I owe Lizard.
When Mace had sat down beside me as if he had the weight of the world on his shoulders and seemed so worried and tense, I knew there was nothing I could do to help Lizard, but perhaps I could help his friend instead.
Mace’s short hair allowed me to see his muscles were knotted and tight. Having received the benefit of many a massage, I knew what to do to ease his physical ache. Without stopping to question myself, I’d placed my hands on his shoulders.
The groan, not in the least sexual, but of relief, had encouraged me to keep kneading, to keep working out those kinks. Then, I’d found myself inviting him into my room.
I don’t think he’d noticed me momentarily freeze, my sudden fear he’d take it as an offer for something else. But when he didn’t mention the door staying open, and made no threatening move, I relaxed once again.
As did he. I could feel his muscles loosening as my hands worked and we talked. I spent more time than I expected alone with a man, but Mace didn’t make a move or a pass, for which I was more than grateful. It was like how the men who I used to work with would treat me, as if I was one of them. Something to offer other than my female attributes.
Then out of the blue he asked me to promise I wouldn’t leave. Because he’d worry about me.
I’m not used to anyone being concerned for me. Rodger hadn’t given a damn about my account of what had actually happened. He’d made up a story in his head and preferred to believe that fiction instead, so he could get back to the woman who’d replaced me without having to carry any guilt.
Mace cares. For a woman who means nothing to him. For a woman who’s damaged far beyond mending.
For a woman who can give nothing back.
But if staying a little longer makes his mind easier and allows him to concentrate on his friend, that’s little enough to ask of me and something in my power to give.
As long as Major doesn’t catch up with me.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Mace
Shayla’s promise to stick around and her confidence Liz will be returning right as rain bolsters me as I descend the stairs and enter the meeting room. Her massage leaving me feeling more energised than any shower in the world could.
As I walk toward my chair, I notice that the Prez and the VP are still missing, other than that, I’m the last one to arrive.
“Why are we here?” Judge asks to no one in particular.
“No fuckin’ idea,” Pal responds. “But obviously Prez has something to say.”
“Probably setting up a rotation to be at the hospital,” Thunder puts in.
“Not allowed in his room,” I tell him.
“Think one of us should be there anyway. Need someone close for when he wakes up,” Cad says.
If he wakes up. There’s a feeling of dread inside me that Lizard may not survive the operation. If the tumour proves malignant, or even benign but has done serious damage, perhaps it’s best if he never does. Can’t think that way. But it’s hard to stop. Keep positive. But I, we, need to prepare ourselves for the worst. If the worst wasn’t possible, we wouldn’t be sitting around this table today.
“Still having difficulty getting my head around it,” Ink states, making me realise the conversation is continuing and I’d zoned out for a while. “Yesterday he was fine.”
“Yesterday he was in agony. Went to bed early,” Sparky corrects.
It reminds me I knew about his headaches, and I did fuck all about them. What if I’d marched him to the VA to get him looked at? What if… what if… I could drive myself crazy if I continue this torture about what I could have done and hadn’t.
The door opens. Prez and Beef walk in and take their seats. All conversation stops as everyone waits for what Prez will say. Except for me. I already know.
Demon looks drained and tired as he starts to speak. “Called you all together as we’ve got to make some decisions for Liz.”
“If you’re going to talk about long-term care or funeral fuckin’ arrangements—” Ink begins.
“And don’t mention pulling the fuckin’ plug,” growls Thunder.
Prez slams his fist on the table. “No, I’m fuckin’ not talking about any of that. Far too soon to know what we’re dealing with, and that’s the reason I’m bringing everyone up to speed. We don’t know which way it’s going to go for Liz, so whatever we decide has ramifications for him.”
“Decide on what?” Thunder asks, looking confused.
“Mace, will you fill them in?”
I toss Demon a glare that he’s leaving it up to me, then take a deep breath as I try to find the right place to start. “When Liz was on his last tour, he got fucked up and it messed with his brain. That, you all know.”
