Shark Lover

by Marie, Gracie

  “That’s great! We can all move this weekend. I’m looking forward to it,” She said as she got off the boat. Carly followed her and they started to go back towards the headquarters. “Chris are you coming up with us?”

  “I’ll be there in a minute. I’m going to give the boat a quick wash. It’s starting to smell like dead fish, which isn’t appealing. I don’t want the Shark Savors team to come out next Saturday and have to smell this.” He picked up a large brush and started scrubbing the sides of the boat.

  “Okay, we’ll be up here.” Cathy started walking back up the steps as Carly jogged faster in order to keep up with her.

  “So, I have a confession.” Carly looked down blushing. Her blond hair was getting so long now. All of her curls were tangled. Cathy wondered how long it had been since she last had it cut. When their hair was the same length, the often looked like twins. Now that Carly’s was longer, she took on her own identity. Cathy could tell from the way that she was blushing that she had done something. She didn’t know what Carly did, but she knew that she was up to something.

  “What did you do now Carly? Please don’t tell me that it’s something worse than not getting good grades at school. I told you that you need to put more time into studying. School is supposed to be the most important thing in your life right now, not boys. Just promise me you will at least devote some time to your schoolwork.” Cathy said in a harsh tone. She knew she was being hard on Carly, but her sister needed it. She needed to focus on school and find her path in life. She was focusing too much on the wrong things.

  “Sheesh, I didn’t ask for pep talk 101. My confession was actually going to be about school,” She said rolling her eyes at Cathy. “You always think I am so boy crazy. I don’t even know where you get that idea from.” She stared off looking at a guy without his shirt on heading towards the beach.

  “See that’s what I am talking about. You were totally checking out that guy. Now if only you could be that into your schoolwork, you would be a top notch student. So what were you going to say?” Cathy still sounded harsh and she knew it.

  Sometimes she felt as if she was like a second mother to her sister. She wanted to just be her sister, but ever since their dad died she felt as if she needed to be Carly’s other guardian. Carly needed it to stay productive and motivated. Cathy constantly worried about her. She figured that it was just an older sister thing, but there was more to it than that. Carly was one of the most important people in her life and she wanted to make sure that she was taken care of. Even though Carly was an adult, Cathy still felt protective over her.

  “You have to promise that you won’t be mad, okay?” She blushed again looking at the ground.

  “Just tell me what you did,” Cathy said dryly. “I can’t make any promises yet until you tell me what you did.”

  “Alright…alright. I actually did really well in school. I’m not transferring schools, but I will be taking more classes at a satellite location. I didn’t get a 4.0, but I did pretty well. It was my first semester of college and I got a 3.8.” She said with honesty.

  “Wait…why would you tell me that you did horrible? I honestly thought you weren’t trying. Carly, you don’t have to move out then. Do you not like living with me? Am I that unbearable? I try not to be messy but…”

  “Cathy, stop you need to calm down. That’s not at all what I am saying,” Carly said interrupting quickly. “I am moving out for you. So you can start your life again. You need to move on and with me there, it’s hindering you from doing that. I know you are still going through the grieving process, but I want you to be happy again. I miss the old Cathy. You used to be so carefree and full of life. All of that is gone now. Whenever you are with Chris, I see that girl come out again. The one who was always laughing and smiling. The last few months, you haven’t been living up to your potential. Marc wouldn’t want you to live this way. You’re doing the exact same thing that you did when Dad died.” Carly put her arm on Cathy’s as she opened the door to the headquarters and let her in. Cathy pushed her hand away and hurriedly went into the door.

  “Carly, I don’t need you to look out for me. I know you’re worried, but I am fine. It’s just been a rough time for me. The guy that I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with died so suddenly, without a goodbye. At least I got to say goodbye to Daddy. Marc didn’t even give me a chance to do that. He was just taken away from me. I can’t believe you are still trying to push Chris on me. We’re just friends Carly. I don’t know why you think it is more than that. It never has been and it never will be. I’m still the same person, maybe you just haven’t been looking hard enough.” She sat down at one of the tables in the lobby and covered her hands over her face.

  She didn’t know when she got so stressed and unable to handle her life. She was tired of constantly having breakdowns in front of her friends and family. Everyone said it was normal behavior for someone who was grieving. She was starting to wonder if Carly was right. Every day she didn’t feel like the same person that she used to be. She used to be happy and full of life. Now every day was filled with crying and feeling unsettled.

  “Cathy, this is what is best for you. I’m not pushing Chris on you as a boyfriend. He’s just a good friend that you can lean on. Like you said, I am gone most of the time anyways. I’m always at school or working. Chris has similar interests and he will probably be able to spend more time with you since the headquarters to Shark Savors is so close to where you live. It’s the perfect plan and you know it. Just go with it. You can’t lie to me. I see your happiness when you are with him. He means a lot to you. I see it in your eyes.” She reached across the table and tried to grab her sister’s hands again. Cathy slowly pulled them away again.

  “Daddy? Are you in here?” She called out into the room. Nobody answered and she called out his name once again. The nurses had told her that this was his room. He had to be in here somewhere. She was too scared to go in by herself. Hospitals had always made her feel uncomfortable. On one floor there would be a family welcoming a new bundle of joy in their arms and on the next floor a loved one would be fighting for their life.

