by Elle Rease
She didn’t have to ask what the worst was. She already knew how much pain she’d caused when she had left him. “I’m not running away.” She dried her tears. “I need time.”
Loraine sighed and got up. “Would you like a glass of water?”
“Please.”
Cinnia dozed off before her mother returned, and it was evening by the time she woke up again. There was a jug of water on her nightstand, as well as a bottle of pain medication and a sandwich. She leaned against the headboard while she swallowed down several glasses and, only once she’d added a few pills to the mix, noticed Byron sitting in the corner.
“What’re you doing here?”
“Making sure you’re safe,” he responded stiffly.
Her heart constricted. “You don’t need to.”
“Are you still the VP’s old lady?” His eyes fixed on hers, rage simmering below the surface. “Then you need protection, whether you want it or not.”
“By—”
“Shut the fuck up, Cinnia.”
Stunned, she could only stare at the young boy who’s become such a good friend over the time they’ve known each other.
“What did you say to him?” Byron’s whole body was tense, as if he was suppressing his rage. “I’ve never seen him like this.”
She bit her bottom lip as tears leaked out of her eyes.
“You better fix it. I don’t give a shit what you think of me, as long as you fix things with him. Don’t make me feel sorry for rooting for you.”
Turning her back on him, she got comfortable and closed her eyes, even though her heart was breaking. She already knew she was a bitch: she didn’t want everyone to keep reminding her of that fact.
Byron got on the bed, spooning her. He draped an arm around her, drawing her against his body, and sighed deeply. “I didn’t mean to sound like an asshole,” he whispered. “I just finally know why Brennan can get so fucking angry with you. I don’t want anything to happen to you two. You’re the only reason I even believe in love anymore.”
She pretended that she was already asleep. The last couple of months have been so emotionally confusing where Byron’s concerned, that she couldn’t take hearing him say such things. This was why she needed oblivion: her thoughts were driving her insane.
After a while, she drifted off.
She woke up the next morning, finally ready to get out of bed and take a shower. She had a few bites of the sandwich on her nightstand, but wasn’t prepared to go outside. The bed became her sanctuary.
At night, her dreams were malicious and filled with Brennan.
Visitors came and went, all with the same message: she had to repair things with her husband, since he was hanging on by a thread. It stabbed at the broken pieces of her heart, knowing that she was the cause of all this unnecessary suffering. Her craving for a child and the yearning for a life without PTSD were making her impossible to live with.
Dr. McKauley’s advice—that Cinnia was in control of her own misery—rang truer with every day that passed until, six days after their fight, Cinnia got dressed and rode to the clubhouse. Two Harleys tailed her, but she didn’t care.
All that mattered was Brennan. She’d forgotten that for a few minutes and it has caused irreparable damage to her marriage. It was time to face the music and show them both that nothing else ranked as high as him.
She took the surprised stares from the other Raptors in her stride. She didn’t have to ask where her husband was: she allowed her instincts to lead her to one of the bedrooms down the hall. It reeked of alcohol and the empty bottles of whiskey made the guilt swell up. She had to swallow past the lump in her throat.
Brennan was face-down on the bed, shirtless and asleep, his long legs dangling over the edges. His tattooed torso reminded her of all the times they’ve made love. His hair was oily and she wondered when last he had taken a shower. It nearly broke her, seeing him like that.
Going over to him, she sat on the edge of the bed and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Babe.”
He groaned and stirred, moving out of her reach.
She went after him. She got as close to his body as she possibly could, getting shivers where their skin touched. It amazed her that, even after all that’s been said and done, she was still so attracted to him. She could only hope that he felt the same.
“Bren, I’m here,” she murmured, tracing a fingertip over the lines of one of his tattoos.
He blinked a few times and squinted at her. “You came.”
“I’m so sorry, babe.” Cinnia kissed his forehead. “I never meant to hurt you like that. I wish I can take it back.”
To her astonishment, he started crying, even as he turned on his side and pulled her closer. His arms locked around her and, although it was one of the most uncomfortable cuddles they’ve ever shared, she didn’t as much as twitch to change it.
