”
“I didn’t mean to pry.”
“Not ashamed of being sober, Maryann,” he replied. “Just ashamed of being a drunk. Now that I’m sober, I’d like to think Cory would be proud of me.”
“I know he is,” I said, wanting to weep. Instead, I grabbed a pitchfork and started cleaning stalls.
Dinner was no better than lunch. Russ tried to lighten the mood. Aunt Bess barely answered his questions. So he gave up trying to make conversation. We finished our meal in silence. I cleared the table and started washing the dishes when there was a knock on the door.
“Come in,” called Russ.
I turned around. Rick stood in the kitchen.
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