If only she didn’t need to be so damn independent. Other women seemed perfectly happy spending all their time with their husbands. They stayed at home where it was always safe, but she’d never been that type of woman. It wasn’t that she didn’t love Declan more than life itself. She did, but she’d spent so many years on her own that curbing her need to do things for herself was difficult.
Why did she have to go to see Lucrecia that night? If only she hadn’t gone off on her own, none of this would have happened. Marc would have never gotten a chance to take her. He never would have raped her. They would still be truly happy.
“You look like you’re a million miles away, Solenne. Are you okay?”
Every time he’d asked her that since he came back, she’d lied and said she was fine. But now as she looked up into those dark eyes of his so full of love for her, she didn’t want to avoid the truth of what still stood between them anymore.
Mustering her courage to face what may end up just driving them further apart, she held his hand and told him what she’d longed to say for months.
“No, I’m not okay. I miss what we were before Marc kidnapped me. I miss the way you used to look at me like I was the most incredible woman in the world. Now you just look at me like I’m some broken bird you feel responsible for. I’ve waited for weeks since you came back to me to hear you say something, but every night we pretend the problem isn’t there anymore when we both know it is.”
Her words came out raw and uncensored, and she didn’t regret a syllable. Never one for lying, she needed the man she loved to know what was inside her heart.
Declan’s shoulders sagged slightly and he closed his eyes. She watched his mouth turn down into a frown as she waited to hear his response to her confession. Even if it just resulted in another fight, she didn’t care. Anything had to be better than the pretend happiness show they’d put on all this time.
He opened his mouth and simply sighed, as if the words he wanted to say were too much for him to let out. Tears welled in her eyes at the sight of him so torn up that he couldn’t even answer her. She wanted to understand and wished she did, but she couldn’t. For her, keeping all the anger and hurt inside only made it worse.
“Declan, please say something.”
He sat there, pain written all over his face, and when he opened his eyes, Solenne saw she wasn’t alone anymore in what she felt.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for not being there when you needed me. I’m sorry for not finding you before that son of a bitch had the chance to do what he did.” Declan’s words became strangled. Clearing his throat, he hung his head and continued.
“I blame myself for not being there to save you before he raped you.”
Solenne reached up and cradled his face in her hands. “You aren’t to blame. No one is but him. Neither of us are to blame, baby.”
Leaning his cheek against her palm, he looked at her and nodded. “I know. I didn’t for a long time, but I know now. I never blamed you, though. Never. I need you to believe that. I never blamed you.”
Tears rolled down her cheeks as she listened to her husband make his own confession to her. She knew he’d been in pain, but now as he spoke, she heard every ounce of that agony he’d suffered in each heartfelt word. Never a man to say much, he spoke volumes now.
“I love you, Declan.”
“I love you, Solenne. I’m sorry it took me so long to say this. I never meant to hurt you. I just didn’t know how to deal with all my anger and guilt. The guilt may be gone, but the anger still grows inside me.”
“I know. It’s there for me too. As long as we’re not angry with each other, that’s all that matters.”
Declan leaned down and kissed her sweetly on the lips. “I was never angry at you. Myself? Yeah. That fuck Verrater. Yeah. I’m going to hate him until the moment I get to drive a fucking stake through his heart.”
Solenne smiled. “I know, and all I ask is that I get to be there for it. I want to see him suffer for what he’s done not only to me, but to all vampires with his despicable drug.”
Standing, Declan wrapped his arms around her and held her tight. “I have this fantasy that when this war comes you and I are there together and get to finally give him what he deserves.”
She leaned back away from him and studied his face. “Seriously? You never want me anywhere near Sons business. I figured you’d try to shuffle me off to some hidden location somewhere in a distant land where you believe I’ll be safe when everything begins.”
“No more. I’ve got the most special vampire in the world by my side, and that’s where she’s going to stay. No one can protect you better than I can. When this all begins, I want you with me.”
