by Jayne Bamber
After their meal, there was no separation of the sexes, and when they returned to the drawing room the doors to the music room were opened; Richard applied to Rose to give a performance on the pianoforte, as she had promised. Unsurprisingly, Elizabeth joined her – the two had been inseparable all evening. Rose decried her own abilities, claiming she preferred Elizabeth to accompany her to mask her deficiencies in playing and singing alike. Though her execution was not as technically perfect as Jane’s and Mary’s, she played and sang with tremendous feeling, which he had always felt was of greater importance.
Toward the end of the performance, Mary approached Darcy where he had been watching from the back of the room. “I am glad Lizzy is playing the music I gifted her,” she said. “It is rather impressive she has learned it so quickly. Do you not think she plays very well, Brother?”
Darcy agreed, to please Mary, though in truth he found Rose to be the superior performer, despite being some years younger. “You ought to play next,” he said. “If both you and Elizabeth give a performance, perhaps it might convince Jane to do the same.”
“I do not think she wishes it.”
“She would be so much happier if only she would try. It once gave her so much pleasure to play and sing. Even Elizabeth acknowledged that it is the sort of thing expected of a young lady during the Season.”
“Last time she played, it was very mournful indeed,” Mary sighed. “I cannot think anyone would wish to hear such a thing now. Perhaps – perhaps I might play something we could all dance to.”
“I am sure that would pleasure one of your sisters,” he drawled.
“I am sure it would please a great many people present,” Mary retorted, “even if you are not among them.” She moved away to approach the instrument.
Dancing was soon called for and Rose was coming that way, as if to go and speak with Sir Edward, when the Countess intercepted her, just as she was moving past Darcy. “What a charming amusement this is for young people,” she observed to Darcy. “There is nothing like dancing after all. I recall you being quite adept at dancing yourself. Well now, here is my niece. Why are you not dancing yourself, child? William, allow me to present you a very desirable partner for such a happy family gathering.”
Lady Phyllis had taken her niece’s hand, and was on the point of offering it to Darcy, who, though surprised, would have happily taken it, when Rose drew back and with some discomposure said, “Indeed, Aunt, I have not the least intention of dancing. I entreat you not to suppose I moved this way in order to beg a partner.”
“I should be happy to dance with you,” he replied evenly, smiling with admiration at the sight of her as she nervously toyed with a loose curl that had escaped her chignon.
“William is all politeness,” she said, focusing on their aunt.
Lady Phyllis persisted. “How could he not be, considering the inducement?”
Rose stammered some reply and abruptly excused herself. Lady Phyllis moved away from Darcy and began whispering with his mother, and he watched Rose as she stalked across the room. The first strains of music had begun, and Rose was applied to by Richard to join in the dancing. Rose continued to demur, though far more amiably than she had done with Darcy.
“Surely you’ll not deny your favorite cousin,” Richard chided her.
“My favorite cousin?” Rose made a great show of looking about the room. “Hmm, I do not see her.” She tapped thoughtfully at her chin with one of her elegant little fingers.
“You wound me,” Richard laughed.
“I suppose it must be some recompense for your teasing at supper,” she replied.
By now Bingley had approached Rose as well. “I have not teased you at supper. Shall you grant me your favor, and join the dance?”
Offering Richard a wicked smile, Rose agreed that she would be delighted to, and offered him her hand. Richard shook his head and laughed it off before looking up and catching Darcy’s eye. He grimaced and waved Darcy off before he could speak. “Do not say it, cousin.” He stalked off and sat down beside Jane on the sofa.
Darcy was drawn once again to the sight of Rose, watching her graceful form with pleasure though she had accepted his friend after refusing himself, when he was accosted by his cousin Anne.
“I can imagine the subject or your reverie,” said she.
“I should imagine not.”
“You are considering how insupportable it shall be to have to pass so many evenings in company with certain members of this family, and I quite agree. How insipid, and yet how self-important I find certain persons present to be. You shall not convince me you disagree.”