“Bren,” she breathed, holding him tightly. She was getting emotional, all over again. “Oh, Bren, I’m so sorry.”
“You were right about everything.”
“No, Bren, I really wasn’t.”
“I should’ve been there.” He pressed his nose to the base of her throat, his shoulders trembling with emotion. “I should’ve been the one to—”
“Shh, babe,” she interjected. “It’s not your fault. You’re perfect.”
“Cin—”
“Listen to me, Bren.” She tilted her head back so they could make eye-contact. “I had no right to take it out on you. You’re all I’ve ever wanted and I just…” She braced herself. “I hope I didn’t screw everything up. I should never have said those things.”
“I don’t want to lose you,” he said fiercely. Even though he was drunk, she would never question what he was telling her. Since her return, Brennan hasn’t lied to her and she wasn’t going to start doubting him now. “You’re my wife, Cin. I want to be with you forever.”
“You will be, until death, remember?”
“Maybe even after that.”
She smiled through the tears, recalling the amount of times they’ve promised that to each other. “I’m so sorry.”
“Cin, stop. Just kiss me, please.”
She complied, letting her lips drift over his. She didn’t care that he tasted like whiskey or that he was dirty: she fully understood that she was one lucky woman. Most men would’ve wanted to get rid of her after that fight, but not Brennan. He wasn’t giving up on her and she’ll be damned if she ever gave up on him.
“I missed you,” he moaned, catching her bottom lip between his teeth. “Don’t do that again.”
“Never,” she vowed.
“Lass, I know I haven’t done—”
She silenced him with a kiss. Their tongues got reacquainted, meeting desperately. She loved how he held her closer, gripped her harder, kissed her with more force. She melted in his embrace and submitted, like countless times before.
When he stopped, she was trying to catch her breath. “Brennan, you’re all I want, always. Please come home.”
He closed his eyes and rested his forehead against hers. “Can we stay here for a while? Just like this?”
“Of course, babe.”
“You smell good.”
She smiled. “So do you.” And she wasn’t even taking the piss. She adored every odor, even the sweat and alcohol. It meant that he was alive and still with her. She wasn’t going to complain about silly things like cleanliness when she’d come so close to losing him.
“I love you, Cin.”
Her heart soared. “I love you too, Bren, so much.”
“We’ll get through this.”
“I know. I’m not going to quit.”
“Good.” He shifted closer and let out a long breath. She was on her way to dream land when she heard him say one last thing: “I won’t allow it.”
Brennan Drummond truly was the best thing that’s ever happened to her. She was a fool for thinking otherwise, however fleeting that impulse had been. She will have to spend the r
est of her life regaining his trust and repairing the damage she’s done.
“Cin.”
She floated back to consciousness and met her husband’s gaze. Tears were building up again and she gulped at the lump in her throat. “It wasn’t a dream.”
He pecked her on the lips. “Let’s go take a shower.”
“Okay.”
He got off the bed and staggered towards the en-suite, and she quickly shouldered his weight so he wouldn’t fall. “This is embarrassing,” he grumbled, reaching for the taps.
“I’ll do it.” She opened the taps and turned to him. “Do you need help getting undressed?”
“I never used to.”
“I know,” she smiled. Unzipping his leather pants, she pulled it down. He stepped out of it and tugged her shirt over her head. “How are you feeling?”
“Like shite,” he chuckled, “but much better now that you’re back.”
“You’ll never drink like that again.”
“Aye, lass, I won’t.” Once she was as naked as he was, he pulled her into the shower, under the warm spray. He pushed her hair out of her face and stared into her eyes. “I thought I’d lost this.”
“Bren, you’ll never lose me.”
“It was way too close.”
“Yes, I know. I’m—”
“Stop saying you’re sorry.” He slid his hands down to her waist. “We both made mistakes.”
“Mine always seems to outweigh yours.”
