by Gay Gaddis
Not long after we began hosting babies at work, one of our developers came up to me and said that he did not have a baby, but he did have a dog and asked if he could bring his dog to work from time to time. I said OK, we would try it. We have had hundreds of dogs in the office over the years with virtually no problems. They all have to be on flea control, be perfectly housebroken, and cannot be aggressive. A few times we had a code yellow or code brown alert, but this usually was for puppies who had to go home until they could learn to contain themselves. The dogs love coming to work and playing with each other every day. Patting a friendly dog on the head can take such pressure off of a stressful deadline.
I had a production artist whose daughter was raising a little goat for a 4-H project. The goat was on medication and needed pills several times a day, so she brought it to work for a few days to take care of it. She kept it in a little box under her desk. I thought, no big deal, that’s fine. But the next week we had a major infestation of fleas. Fleas were everywhere. It was gross. So, making another power play, I announced a firm NO GOAT policy that stands today.
As of September 2017, we have had over one hundred babies. We will have had several more by the time this book is published. Most of the babies come with their moms, but several fathers have brought their children because their wives worked in situations where a baby at work was not possible. One wife was an expert Mercedes-Benz mechanic, so the dad brought their baby to T3 & Under.
One dad who brought two little girls over the years to T3 & Under told me recently what an impact those months of caring for his children had made in his relationship with them as they grew up. He recently left T3 to accept a huge, career-making opportunity, and we were all thrilled for him. His departure was one of the most emotional ones in the history of the company, not least because he had earned the love and respect of every employee at T3 for the way he manned up and took care of those little girls.
Over the years, T3 & Under has created this amazing network of parents and children. If you help care for someone’s baby, guess who gets invited to a birthday party or to join a little league team? We have events throughout the year, like Halloween, where we invite the kids who have been through the program to come back. It is so fun to see them grow up and have this special relationship with each other. Parents exchange information on everything from pediatricians to remodeling contractors on a daily basis.
Today, “Moms of T3” is one of the most popular channels on our Slack messaging application. It links moms in four cities across the country. A quick question about a day care facility or a good family doctor gets almost immediate responses. One of our working moms did a post about a company named Milk Stork. They provide special packaging for moms traveling for business to safely ship breast milk home via overnight delivery. I approved this service as a reimbursable expense within a day of learning about it.
By the way, our staff decided to change the name of the Slack channel from “Moms of T3” to “Parents of T3.” Now we have dads right in the middle of the dialogue, and that makes it an even more powerful tool for our families.
In the summer of 2016, both of those first two T3 & Under babies were back at work at T3 as college interns. Both will have a leg up once they enter the job market by having the T3 internship experience on their résumé. Life comes full circle. By the way, our internship program has grown into a highly coveted experience. This year, on the first day we posted openings for our 2017 summer program we received over five hundred applications. Before it was over, we had two thousand applications.
When I am asked about the rewards of owning your own business, I always say that nothing makes me prouder than the quality of our people and the quality of the work they do. I am so proud of the jobs we have created and the families we have supported. A good job is a path to dignity, self-satisfaction, and an interesting life. We have helped people connect, helped build their networks and thrive. We have supported our clients and helped them succeed. I have called my own shots for a long time. No matter what happens in the future, no one can take those successes away from me.
Who Takes Care of the Kids?
I get questions about how two hard-charging, career-focused people can manage the work–life balance thing every time I speak. I have seen all kinds of creative solutions and some pretty dramatic failures. The best way to deal with this is to get the ego and emotion out of the conversation and to make a good business decision for the good of the family. Do you have the resources and support to enable you both to actively pursue a rewarding career? If you are both high-income people, the answer is probably yes. Even though childcare is expensive, it is probably a great investment when you calculate the value of two long-term salaries if you both stay in the workforce.
If one of you has significantly higher earning potential in a gratifying career than the other, then that one should probably pursue a career and the other should focus on the kids, regardless of who is male or female. I have seen many successful women with husbands who have taken the lead raising the children and made their own careers a second priority. Based on my personal experience, this is especially true of women who make it into the C-suite and take high-paid, powerful, high-pressure positions. I admire these men immensely—just as I admire women who have put their husband’s career ahead of their own for the benefit of the entire family. Most of these men are in careers such as teaching that they can do on a part-time basis and come back to when the kids are older. Make a good business decision that is in everyone’s best interest. Times like these separate the men from the boys. Or the cowgirls from the girls.
Remember Annie Oakley and Frank Butler. Frank was the star of the show until one day Annie stepped on the stage. Suddenly, Annie became the show and, ultimately, a superstar. The two of them worked it out and made a good business decision. Annie performed and Frank became her manager. Together, they were a huge success because each was focused on what they did best, and they totally trusted each other. They were married for fifty-plus years. After she died, he was devastated and stopped eating. He died eighteen days later.