His smile told her they’d turned the corner and could finally be open with one another. She didn’t expect life to go back to the way it had been before, but that was okay. Her husband may never be the kind of man who liked to express his feelings about much, but at least they were back on the same side.
“Then that’s how it will be. You and me against the world, like it’s always been.”
He pressed his forehead to hers and looked into her eyes. “You and me, baby. The way it should be.”
Twenty-Two
Kali’s heart swelled to see Sasa again standing right in front of her in Ramiel and Noele’s living room after so many months. Heartbroken to hear she’d been released from Vasilije, Kali was happy she couldn’t stay away once she heard the good news of a new baby.
She looked the same as the last time Kali saw her, although she suspected the slight frown she tried to hide came from being around all her old friends again. All except Vasilije, who hadn’t come by to congratulate the new parents.
But he’d never really been anything close to Sasa’s friend. She remembered her telling the story of how they met and knew they’d gone from being perfect strangers to the most imperfect of lovers in the span of a single night.
Opening her arms, she welcomed Sasa back as the true friend she’d always been to her. “I’ve missed you so much. How have you been?”
Sasa pressed a cheery smile onto her lips, but it didn’t go all the way to her deep brown eyes. “Oh, you know. Keeping busy.”
Kali wanted to ask how she was really doing, but there were too many people around for such a personal question. So she whispered the news of her new romance in her ear. “Sion and I are together now.”
For the first time since she arrived, Sasa’s face showed genuine happiness, and she took Kali into her arms again to give her a huge hug. “Oh, that’s wonderful, Kali! I knew he cared for you all that time you all were working in the monastery cellar.”
Releasing her from her hold, Sasa stepped back and Kali saw the slight frown had returned once again. Quickly, Kali changed the subject. “Wait until you see her. That little baby is just the most beautiful thing ever.”
“I’m sure she is. I haven’t seen Theron tonight, though. How is the little guy doing?”
Kali chuckled and shook her head. “He’s no little guy anymore.”
Sasa looked around the room for him. “I’m sure he’s growing like a weed. Toddlers are like that.”
“If that’s what you’re expecting, you’re in for a shock. I couldn’t believe it when I saw him for the first time after I got back. Look near the kitchen door.”
She watched as Sasa turned to look for a baby and saw a nearly grown male just arriving home. The child with dark hair and even darker brown eyes who used to stare up at adults while he put bugs on their feet now stood almost six feet tall and practically an adult.
“Oh my God! I wouldn’t recognize him now. I knew he was growing fast, but I didn’t realize this fast.”
“He not only grew. He aged. Sion thinks he’s aging faster than ten years for every one normal year. That little baby who was born a year and a half ago is a teenager.”
Sasa stared as he walked toward them, clearly stunned at the change in Theron. “I can’t believe it.”
&
nbsp; “Hi Kali. Here to see the new arrival?” he asked with a smile when he stopped to greet them.
“I already saw that gorgeous little lady. That’s quite a sister you have there. Theron, do you remember Sasa?
He studied her for a moment, his dark eyes staring into hers, but then shook his head. “No, I’m sorry.”
Sasa reached out to shake his hand. “I knew your fa—I knew a friend of your parents before you were born. I left here for a while, but I have to admit I haven’t been gone that long that I expected you to be so different.”
Theron chuckled. “Oh, so you met me when I was a baby, like last year? Well, it’s nice to meet you again. Are you a born vampire like me or sired?”
It was an innocent question asked by someone who may have looked all grown up but still was learning about the world, but Kali saw the effect of it on Sasa instantly. Clearing her throat, she croaked out her answer.
“I’m sired, Theron.”
“Oh. I’m curious about how that is. Is it like your sire is your parent?”
Sadly, she said in a low voice, “Not exactly.”
“Oh. Well, it was nice to meet you, Sasa. I hope we can talk again.”
Forcing a smile, she nodded and said, “I hope so too. I think it would be nice to get to know you.”