He grinned, and that devilish twinkle she adored so much returned to his eyes. “It’s not a competition, Cin.” She stood on tiptoes and sucked his bottom lip into her mouth. He responded by shoving her against the wall. “If we do this now, it won’t be gentle,” he warned.
“I don’t want gentle. I want you.”
Hoisting her up, he hooked her legs over his hips and captured her lips in a searing kiss. He thrust a finger into her and bit her neck when she moaned. “You have to be ready for me, Cin,” he grunted.
“Just do it!” She clutched his shoulders as he removed his finger and aligned his cock with her entrance. “Bren, I need you, please!”
He thrust inside. “Fuck, so tight.”
The pleasure/pain threshold was blurring and she held her breath as he retreated. They were reconnecting after their hiatus, and she didn’t care if there was leftover anger, hurt and frustration blending with their lovemaking. She wanted everything.
She wanted Brennan.
He slammed into her, over and over, so hard and fast that her teeth rattled. She was convinced that she will have bruises on her back, courtesy of the way it kept connecting to the tiles behind her. She’s already accepted that she was going to bear his mark on her neck for at least a week.
It was all fine: she was leaving her own scratches on his skin while they panted in unison. His cock felt so good, sliding in and out of her. Her clit pulsed once she neared the precipice.
“Bren, I love you!” she exclaimed. Her scalp prickled as she came undone. “Fuck!”
He took that as his cue and joined her. He pressed his chest against hers. The spray of the shower hit his shoulders while he recovered from his release.
“I’ve missed you so much,” she whispered, kissing his cheek.
Leaning back, his eyes met hers. There was something there she hasn’t seen before, as if he was hiding behind a thin veil. “Never again,” he insisted firmly.
She nodded her assent. “Never again,” she echoed.
“Good.” He pulled out and stepped back. “Let’s get cleaned up and go home.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
“Wow, this must be so exciting for you.”
Cinnia hardly spared Tessa a glance, her gaze riveted on the screen in the room. After two instances where the IVF treatment hadn’t taken and one stress-induced miscarriage, she was more overprotective than the woman carrying her child. They’d waited four months—well into the second trimester—before they had made this appointment to ensure the child was healthy.
When Brennan had secured Tessa as their surrogate, Cinnia hadn’t imagined it would take a further eleven months before they would finally be on their way to having a baby.
“You have no idea,” Brennan murmured. He squeezed his wife’s hand. “It’s been a long time coming.”
“Okay, let’s get started,” the doctor announced, squirting gel onto Tessa’s slightly rounded stomach. He lifted the probe and gently pressed it on her skin. “I’m happy this pregnancy has gone well, so far.”
“No happier than I am,” Tessa said with a nervous laugh. “I was starting to feel like a failure.”
“Welcome to the club,” Cinnia teased.
“You guys gave me one thing to do, and I haven’t been very good at it.”
“The first two times weren’t your fault,” Brennan reminded her.
Tessa sighed deeply. “Yeah, only the third.”
Referring to the incident with her ex, Cinnia slipped away from the present, remembering the pain of that event. Tessa had met up with Cinnia at the mall to deliver the good news, smiling from ear to ear and waving three pregnancy tests in the air as if there wasn’t a crowd of people around.
Even though she knew that Tessa wouldn’t be around forever, Cinnia couldn’t stop herself from befriending the woman who used to screw her husband, and Tessa’s I-don’t-give-a-fuck attitude was one of the many reasons why.
“Cin! I’m so glad I found you!”
Dawn had raised an eyebrow at Tessa. “How did you, by the way?”
“You check in everywhere you go, and you tagged her when you guys got here,” Tessa had replied, rolling her eyes. She was slightly out of breath. “How do you think?”
“I told you to stop doing that,” Cinnia had chided Dawn. “You never know if someone’s going to stalk you.”
“It’s a habit,” Dawn had said, her shoulders sagging. “I’m sorry, Cin.”
“No harm done.” Cinnia had turned to Tessa. “So, what’s up?”