“Then I suppose this conversation is fruitless indeed,” he said before abruptly moving away. He approached his cousin Charlotte, who was sitting by herself, and offered her his hand before joining the other two couples in the dance.
There was but one set danced, which was a happy thing for Darcy, as he feared he might have been tempted to make quite the fool of himself in importuning Rose a second time. After the dance, it seemed their party was on the verge of breaking up, and he approached Bingley, hoping to encourage him to speak with Jane a little more before the evening was over.
“Your sister Elizabeth is absolutely enchanting – they are all three lovely girls, Darcy.”
“I trust your dinner conversation with Jane and Mary was enjoyable?”
“Very much so. Miss Mary is certainly well-informed – rather more so than myself, I fear. She and Jane are both perfectly amiable – it is a shame they have been hidden away at Pemberley for so long.”
“I quite agree. I am glad they have come to London.”
“Quite right! I shall be happy to know more of them, if that is your wish. And Miss Elizabeth as well – I enjoyed dancing with her very much.”
Darcy gave his friend a dubious look. “You mean Rose Gardiner, my... cousin.”
“Miss Rose is very friendly as well, certainly, but it was Miss Elizabeth I danced with,” Bingley replied. “Surely you saw us together.”
“I think you must be mistaken. The woman you danced with is Miss Rose Gardiner. The young lady in red, with the short-cropped hair is my sister Elizabeth.”
Bingley colored and laughed at his own error. “Well, that is embarrassing! I am sure I have been calling them by the wrong names all night and no one has corrected me until now. I was correct about Jane and Mary, I hope? Jane there in the blue, and Mary in white?”
“Yes. I am sure that Rose and Elizabeth were too polite to undeceive you, and it is an honest mistake after all; the two have been inseparable all evening.”
“Well, Darcy, your entire family is universally charming, and I am sure Collins quite agrees with me. It was very kind of you to invite us, as we would be boring one another to death tonight if we had stayed at home. My stepmother and Caroline will be returning from Bath next week – might I dare hope they shall be included in the invitation to the Twelfth Night Ball?”
“Of course. Jane is very fond of your sister, and I would by no means suspend any pleasure of hers.”
“Good, good. Well, it is getting late – I think Will and I shall be off before I make an ass of myself any further.” Bingley clapped Darcy on the back and went to collect Collins before making their goodbyes.
Darcy smiled with satisfaction as Bingley tarried longer with Jane than any of the others before departing, and soon afterward the rest of their guests took their leave, allowing Darcy some much needed respite after so large a gathering.
10
London, January 1813
Over the next week, visits between Darcy House and the Gardiner home were a daily occurrence, and Elizabeth awoke each morning looking forward to seeing her mother and sisters with a degree of excitement she hadn’t dared to hope she would feel so soon. A few days before the earl’s much awaited masquerade ball in honor of the Twelfth Night, Elizabeth was preparing to visit her mother and sisters when she was met in the foyer by her cousin Richard.
El
izabeth had not seen much of him over the last week – every time she had been to Darcy House, William had gone off with Richard to his club. She had mixed emotions about seeing so little of each man, but perhaps it was for the best.
Though she still felt years of bitterness and distrust toward William, she was bothered most of all by the fact that she had caught herself, as they had briefly bantered at Christmas, actually wanting his good opinion for the first time in many years. He had already bestowed it on the three women she loved the most, making it well worth the earning. Still, it felt like a weakness – one she could not bear to let show – and it bothered her exceedingly.
She had been so frightened when he had approached to speak to her, though she had summoned the courage to conceal her unease. And then, his conversation had been at once so severe, and yet challenging, as if daring them all to suppose he was professing an opinion not really his own. It had been amusing and surprising... until his jab about Pemberley. And then he had asked her to dance! Whatever he meant by it, Elizabeth was determined to put him from her mind entirely. She had never sought his approval; there was no reason to start now.
