by Gay Gaddis
Brad Pickett was the bank president and one of the county’s most respected attorneys. Brad was well known as a straight shooter and was brilliant in the courtroom. When court would recess for lunch, Brad would walk down the front steps and if Dewitt was playing his violin, Brad would stand beside him and pick up his own imaginary violin and begin to play with Dewitt. It was an amazing thing to see because they played together, each hearing the same music that was, or was not, there. Many afternoons Brad returned to the courtroom soaked in sweat and without any lunch. But he was universally loved and respected all over East Texas because he was willing to meet Dewitt where he was. And what beautiful music they played together!
It Is My Responsibility to Connect
I have had many opportunities to meet people around the world. Each time I meet someone new, I follow my dad’s lesson that it is my responsibility to actually connect. I own it. A few examples:
I spoke to college students at a university in Beijing, China, about opportunities they might have in the business world. They wanted to share their dreams with me.
I was in a Maasai village in Africa with our guides, Kuseyo and Tuleto. They took us into a mud hut to meet an old woman, the village matriarch. She told us that she had heard that in America people were taking hearts out of dead people and putting them into living people. She asked if it was true. I said yes.
I accepted an award for family-friendly policies at work from then-president of the United States Bill Clinton in the Rose Garden. When I met him I felt like he had this strange ability to see into your soul, which was actually a little disarming.
I have met with some of the most powerful men in the business world. Of course, Texans, but also many leaders of Fortune 100 companies. I am usually humble and polite, but always hold my own, and am not afraid to challenge their thinking.
Last year I was in the galley of a Navy ship talking to a seaman. He told me about how he lost his college hockey scholarship because of a sports injury and ended up in the Navy. I made him comfortable enough that he told me that when he got off work that day he was getting married, going to quit smoking, and buying a new car. I said, “Sounds like a big day!” He left with a big grin.
In Liberty, the only people who were not at the football game on Friday nights were in jail. I can’t tell you how many times I have amazed my male colleagues, clients, and friends or fellow travelers at the Admirals Club with my view about the finer points of the game. The guys are always a bit shocked at my ability to talk detailed football strategy, so it is a great way for me to connect quickly to something they genuinely care about.
Being able to quickly relate to people has helped me build solid relationships with my clients. Often we live and work halfway across the country from each other, so when we do have an opportunity to visit, I try to understand what is going on in their careers, their personal lives, and about their dreams and aspirations. If I can do that, we build a special bond. And when I’m on the phone with them months later, I make a point to remember the details they shared with me so I can ask about their daughter or their dog or that promotion. They know I am really interested in them and care about them.
Slow down, reach out, find a quick way to relate. Be authentic and you win power. If this is not intuitive for you, then simply stop talking and listen. There is nothing more tiresome than a person who waxes on and on about themselves. My mother-in-law, the quintessential cowgirl Isabel Gaddis, called them “the unimpeachable source.”
Connecting with others is a skill you should teach to your children or nieces and nephews as early in life as possible. My granddaughter is just learning to speak, but she already knows how to make a toast. When she meets someone new, she wants them to have a glass and clink it with hers and make a toast. She then claps her hands and belly laughs.
When I was visiting Botswana I asked one of the guides about his opinion of which animals were the smartest. He avoided answering for a while, but then he told me I was thinking about it in the wrong way. He said that every animal is clever in its own way. A termite is just as clever as an elephant. Each species has found a way to survive.
It is the same with people. No one has the corner on the truth. Some people have more education. Some have more real-world experience. Some come from wealthy families. Some are poor. Some are not as intelligent. Some are physically challenged, while others are gifted athletes. But by trying to meet people where they are, we show respect to the different talents each individual brings. Watch, observe, connect.
Think about it this way: Each person you meet has a piece to your life’s puzzle. When you meet people where they are and really connect, you find that next missing piece that brings you closer to assembling the puzzle of your life.
Cowgirls Are Raised with High Expectations
Cowgirls are raised by parents with high expectations. They know that their fathers especially expect much of them. Wise fathers understand that girls need to be tough, capable, and strong to thrive in the world, and most try to instill power in their girls. Everyone does not have a great father or role model. I understand that. I was lucky, because after my father died, Felton Dennison stepped in and was an inspiration for me. Later in my life, Boone Powell became a valuable mentor.
Researcher Susan R. Madsen of Utah Valley University did a study of women leaders in China and the United Arab Emirates about their paths to leadership. “Every single one of them talked about finding their voices and their confidence at dinner-table conversations with their families. Their parents talked about politics, about what was happening in the community, and when the women had something to say, their parents didn’t hush them,” Madsen said. “Every woman I spoke to said her father would bring home books for her to read when he traveled.”6
Some of my fondest memories were train trips I took from Houston to Saint Louis to attend baseball games, including the 1964 World Series, as a young girl. In the late 1950s and early 1960s, this was a first-class experience. Dolled up in clothes that my mother and I bought at Neiman Marcus, I was escorted to the dining car by my gregarious and witty father. He was always dressed in a stylish suit, with a silk tie and a pocket scarf. He was one sharply dressed man when he traveled.
