I was doing my best to hide my heartbreak so I wouldn’t spoil the mood, and I’d been doing a pretty decent job of it until my little brother decided to be a little shit.
“Hannah.”
I looked up at Dec and saw the remorse in his expression.
“Sorry,” he muttered guiltily.
“Don’t even worry about it,” I replied quietly, and then flashed everyone my best faux smile. “I’m starving. Let’s eat the crap out of this turkey.”
Thankfully the atmosphere at the table lightened and we were able to enjoy a great Christmas dinner together.
Earlier that morning Mum, Dad, Dec, and I had opened our presents, but Ellie, Adam, Braden, Joss, and the kids had yet to open theirs from us, and we hadn’t opened ours from them. After dinner, I hurried upstairs to my old room, where I had a Santa’s sack with all their presents in it. I was just going through it to make sure everything was there when my phone rang in my pocket.
Thinking it was probably Jo or Cole, I answered it without even looking at the screen.
“Merry Christmas.” Suzanne’s greeting surprised me. “I thought I better call since it seems you’ve lost my number.”
Just like that, all my pretense at happy Christmas spirit fled out the nearby window and instantly frosted over in the December air. “I didn’t lose your number,” I told her flatly. “I just don’t want to talk to you.”
She gave me a loud, dramatic huff. “Because I sent that picture? That was for your own good. I was being a friend.”
I shook my head at her bullshit, catching my look of incredulity in the mirror in front of me. “No. You were being a bitch because you don’t know how to be anything else. You didn’t send that photo because you were looking out for me, you sent that photo because you were pissed off and wanted me to be pissed off too. You’re spoiled and you’re spiteful. Not to mention inconsiderate. I should have broken off our friendship ages ago, as soon as I realized that you aren’t capable of thinking about anyone but yourself. Don’t bother calling me again. Ever.” I hung up before she could respond and instantly deleted her number.
The fact that I felt relieved more than anything else told me I was doing the right thing.
“What was that about?”
I spun around. “Adam?”
He stepped into the room, scrutinizing me. “Well?” He gave a nod toward my phone.
I slipped it into my pocket. “It was nothing.”
Adam scowled at my reply. “Did Marco cheat on you?”
“What?” I stared at him in surprise. “Why on earth would you think that? No. He didn’t cheat on me. I told you, I just didn’t want to be with him anymore.”
“Well, none of us believe that.”
I heaved a beleaguered sigh, wishing my family didn’t pay such bloody close attention. “Look, if he’d done something awful to me, I’d tell you in a heartbeat so you could go and kick his arse. But he didn’t. I promise.”
It was Adam’s turn to sigh. “Sometimes I don’t know what to do with you, Hannah. Els is worried.”
I opened my mouth to reassure him, but there was a commotion downstairs —
“Adam!” Dec bellowed up the stairs. “The baby’s coming!”
“I don’t recognize any of these people.” I wrapped my arm around Cole’s shoulders and leaned into him as I looked around the room.
“That’s because you’ve had five beers.”
“Yet my cognitive functions appear to be in working order, so it’s not that.”
He glanced at me, a small smile playing on his lips. “And you used the phrase ‘cognitive functions.’ Okay.” He gazed back around the room. “So I guess I don’t recognize some of these people. But most of them are from uni.”
“Hmm. Should we mingle?”
“Aye.” I felt his concerned gaze on me. “You ready for that?”
“You’re the one that’s forcing me to celebrate New Year’s, so I think you already think I am.”
“Jesus Christ, leave it to you to be smart when you’re drunk.”
“I’m not drunk. I’m buzzed.” I spotted a bottle of tequila. “But I know a way to get drunk.”
Following my gaze, Cole’s nodded. “I’ll get the salt and the lime.” He walked off toward to the kitchen, smiling and nodding hello to people.
As soon as he was gone, I instantly felt despondent. I hated that I felt despondent. This was supposed to be a happy time. Ellie had given birth to another little boy in the early morning of Boxing Day. She and Adam had named him Braden after his uncle, although we’d all already started calling him Bray. While William was fair like his mum, Bray was already dark like his dad. Only time would tell if he’d remain that way.
We were all gaga over Bray, even the kids. Now we were just waiting on Jo, who was due this week.
I tried not to let their pregnancies or the pregnancies that had come before theirs bother me. Never would I resent a family member’s or friend’s happiness. However, each new baby was a reminder that I would never have one of my own. So I took joy in being a favorite aunt.
I took no joy in the fact that missing Marco hadn’t gone away. In fact it had only gotten worse.
“Screw the salt and lime,” I whispered, and headed over to the tequila.
