The emergency room obviously takes a man with a possible brain bleed seriously, and he was immediately taken out back.
“Mr Grey? Fox Grey?”
“Yeah?” I stand, putting the magazine I’d been mindlessly perusing on the seat I’m vacating. “That’s me.”
“Mr James would like you to come through if you will?”
I’m taken through the maze of corridors until I get to the neurology wing and find Liz sitting on a bed in a room.
“How are you, Liz? Are they going to admit you?”
“No,” he puts his hand to his head, “I don’t think so. I’m waiting on the doctor coming to explain the results of the scan to me. I just wanted someone here, you know?”
“In case it’s bad news?”
His tired eyes meet mine. “In case I forget what he says.”
Christ, it must be awful not to trust your brain anymore. I watch him, he’s now focused on his hand which he’s opening and shutting. Making a proper fist for the first time in weeks. A physical as well as mental improvement? Surely that’s a good sign.
We’re not waiting too long until the door opens, and a man in a white coat comes in. He nods at me, but then his eyes land on Lizard.
“Mr James.” The way he announces his name gives nothing away. I notice after viewing Liz, he turns his attention to the tablet in his hands. “I’ve got the results of your scan here, and everything looks good to me. The swelling has gone down considerably.”
“I can remember, Doc. Everything.”
“That’s good. Retrograde amnesia is often temporary caused by the swelling after the operation.”
“Doc,” Liz repeats. “I can remember everything. My memory of my final tours—not how I got the initial injury or the recovery period after, but I do know that I was married and had a wife and son.” He purses his lips and scrunches up his brow. “I can remember coming to Pueblo and joining the MC.”
“You had a tumour, Mr James, which we removed. Look, I know we like to think of ourselves as experts, and science is advancing every day, but we still don’t emphatically know how memories are laid down in the brain, or where they are stored. Every injury we treat, every patient’s recovery, helps build a picture. But just when we’re certain we can point to something and say, ah, that’s it, something else contradicts it. I couldn’t have predicted your memory would have been restored as it has, but I couldn’t have said it wouldn’t either.”
“Is it going to last, Doc? Will I forget again?”
He taps at the screen. “There’s no reason to believe so. You’re recovering physically as well as can be hoped. There’s no reason to believe you won’t continue to improve. You may still have residual weakness in your right side, or you could get back to near or complete normal. Of course, no one can rule out a stroke in the future, but while the chances of that might be slightly increased in your case, you shouldn’t worry unnecessarily.”
Well, that sounds like good news to me. Something can come up and blindside any of us at any time, looks like Lizard has no greater reason to be concerned than any of us. No point ruining your life wondering if the next time you ride, you’ll end dirty side up. There are so many unknowns like cancer or heart attacks. All of us want to live our full allotted years, but many won’t make it that far. Appears Lizard’s got as much chance as anyone else.
“We’ll keep up with your check-ups, and please continue to see your psychotherapist, but apart from that, enjoy your life, Mr James.”
With a final nod in my direction, he leaves.
Back in the truck, Lizard is silent.
“You ready to speak to Vanna?”
He huffs a mirthless laugh. “Not sure I’ll ever be ready for that.”
“Liz, she knows everything.” I can’t understand.
“But now I know as well,” he tries to explain. “I went with whores, Mace. I was unfaithful to my wife. How the fuck could I do that?”
“You love her?”
The answer comes fast. “Always have. Always will.”
“You want a wife and kid?”
“With everything that I am.”
I try to explain what I think. “The Lizard I knew never did. For ten years, Liz, you’ve only wanted to be a single man. I’m convinced you knew you were already taken.”
“But I went with whores,” he repeats, torturing himself.
“And Vanna used her vibrator. I sort of told her that’s all they meant to you.”
His head turns sharply toward me. “Should I be worried you discussed my wife’s use of a sex toy with her?”
I chuckle, quickly raising both hands off the steering wheel before putting them back. “I’ve seen you’re able to form a fist now, Brother. So no, I assure you, you do not need to worry about that.”