When seated in the dining car, it was so lovely. Crisp, starched white tablecloths and napkins. Special silverware and china boasting the train’s logos. The service was impeccable, and I liked ordering things I had never tasted before, like caviar and beef Wellington. My father would order his favorite cocktails and we would have a nice conversation. Without exception, other passengers would walk by and say, “What a well-dressed and well-mannered young lady.” I would beam and my dad would invite them to have a cocktail with us, as he blew smoke rings from a nice cigar. My dad always insisted that I must act grown-up, have a mature conversation, and not act like a silly child. I still remember the stimulating conversations we had with our fellow passengers.
Two of my C200 friends are CEOs of major companies. They also happen to be sisters. Coincidence? No, because they grew up in a household, and with a father, who expected them to plan and budget their lives like a business person. I have loved getting to know Denise Morrison, CEO of Campbell Soup Company, and Maggie Wilderotter, former CEO of Frontier Communications, and to hear the stories of how they started what would be highly successful business careers when they were children.
First of all, at the beginning of each new year, Maggie and Denise were expected to set their personal goals, plan how to achieve them, and provide a budget for all of their projects and objectives. They presented their plans to their dad, and had to negotiate their positions and debate what would be funded or not. They were encouraged to dream big, and that with wise planning, strategies, and plain hard work, they could achieve anything that they aspired to do. Their dad also took them to his office on a regular basis and taught them his business skills, ethics, and techniques for success.
I am just in awe of this story. Was it in their DNA to be successful, or
was it through example and careful training from an early age? I have to believe the truth is in the middle. We don’t all share the knowledge and wisdom we have learned in our business life with our children very effectively, if at all. Children who are exposed to business lessons and business people early in their lives will have a huge leg up as they start their own careers.
Look back a couple of generations and you’ll see that the children grew up in the middle of the family business on farms, ranches, and small businesses. They learned the lessons as they saw life play out in front of them. Today, we get in our cars in the morning and return at night, and far too many of our children hear nothing about what goes on in between.
Ride High in the Saddle
A cowgirl rides high in her saddle. That means she sits up straight and moves in fluid motion with her horse. Her control of her horse is almost invisible. She is confident. She and her horse understand each other, and respect each other.
How we present ourselves says a lot about our power. I’m a self-confessed fashionista. This comes from shopping at Neiman Marcus and Sakowitz in Houston with my mom when I was little, and having a grandmother who had impeccable taste and could sew like an expert tailor. I always get compliments on my outfits, unless I’m at the ranch; then all bets are off.
Your hair, skin, nails, and overall appearance should be as good as you can make them. Your posture, your gestures, and your mannerisms are the body language that make up your sense of style and how people perceive you. Are you confident, or are you just one of the crowd and not noticed?
One of our most senior client engagement directors has spent the majority of her career at T3. I was walking by one of our think tank rooms and she was leading a team meeting in jeans, a white t-shirt, and flip-flops—totally in control. It was totally her.
Please don’t think that I am suggesting you obsess over your looks. I just mean to do the best you can, knowing that time and resources can be your enemy. But take it from our cowgirl heroines, who were “puttin’ on the dog” when they stepped into the arena. Just think of yourself stepping into your own arena when you march into the office each day.
For some people, putting themselves together comes easily. But for others, it is really tough and they struggle with how they look, what they look good in, and how to put together a fabulous appearance.
So, this is one time I would say call in the experts. There are wonderful professional stylists, and many stores have people who are trained to do this as well. When I was growing T3 and had young children at home, I hired a very talented personal shopper. She shopped twice a year for me, dressed me head to toe, took pictures of what outfits went together, and hauled off outdated clothes to keep my closet halfway organized. It was a huge help. She saved me tons of money but more importantly, she saved me a huge amount of time—time that I spent with our kids, and building the business and my personal power.
Perhaps you have a friend or family member who has a great sense of style and can critique your look and help you begin to put it all together. The real secret is being able to pull things from a variety of stores and price levels. Expensive clothing is not always necessary. My wardrobe consists of shoes from Payless, designer dresses from Saks, tank tops from Walmart, and vintage jewelry from thrift shops. A nice pair of sunglasses will get you compliments.
I once had a client tell me she was coached to dress in plain clothes—more like a man, and to quit wearing perfume to meetings. I say hogwash—you don’t want to be outrageous, but wear what makes you feel confident and powerful. I have been asked many times, if I had to splurge on one item, what would it be? The answer is simple. I would splurge on a killer designer handbag. Why? Because you carry it every day, and they literally hold up better because of the quality and craftsmanship. It makes a statement about you.
Many years ago we hired a financial planner to help us with some insurance issues and be sure we had money for our kids’ college education. This guy asked my husband, “Do you have any idea how much money Mrs. Gaddis spends on clothing a month?” I quickly showed him the door.