“He’s in a fuckin’ hospital bed, as a result,” Buzz observes. “Think that gives us the idea.”
I ignore him. “What you don’t know, is that it had lasting effects. He’s lost a huge chunk of his memory, meaning he’s got a wife and a kid who he doesn’t know. He can’t remember getting married, or his son being born. The gap in his head spans about five years or so.”
Collectively, everyone sits forward, hanging onto my every word.
Ink is shaking his head. “No fuckin’ way. There is no way Lizard’s ever been married, as for a kid, he’s got none, or none that he knows.”
Prez takes over. “You’re right Ink, none that he knows, and that’s due to the fucking big hole in his memory. Point is, not knowing he was married, he never got divorced, well, who can blame him? How can you divorce a wife you don’t know exists?”
“She walked out and fucking left him?” Hellfire is first to react.
“No,” I refute fast. “He left her. See, they tried to make a go of it.” I sigh, wondering how best to explain it. “At first, he could remember nothing at all. Nothing stuck from one day to the next. He was recovering, but slowly. Forcing him to face something he couldn’t remember wasn’t helping one bit. The advice she was given was to let him go. She loved, loves him, so acted on their advice, only expecting it to be temporary. But, as you now know, he never did get his memory back.”
“But she exists,” Rusty says. The thoughtful look on his, and mirrored on other faces, makes me wonder who’s going to be the first to put two and two together.
“She does,” agrees Beef. “We’ve got to decide whether she ought to know about Lizard. While Prez’s name’s written in the official records, she’s actually his next of kin. Both her and her son. If anything is going to happen to Liz, perhaps she deserves to be told.”
It’s Thunder who puts two and two together first. He sits forward, palms flat to the table. “Vanna and Cas. Christ, no wonder the kid looks so much like him.”
“What the fuck?” Like all the others, eyes come to me. “How long have you known, Mace?”
I hold up my hands. “Not long. Yeah, I may have misled you a bit. I know I’d implied I’d known her for years, but in truth it’s not been long at all. That she is the wife of a good fuckin’ friend was not a lie.” One of the best, I add in my head.
“Did he know?” Judge snarls. “You brought her here, Mace. Did seeing her tip him over the edge?” He glares at me accusingly.
“Why did you bring her here?” asks Sparky.
“Christ, Mace. You thinking you made a fuckin’ mistake?” Bomber looks distraught.
“He’s got a fuckin’ tumour,” I remind them sharply, defending and controlling myself at the same time. “Whether or not seeing Vanna and Cas triggered something, it was going to get him at some point.” Wasn’t it? “And first, I didn’t bring her, she came here herself. And second, you saw him,” I respond defensively. “He had no fuckin’ idea who she was. Told her she wasn’t his type if you remember.” But that’s another of my ‘what-ifs’ coming back to haunt me. Is there a chance seeing Vanna and Cas had fucked with his mind, made things worse or accelerated them?
“Why the fuck has she turned up now?” Buzz asks quite reasonably. “Why, after
all these years?”
“Money,” Hellfire snaps. “Bitch needs money.”
Shaking my head and frowning at Hell, I take a moment to explain the trouble she’s having with the boy, how he could do with a guiding hand.
“Saw that my fuckin’ self,” Rusty says when I’ve finished my summary.
“It was Liz’s ride he touched and started,” Pyro begins, his hand cupping his chin. “That sounds like it could have been a cry for help. Kid wanted his father’s attention any way he could get it.”
“Didn’t work,” Judge remarks. “Got him sent off the compound instead.”
“Why didn’t you tell us, Prez?” Hell sends an accusing look my way, before frowning at his son.
Demon snarls at his father. “Yeah? I can just see us now, seated around the table with Lizard in attendance and discussing a wife and kid he didn’t even know he had.” His tone is the epitome of sarcasm. “Tell him his kid might go to juvie or into the system? Laid that on him nice and thick? How would that have gone down, Hellfire?”