“I do need to speak to Vanna, but I’m not looking forward to the conversation ahead.”
We arrive at the compound and Karl slides open the gate.
After I park, I pass Liz’s one crutch to him, it was the only one we brought, and notice he’s putting more weight on his right leg now. As I walk behind, watching him carefully, ready to help if he becomes unsteady, I wonder how that talk with Vanna will go, mentally agreeing it won’t be an easy one. What does Lizard want to do now he knows he’s a true Satan’s Devil? Will he stay with us? Or continue with his plan to go live with his family in Denver?
Inside, I leave him to go find his wife.
It doesn’t surprise me that Prez is impatiently striding toward me. “Liz okay?”
I update him, then several of my brothers, agreeing, yes, this is great news, then finally am free to take myself up to my room, wondering how Vanna is taking Liz’s revelation.
What must it be like to have someone who’s cared enough to remain faithful to you for twelve years? I suspect it might have been different if she hadn’t had a son to raise which had occupied her time, but still, she cared for Lizard and wore his ring. She still cares. I’m certain she’ll forgive him for things he’d done when he’d literally lost his mind. A love like that, so strong and enduring, won’t splinter now.
I fuck the club girls, but don’t talk to them. On the plus side, I never have to explain myself or come up with justifications for my actions. The other side of the coin is that I’ve no one to care, no one to share my triumphs or problems with. I’ve got brothers, of course, but it’s not like having a woman’s point of view that can be so different to a man’s, or someone to lean on, or to lean on you. Men tend to suck things up, women see through our bullshit.
Sure, Liz will have a long journey ahead to get to the relationship that he wants with his wife, but I’ve no doubt they’ll make it. Even though it will be a rocky road at times, I find myself envying him. Vanna will make a great old lady, anyone can see that.
Is that what I’m missing even though I don’t’ know it? I’ve told my brothers Shayla is going to be mine. So why am I waiting?
Exiting my room, I go to hers, knocking softly in case she’s already sleeping.
“Who is it?”
“Mace.”
I hear the key turning in the lock and the door opens. She finds me leaning against the doorframe, a hand stifling a yawn coming from my mouth.
“You look done in,” she tells me, her brow creasing. “Has anything happened?”
“It’s been a fucker of a day,” I tell her, placing my arm on the top of the frame and resting my cheek against it.
“Want to talk about it?” I do. That’s why I came.
When I nod, she steps aside and I walk in, going across to the chair and sitting there, resisting taking the liberty of sitting beside her on the bed.
She curls her legs under her as she perches on the mattress. “What’s happened?”
“Lizard’s got his memory back. I’ve just been at the hospital with him. Seems the swelling has really started to go down. He’s got more movement too.”
Clapping her hands together once, she looks delighted. “That sounds like a
massive step forward.”
I lean forward, clasping my hands. “It is.” The smile slides from my face. “I learned something else today.” My lips press together and I look down, before looking up. “We know who Major is, and just what kind of services he was supplying, which means the kind of things you had to do. Fuck, Shayla,” I snarl, again bowing my head.
I hear a strangled sound and glance up to see her with her hand covering her mouth. Then, twin spots of red come to her cheeks. I don’t know what I expected her reaction to be, but when she smartly crosses the room, comes to a halt in front of me, I can see her body trembling, but it’s not with fear. It’s with rage.
“So it was alright when you thought men were just fucking me? You can cope with knowing I’m a whore who warms a stranger’s bed, but you don’t like the thought of me being strangled until I gasp for any air that I can take into my lungs. You don’t want to think of me being chained, beaten, tortured… urinated on. That I feared for my life every time I was sent out to perform. That each time I knew it could be my last. That’s not alright? That disgusts you?”