I knew a powerful, well-to-do woman from an old Texas ranching family. She dressed for the ranch in blue jeans and wore elegant gowns to social events. But no matter what she was wearing she always had a buzzard feather in her hair. She did it all her life. It was a very effective yet simple power play. She was anything but ordinary. She always looked fabulous.
So what is it going to be? A fringed jacket or sequined bustier? Maybe neither one—although on occasion I have worn both, but not at the same time! Just be you.
Building Your Brand
We have a picture of my mother-in-law as a young woman. She was traveling on a ship from New Orleans to New York on her way to attend Columbia University. In the photograph she is posing with other travelers who are all dressed in formal attire getting ready for dinner. But she is wearing a fancy cowgirl outfit—complete with custom boots, a big hat, and a silk bandana tied around her neck. I have looked at that picture of her for many years, wondering why she chose that outfit.
I recently have come to understand. Isabel did not want to blend into the crowd. She wanted to stand out—so she could experience everything the trip offered. And, looking at the smile on her face, I’m sure she stole the show—something she did all her life. We were kindred spirits.
Clothes are just one way to project power. One of the most powerful things I ever did for the T3 brand was to move our office into the Pope-Watson mansion on Rio Grande Street in Austin. It is a gorgeous Greek Revival home built in 1905 with massive white columns supporting a huge, inviting porch. You walk up the steps to the front porch, past the columns, through a hand-carved front door, into a reception room graced on both sides with rooms decorated with fabulous wood carvings done by Peter Mansbendel, a famous Swiss wood-carver, and it just touches you. It tangibly represented who we were and who we wanted to become with grace, dignity, and a long, rich history. The stature and symbolism of that fabulous home defined us, our values, and our desire to succeed. There was also a humorous side to the stately home that looked very much like the Texas Governor’s Mansion. The movie The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas was shot there, and I would grin sometimes and do a little “sidestep” dance on the front porch just like the Texas governor in the movie. Pretty darn funny for an advertising agency.
We leased the Pope-Watson mansion for a few years and then had an opportunity to buy it. It was a complex, emotional situation with the sellers. We were back and forth with attorneys trying to make the deal. One night, Lee and I were in New York and had just had a wonderful meal at the Gotham Bar and Grill. We had just gone to bed, when the phone rang. It was our attorney saying he had a signed contract but he needed it returned immediately because one of the owners was in very bad health. I told him to fax the contract to the hotel.
I got up and rode the elevator into the lobby of the Plaza Hotel. I walked across that beautiful room dressed in nothing but my mink coat and stilettos. I signed the contract, and as I rode back up to our room, I thought I had reached the pinnacle of success. Buying the Pope-Watson mansion was one of the best, most powerful decisions I ever made.
When I worked for Stan Richards in Dallas at The Richards Group, Stan was fiercely protective of his brand. He stood for creative excellence and would not allow anything, and I mean anything, to go out the door without his approval. It drove the staff crazy and created all kinds of bottlenecks. He was never very good at explaining why he did not like something. But he was fanatical, and he built a legendary, national reputation for creative excellence that lives on to this day.
Your brand is you, what you say, your staff, your office, every document you produce, every presentation you make, and every product you create. Set your standards high and fiercely defend them.
Our son wears a long-sleeved white shirt with rolled-up sleeves, blue jeans, and designer shoes with loudly colored socks every day and pretty much everywhere he goes. He was in a presenta
tion in Washington, DC, recently where everyone else in the meeting was dressed in suits, but he wore his regular uniform and won the business. His unique brand works for him.
Take Responsibility for Getting Feedback
I graduated magna cum laude only one point away from summa cum laude, because the only C I made while at the University of Texas was in a drawing class. This was fairly early on in my college career. I went to my professor to protest and he said, “Why haven’t you been in my office every week trying to figure out how to do better?” I learned the hard way to speak up early if things were not going my way. It was a lesson I never forgot.
Think about the way you receive feedback. Do you seek it out or sit back and wait for it? Are you open to it or do you try to avoid it? People with an open mind-set listen with a focus on improving and learning. Open people look for ways to learn to welcome feedback, including criticism.
In the business world, getting constructive feedback can be a real challenge. If you are in an organization that provides regular constructive feedback, congratulations. But my experience is that most companies are terrible at this, and too many still rely on the awkward ritual of annual employee reviews, which is about as useful as pounding sand in a rat hole. Both sides usually leave these events more confused.
Shelley Correll and Caroline Simard of Stanford University did a research project that “shows that women are systematically less likely to receive specific feedback tied to outcomes, both when they receive praise and when the feedback is developmental. In other words, men are offered a clearer picture of what they are doing well and more specific guidance of what is needed to get to the next level.”7
Feedback for women tends to be vague and focused more on communication style. When you do receive feedback, be sure to ask questions so that you get information about how you are impacting specific business outcomes. Do not settle for comments like, “You have done a great job.”