by Jude Ouvrard
My life at the center was about to change again. Teo was leaving while I still had several weeks left. I didn’t want to have to talk to anyone else. I had to get back to my old habit of being quiet. I could demand to be emancipated, but where would I live? I would have to change schools again and I would be farther from Teo. As wrong as it was, I didn't want that. He promised me I would see him every day and I trusted him. He had never let me down.
I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't even notice him quietly walking into my room. It had become our little routine and I was more than thankful that nobody had caught us. He slid under the comforter and met me with a small peck on the temple.
“Why aren't you sleeping, Lia?” he asked, concerned.
“I’m thinking...” I sighed.
He waited for me to go on but I didn't. “What are you thinking about?”
“The centre, moving away and... you.”
“What about me?” I’d expected him to ask but I wasn't sure I was ready to answer. I could mess this up, I have to use the right words and do this carefully.
“I know we've developed some kind of feelings toward each other and I like that.” I tried to tone down my emotions. “But I don't think I’m ready to fully commit and I have college coming and my career. I ...”
He cut me off. “Stop, Ophelia. I know all of this. Call me stupid if you want, but I’m still going with you and Bev or else I’m going to end up like my father,” he said with disgust. “I need to run away too. I feel what you feel. Like Beverly said, we might act like adults, but we aren't.” He chuckled. “We have all the time in the world,” he added. “But for now, I’ll take whatever you want to give me.”
I gave myself a few second to let it soak in. I wanted to be good with him, I needed it. “You lied to me.”
Confusion appeared on his face. “What? When?” He moved to his side to have a better look at me. I had his full attention now.
“You said you were going to be an ass so I wouldn’t get attached to you.” I smiled. “You’ve been nothing but nice and I got attached to you.’’
“Some things are inevitable, Lia.” His voice changed, he was closer to see. Teo spoke the words very close to my ear. It gave me shivers. “Che bella che sei.”
“What?”
He didn’t answer with words, he kissed me instead. Maybe I was blind, but I didn’t see it coming. At first, he surprised me, but a second later, I was kissing him back without holding back. Teo had awakened a part of me I hadn’t known existed. His lips on mine aroused something I had too often thought about, and there was no way of stopping him now that it was reality. I wanted him.
His hands found the skin of my waist. He caressed me, touched me with passion. My stomach was tightening under his touch and my skin became hypersensitive.
“Wait... wait... Teo... We could get caught. What if they check your room and they don’t find you there, or what if they check my room?”
“They never have in weeks, Ophelia. If you don’t want this, we can stop now.” His eyes met with mine, he was serious.
“No, no, there’s no way we can stop this now. It’s too late.” I said.
I pulled him to me and we started kissing again. His lips were soft and sweet and oh my God, I was ready, so ready for this moment to happen. His leg pushed my legs apart as he slowly moved on top of me. It hit me at that moment, if I didn’t stop him, it would happen in the next couple of minutes. My hands started shaking and my body tensed at the realisation.
“Why are you so nervous?”
“Because... There’s something you need to know.”
He stopped everything, so I guess he figured it out. “Have you ever done this before?”
I bit on my lips before I said no. “But I really want to do this, Teo. Please.”
“Okay. Stop me if it hurts.”
We started kissing again, but this time the intensity had reached another level. His hands explored higher under my top. He found my bared breasts and he cupped them with his hands. I closed my eyes. Why was I so self-conscious? He has seen my soul, he knew me so much. The physical part shouldn’t be so nerve-wracking. I took a deep breath before removing my top, letting him stare at me. His eyes turned seductive as he crashed his lips on mine again while pushing his boxer briefs down. Geez, if at least I knew what to do. He held a small black package in his hand, which he ripped open and took the condom out.
“Are you still okay with that, Lia?”
“Yes, but I’m nervous. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.” He rolled it down his length and met with my lips again.
He had done this before, I had no doubt. He was well prepared, very well prepared. I became even more nervous. What if it ruined everything? Stop, Ophelia, Stop! I urged myself. It was going to be alright. I concentrated on his kiss and I let my hand wander on the skin of his back. Teo left my mouth to explore the tender spot in the hollow of my neck. It tickled, but I held back, not wanting to make too much noise. Slowly, he placed himself between my thighs and hovered on top of me. “Tu sei bella.” His eyes reflected the desire he had to possess me. I had no idea what he had just said, but I stared back at him, trusting him completely. I let him guide me through this new step in my life.
It hurt badly. I probably left marks on his back when my nails dug into his skin. He then continued softly and steadily. It went a lot better than I thought it would for the first time. If only I could explain the blood stains in my bed tomorrow morning when came the time to bring the sheets to the laundry room.
We cuddled until the sun was about to arise. Then he had to find his way back to his room before we got in trouble.
That night taught me that I needed him more than I’d let myself believe. I could trust him to take good care of me in the future and I wanted to do this again. The connection I felt with him was extremely powerful and soothing. For the whole night, I felt safe and cared for.