“Fuck, Shayla.” I stand fast, my fingers curling around her arms, biting into them making sure she can’t pull away. “Fuck, if you think that, you don’t know the type of man I am. What disgusts me is the thought of you being that scared, that hurt, that alone. I can’t bear the thought of the abuse you went through. I hate that any man took you without consent, that they were able to act out their depravities on you. That, I fucking hate. I hate that as much as I fuckin’ love you.”
The final words hang in the air. They’ve shocked me as much as they shock her.
I knew I wanted her, knew she was going to be in my bed. But love? It’s not a word I thought would ever come from my lips but as soon as I said it, I knew it was true.
Her eyes turn up to mine. “Take it back, Mace.”
“No.”
“You can’t love me. Not now you know how damaged I am,” she cries.
“Do you think I fuckin’ care? It’s you I want, Shayla. What you’ve been through is so horrific, it makes me sick to my stomach. I hate that it’s left its mark on you. But it’s this you I love. The girl who’s come through and emerged the other side like a butterfly from a cocoon. A girl who’s brave, resourceful, and so fuckin’ strong. Can’t think of another woman I want by my side.”
“I told you I wanted you. You don’t have to…”
“I can fuck any number of girls, Shay. It wouldn’t just be fuckin’ with you.” Releasing my grip, I take one of her hands, placing it over my heart. “You’ve wormed your way inside here, without me noticing what you were doing. So, yeah, I love you.” I capture her gaze with my own, staring so intently as I will her to believe me.
She breaks the lock I have on her eyes as she turns her face away. “I’m not strong, I’m weak. He’s still out there, Mace. All I’ve been is scared of him coming after me, I haven’t given a thought to the women who are still there. Who are still being pimped out, who may be sold and never return. Should I have gone to the cops?”
“Babe, you were trying to stay out of his hands. You did right. Major runs an expensive service, his clients have money. Fuck knows what his reach is. You were literally running for your life and Esme’s. I don’t see you could have done anything else. You go to the cops? They may not even give a shit about it. You only had a name, no address, and I doubt you knew who his clients were.”
“I should have done, should do more.”
“Shayla.” I’m right in her face, and again my hands grip her arms. “Esme’s parents have reported him. She’s a sweet kid, they’re a respectable family. They’ll have the cops onside and looking into him. The cops know about Major, you can’t add anything else. The only thing you’d do by reporting him too is risk putting yourself on his radar.”
“It could have been me, Mace. Me, dead, all because of the whims of some sick man.”
Thank fuck it wasn’t. Now I wish I hadn’t told her. My hands are still on her biceps, and I notice while her anger has dissipated, she’s still shaking.
“You’re safe,” I tell her. “I’m not going to let anything happen to you, okay? No one can get onto the compound, not even Major. At the shop you’ve got me, Ink and Pyro there as well. He won’t get to you.”
Her lip is trembling, and her eyes are wild and scared. I can’t help myself, I pull her into my arms, and she melts into me. “Shayla, darlin’, I promise I won’t let anything ever hurt you again. It’s just, having heard who Major is, I can’t bear to think of what you went through.”
“You don’t want to know.”
“I probably don’t, and you don’t have to tell me, but I’m here if you ever want to talk. I’m not going anywhere, sweetheart. If you need to tell me for you, then do. None of the details will affect how I feel about you.”
“I don’t believe you love me. I can’t.”
She’s been let down before, by a man who she should have been able to rely on, who didn’t even send her a few dollars to get her back on her feet. She’s seen the very worst from men. I can see how she’d have a hard job believing me. Fuck, it’s hard to get my own head around the fact that I actually feel this depth of emotion for her.
I sit on the bed and pull her down beside me. “Before I met you, I went with the club girls. Mutual fun, darlin’, I’d never leave a girl wanting. Since I met you, babe, I haven’t been able to think about them, nothing about them appeals to me. Casual sex isn’t something I want anymore. I used to laugh at my brothers when they settled down, I couldn’t see myself as a one-woman man, until I met you.”
“I don’t understand.”
I huff a laugh. “I’m not explaining it well as I can’t comprehend it myself. But that first kiss we shared? More satisfying than a whole night of sex with one of the club girls.”