Though she was tremendously fond of her cousin Richard, they had still not spoken of her Uncle Henry’s suggestion, in large part due to Elizabeth’s deliberate effort. She had tried to take her aunt’s advice to heart, to focus her energy on her mother and sisters; to reconnect with them. To right the wrongs of her past felt like such a tremendous undertaking of the heart, that she could not allow herself the chance to think of romance.
She had done her best to avoid speaking alone with Richard when she and her uncle had dined at Matlock House the previous evening, talking chiefly with her aunt and Charlotte, or conversing with Richard only in the presence of his siblings. It was cowardly of her, she knew, but she needed time. Certainly she could not keep avoiding Richard forever, even if she wished to, but she had not imagined he would seek her out so soon. Then again, since he had already attempted to speak once, perhaps she ought to speak to him now.
“I was not expecting you, Richard,” she said evenly. “I was on the point of going to Darcy House – my mother sent over a note that our costumes for the masquerade are ready to look over.”
Richard cocked his head to one side. “You are going by yourself?”
“Uncle is at his offices and Rose is indisposed. I was just on the point of calling for the carriage.”
“There is no need – let me walk with you.”
Elizabeth quirked an eyebrow at him. “Our costumes are to be a great secret amongst us ladies. You may walk with me, but you shan’t get a peek of our costumes until Friday.”
Richard laughed and offered her his arm, and they stepped out onto the street together. “You forget, Cousin, I am to be in the receiving line with my parents – I shall see everybody come in, and I daresay guess everyone’s costumes the moment they are announced.”
“Then at least I shall know yours, as well. I can only imagine what shocking thing you will come up with. The year you dressed as Shakespeare was very amusing.”
“I am quite sure you and Charlotte were taking secret notes on some of my... ah, language.”
“Mmhm,” Elizabeth chortled. “Perhaps a little less wine this year?”
Richard laughed. “Dearest Lizzy, you know me well. We get along so well, is what I mean. With you I can be myself, and you make me laugh.”
“I laugh at everybody, sir.”
They had gotten to the end of Grosvenor Square, and ought to have stayed on Brook Street to approach Hanover square, but Richard guided them around the stately green instead. “I hope you do not mind if we go once around the square before heading over to Hanover. I think you must know what I wish to speak to you about, but I am sure it shall not be improper, us being alone like this, as long as we remain in motion, do you not agree?”
Elizabeth had felt a great swelling of anxiety the moment she suspected his intentions, but she suppressed it. “Of course you must wish to speak about it. Yes, let us go around the square. I am sure we shall be quite safe, in as much as you have ever cared for the rules,” she quipped, but felt that her joke had fallen flat.
Richard smiled weakly. “I understand it was a shock, but it has been weeks now since Father brought it up. I think you know that is what he and Uncle Edward were speaking of last night after supper, for when John and I came into the drawing room alone you instantly flew to the pianoforte and started playing. I understood why you ran away that day, at your uncle’s house. It was a great shock, I am sure, but have you not given it any thought in these three weeks? Surely you can understand that you cannot dodge me forever without wounding me. Have we not always been friends?”
“We have – and you are right. I am sorry for avoiding you as I have.”
“And... have you thought about...?”
“Of course I have.”
As Elizabeth looked away, Richard drew her closer and stopped walking, tilting his head in toward her until she looked at him. “Should I be wishing my father’s words unsaid, so that we might be friends again?”
Finally Elizabeth met his eye. “If you expect me to know how I feel about the idea, I am sorry to say I cannot oblige you just yet.” She looked away briefly and took a small step back before addressing him again.
“Do you mean to say that you have thought about it? You... agree with this notion?”
“I have thought about it – indeed, I had before my father said anything at all.”
“Oh.” Elizabeth knew not what to say, but as she gave his arm a little tug and began to start walking again, she knew she must say something. She owed it to him to at least speak about it. She had loved him in some sort of way, for many years now.
