by Liz Botts
I sipped on my coffee, which had cooled off nicely. “It won’t be easy, I know, but I really think I can make a difference. And I have you to thank.”
Angela’s eyebrows inched upward. “Me? For what?”
“If you hadn’t invited me along to peer counseling I never would have gotten the experience, and I never would have seen a different path for my life,” I said. The words choked in my throat, and I had to swallow hard to keep from tearing up.
“I’m so glad it made that much of a difference,” Angela replied.
We sat in silence for a few moments as we both took in the significance of the events of the past semester. I watched students getting on and off busses. The windowpane had a huge smudge across it. I didn’t think I wanted to know what had made that stain. The absurdity of the thought made me smile.
“So what are you going to do after graduation?” I asked.
Angela grinned. “You won’t even believe this,” she said. “I’m going to join the Peace Corps.”
“Wow,” I said. “That’s amazing. I didn’t know people still did that.”
With a laugh, Angela’s face turned gleeful. “I’m going to Belize! I applied months ago, but I didn’t want to tell anyone just in case things didn’t work out.”
“What will you be doing?”
“I’ll be doing a variety of things,” she said. “My first assignment will be working in a school. I’ll team teach with another volunteer who is already there. We talked on the phone last week. He thinks it would be great to bring some theater stuff into the classroom.”
“I am really impressed,” I said. And I was excited for her, but I felt a little sad too. “I’ll really miss you.”
“Me too,” she said. “But you can email me all the time, and you can follow my blog. We can visit at Christmas.”
Angela drained the last of her hot chocolate from the cup. As she set it back on the table she said, “I thought about doing a mission trip through my church, and I will one day. But this seemed like such a good experience. I’ll be gone for two years. So much can happen in two years. I know my life will be totally different when I get back. Maybe I’ll go to grad school, or who knows?”
I smiled at her. Who would have thought that we would be heading in such different directions? Two theater majors?
“This is going to come out all cheesy, I know, but you really have been an awesome friend,” I said, trying to keep the melancholy out of my voice.
Before I knew it, Angela had jumped out of her seat and threw her arms around me. “We can Skype and email all the time. And who knows, maybe you and Josh can visit me sometime. Take your honeymoon in Belize or something.”
I giggled. “Maybe,” I agreed. “Speaking of Josh, I need to get over to rehearsal. Our last run through is tonight. And then the final project is in three days. I’m really nervous.”
“I’ll see you then,” she promised.
As I left the student union, I felt the distinct tug of sadness over the changes coming in just a few short weeks. The walk across campus felt bittersweet. I knew logically that I wouldn’t be leaving this campus or this town since I would be going to grad school here. But grad school would not feel like undergrad. And what path would Josh and I end up taking? We had managed to stay together despite my mid-life crisis (twenty-five years early). Yet we had not talked about the future of our relationship.
Twilight had started to fall. The dreamy purple hue of the light made me feel romantic, like I wanted to break into song and dance with the man I loved. This was the way I wanted people to react to the show. Max and I had worked so hard to create a story about a sweet young girl orphaned by the Spanish flu pandemic of 1918. She moved to Chicago in 1920 where she got mixed up with a seamy crowd. As the underbelly of Chicago was revealed, she became a dancer in a burlesque show. Her love interest, played by Josh, worked as a stagehand who wanted to save her.
Max and I had alluded to Al Capone, and we had written Grandma’s character as a fun old school madam with a heart of gold. Of course. Some of the show oozed cliché, but the way we had merged the actual acts with said clichés made the whole thing feel unique.
When I climbed the steps to the theater building, I felt a surge of anticipation. By the time I reached the rehearsal space, I was exuding energy. Max looked up, startled, as I burst through the doors.
“What’s gotten into you?” Max asked. His characteristic smirk radiated affection. My heart nearly burst when I thought of what a good friend I had made in him this semester.
Man, I was on the road to total cheeseball-hood.
“I’m just excited,” I said, tossing my bag on a chair. “The show is in three days.”
“I know,” Max said. “And we still have two sets to fix.”
The reminder about the sets doused my enthusiasm instantly. I felt my whole body sag under the weight. “Do you think they’ll figure out what happened?” I asked.
Max shrugged. “I’m sure they’re working on it. Right now we just need to focus on the next few days.”
I sighed. “I agree.”
My phone buzzed as I was unpacking my project binder. I didn’t recognize the number, but I answered anyway.
“Hannah Lawrence?”
“Um…yes?” I replied. The voice on the other end was deep and vaguely familiar.
“This is Officer Rainey. I wanted to let you and your partner know that we’re confident we’ve solved your case.”
“You did?” My voice raised an octave, catching Max’s attention. Josh noticed to as he hopped off the stage to join us.
“Indeed,” Officer Rainey continued. “It appears a janitor caught a young woman up on the catwalk the other night. She was knocking off cans of paint. She claimed to be part of the cast, so he didn’t think to contact us until we went looking for him.”
“What did you say the girl’s name was?” I clutched the phone tighter in my hand.
I could hear paper shuffling, then Officer Rainey said, “Allison.”