Her eyes are wide as she turns them on me. “I know you want sex with me, Mace. You know I know that. Think we made that pretty clear yesterday. You don’t need to dress it up as something it’s not.”
“I’m not,” I promise her. “I’m sure I can oblige if it’s only my body you want, but I want so much more with you.”
“This doesn’t sound like something you’d say, Mace.”
I chuckle. “It’s not. All new to me, babe.”
Her hand gently strokes down my face as she stares at me intently. Then she whispers reverently, “You’re serious, aren’t you?” When I raise and dip my chin, she surprises the hell out of me when she says, “Stay with me, Mace. Stay tonight.”
I’ve got a strong will, but with her? “Babe, if I stay the night, if I sleep in your bed, I’m not going to be able to keep my hands to myself.”
“Then, don’t.” Her words look like they surprise her.
I brush my fingers through her hair, brushing it back from her face. “I worry I’ll trigger you. Now I understand what those assholes did…”
“They did nothing I wanted them too.” She looks down to my groin. I’d been trying to ignore it, but the fucker’s rising with just the invitation she’s offered. Her eyes widen, but with interest and not fear. Then she looks back and meets my eyes. “A few weeks ago, I’d have run from the hills at the thought of ever being close to any man again. But slowly I’ve learned, you’re a man of your word. I know, here.” She places her hand over my heart. “I know you respect me, respect my feelings, and I know I can trust you. Please, Mace. I want to try.”
I cradle my hands either side of her face and lower my lips, but before I let them meet hers, I have to elicit a promise. “Anything, Shay, any-fuckin’-thing I do you don’t like, you tell me. Okay?”
Her head dips up and down once. It’s enough. I lower my lips and lose myself in her taste. Our mouths meet, meld, tongues chase tongues, moans escape and hands clutch. I know we’re wearing too many clothes. I want nothing more than to have my skin against hers.
Knowing I’m the first man she’s allowed into her bed since she was snatched off the stree
t and forced into sex work is a heavy responsibility. I’m determined to make this special for her, to take every memory of each touch taken without permission away. To sear myself on her body and brain so there’s no room for her to think of anything else.
I reach for her t-shirt, she holds up her arms as if I’ve done this all my life and allows me to slide it over her head, our lips parting only as long as it’s necessary to do so. Then she’s tugging at mine. I grab the back of the neck and help her take it off, again, our kiss only pausing momentarily. I crush her body against mine, not even perving at her bra covered tits, too eager to feel the warmth of her skin against my chest.
As I slide my hands up and down her back, I encounter a dressing toward the base of her spine. “Sore?” I’m instantly thinking of positions where it won’t rub.
“No,” she replies. “The dressing can come off now, but I’m too nervous to look. Vi tried to show me in the mirror, but I looked away. I’m such a coward.”
I instantly know she means she thinks his name will still show. It might, I know she’ll need more sessions to complete the work, but in the end, it will be as if it was never there at all. I’ve seen and been a recipient of some of Vi’s handiwork. Not a coverup, but she did amazingly well when she gave me a new piece.
My hands move up, pausing at the clasp on her bra. “Tell me yes,” I all but beg, my words vibrating against her cheek.
“Yes,” she replies huskily.
I don’t hesitate, with a practiced move I push inwards so the hooks come free of the eyes, then let the bra fall open and push the straps down her arms.
“Let me see you,” I plead.
With a final peck to my lips, she pulls away and sits back. Her arms, still tangled in the bra, remain at her sides.
“Fuckin’ perfect,” I tell her, not lying at all. If I could have summoned up the ultimate pair of breasts in my mind, they’d have been topped by hers.
I can’t wait to sample them. Lowering my head, I suck a nipple into my mouth, sucking on it gently, and registering her sharp intake of breath. Then I apply the same treatment to the other.
Devil's Spawn: Satan's Devils MC Colorado Chapter #6 Page 35