“I have always confided in you,” she said, slowing her pace around the square. “Surely you must know that the years I have lived with my uncle have… affected me.”
“You fear a marriage like Sir Edward and Lady Olivia’s?”
“Everyone says he was so happy when first they were married.”
“Come now, Lizzy, you know the truth about it. She was not the best of women.”
“And yet my uncle loved her always, and it tore him apart at times.”
“He had his heart broken by another woman, just before he met Lady Olivia, and he knew their marriage was to begin as a… peculiar one.”
“And could you desire such a union? I do not know about you, but I have never been in love before. What if I were to fall in love someday, and be already wed? What if you were to meet someone, someone you could give your heart to, rather than settling for an amicable business transaction?”
“I have been in love before, Lizzy,” Richard sighed.
“Oh.”
“There would be no pressure for you to ever fall in love with me, and you yourself have long proclaimed you shall never do so at all. And yet you would escape my father’s machinations and avoid being made to spend your life with someone with whom you have not even the comfortable camaraderie we share – surely a life of friendship and good humor must be enough to tempt you. I am not the viscount – I needn’t even ask for children unless you wished it.”
“And if I did?” Elizabeth clamped a hand over her mouth, scandalized by her own thoughtless question.
Richard stopped walking and grabbed her gently by the shoulders, turning her to face him. “Yes, Lizzy. If you wanted children, we could have twenty. Whatever you wanted, we would have it. I am a man, after all, and you are a beautiful woman.”
Elizabeth held his probing gaze for as long as she could bear it before turning away. She regretted knowing that he had had such thoughts of her, and was even a little fearful of letting herself dwell on such ideas. “And if I did not wish it? You would take a mistress.”
“I am a man – not a monk. But Lizzy, I would never disgrace you. I would be discreet. And if you ever changed your mind about – well, I would be faithful to you.”
“I see. So are you… are you proposi
ng to me?”
“Not yet, if you do not wish it. Certainly not if I have no assurance that I would be accepted.” He offered her a smile, but she could see the disappointment in his eyes.
“As I told you, I have not yet arrived at any sort of... decided opinion on the matter.”
They had started walking again, and were nearly around the square now. Elizabeth was eager to be on her way to Hanover Square and replied, “I shall think on it, Richard. Much of what you say is true – I am sure I shall not like everyone on my uncle’s list as much as I care for you. I would not have you think that this is what gives me pause. I only wish better for you. Perhaps I may never give my heart away, but as you have before, you may yet again. How can I be married to a man who came to love another? I should feel guilty, and you would come to resent me. I have seen what that looks like.” Though she did not have the courage to say it, Elizabeth had imagined at Christmas that Richard might have taken an interest in Jane.
Richard nodded. “I admit, you have every reason to feel as you do. I only ask you not to dwell on the past. The time will soon come when you must look to the future. I am willing to face it with you, if that is ever your wish.”
They turned the subject to happier things as they continued their walk to Darcy House, and the upcoming Twelfth Night occupied much of their conversation. Though Elizabeth still felt a great deal of apprehension about the list of possible partners her uncle had taken it upon himself to compose for the young people in the family, she could not resist feeling some excitement about the prospect of a masquerade ball. She was a young lady after all.
***
The sound of the pianoforte filled the corridor as Richard and Elizabeth divested themselves of their coats in the foyer and then moved into the music room. Richard waved away the footman that had come to announce them, and lingered in the doorway, his eyes fixed on the pianoforte. Beside him, Elizabeth experienced the same reaction at the sight of Jane seated at the instrument. She was completely absorbed in the music, a mournful, hauntingly beautiful melody performed with feeling and precision; tears streamed down her face, though her eyes appeared closed. Richard let out a slow exhale as Elizabeth continued watching with sorrowful admiration a moment longer before stepping into the room.