With Cole’s help and the help of people who were introduced to me but whose names I quickly forgot, I got drunk to the point where I was happy but I could still control which foot went in front of the other. By the time midnight approached, a cute guy around Cole’s age was chatting me up. He was flirty and kept touching my waist and bending close to hear what I had to say, and for a little while, at least on a superficial level, I could forget there was a Marco.
Across the room I saw Cole was flirting with a pretty brunette.
It looked like we’d each found ourselves someone to kiss at midnight.
The room grew still upon the countdown and we all started shouting down from ten.
“… TWO! ONE! HAPPY NEW YEAR!”
Cheers rent the air along with whistles and claps, and I turned to smile up into cute-guy-I-couldn’t-remember-his-name’s face just as his mouth descended toward mine.
The instant his lips touched my lips, I tensed.
He kissed me. It was perfectly nice.
But there was no tingling.
I felt the burn of tears in my nose and in the back of my throat and I abruptly broke the kiss. I looked up, horrified by the wet in my eyes, and apologized to his neck since I couldn’t meet his surely befuddled gaze. Hurrying away from him, I pushed through the crowds of partygoers in Cole’s flat and hurried out into the chilly stairwell. It was cold, but it felt nice against my burning skin.
“What the hell was that?” I murmured to myself, brushing my hair off my face with a trembling hand.
As if in answer, my phone rang.
That was a surprise. It was nearly impossible to get through to someone on New Year’s since the networks were so clogged with calls. Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I almost dropped it when I saw the caller ID.
It was like the no-tingle kiss had conjured him.
Marco.
Feeling the breath whoosh out of me, I stared at the phone, unsure what to do.
Then, as if someone else had taken over my body, I pressed the ANSWER button and held the phone up to my ear without saying a word.
“I’m sitting here” – he started speaking, and the sound of his gravelly voice in my ear caused me to close my eyes in pain – “and for the millionth time I’m wondering what the fuck went wrong.”
Still I didn’t speak.
“I want to know what’s going on, Hannah. What’s really going on? I keep going over it and over it in my head, and no matter what my brain tells me happened that day, I refuse to believe the person that broke up with me was you. There’s something you’re not telling me. There’s got to be something you’re not telling me.” He sounded desperate, and the pain in his voice was like a fist twisting in my gut. “My he
ad’s a fucking mess.” He sighed, his voice lowering to a rumble. “I miss you.”
Frozen, his words like a vise squeezing my lungs, I couldn’t say anything in return.
Marco waited a while.
Then he hung up.
I dropped my head, wondering why I suddenly felt like a coward. “I miss you too,” I whispered.
CHAPTER 20
A
week later school had resumed and it felt good to have something to bury myself in again. Morning classes had gone quickly and I’d now settled at my desk to do marking while I had a free period.
When the phone rang I didn’t think anything of it. I answered it and got Neil at Reception.
“Hannah, we’ve got a Cole Walker at Reception for you.”
Wondering what the hell he was doing there, I tried not to let my mind race with the worst possibilities. “Send him up.”
I put the phone down and quickly scrambled through my bag for my own phone. Had something happened to Jo? She was past due and maybe…
It seemed to take forever for my phone to come on and when it did I had no new messages or missed calls. I shoved it back in my bag just as Cole came through my doorway and slammed my door shut.
Slowly, nervously, I stood up.
Cole was furious and I had not a clue as to why. “What’s going on?”
The muscle in his jaw flexed while he looked me over, seeming beyond frustrated and angry. “I bumped into Suzanne half an hour ago.”
My stomach dropped.
“Marco has a family?” he asked in disbelief. “A kid? A wife?”
“No.” I hurried toward him in denial. “He has a son… Cole, we can’t do this here.”
“Just tell me what’s going on and I’ll leave.”
I wasn’t sure I could get through an explanation that would work without breaking down, but I attempted it. “I found out that Marco got someone pregnant when he came back to Edinburgh four years ago. She was an old friend of his. They’re not together. But they have a three-year-old son.”
He frowned at me in confusion. “You broke up with Marco because he has a child?”
The incredulity in his voice made my anxiety spike even more, but I nodded, hoping my expression didn’t give me away.
Unfortunately, the trembling in my hands did. Cole caught the shaking as he scrutinized me from top to bottom, and as soon as he saw it, he stiffened. Understanding flitted through his eyes and he pinned me to the spot with the force of his realization. “It was him,” he said hoarsely. Renewed fury roiled in his gaze. “It was fucking him. You lied? It was him! He got you pregnant and fucked off!”
“Cole —”
But he was already marching out of the room.
Panicked, not sure what he might do, I grabbed my bag and ran out of the classroom after him, struggling in my stupid heels. By the time I caught up to him he was striding across the parking lot toward his beat-up old car and he was talking on his phone to someone.