“I skipped my period. At least, I thought I did, ‘cause my cycle’s all screwed up ever since…” Tessa had giggled. “Wow, listen to me go! Point is, I was supposed to start bleeding a couple of days ago. I didn’t think anything of it at first, because of my wonky cycle, but then I thought, what if it’s because I’m pregnant?” She had thrust the pee sticks in the air with flourish. “And ta-dah! I took three, just to be sure, and they’re all positive! You’re pregnant!”
Cinnia’s heart had flip-flopped in her chest. “Are you serious?” she’d croaked, her mouth suddenly dry.
“As cancer,” Tessa had beamed. “Congratulations, Cin! You’re going to be a mom!”
“Oh my God!” Dawn had clapped her hands together excitedly. “Best news ever!”
Cinnia had nearly crushed Tessa in her embrace. “Oh my God, this is… I can’t… Wow!”
“This is gonna be so awesome!” Dawn had practically sang, shimmying her shoulders happily. “Now Aurora and Jesse will have a Drummond to play with!”
“We have to celebrate!” Tessa had agreed. She had gently removed herself from Cinnia’s clingy hold. “Ice cream? It’s on me.”
“Hell no, I’m paying,” Cinnia had insisted. She’d grabbed Tessa’s hand. “Come on!”
As they’d rushed to the food court, Tessa had bumped into someone. “Shit, sorry!” the woman had apologized. And then the color had drained from her face.
“Tess?”
“Andrea,” Tessa had breathed.
Cinnia had sensed the accompanying tension and inched closer. “Is everything okay?”
“Cin, this is…” Tessa had cleared her throat. “This is my ex, Andrea.”
Comprehension had dawned on Cinnia and, to protect the mother of her unborn child, she’d stepped between the two women. “Good to meet you.”
Andrea’s dark eyes had narrowed to slits. She was very skinny and, thanks to Cinnia’s experience with Byron, she could see the woman was on hard drugs: her pupils looked unnatura
lly big and she was way too twitchy. “And who might you be? Tessa’s new slut?”
“That’s none of your business.”
“Funny, I have you pegged down as a cock-sucker,” Andrea had sneered, giving Cinnia a thorough perusal. “Didn’t think you’d eat pussy.”
Cinnia had glanced over her shoulder at Tessa, who had still been in shock, if her pale pallor was anything to go on. “Has she always been this way?”
Tessa had shaken her head sadly.
“Don’t pretend as if you know me, Tess.” Andrea had become more aggressive with each second that ticked by. She’d glared at her ex, seeming to take in every inch of Tessa’s being… including the pregnancy tests. “What the fuck is that!”
“That’s none—”
“Shut up, Green Eyes,” Andrea had interrupted Cinnia. She’d taken a threatening step towards Tessa. “What, you’re back to sucking cock? Why am I not surprised? You wouldn’t have slept with men if you’d been gay to begin with. Posers like you make me sick!”
“That’s enough,” Dawn had growled, getting in Andrea’s face. “Turn around and walk away before your last line wears off, darling, ‘cause you won’t be this daring if you’re not high.”
Andrea’s jaw had gone slack, much like Cinnia’s. “Are you fucking kidding me?”
“Maybe I wasn’t clear enough.” Dawn bumped her voluptuous chest against Andrea’s skinny one, nearly causing the smaller woman to fall. “Fuck off.”
Much to Cinnia’s surprise, Andrea had done just that. “What the hell was that?” Cinnia had asked her best friend.
“You don’t mess with mothers,” Dawn had replied simply. She’d scanned Tessa, a worried expression on her face. “You okay, doll?”
Tessa had been struggling to breathe, clutching her chest as the panic attack hit her with full force. “I’m… fine,” she’d gasped.
“Oh, shit,” Dawn had exclaimed.
In the blink of an eye, Tessa had collapsed to the floor. Seconds later, the blood had bloomed like a beautiful, crimson flower, on the tiled floor in the middle of a mall. Cinnia had stared at it, stunned to the core. Her brain had still been trying to piece the last couple of minutes together.