by A. Anders
I turned my back to the tower when it became a matter of seconds. I really would have done things differently if it hadn’t been my turn, I thought. And those weren’t just a dying man’s words. They were my last rite, my confession.
Feeling a burning in my chest and a pain in my stomach, I steadied myself. I was ready. A cough, the first cough, drowned out the sound of the waves below. A rawness burned my throat making me want to throw up. My body convulsed, but not because of the chip in my head but because the cough had come from someone else.
I could barely look up. My soul was tearing apart as both joy and guilt fought to get out. By all rights, it should have been me. Rose had told me so.
She had said that everyone else had had the courage to be open with her. Wasn’t that the only challenge in this game that truly mattered? And it was the only challenge I couldn’t win.
Out of respect, I forced myself to look up. I had to face the man who had unfairly taken my spot. The man falling to his knees in a halo of red light was Billy.
No one moved to help him. What could anyone do that hadn’t already been done? I didn’t need to be reminded how helpless it felt to watch one of your men die, but here was evidence again.
I stood wondered if there was anything I could have done to save him. I couldn’t be sure.
One thing I was sure of. I was going to do everything possible to bring an end to this game. Staring into the lifeless eyes of the dead man in front of me, I slowly reached behind my back and gripped my gun.
Chapter 10
“What are you doing?” Gray said, pointing his gun at me.
I retrieved my gun, allowing it to lay flat on my open palm.
“We need to talk,” I said calmly.
Gray gripped his tighter, noticing how unintimidated I looked. “About what?”
“You’re not in charge,” I told him.
“Oh?” he challenged manufacturing a smile. “And what makes you think that?”
“Gray,” I said in an unwavering tone. “You’re not in charge.”
Gray chuckled nervously, shifting his weight as he did. “You threatening me with that gun, boy?”
“No.” In a flash, my hand tilted, and the pistol fell into my grip. “Now I am.”
“Ford, what are you doing?” Brad asked.
“Gray, I’ve told you that you’re not in charge. Now, I have no problem giving you this gun. You can hold them. I don’t mind. But before you do, I wanna hear you say it. You’re not in charge.”
Gray laughed nervously. He shifted back and forth, unable to stand still. I knew that he was thinking about shooting me. If he did, he would probably kill me, but I was betting that he wasn’t going to pull the trigger.
“You know what they say. The person with the biggest gun makes the rules,” he said, testing me.
“Gray, you are not in charge.”
I stared at him, unblinking. He was dangerously nervous. When his finger tightened on the trigger, I considered that this tactic might not work. I considered that one of us was going to die.
“Gray!” Brad began, breaking the silence. “No one’s in charge. You’re not in charge. I’m not in charge. Just tell him that. He said that he’ll give you the gun.”
Gray’s eyes bounced between me and Brad.
“Yeah, Gray. Just tell him you’re not in charge,” Bob said. “One person already died tonight. We can’t be fighting between us. Just tell him that, and take the gun.”
Feeling the pressure on Gray mounting, I twisted my wrist, returning the gun to my palm. “I just wanna hear you say it: ‘I’m not in charge.’”
I had gotten to him. I could see the sweat bead on his forehead. Now, I just needed him to hear it in his own voice.
“Say it, Gray. ‘I’m not in charge.’”
His lip quivered as he formed the words. “I’m not… in charge,” he finally said.
He tried desperately to hide it, but I could see his hand shake. He would still kill me if he fired at this range, but he no longer had the balls to pull the trigger.
When he thought about this moment later, and I knew that he was going to, he would hate himself for not shooting me. He’ll search desperately for the reason he didn’t.
What he will conclude is that he had a good reason not to shoot me. He won’t be able to say what that reason is. But that belief will keep him from ever shooting me. Simply put, I neutered him and put his testicles on my keychain.
I slowly rotated my gun, handing him the grip. Matching my pace, he grabbed it with his free hand. To emphasize our new pecking order, I turned my back on him and addressed the other guys.
“Grab as much of the cooked meat as you can eat tonight,” I announced. “The rest, we’re dumping over the cliff with Billy’s body.”
“You’re dumping the food?” Bob asked confused.
“Everything has to go. There are a lot of things out there trying to kill us. The last thing we need is to lure them to us with a free meal.”
“Maybe we shouldn’t…” Thorin searched for the right words, “dump Billy’s body. I mean, we all knew him.”
“Yeah, we did. But there’s nothing we can do for him now,” I said, presenting the cold, hard facts.
“I came back. What if they can bring him back too?”
“Then they fish him out and revive him from there,” I stated confidently.
“Look,” Gray barked, “why are we talking about Billy? We all know who’s responsible for this. She’ll just keep killing us one by one.”
“And what are you proposing?” I asked, allowing everyone to lay their cards on the table.
“Get rid of her before she gets rid of us. If we had done it sooner, maybe Billy wouldn’t be dead.”
I didn’t like it. I wouldn’t let it happen. However, logic was hard to argue against, so I didn’t try. “We’re not gonna do that.”
“I thought we voted here,” Gray said, reaching in my pocket for his balls.