Teo was mine.
Chapter FOUR
***
10 years later...
We were teenagers, then adults.
***
I had my share of one-on-one therapies and group therapies. It seemed that between school and piano, all my free time transformed into finding ways to reach happiness or forgiveness. Wherever I was in the world, I continued my sessions through video conference or through phone calls. I had found the best therapist in San Diego and he agreed to help me despite the distance.
Moving to San Diego ended up being the best thing I could have done. I left a lot of my pain and memories in Brooklyn. Every day I tried to build new ones with my new family: Teo and Beverly. We all had to adjust at first, but as long as we went grocery shopping together every week together, we were good.
Since we moved, I travelled around the world and saw a lot of what it had to offer. I took all the opportunities life offered me and never regretted anything. Life took a lot from me, but it also gave me a lot. It would never give me back my parents, but enjoying the opportunities life presented made it a little better. No matter where I was on the planet, there wasn't a single day I didn't miss my parents. They were the only reason I fought so hard to make every one of my dreams a reality.
Chapter FIVE
***
Being far away from home, I didn’t leave you.
I left something behind for you.
My heart.
***
Sydney had been my second home for the past five months. I loved Australia more than I ever imagined. The people I’d met through the weeks were all very nice and welcoming. I visited vineyards and the surrounding area. My reasons for visiting were all work-related. I was invited by the University of Sydney and I had managed to play with the orchestra in city a few times.
To say I missed Beverly was an understatement. We'd managed to get through our years of study together, and now I was living my dream. In the past years, I had played piano with many major orchestras around the world. I had more stamps on my passport than I t
hought existed. I had been to Italy, Germany, United Kingdom, Russia etc... All of this was fun, but I was missing home. As the years went by, stability was something I found hard to get.
Beverly struggled as a single mother. She’d fallen in love with the wrong man. A married man. I’d met him a couple of times when he came to the apartment. I thought he was a good man. He was a couple of years older than her, but nothing alarming. We never noticed a ring on his finger, but he was probably taking it off before meeting Bev. She met him at a make-up convention she was attending for her job. He worked for one of the cosmetics retailers and she fell head over heels for him. Their relationship lasted a few months and I never suspected anything was wrong with him. John was always respectful and sweet to her. He had flowers delivered to her every week and he seemed to be taking good care of her. One evening, we decided to go to a nice restaurant for our girls’ night out and we caught him sitting with his wife. Of course, they were all lovey-dovey drinking their champagne. We never returned to that restaurant again. Bev caused quite a dramatic scene when she slapped him across the face. She was furious like I’d never seen her before. He’d ruined our night out and he broke her heart like no man ever had.
Two months later, she found out she was pregnant. She was completely broken. Beverly tried to contact him but he ignored all of her phone calls and she eventually gave up. For a while, I thought I was going to lose her. She was lifeless, sick and refused to do anything with herself. One night, I had enough. She hadn’t showered in days and her clothes were dirty. I forced her to take a shower and gave her clean clothes. I reminded her she had to take better care of herself if she was going to have a baby. I promised I would help her out as much as I could, and I did. When Clara was born, I helped her night and day. I discovered my love for babies. They are adorable. The sad part was that being so far away made it impossible for me to help as much as I wanted. For that reason, I decided to try and stay home for at least a year on my return from Australia. Clara was about to start kindergarten, I couldn’t believe how fast the time had flown.
Teo. Well, he kept himself busy. I was missing him more every day. We had a hard time adjusting to my schedule. Teo found it frustrating most of the time because he wanted to settle down. I did too, except he didn’t know it yet. I was close to reaching my goal. When I was younger and still living with my parents, I’d had a huge poster of the Sydney Opera House and every night I would pray that one day I would play my own concerto in that theatre. I was two weeks away from living that dream. Of course, I was not the only musician playing that night, but I was the one with the most performing time. The newest pieces of my concerto would be played for the first time in front of so many people.
It was already past midnight when I looked at the time. When playing, I could never keep track. I had friends here, but right now, I was missing the friends who had become family. I decided to call them as it was the morning in San Diego.
“Hello?” said a tired voice.
“Teo? Did I wake you?”
“Hey! Isn't it my little Chopin?” He chuckled tiredly. “How are you doing, baby?”
“Missing you and Bev.”
“You'll be back soon, right?” No matter how much he kept saying he wanted me happy, wanted me to achieve my goals, I knew he was desperate to keep me all to himself at home. It was really hard for him when we are so far apart. It was hard for me too, but when I was away, it meant I was working and keeping myself busy.
I smiled at the distracted sound in his voice. “Yes, soon.”
“Good, I can’t wait to have you back.”
I smiled even more at his words. “It will be good to be home and sleep in my bed.” That’s something I had learned over the years; there was nothing like my own bed. I missed it every single night. That was one of the downsides of travelling.
“And me. Your bed and me in it,” he joked.
“You are such a guy.” I laughed. “You’re right. Sex is definitely on the “to do” list when I get back.”