  “Janie is giving him a quick bath. He’ll be out in a few minutes. You can take a seat in the waiting room if you like or you can sit in one of the chairs in here. Take your pick.” The nurse said to her as she was cleaning up her father’s bed. Cathy didn’t know which to pick. Both sounded like horrible options that would make her feel even more uncomfortable.

  “Thanks, I’ll just wait here.” She sat down and buried her head in one of the magazines on the table. She didn’t feel like talking to the nurses. She didn’t feel like talking to anyone in a time like this. She wanted all of this to just be a bad dream, but it wasn’t.

  “Cat? Is that you?” Her father asked in a raspy voice as a nurse wheeled him to his bed. She hated seeing her father in a wheelchair. It was the worst feeling in the world. He was never a weak man, now he could barely walk. She couldn’t let the fact go that he was dying right in front of her eyes.

  “Yes, it’s me Daddy. I came over after school. I wanted to see you before I have to go to my practice.”

  “What are you practicing now? Did you pick up cheerleading again?” He asked as the nurse helped him up into his bed.

  “No, Daddy. You know I don’t like to dance or cheer. It’s not my passion. Life is too short to do things you don’t really like. I picked up soccer. I just started so I’m not as good as some of the other girls, but I wanted to give it a try. I’m full of energy and it puts my energy towards something good. How are you Daddy?” She got closer to the bed so she could get a better look at him.

  “I’m glad you picked up soccer. I bet you are better than you are letting on.” He gave her a small smile as he winced in pain. The nurse left the room after hooking him up to his breathing machine. Cathy hated seeing him having to rely on a machine to be able to breathe. It wasn’t the father that she was used to. “I’m okay Cat. I’m just taking thing
s day to day. Some days I feel great. Other days I feel horrible. It really just depends on the day.” He coughed after he finished talking.

  “Oh, Daddy. I hate seeing you this way. I don’t want to remember you like this. I miss when you were happy and healthy. I just wish we could go back to those times. I want you to be healthy Daddy!” She put her hands over her face and cried.

  “Cat, don’t cry. I still have some time left. I don’t want you to see me like this either, but I want to spend time with you. Tell me more about school. How are your classes?” He asked attempting to change the subject.

  “It’s hard not to be sad Daddy. You’re here living out the last few moments of your life. How can I think about anything else? When I go to school, all I do is think about you and cry. My classes are still going pretty well. Biology is my favorite. Science is the only class that makes me happy. I love animals. I’m thinking of being a veterinarian when I am done with school, but I am not one-hundred percent sure yet.” She said still crying while talking. She tried to put on a brave face for her father, even though inside she felt weak and scared.

  “Did you ever think of being a marine biologist? You love animals and I could see you making a difference by helping them. You should think about it,” He said grabbing her hands and holding them close to his heart. She pulled away her hands. She wanted to shield her face from all of the tears that she was shedding. “Don’t do this Cat, I don’t like seeing you sad like this.”

  “I have thought of being a marine biologist. It’s another one of my career options. I don’t know and I have a lot of research to do before I make a decision. Daddy, it’s too hard trying to decide on a major. Especially while you are sick. It’ll be a while before I go to college anyways. I don’t want to think about the future. I want to stay in the present with you. It’s not fair Daddy. I wanted you to see me graduate high school and college. I wanted you to be there when I get married. I had always planned on you walking me down the aisle and everyone looking at us in awe. I wanted you to be the first to hold my child. I wanted you to be a grandpa. You would have made an awesome one. I…I…” She couldn’t finish her sentence as she trembled in sadness. She couldn’t remember another time when she had been this sad.

  “I know Cat. Nobody plans when they are going to die. Only God knows the answers. Only he knows when it is the right time.” He grabbed her hands again and held them tight. “I’m dying Cat and there’s nothing that we can do about it. We need to take it as it is. I had a good life. I got to be married to the love of my life, your mother for many years. I got to see both you and your sister come into this world. I have felt the joys of being a husband and a parent. I couldn’t ask for any more. God has truly blessed me. Even through all of this pain, I still feel grateful. I never lost the faith and I still have it. I need you to believe too Cat. I will still see all of those things. I won’t be here physically, but I will be here. Trust me I will see you live your life. I wouldn’t miss it for the world. Whenever you are missing me there’s one place where you will find me. Do you know where that is?”

  “No Daddy,” She said through tears. They were falling hard and fast now. She had no idea she even had this many tears to cry. “Where?”

  “Your heart.”

  “Earth to Cathy!” Carly shook Cathy’s shoulders trying to get her out of the daze that she was in.

  “Sorry, the way that you grabbed my hands like that, reminded me of Daddy. He always would grab my hands and place them on his heart. I miss him so much Carly. Why do I keep losing all of the people that I love the most? It’s not fair.” She cried realizing that she had been crying while she was remembering her father. The table was soaked from all of her tears that continually fell down from her face.