“Not about this,” I barked, asserting my authority.
“He’s right. It’s not smart,” Thorin added. “Killing her could just as likely kill us as save us.”
“And who are you again?” Gray asked the diminutive Thorin.
“I’m just saying that in certain configurations, killing her means killing us. We shouldn’t do it.”
“Okay, is everyone done talking about killing Rose?” Brad asked. “Because if you are, I’ll go get her.”
“No, you’re not,” Gray claimed. “You’re not gonna spend time alone with her.”
“Then come with me. It’s not safe for her out there. Like the man said, it could get us all killed.”
“Go get her,” I ordered. “Meanwhile, the rest of us will clear the site.”
“You want us to dump your body when you’re next?” Gray taunted.
“Look, I’m gonna go get her,” Brad said before heading into the darkness.
“No, wait,” Gray protested.
“I don’t wanna dump Billy’s body. I knew him just like all of you did. But we need to do whatever we have to to survive. That comes first.”
“And what if he’s not dead? Or what if they can bring him back or something?” Thorin protested.
“Wait a minute,” Gray interjected. “Who is this they you keep talking about?”
“I don’t know. The producers. Whoever it was that got us here. The people who sent me back.”
“Yeah. About that,” Gray said bouncing the gun in his hand. “You wanna tell us one more time how you ended up back here. Because as far as I can see, there’s no way off this island except as a corpse.”
Thorin’s shoulders lifted as if he was holding something back.
“What. You do know something,” I said giving him my full attention. “If you’re holding something back that can get us out of here…”
“No. Of course not. It’s just that he asked me how it is that I’m back here, and I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about it.”
“And
what did you come up with?” I asked, unable to catch his darting lowered eyes.
Thorin hesitated and then squirmed as his mouth opened.
“I think it was Rose,” he admitted.
“You think she asked for you to come back?” I questioned, confused.
“Yes, but not exactly. I think it was Rose who brought us all here in the first place.”
“So you’re saying that Rose masterminded this whole thing? Chips and all?” I asked.
“Yeah.”
“And why would she do that?”
“To find a man?” Thorin offered sheepishly.
I was the only one to scoff aloud, but no one was buying Thorin’s theory.
“Think about it,” he continued. “She’s gotta be a little crazy, right? I mean, we tell her that she’s responsible for a dozen people’s death, and a few hours later, she’s dancing around with each of us in woods like nothing’s happened? A sane person wouldn’t do that. Would they?”
I didn’t want to think it, but he did have a point. I tried to explain it away by saying that she was high, but how high would you have to be to forget about that?
Bob interjected softly. “So, you’re saying that she did this whole thing by herself?”
“I mean, no. One person couldn’t do all of this.”
“Then what?” Bob continued.
Thorin shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know. Maybe she had help. Maybe she hired someone. But that’s why I don’t think we can kill her. Because if she’s behind this, wouldn’t she make sure that we all died if she did?”
Thorin’s words sent a chill down my spine. I would like to say that it was for another reason, but I knew it was because he was making sense.
I had refused to see Rose as anything other than a victim like the rest of us, but Thorin had succeeded. He had planted a seed of doubt. If Rose was behind all of this, what chance did any of us have of getting out of here alive?
I pushed the thought out of my mind. We all had one mission, to survive. Turning against Rose didn’t help us do that.
“You don’t know what she’s experiencing. None of us do,” I countered. “Until you’re in a situation like that, you have no idea how you would act.”
“You know something about killing people, Mr. Corporate Recruiter?” Gray mocked.
I did. I knew a lot about it, but now wasn’t the time to bring it up.
“Let’s focus on getting to the compound, huh? Accusing each other isn’t gonna help. Because right now we need each other. When we get these chips out, then we’ll worry about taking care of whoever’s responsible for all of this.”
I pointed at Billy’s body. “Bob?” I said requesting his help. He came without argument.
“Everyone, cut off as much meat as you can eat tonight. Get full. It has to fuel you tomorrow. Any meat left in the open might get us all killed.”
I took hold of Billy’s shoulders while Bob grabbed onto his legs. We walked Billy’s body to the edge of the cliff and tossed him off. I thought about what Thorin had said as I did.
What if he and the others could be revived by whoever was behind this? What if that was their plan? Man, wouldn’t it be nice if this nightmare were just a game show, and everyone was back in their hotel rooms ordering room service?
As much as I wanted that to be the case, I had to remember Kurt’s death rattle. Plus, we had all watched Sam’s body be torn apart by sharks. We weren’t in a game. People were dying. No happy reunion waited for us at the end.
I looked around at my fellow contestants, and I felt a connection to them. Watching them as they tore at the roasted pig with their bare hands, I considered offering them my butcher’s knife. I even stuck my hand into my pocket, resting my fingertips on the cold metal handle. But remembering what they had been capable of, I reconsidered.
I then reached for a dangling chunk of meat from the pig’s belly. Freeing it, I popped it into my mouth. As I chewed, the silent void was filled by the crackling fire, the crashing waves, and the distance sounds of nighttime predators.