My breath hitched in the back of my throat. “Are you sure?”
Josh raised an eyebrow, but I put a finger up signaling him to wait.
“Absolutely,” Officer Rainey said.
When we hung up, I felt like I had been let down somehow. I turned to Max. “That girl I fired, Allison? Apparently she sabotaged our sets,” I said, and launched into Officer Rainey’s explanation. “I feel horrible.”
Max frowned. “What do you mean?”
“I don’t know,” I said, sitting down next to him at his little director’s table. “We went through all that stress and drama, and it turns out to be a big mistake. She never would have done this if I hadn’t let her go.”
Josh walked up next to me, and began to rub my shoulders. “This isn’t your fault, Han. That girl was pretty…intense. She was all flirty with me, but when I told her it wasn’t going to happen she lost it. I mean, screaming, hysterical. She couldn’t understand that I was still in love with you.”
“See? You did us a favor. We can’t work with a psycho diva.” Max chuckled. “We’ll fix everything.”
We didn’t have a chance to talk any more about it because cast members started to arrive, and we had to get down to business. And business proved to be mind-numbingly difficult. We had so many problems, from people forgetting their lines to Grandma not showing up to rehearse, that Max looked stressed to his breaking point. Finally he just called a halt to the rehearsal.
“Anyone who can stay to help repaint these sets, we’d appreciate the help,” he announced.
Several cast members immediately agreed to stay, including Josh. We divided ourselves into little units of two or three to make the painting go faster. Josh and I teamed up. We painted in silence for a while.
“So have you heard about that grad program yet?”
I looked at Josh feeling oddly startled and unsettled. “That was sort of out of the blue.”
Josh stopped painting and looked at me. “I just remembered th
at we had been talking about it, and thought I’d ask. You know, it does have an impact on our future.”
“It has an impact on my future,” I agreed. “I was just telling Angela how excited I am to start the program in the fall.”
“You got in?”
I blinked at him. “Well, yeah.” I frowned. “Did you not hear me?”
Josh frowned back at me. “You didn’t tell me you got in. You told me you told Angela. Don’t you think you should have told me?”
“I did.”
“You didn’t, but the semantics aren’t important here, Han. I’ve been completely upfront with you about my plans because it involves our future. And you just feel like beating around the bush?”
Before I could say anything else, I realized that I was putting myself before Josh again. Of course, he had a right to feel put out that I hadn’t told him first.
I swallowed, and reached for his hand. “I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t mean to tell Angela before you. I just was so excited, and she was the one who introduced me to counseling in the first place…”
Josh wrapped his arm around me, pulling me close to him. “I don’t mind that you told Angela first, so much as the fact that you really didn’t tell me at all. I want to hear about this stuff first hand, not off hand.”
“I get that,” I said. “I really am sorry.”
With a quick kiss, Josh hugged me close. “No problem, Han, really. We’re still working out this new normal for us.”
New normal. I turned the words over in my mind as Josh went back to help with a torn set piece. I liked the way that sounded, so full of hope. We could move forward, still learning from our past mistakes, without repeating history.
Chapter Thirteen
I peeked out from behind the curtain to see the seats filling up. My parents, Harlow and Britney, and Hayley were sitting in the front row beside Josh’s parents. It seemed like a minor miracle that Harlow had managed to get out of the hospital in time. After her audition, the doctor had put her on strict bed rest with the only sanctioned activity being a trip to the bathroom. She moved slowly but she had her normal defiant air. As I scanned the crowd, I caught sight of Christy sitting a few rows back with another girl. My heart jumped around in my chest as I saw so many familiar faces.
“I’m sorry I’ve been distant these past few days,” I said.
I could feel Josh shrug against my back. “You’ve been stressed lately. I get it. Why are you apologizing?”
“Why are you always like this?” I said with a sigh as I turned to look at him.
“Like what?” Josh’s teasing grin melted me to my core.
“So good at owning what you’re feeling?” I replied.
Josh shrugged again. “Just a gift. Come on, let’s finish getting ready. This is going to be fun.”
And he was right. After we had all gotten into costume and applied our makeup, Max went through some last minute instructions. We did some fun warm-ups. Then before I knew it, we were onstage.
The show went off without a hitch. By the time we got to Grandma’s cameo, the audience was roaring with laughter. I stood in the wings with Josh to watch the routine. When Grandma came out in her tiny sequined costume, I could hear my mom gasp. The rest of the audience hooted and catcalled as the ladies began their dance.
With a thumping bass line, our show veered completely off course from historical accuracy. And when Millie threw her bra into the crowd our show veered completely off course from decency. I smacked a hand into my forehead and leaned into Josh.
“We told them not to do that,” I moaned.
Josh just laughed. If I hadn’t been worrying about my grade, I might have laughed too. Millie had an exaggerated expression of shock on her face. She could give Grandma a run for her money in the drama queen department. That is, until Ethel threw both her bra and skirt directly at our professor.
I edged to the corner of the curtain so I had a better view of the judging panel. My jaw dropped open when I saw that they were all clapping along and smiling. Relief washed over me.