“Lizard’s not here,” Thunder starts, looking like he’s gathering his thoughts together, “and we sent her away from the club. Say the worst happens and the kid gets taken away and put into the system, or goes to juvie. What if Lizard gets his memory back and finds out we could have done something to prevent it? I couldn’t look my brother in the face and say I did nothing. If that kid stays with his mom who’s clearly at the end of her wits, unless someone steps up and helps out, that kid’s going to go from bad to worse. We all know, we’ve fucking lived it.”
“Juvie for me.” Sparky raises his hand. “One stupid fuckin’ mistake and I was sent down.
“Foster care.” Cad raises his head. “Didn’t even do anything to earn that punishment ‘cept exist. Worked out in my case, but I was one of the lucky ones.”
“Juvie then prison,” admits Buzz. “But it wasn’t all bad, learned my accounting skills while I was in there, as well as how to kill a man with my bare hands.”
“Useful skills, both.” Cad winks.
Prez glares. “Here are the two things to decide on. First, do we tell Vanna about Lizard and how ill he is, and second, do we help out with the kid?”
“She still loves him,” I tell them, in case they need additional persuasion. “That ring on her finger was given to her by him, and she’s been faithful since the day he left.”
Hellfire stares at his son. “You don’t think Lizard is coming home, do you?”
Demon looks at me, and I wince, then listen as he tells them, sadly, “There’s a fuckin’ lot that can go wrong. Reading between the lines of what the neurologist was telling us, it’s hard to say this, but his chances are little better than fifty-fifty.”
That pronouncement makes up Hell’s mind. “Then you can’t keep the wife out of this, especially if she’s still carrying a torch for him. What if you were unconscious, possibly dying and facing a life-threatening operation? Vi would want to be there.”
Demon gives his dad a sharp nod. “My thoughts exactly. She’s never asked for support from Lizard. Never wanted him to pay up for something he believed wasn’t his. If Lizard had his memory, he’d be devastated at abandoning her and his kid. My vote is that we step up and do for him what he can’t.”
The debate goes on. Wills asked what would happen if Lizard woke up and found out what we’d done and still denied his wife and kid. But despite that, on balance, there seemed to be only one thing to be done. The vote is unanimous as we agree to bring Vanna up to speed with what’s happened to her man.
When an additional suggestion is made that I should be the one who breaks the news, I suspect it’s part punishment for bringing her here and confronting Liz with a teenager who looks so much like him, it could have caused him to collapse and slip into a coma.
When the others leave, I hang back, wondering how the fuck I’m going to find the right words.
Prez puts his hand on my shoulder in passing. “You okay with this Mace?”
I shrug. I have to be.
“Want my advice? Sleep on it first. Give her one last night of peace. She’ll still have time to get here before the operation, and you’ll have time to decide exactly what you’re going to say.”
His counsel is good. I take it. I’m not anticipating destroying someone’s world with any pleasure.
As I take myself off to bed, I avoid the sweet butts, knowing I’m too tired and drained to want to bring my cock out to play tonight. I pause outside Skull’s old room, wishing I could enter and just hold Shayla. Not fuck her, I don’t want to do that, but just have her company during the long hours ahead.
I’m exhausted, but know I’ll probably not sleep.
It’s the first time I’ve ever wanted a woman for anything other than sex, or, for as long as I can remember.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Vanna
Getting a call at five in the morning is never one that’s going to bring good news. Knowing it’s too early for telemarketers, I gingerly pick up the phone and answer the call from an unknown number, hoping someone’s dialled the wrong one.
“Hello?”
“Vanna, it’s Mace.”
“Has something happened?” I sit up in bed.
“Vanna, I need you and Cas to come to the compound.” There’s a difference to Mace’s voice, a catch in it, as though he’s finding it hard to speak.