He walked away toward where Sion and Terek stood talking, and Kali took Sasa’s hand. “I’m sorry, honey. He didn’t mean anything by that. He just doesn’t know.”
“It still hurts to think about Vasilije, but it wasn’t just that. I can’t get over how much he looks like Thane. It’s like seeing him standing right there in front of me again.”
“Are you okay? Maybe you should go in to see Noele and the baby to cheer you up. You can’t help but be happy when you see her.”
Sasa nodded. “Maybe I should. I’m sorry I’m such a downer. I’m sure I’ll be better after I see them.”
Kali hated knowing her friend was so sad and hoped seeing Noele with the baby would make her feel better. She’d asked Sion if he knew if Vasilije would be there tonight, but no one had heard from him and he suspected he was back east enjoying his time in the dragons’ kingdom. Sion may have thought he’d returned there for purely diplomatic reasons, but Kali knew better. Whatever hedonistic pursuits he was enjoying there were far less about convincing the dragons to help in the upcoming war and far more about losing himself in sex and women so he didn’t have to think about losing Sasa.
Sion quietly came up behind her and whispered in her ear, “Have you seen enough of babies tonight? I think a nice night in together, just the two of us, sounds like something we should be doing right now.”
Turning to face him, she smiled at how sweet he could be. “Yes, I’ve seen enough babies. I am worried about Sasa, though. She doesn’t seem to be handling her break from Vasilije well.”
“And he seems to be handling nothing, instead losing himself in liquor, women, and sex.”
“I think they’re both hurting, but I don’t feel like there’s anything I can say to her to make her feel better.”
Cradling her face, Sion kissed her gently on the lips. “They’ll work it out. Maybe they just need some time.”
Kali was pretty sure more time would only mean more pain for Sasa and more women for Vasilije. “I know. Give me a few minutes to say some goodbyes and we can get to that night in for us, okay?”
Smiling, his grey eyes sparkled with interest. “Five minutes and then we’re out of here.”
“Five minutes.” Seeing he didn’t believe she’d be ready in that time, Kali raised her right hand and giggled. “I solemnly swear no more than five minutes.”
She smiled at the thought of how cute he had become since getting over the Bliss, and turning to grab her purse she saw the only vampire she hadn’t expected that night.
Vasilije.
Quickly, Kali looked around to find where Sasa was, but she’d already gone into the room to see Noele and the baby. Knowing seeing her there would be a huge surprise, she stepped in front of him as he walked toward Terek and Sion.
The coldness in his eyes told her he still hadn’t forgiven her for her part in Sasa’s betrayal, and for a moment Kali hesitated, unsure if she should say anything when she heard him speak.
“Let me past.”
“Sasa’s here, Vasilije. I just thought you should know.”
Those gorgeous ice blue eyes of his bored into her like he needed to make her know what he was feeling. “So now you feel the need to tell me where she is and what she’s doing?”
“I just didn’t want you to be surprised. That’s all.”
He said nothing in return but simply stared at her so intently she had to look away. She knew he blamed her for what had happened, and she accepted that she deserved what he said to her.
Kali watched as Vasilije’s gaze moved past her to across the room where Theron stood and saw his expression turn to the same shocked look as Sasa’s at first seeing him. “Perhaps another time would be better,” he said in a low voice that sounded almost like a growl.
He turned to leave, but Kali needed him to know she regretted what she’d done. Reaching out, she touched his arm to stop him, and he snapped his head back to look at her. Even there in the middle of the celebration of Noele and Ramiel’s new child, she saw he wanted to rip her apart because of what she’d done.
But she couldn’t back down just because he frightened her. She had to tell him what had pressed on her heart since that night.
“I’m sorry for what I did, Vasilije. I didn’t mean to hurt anyone. I know it was wrong, and I’m sorry.”
Kali braced for his rage, but it didn’t come. Instead, he just stared at her with a look full of hurt and anger for what felt like ages and then what she’d hoped to avoid happening unfolded right before her eyes.