“Cole!” I shouted, but he ignored me and got in his car. “Shit.” I hurried after him, chasing him as he pulled out of the school gates. As soon as I hit the main road, I scanned the street for a taxi.
My phone rang. It was Adam.
My gut told me to answer it.
“Hannah, what’s going on?” Adam demanded. “Cole just called to ask what site Marco is working on. He sounds beyond pissed off.”
Seeing a cab, I threw my hand out, grateful when it slowed. My heart was racing frantically in my chest. “Adam, he’s about to do something really stupid. Where is he going?”
Adam gave me the site address and as I jumped into the cab, I relayed it to the driver.
“Hannah, what is going on?” Adam repeated.
“I need to go.” I hung up, turning my panicked attention to the driver. “Please, get me there as fast as you can. It’s an emergency.”
“I’ll try my best, love.”
I jumped out of that cab at the site entrance ten minutes later and I heard the commotion before I saw it. As I hurried around the office cabins, my heart plummeted at the sight before me.
Marco had Cole by the throat, his face twisted in anger. He thrust Cole away, but Cole barely staggered back before he swung out and clipped Marco in the face with his fist. There were two workers standing behind them, not doing much to stop them, and I could see more running toward the scene.
Marco punched Cole and suddenly I was in action.
“Stop!” I screamed, running toward them, pushing past the crew that was gathering. “Cole, stop i —”
Cole’s elbow slammed into my head as he pulled back his arm in preparation to punch. The pain burst down the side of my face, dazing me, and I stumbled back, feeling hands on me, steadying me.
I blinked, trying to refocus, and when I did, I saw Cole staring at me in horror and an enraged Marco behind him, ready to lunge.
“No!” I pushed past Cole and collided with Marco, pressing my hands to his chest. “Marco, please,” I pleaded.
Marco’s handsome features were stretched tight, his jaw clenched hard. I could tell he didn’t want to stop, but he did, taking a step back in silent acquiescence.
Head throbbing, heart pounding, legs trembling, I spun around to placate Cole. I ignored the men who had gathered around us. “He doesn’t know, Cole. He doesn’t know.”
Cole’s nostrils flared. “He still fucking left you.”
“Yeah. He did. But everything else… he doesn’t know.”
“I don’t know what?” Marco asked impatiently behind me.
My shoulders tensed. I’d never wanted this moment to come.
Cole opened his mouth to speak.
“Don’t you dare,” I snapped.
“He needs to know.”
Feeling nauseated at the prospect I replied, “And now he will. But I’ll be the one to tell him.”
“Will someone please tell me what the fuck is going on here?” Marco growled.
“And me.”
I turned my head at the unfamiliar voice. A tall man wearing a hard hat and a yellow safety jacket over a suit was glowering at Cole.
“You want to tell me why you attacked one of my men on a worksite?”
“I’d like to know the same thing.”
That voice was familiar. I blanched as Braden and Adam emerged through the crowds of men. They stopped by the guy in the suit, who I presumed was Marco’s site manager. Braden and Adam looked harried. Their eyes blazed with annoyance as they took in Cole and Marco, but their expressions turned concerned when their gazes fell upon me.
“Mr. Carmichael?” The site manager looked surprised. “I didn’t know you were planning a visit today. I can assure you this has never happened before.”
“Keep your trousers on, Tam.” Braden brushed him off. “That’s my little sister.” He looked back at me. “Hannah, what’s going on?”
Feeling my cheeks pale at having all this attention on me, I took a step toward Braden and Adam’s comforting presence. “I need to speak with Marco privately. I’ll explain everything to you, but first I need to explain it to him.”
For a moment Braden was silent as he considered this. It was clear he wanted to know what the hell was going on now so he could decide whether he wanted to help finish what Cole had started with Marco. Finally, he gave me a taut nod and then turned to Tam. “My sister needs the use of the office cabin.”
“Of course.” The site manager gestured toward it. “It’s empty.”
Before I could do anything, I felt the warm press of Marco’s hand on my lower back. He gently guided me forward as the site manager started yelling at everyone else to get back to work.
I wanted to rip away from Marco’s touch, hating the ache inside of me, that torturous longing that couldn’t seem to get on board with the whole not-forgiving-him thing. However, I let him keep his hand there and I didn’t know if I did it for him or if I did it for me.
Once inside the quiet cabin, I stepped aside from the door and wa
tched Marco as he strode toward the manager’s desk. He whirled around to look at me, a million questions in his eyes. Ignoring the throbbing in my head where Cole had clipped me, I dipped my gaze to Marco’s lip. Cole had split it open. “I’m sorry about Cole,” I muttered.
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