Most of our team members at T3 are fairly young and either single or married and just starting their families. Almost all of those families have two working professionals who share responsibilities for the kids. Things go back and forth, and yes, moms probably do more. But the good news is that the dads are certainly in the game and very involved in their families. I see this new generation of men taking a much more active role in raising their kids, which I think is a great thing.
It is so important for working married couples to take a real interest in each other’s careers. If you do not understand what is going on with your spouse’s career, it is hard to understand when to give and not give. Don’t leave work at work. Bring it home, talk about it, and build mutual empathy. Understand the challenges and opportunities. If you take the time and show a genuine interest, when a big decision about careers comes your way you will not be blindsided. You will be prepared and your gut instinct will be good. My experience is that if you aren’t taking an interest in each other’s careers, someone else at work will fill that role and be a confidant.
Timeline Your Life
I strongly recommend that families, but especially women, sit down and do a lifetime timeline. Here’s why. Most women I know are pretty selfless when they have kids. They are in the moment with their families and rarely think about their careers after the kids grow up. I have seen it over and over again, with young mothers making decisions about their careers and childcare with little, if any, real consideration of the long-term consequences to their family finances, their lifelong careers, and the overall opportunities for the collective family.
So stop and take the time to think about how old your kids will be in five years. How old you and your partner will be. How about in ten? Or fifteen? Of course, we cannot be certain of the future, but we can anticipate the big, likely events such as high school, college, first jobs, empty nests, and aging paren
ts. Those big buckets are pretty easy to figure out. Then think about your goals and your dreams and see where they fit on your timeline. It gets pretty interesting pretty quick.
We all get swept up in the moment, and it’s hard to stop and take stock. Ask yourself: Where is my life right now, and where do I want it to go? Sure, the kids are a priority right now. But what can I do right now to improve my chances of hitting a career home run when the kids are gone? Little steps here and there can add up to huge advantages later in life.
Go back through your timeline and think about money. What will childcare cost? College? What are the family’s priorities? Sketch it out. Look for options. Have those important, fierce conversations. Deal with the short term. Think about long-term earning potential. Share it with your spouse. Have a healthy debate. Explore ideas. Get on the same page.
Then share it with your kids. Explain that the timeline is not about certainty, but is about defining directions you would like to explore. Put some of their ideas into the timeline and give them the gift of having a sense of the family’s goals, values, and dreams. Believe me, it will be a true gift. And, as opportunities come up along the way, you all will be much quicker to connect the dots on which ones are most important.
I know a powerful woman who was chief operating officer of a major public company. She had been incredibly successful, but had a desire to move into a chief executive officer role, and that passion would just not go away. When she got a chance, she took it. It required a move across the country and a change in her husband’s job. I sat with her in her office one afternoon and heard her dealing with her junior-high-aged daughter, who was traumatized about being taken away from her friends because of the move. Her son also went through lots of turmoil and short-term anxiety.
I was so proud of her because she owned all of those issues. She took responsibility for it all and believed with her whole heart that even though it meant a big change for them, it was the right thing to do for everyone. Had she not taken the position, it would have been a lifelong regret. She did her timeline, understood the issues and, happily, it has worked out. Her family has thrived and she has grown as an executive. Her husband has successfully restarted his career. She earned her family’s respect for making what they now understand was the right call. She’s one brave cowgirl.
Take Aim on What Matters
Life comes at you in terrible ways sometimes. The husband of one of my best friends was killed in an aviation accident. He was young, vibrant, funny. He was there one day, and then he wasn’t. I was having lunch with her when we got the call.
I dropped everything, canceled every meeting, and moved into her house and appointed myself interim COO. The house was full of mourners and people who loved them both. They told stories about him and wished her well and shared her sadness. I sat in his empty office, worked the phones, and ran the household for a week. No one asked me to do it. No one questioned my authority to do it. It mattered to me very much to take the lead for a few days and let her grieve. And it was the best way for me to grieve as well.
In January 2009, when we came back from the Christmas holidays, the country was in real financial trouble. Major institutions were on edge, the markets went south, and everyone was in near panic. I started to get bad phone calls. Our clients started cutting their budgets. They were very apologetic and assured us it was no reflection on our work. They were being forced to make cuts across the board. Some of our vendors were not able to fulfill contracts because of lack of inventory. We went into emergency mode with twice-daily briefings. We focused on keeping our very best people. We focused on doing more with less, everywhere. It was one of the most brutal experiences I have ever had because it was totally out of our control. I was always used to being able to pull a few levers here and there to make things better. This time, there were not any levers that made things better. Sometimes none of your choices are good ones. Sometimes it doesn’t rain and there is not a damn thing you can do about it.