It didn’t take long for everyone to get their fill. Knowing what the others were thinking, I brought up the topic first.
“We’ll catch up with Brad and Rose once we dump the rest of this. Thorin, tear off about a pound for them.”
Brad had been gone a long time. It was long enough to remind me that Carl had run off with Rose, but I brushed the idea aside. Brad was the master gamesman. He didn’t have to run off with her to assure his victory.
Thorin did as I told him, and then Bob and I tossed the rest of the pig over the cliff. It was a waste. I was sure that I would second-guess the decision tomorrow once we got hungry, but tonight, I was focused on surviving through the night.
Crafting a torch, we put out the campfire. We could have navigated using the moonlight and the tower, but the torch had been Gray’s idea. Our new relationship was in a delicate balance, so I had to give him a win.
We walked for about five minutes before we caught up with Brad and Rose. Staring at them, I wondered if any of the other guys saw what I did. Their disheveled hair and the awkward way in which they reacted to us told me without a doubt that they hadn’t gotten high.
I caught Rose’s eyes, and she barely acknowledged the fact that I was still alive. That bothered me a lot. My stomach felt like I was on a rollercoaster. My shallow breathing left a hollow feeling in my chest.
I told myself that, that it wasn’t that she didn’t care. It was that my being alive was old news to her. Brad had to have already explained things. But why hadn’t she even given me a forced smile?
Brad devoured the meat as we walked together at the back of the group.
“Did you two have sex?” I asked him, trying to hide the jealousy that simmered below the surface.
“A gentleman never tells,” he said, looking at me with a greasy smile. “But yes.”
Ah, the rage. It was an unwieldy beast. I looked away, trying to calm myself, but I could feel Brad staring at me with that grin on his face. I had to remind myself that he was trying to get under my skin.
What was he trying to accomplish by provoking me? Was he just trying to get into my head? Because there’s a shit-storm in there that I don’t think he’s prepared for.
The image of the two of them having sex popped into my head for the rest of the night. When it did, the skin on my arms crawled.
“Here,” I told everyone as we entered a clearing. “We’ll camp here for the night and pick back up at first light.” I looked at Rose. “We’ll all stay together. We’re safer as a group.”
No one argued.
Finding a soft patch, we extinguished the torch and got as comfortable as we could. It had been a long, tiring day, but I couldn’t sleep. I kept switching between what I was going to say to Rose if I got another chance, and the thought of Brad and Rose together.
I had to admit, thinking about the two of them made me angry. Why did it, though? It wasn’t like any of us were virgins. It wasn’t even like Rose and I had made a commitment to each other.
No. I think the anger I felt was towards myself. I had made so many mistakes, here with Rose, and before. It is hard to forgive yourself.
On top of that, Rose had had sex with Brad. How? Why?
Man, that dude was getting laid more than a priest at a nun’s convention. Okay, no normal human being could have that much sex. But still, Brad was having a lot of sex.
By first light, I had gotten about three hours of sleep. It would have to do. I felt stiff and a little cranky, but I again brought up the rear as the group continued along the coast.
I was still pretty angry as I watched Rose and Brad walk together. Every so often, he would reach out and touch her fingers. Each time he did, it reminded me that I was in love with her.
Every time I caught myself looking at them, I looked away, refocusing on the mission. It was only another day to the compound, a day and a half at most. Once there, we could put an end to this stupid game.
If Rose chose Brad after that, then they could go off and be together. Nonetheless, one way or another, this whole situation had to end quickly. I wasn’t going to be able to contain myself for much longer.
“Ah, we have a problem,” Thorin announced from the front of the group.
“What is it?” I yelled.
“Come and take a look.”
Staring down at the canyon that divided the island, my face burned. In front of us was a hundred foot drop straight down. At the bottom was a twenty-foot channel of rushing water that continued as far as I could see.
With no way to get down and no way to get back up the other side, we would have to go around. This canyon was going to add another day to our journey. The decision to follow the coast instead of taking the direct route would cost us another life.
I boiled with anger. Why? Because it was my fault.
Years of training had told me that we should have taken the direct route, but I had given in. Because of what? Some notion that this group was a democracy?
This trek is about survival, not everyone’s feelings, and I knew that. Every commander knew that. Yet I had given them the rope to hang themselves, and Rose and me alongside them.
I turned around, glaring at the agitated faces staring back at me. I then searched my leg for the cold touch of the metal blade. Finding it, I grounded myself. I was ready for whatever would happen next.
“The divide splits half of the island. It’s gonna take us the rest of the day to go around it,” I announced.
Bob and Brad reacted with disappointment while Gray stared at me, waiting for what I would say next.
“Once we’re around it, we’re gonna cut a straight path through the jungle to the…”
“We agreed to follow the coast. We voted,” Gray said, cutting me off.
“This isn’t a democracy. I’m in charge,” I pronounced, staring directly at him.
“I knew it,” Gray began. “It was just a matter of time.”
Gray withdrew a gun from his belt and relaxed his arm by his side. He did it as a reminder, but I hadn’t forgotten.