“What’s happened?” I ask again, my gut rolling, knowing the only reason he’d call me this early has to have something to do with Lizard. “Has Liz had an accident?” Or, perhaps, it’s not bad news and hopefully I ask, “Has he remembered something? Does he want to see Cas?”
A second passes before Mace speaks again. When he tells me exactly what has happened, my head spins and I feel like I’m going to be sick, immediately guilty that I’d ever considered my life would be easier if my husband were dead. Mace wouldn’t have gotten in contact if that wasn’t a possibility I’m facing. My stomach churns as I realise this time, I might lose him forever. I’ve always taken some comfort in him being around, even if we’re apart. I know I don’t care if he never remembers, I just want him alive.
Mace has given me a moment to digest what he’s told me, but I need much longer than that. I try to kick my brain into gear. “His operation’s today?” I confirm, wondering if I heard right the first time.
“Yeah. Look, Vanna, I have to warn you. It’s serious.”
“I’m coming.” Try to keep me away, even though it might cost me my job. Any operation is risky, and my husband’s having a tumour removed from his brain. A growth they don’t know whether it’s harmless or cancerous. There are so many things that could go wrong, I need to be there. Cas will have to miss school, but surely this is a good excuse. “I’ll be in Pueblo in a couple of hours. Where’s the hospital again? We’ll go straight there.” After Cas’s display on Saturday, the fact Mace is keeping me in the loop doesn’t necessarily suggest we’d be welcome back on the compound.
“That works. I’ll text you the address. And Vanna? We’ve told all the brothers who you are, by now they’ll have told their old ladies… They all know your Lizard’s old lady, and that Cas is his kid.”
That, at least, brings me some relief. I’ve hated not being able to claim him as mine, even if it was in name only.
I put down my phone which immediately pings with the promised text and hesitate for a moment, wondering whether it might be better for me to leave Cas in Denver. But this could be the last time he’ll see his father alive if Liz doesn’t pull through the operation. He’s fourteen, not a baby.
Cas is groggy when I wake him, but soon is alert and listening, his face falling as I tell him the news. By the time I’ve explained to him the little Mace had told me, I’ve got a serious and worried teenager on my hands. I give him the choice, but of course he wants to see his dad and be there for him. I almost broke when I explained it could be the last time. I couldn’t give him false expectations.
I don’
t remember much of the journey. With Cas quiet beside me, I drive on autopilot. I get caught up in rush-hour traffic heading into Pueblo, but the GPS takes us directly to the hospital. It’s still relatively early so I find a parking place, noticing there’s a large number of Harleys taking over some of the best spots. It doesn’t take a genius to work out who they belong to, and who they’re here for.
Cas looks at the building in front of us, hesitant to get out of the car. “I was rude to him Saturday,” he remembers. “I shouted at him. Did I upset him, Mom?”
“No, Cas,” I say firmly. “It was nothing you said or did. A tumour doesn’t grow overnight. Nothing tipped him over the top except for what was already in his head.” I don’t admit I’m worried sick it was just seeing me and Cas that caused this.
When he gets out, he comes around my side of the car and flies at me, hugging me tight. We hold each other for a moment, both of us taking comfort in each other, bolstering ourselves for what lies ahead. Then, with his arm still around me, we approach the front entrance. As I’m wondering what department I should be heading to, I see a familiar face. It’s Mace, standing outside having a cigarette.
Lizard smokes. Maybe that made the tumour worse in his head. Who knows?
“Vanna. Cas.” He lifts his chin toward us.
“Any news?”
Mace nods. “The op’s going ahead later this morning. Demon explained you were coming in, and the doc said you could see him before he’s prepped.”
“Has there been any change?” I ask anxiously.
“No. Not for better, not for worse.”
“I’ll be able to see him?”
“Yeah, kid.” Mace’s eyes soften when they land on Cas, and he quickly stubs out his cigarette on the sole of his boot and places the end in the container provided. “I’ll take you in.”
Devil's Spawn: Satan's Devils MC Colorado Chapter #6 Page 21