This is where reality kicks in. We did not hide or bury our heads in the sand. We owned the problem and worked it every day. We were forced to make tough decisions about who should stay and who should go, and what things we could cut that were nice but not necessary. People got their feelings hurt, and some got mad and said unkind things about me, but I never let it bother me because there were so many who hugged me and thanked me for the opportunity to work at T3. I understand the emotions and the fear. We all face challenges. Your character is defined by how you handle them. Both in this moment and in thinking back, I see that my grit was reflected in my staff. I wasn’t in it alone: They were in it with me. Many took salary cuts. All applied extra effort, time, and creativity to see us all through. I won’t take credit for their positivity and perseverance as they powered through. But damn, I was proud!
It took us two years to recover, and we were one of the lucky ones because our digital roots saved us. We were doing programs that had tangible, proven results. In a sea of uncertainty, our clients started shifting budgets to programs that could prove success. As those budgets began to move from traditional advertising toward digital, we caught an uplift that turned the business in a better direction. Many were less fortunate than we were.
You Can Do Both at the Same Time
My daughter, Rebecca, went with me on a Committee of 200 trip to China. When I was speaking to the young women students in Beijing, they had lots of questions for me. One of them asked Rebecca, who was sitting in the audience, about what it was like growing up with a working mother. I took a deep breath, because I had never talked to Rebecca about this. I had no idea what she would say. Rebecca did not hesitate. She said, “There were a lot of times when my mom was not there and I missed her, but I remember that when she was there, she was all there. I knew she loved me and I was fine. And how many daughters get to go to China with their moms? We would not be here with you today if she did not have her career.”
With all the distractions that come at us today it is important to be mindful of being present in the moment—both for parents and children. If you learn to manage the flow between work and family life, you can absolutely deal with work and family needs at the same time. Just understand that often, priorities can change multiple times within the course of one day. Of course it can be stressful, but don’t let it be surprising. Build a support system.
Start with your boss, then your team, then friends and family—oh, and then your partner or husband! Prepare them, build contingencies, run it like a military operation. Always have an emergency bag handy filled with snacks, wipes, towels, toys, books, Band-Aids and more. Practice reciprocity among friends, co-workers, and neighbors. We always took care of each other’s kids as neighbors in Austin, Texas. One of Rebecca’s little three-year-old girlfriends took a bath with her almost every night, and Lee carried her home in her pj’s. She was hiding out from her two rowdy older brothers.
Our son Ben was recently holding his one-year-old daughter, standing in line waiting for a taco he ordered. Suddenly, she threw up all over him and the floor of the restaurant. The restaurant people ran to help clean things up; Ben wiped his shirt off as best he could. He stood there smelling of baby spit-up but still focused on getting his taco. Manage the priorities, choose the more important focus, and clean up the resulting mess as soon as you can. He got his taco.
Run It Like the Family Farm—Everyone Pitches In
Cowgirls were traditionally raised on the family farm or ranch, where everyone pitched in with everything from daily chores to rounding up cattle to baling hay. Everyone, except the smallest children, was expected to help. And, in that process, everyone understood the realities of running the family business. The kids saw the good, the bad, and the ugly.
I know a woman who is an amazing lawyer, and she started taking her kids to the law firm on Sunday afternoons so she could catch up on work. No one could be offended by them being there on a Sunday. She took great care to give them things to do, show them where the bathroo
ms were, areas where they could quietly hang out. Her kids were so well behaved that she started bringing them on school holidays or bad weather days. No one could object because the kids were not a problem. She made partner. The kids did great, and all of them won the respect of everyone at the law firm.
Even though you may work in an office tower, miles away from your home, it is important to let your children know about what is going on at work. Of course, their ability to understand will depend on their age. But if you had a hard day at work, you need to be honest with them. If you are not candid with them, they will still pick up your emotional stress but not know what to do about it. Or whether they caused it. If it is clear your stress comes from outside the home and family, then their energy can be channeled into helping with dinner or finding a way to be silly and make you laugh.
One of our kids liked to put on my high school clown costume and run around the neighborhood. One thought she was a cheetah and ran up and down the hall on all fours. And one did the herky-jerky dance on cue. If that doesn’t cheer you up, nothing will!
And don’t forget to share the good with the kids. One of our team leaders makes a point to share big successes at work with her kids. They don’t really need to completely understand everything. Simply knowing that something good happened to Mommy is powerful. Especially if it means ice cream for them. Share your experiences at work to show them how you help people. Show them how ideas come together. Show them your creativity and curiosity. Teach them to argue from two sides of an issue. Show them your innovation. Take them to work, invite their friends, book a conference room, and let them have a meeting. Teach them PowerPoint. Teach them to work together using sticky notes and voting on the best ideas. Take your talent to their school. Show your leadership. Invite your clients to a birthday party. Teaching your kids about your work and sharing some fun, new things creates buckets of goodwill that go miles and miles when things get challenging.