By the end of the show, we were all riding high on our success. When I gazed out into the crowd during my bow, I saw everyone on their feet including the judges. Max hugged me and presented me with flowers. I had never imagined that my senior project could feel like this.
As the applause died down, Josh wrapped his arms around me and pressed a kiss to my head. “Can we go somewhere to talk?”
I flashed him a quick smile and nodded. “Let’s go for a walk.”
After we got out of costume and had chatted with our families, Josh nodded toward the door and I knew it was time. Still giddy from the applause, I giggled as Josh and I emerged into the warm May night. A smattering of stars joined the crescent moon in creating the perfect romantic backdrop. Josh took my hand. The contact made my nerves jump. My head was swimming as we started walking. The path toward the center of campus was bordered by lilac bushes, and the air was heavy with their scent.
Josh paused beneath a streetlight. He played with my hand, threading his fingers between mine. I tipped my head back to look up at him. With an intense look passing over his face, he cupped my face with his other hand.
“I love you,” he said, his voice husky.
My breath caught. I swallowed against my suddenly dry throat. “I love you too.”
Staring into his eyes I saw everything that we had built over the years staring back at me. He brushed his lips across mine, and I kissed him back feverishly. All the adrenaline from the past five hours spilled over and into the kiss. Closing my eyes, I let myself get lost in the familiar excitement of Josh’s lips. I gripped the front of his shirt and pulled him closer. No longer feeling like we were on stage in front of an audience, I grew bolder and deepened the kiss. I drank him in, feeling completely tipsy.
When we broke apart, Josh grinned. The corners of his eyes crinkled as he breathed a sigh of relief. We stared at each other for a moment, and then we both started laughing. All of the negative emotions from the past four months washed away, and suddenly we were in a new place, a better place.
“So I’ve been thinking about the future,” I said.
Josh took my hand again as we started walking. He reached over and snapped off a sprig of lilac. When he handed it to me, I inhaled deeply as I thought that this smell would forever link me to this night, to this moment in time.
“You have, huh?” Josh ran his thumb along the palm of my hand, sending delicious tickles up and down my arm.
I nodded, feeling a small smile tug at my lips. “This whole semester I’ve been looking for someone or something to blame for me being different, and all along it was my own fault. I needed to take responsibility for me and my choices.”
Josh slowed, tugging me to a stop beside him. His brows knit together in what I knew was concern. “I thought we’d been through this already, Han.”
I laughed, the sound light and free. “We have, but I’m trying to tell you that I’m sorry I was so selfish. I thought that I was supposed to want something…else, something bigger. Turns out, all I want is you, us, and whatever future we build together.”
Josh’s smile crept over his whole face, crinkling the corners of his eyes. “Oh.”
We strolled across the ornate brick bridge that went over the little stream that wound through campus. As we neared the quad, a sigh escaped my lips. The fountain at the center of campus was still on, water spouting gently into the air. Every single part of this night had been perfect. We were graduating in less than a week. Grad school loomed large in both of our futures, but I knew that I would be facing it with Josh.
“Gorgeous out tonight, huh?” Josh said as he broke the silence.
“Amazing,” I agreed.
We sat down on the edge of the fountain. A sudden breeze sent a spray of water cascading over us. Another giggle erupted my throat, and I leaned back against Josh. He wrapped his arms around me, holding me close to him.
“I don’t think this nigh
t could get any more perfect,” I said with a contented sigh.
Josh stilled. I twisted around to look up at him. His face was a mask of concern. Suddenly my perfect night didn’t seem so perfect anymore. Had I totally misread what was going on between us?
Carefully Josh moved away from me. I sat up fast, ready to jump up and…what? I was at a loss. Something inside told me that I was missing something. I watched as Josh ran a hand through his hair and took a deep breath.
He stood up and started pacing in a small circle in front of me. When he stopped, he cleared his throat. “I’ve been waiting for the right moment,” he began. “I have something…I mean, listen…We’ve been through so much this semester. I was going to do this earlier. If you can believe it, I was planning on proposing on Valentine’s Day before, well, you know. And I thought that it would kill me in the beginning not to be able to, but now I’m really glad we went through all this. We are stronger than ever, and I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.” He paused. My stomach knotted, and my heart started to race as Josh dropped to one knee. “Hannah, will you marry me?”
His question thundered in my ears as the blood rushed to my head. As I stared into his beautiful brown eyes, I realized that all my fears about ending up like Harlow were irrelevant. Josh was nothing like Britty’s father. He was amazing in every way, and more important, he was amazing for me.
“Yes,” I said.
“Yes?” Josh repeated, a look of relief washing over his face.
“Yes. I will marry you.”
Josh let out a whoop and scooped me up in a hug. He swung me around in a circle. When my feet landed gently back on the ground he captured my lips in a kiss. When we broke apart he looked down at me with all consuming tenderness.
“I thought maybe…things had changed. Even with everything going well again, well, I guess I was worried,” he said.
I pressed my hand against his cheek. “Josh, I’ve always wanted to marry you. I think I just wanted to marry you free and clear. No other obligations. Nothing forcing our hand.”