  “I miss Daddy too, but I try to think that I am living out my life to the fullest for him. He wouldn’t want us to live our lives sulking and missing him. He would want us to live. Marc wants the same thing for you Cathy. They both would hate to see you crying like this. They would want you to be happy and to be doing what you love most. Just remember that. We all just want what is best for you. Let’s go home. We can start packing up my stuff. We need to get the space more open so Chris can move in. At least I only brought a few weeks’ worth of stuff over. It shouldn’t be too hard. It will keep your mind busy. It’ll be good for you.” She stood up and pushed the chair back under the table.

  “You’re right. I need to live my life. Ever since Daddy died, I haven’t even tried. I just gave up on living life for myself. When I met Marc, I started to live a little more. But now it’s time to finally live for myself. I’m going to do the things that I have always wanted to do. I’m not going to let anything stop me,” She said as she stood up too and hugged Carly. “Thanks Carly for helping me to see that. Let’s go help you pack. I’m actually a little bit excited about having Chris as a roommate. It’s the first thing that I am doing for myself. Living with one of my best friends is a definite improvement to living my life. Let’s go.” She smiled as she walked out of the headquarters. After a decade, she finally was going to start living her life and she felt good about it.

  * * *

  “What are you watching?” Cathy asked as she sat down next to Chris on the couch. It had taken them a full weekend to move all of his stuff in and now they were finally able to relax. Cathy appreciated that Chris had decided to bring his comfy leather couch. It was also conveniently a sofa sleeper as well. She had even given up some of her much needed closet space to Chris, something that she hadn’t even done for Carly when she was briefly living with her. Cathy was just glad to have a roommate again and someone who knew her well enough to be her best friend.

  “I think it’s some documentary on sharks. I’m always interested in stuff like this. Anything that can give me more knowledge on my craft is always a good thing.” He turned down the volume to the television sensing that she wanted to talk. He was always good about stuff like that. He could read her better than anyone else she had ever known.

  “I know what you mean. I’m always watching documentaries on marine animals myself. I often find out new things that I hadn’t known before. It’s fascinating really.” She stared back at the television in thought as she watched a shark tear its prey apart.

  “Is something on your mind?” He asked as he turned the volume down even further. The room filled with silence as he looked at her with worry.

  “It’s nothing really. It’s just I can’t believe it’s almost been two months since Marc has been gone. I always thought that over time, the pain would go away. It still feels the same. Time hasn’t really made me any stronger. I don’t know when I will go back to being my old self. Sometimes I look in the mirror and I don’t even know who I am anymore. Is that strange?” She asked desperately.

  “I don’t think it’s strange at all. I think it’s part of the process that you go through when you lose someone that you truly cared about. They say time heals everything, but I don’t necessarily think that’s true. Sometimes time makes it worse. That’s how it was for me. The first couple months were the easiest, but once time set in I think the reality set in. That the person that you lost is never coming back.” He said with sensitivity.

  “I know what you mean. It’s just hard losing someone unexpectedly. I never thought I would lost him. I didn’t want to lose him. It’s just not fair.” She bunched her legs up closer to her body and held her knees. She didn’t want to cry again. She just wanted to feel better. Marc wouldn’t be happy if he knew she was constantly having breakdowns day after day.

  “I know it’s not. Life isn’t often fair. I know you loved him. I hate to see you in pain like this. I wish that there was something I could do to help you, but I know it’s just something that you have to get through. I know how you feel though. I lost one of my best friends in the marines. Every day was hard to get through. I thought the pain would go away in time, but sometimes it still hurts as bad as it did the day I found out. I still dream about it often too. I wak
e up having terrible nightmares about what happened.” His eyes grew dark and he became more distant. Cathy could tell he was having a difficult time dealing with a loss too. Every time she talked to Chris, she often found that they had more and more in common then she originally thought.

  “Wow, how do you get through all of that? That sounds intense. I don’t know how I will pull through all of this grief. It’s only been two months. I can’t imagine holding all of this grief for years. I don’t know how I will do it.” She put her hands over her face in fear of what would come.

  “I’m not going to lie. A lot of the time it isn’t easy. It’s hard to forget the traumatic things that have happened in your life. The only thing that makes me feel better is that I just envision him being in a better place and he’s happy now. He would want me to live my life and follow my passion. That’s what I am doing right now and I don’t plan on stopping.” He had a determined tone that Cathy admired. She wished she could be more like Chris. She wanted to be strong and fearless like she used to be. Over the past few months she had lost a big chunk of herself and her identity. She wanted it back and there was only one thing standing in her way.

  “Chris, can I ask you something?” She asked with sheer will power.

  “Sure, ask me anything.”

  “Do you think that we will ever catch Mandy?”

  “Yes, I do. Like I said, we aren’t giving up. We aren’t giving up no matter what. We’ll keep going out every day until we find her. I promised I would be here with you through all of this and I am not going to let you down.” He looked at her and smiled as she felt some of her confidence resurfacing.

  “I believe you. I believe in us. We’re going to do this.” She smiled back feeling more sure of herself than she had in her entire life.

  * * *

  “Today is the day, I can just feel it.” She said as the wind blew through her blond curly hair.

  “How do you know?” He asked with uncertainty.