The door to Noele’s room opened and Sasa walked out happy and smiling after seeing the baby. Kali felt like she was in the middle of a train wreck she couldn’t prevent, no matter how much she wished she could.
Sasa stopped dead and a look of utter pain washed over her. The hard look in Vasilije’s eyes softened the second he laid eyes on his former vampire, and for one of the few times since she’d known him, Kali saw sadness in them. The two of them said nothing, but it was impossible for anyone who watched them meet for the first time in months not to see how much they missed one another.
Kali didn’t know if she should do something to get them to talk or just keep standing there staring like everyone else in the room was. They both looked so hurt, but neither made any move toward the other.
It was like time stopped, and when it began again, Vasilije turned on his heels and left without saying a word to her. Rushing to Sasa’s side, Kali took her by the arm and helped her to the kitchen. Barely able to contain her tears, she watched as the door closed behind the man she still loved as he left without even speaking to her.
“He still can’t even look at me without feeling like he hates me,” Sasa sobbed as she cried into a paper towel. “He’s never going to forgive me, Kali.”
“He’s still hurting. That’s all. When it doesn’t hurt so much anymore, I’m sure he’ll be able to see that you two can still have something really wonderful.”
Shaking her head, she began to cry harder. “No, I ruined it. I took what we had and ruined it. I don’t know why I just couldn’t have been happy with what we had.”
“It’s okay, honey,” Kali said trying to calm her. “We make mistakes. All we can hope is that we’re forgiven for them.”
Sasa sighed heavily and frowned. “I felt his pain like it was my own. Never before in all my time as an empath have I felt so much sadness from one being. How can he ever forgive me? I betrayed him.”
“I don’t know. I do know, though, that he’s hurting. I heard it when he spoke to me and I saw it when he looked at you. He hasn’t forgiven either of us yet.”
Hanging her head, Sasa mumbled sadly, “I never meant to put you in the middle, Kali. I n
ever meant to make a mess of any of this. I loved Vasilije. I still love him. But I loved Thane for how special he made me feel.”
“I know, honey. I’m sorry it worked out the way it did, but I think you have to give Vasilije time.”
“I miss him so much. I miss our home together. I miss being his. Everything is gone now, and I’m alone. I don’t know what to do.”
“You have all of us, Sasa. We’re your friends. We’re here for you. I’m sure Noele will want help with Leta, and you helped with Theron when he was newborn, so maybe if you do that you’ll find a way to forget how much this hurts until you and Vasilije can get past everything and talk again.”
For the first time since she saw him leave, Sasa smiled. “Oh, I love that idea. That little baby Leta is so beautiful and Noele looks glowing as a new mom. She was so happy to see me. I got to hold the baby too. It was so wonderful to just hold her in my arms.”
Kali wiped Sasa’s tear-stained cheeks and loved that she could at least see there were good things left in life. “See? It’ll be okay. Babies make us see everything in a new way, don’t they?”
“They do. Thank you, Kali. And I’m so happy for you and Sion too. Please tell him that for me.”
“I will.” Hugging her, Kali said, “And don’t give up on Vasilije just yet.”
Sasa left to say her goodbyes to Noele and Ramiel as Sion joined Kali in the kitchen. “Everything okay? Things looked a little tense with Vasilije and you that I thought I might have to come over, but then when he and Sasa saw each other it got a hundred times tenser. Terek and I felt like we were watching a car crash we couldn’t stop. We wanted to look away, but it was impossible.”
Kali leaned her head on his shoulder, loving the strength and calm he gave her. “I know. She was heartbroken he didn’t talk to her.”
Sion wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her to him. He looked down at her with those grey eyes and shook his head. “He may never talk to her again, Kali. I know she had her reasons for what she did, but it was a betrayal like he’s never experienced before. You don’t come back from that kind of thing overnight. Sometimes you don’t come back from it at all.”
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