“Who said anything about sex? You're so naughty. I just meant cuddling.”
I laughed out loud. “Yeah, right.”
“Aren't you tired yet? It’s getting late for you.” He was right. I was exhausted but I had to hear his voice. He was my safety net.
“How’s the concerto and everything?” he asked. Teo was always curious about what I was working on. It showed me how much he cared.
“It’s doing pretty well. Everything is at its best, I just keep on practicing.” I sighed. “After the House of Opera, I’ll need a break and I really want us to move forward.”
“The time has come, baby.” I loved when he called me baby. Teo had the sweetest voice ever.
“Yes. After this concert, everything on my list will be checked. I’ve kept you waiting long enough anyway. That was selfish.”
“I told you I wouldn't leave and I didn't.”
I was so thankful for that. I had been in love with him for years, but I never thought it was fair to him to commit if I was never home. It was time for me to settle down. I had accumulated thousands of hours in therapy I was still battling commitment issues but deep down, I knew he was the real deal for me. It was obvious. He’d moved to California partially for me, he showed me his support, he got his life back on track. Everything he did was for us. He got a diploma in management and he found a good job in a restaurant. He had the potential to become an owner soon if he was interested. How could I not be proud of him?
“Thank you for keeping your word.” I meant it.
“Ophelia, you don't have to thank me.”
I knew that. “I love you, Teo.”
The line went silent and it scared me. Was he still there? Was he upset? No, he couldn't be upset.
“Teo?” My fingers started trembling. Opening up about my feelings was a huge deal for me. Hearing nothing was not exactly how I had imagined his reaction.
“Ophelia, this... I waited so long to hear it. I’ve always felt it, I knew you loved me but I never thought I would hear you say it. It’s the best sound I've ever heard.”
Tears were sliding down my cheeks. I felt bad because all these years, he’d been waiting and doing everything for me and I‘d known all along that I loved him. I was too scared to say it, so I avoided it in fear of getting hurt.
“I should have said it a long time ago, Teo.” My voice sounded raspy. “I’m sorry.”
“Say it again, please.”
“I’m sorry.”
He chuckled. “Not that, tell me you love me.”
“I love you.” I said it more freely, the words rolling on my tongue. “I’ve always loved you and always will.
“It’s the best damn day of my life.” I could imagine the smile on his face. God, I missed him. “I love you too, Ophelia.”
“I can’t wait to see you.”
“Soon, baby, soon.”
If Australia wasn't so far from San Diego, I would ask him to come here, but I couldn't do that. He had his job and the fees it would cost would be too much.
“You should get some rest now.”
“I should.”
When I hung up, I just wanted to squeal in joy. I had finally told him and that was a big step for me. My parents would have loved him, I had no doubt, but it saddened me that they would never meet him. Teo was my other half, the one I wanted to be married to.
My eyes finally decided they’d had enough. I fell asleep in bed reading my sheet music. I had become that obsessed with my music. I liked staying in at night to work on my music projects. I made some friends here in Australia but on the whole I was quite the loner. This trip was more emotional for me. It was the apex of my career, everything I’d wished for. I knew my life wasn’t going to end here, but I had achieved most of my dreams. Friends had come in second because it was important for me to spend as much time as possible preparing myself for my concert.
I had to be at the university first thing in the morning. The main reason why I was here in the
first place was that I was assisting the teacher in the composition class. I liked it. I got to work with different genres of music and I was learning a lot from that experience. The fact that they approached me to join them was truly flattering.
In class, I had befriended a nice gentleman, Evan, who introduced me to his father, Sean. He was a veteran when it came to organizing musical events. He played the trumpet in a way I had never heard before. Absolute talent. Soon after, I got an invite for a concert at the Sydney Opera House as a guest of honour. It touched me deeply. After he heard me play the piano, Sean offered me a bigger part in the concert, which made me so proud. I’d worked hard all my life for this, I’d dreamed about this thousands of times, and then it happened, just like that, out of the blue. No need to fight or to prove myself, it was handed to me with the promises of a great experience to add to my resume.
As I was closing the door of my small rented cabin, my cellphone started playing Magic by Coldplay. I knew someone from home was calling me.
“Hello?”
“Say it.” I heard Teo and a smile immediately traced my lips.
“I love you. I love you. I love you.” I repeated grinning even bigger. Teo was making me feel so blessed.
He laughed and it sounded like a pure happiness kind of laugh. It came from the heart. “I think I’ll keep on calling you just to hear it.”
“I agree. You can call me any time of the day. The more I hear your voice, the better my day goes.” But the more I missed him and wanted to hold him in my arms.
“I’ll do it. I’ll call you every chance I get. You’ve been away for too long, baby. I need you home with me.”
I sighed because he was right. “I feel like this trip will be the last.” I paused. “For a while anyway. I want to take a break and as weird as it sounds, I want to feel at home. I’ve been everywhere but home, and that’s what I need now. I need you, Teo. I miss the girls, too.”