“Jason’s right.” Harry nodded. “We need to push for reforms that will help the lives of the slaves. Prepare the road for abolition.”
“Yes, like regulations and controls on the trade.” Lisa pushed her coffee mug out of the way so she could lean further onto the table.
“The greedy Arinians,” Daniel said, “won’t like anything that cuts into their profits.”
“Actually, I can help with that. We’ve done studies on the issue and have found that humane treatment of slaves yields better quality work and results in a net profit. I can have my business associate, Martin, send over the findings for you to study.” Jason was actually an authority on this issue. Couple that with his close friendship with the prime minister, and he could do more than merely help the cause.
Lisa clapped her hands. “That would be perfect, Jason. We need to show Arine that it’s in everybody’s best interest to enact real change.”
On and on, they went around the table, trying to find the optimal balance of reform and idealism. All around, Kale saw bright eyes despite the late hour. Fierce passion filled the air. These people, who had never even seen a real slave, who had never witnessed the horrors of dehumanization, were spending their free time working to make the world better. Meanwhile, Kale had left his own family behind and was too much of a coward to even talk to Jason about it. So great was his fear of being owned that he couldn’t even give voice to thoughts that might threaten to disrupt his happiness.
Whiskey slid down his throat, leaving a pleasant burn in its wake. He ached for his family, and he ached for the fire of his friends to light his soul. If it burned brightly enough, it just might banish the dark shadows that paralyzed him.
Chapter Five
The absence of Kale’s warmth in the bed forced Jason’s eyes open. It wasn’t uncommon for Kale to wake before him, but he was usually next to him in bed, reading or sketching, when Jason woke.
After a stretch that made his muscles feel like rubber, Jason sat up against the headboard. His internal clock said it was time to be up, but they hadn’t gotten home until after two o’clock in the morning, and Jason’s body and mind protested. It took a moment for his blurry eyes to focus on a scowling Kale sitting on the sofa fully dressed. Another moment, and Jason saw the letter clasped in his hand. The sight banished the fog of drowsiness, and Jason sighed. This was not how he wanted to start the morning.
“Do you have anything to say for yourself?” Kale’s cool, green eyes penetrated Jason’s, and Jason had to look away. It wasn’t fair, Kale ambushing him like this so early in the day. They were on decidedly unequal footing.
“No. Should I? It’s a private letter. Do you have anything to say for yourself, going through my things?”
“Don’t give me that, Jason.” The downside to Kale finally using his name was that Jason occasionally had to hear it in the tense tone that made Jason feel like an errant child being scolded by his parents. “When were you planning on telling me about this?”
Jason swung his legs over the edge of the bed and braced himself to rise. He needed coffee and a splash of cold water on his face. “Never. It’s not relevant.” Jason stood and wrapped his robe around himself.
“Your father is dying, and you weren’t even going to tell me?” The hurt in Kale’s voice arrested Jason. Kale’s anger he could rebuff until he was more prepared for this conversation. Hurt, however, required his immediate attention.
Jason sat on the sofa next to Kale and wasn’t too surprised when Kale moved away. “Look, I didn’t want to bother you with it. It’s inconsequential. We’ve never been close. You know that better than most. I didn’t want you thinking that my decision to stay away had something to do with you, because it doesn’t.”
“You’re not even planning on going?”
“What, you thought I would go without telling you?”
“I thought you might under the cover of business.”
“And leave you? After I had to work so hard to get you? Not likely.” Jason reached out to caress Kale’s face, but Kale sat back, out of reach, appearing to skim the letter. “I don’t understand why this bothers you. I don’t bore you with the details of every letter that crosses my desk.”
“We don’t keep secrets.”
“Like you don’t keep secrets about what wakes you up screaming in the middle of the night?” Jason’s voice came dangerously close to a yell.
Kale looked as if he’d been slapped. His mouth formed a firm line, but his voice was whisper soft. “You withheld it to lie to me. That’s why I’m upset.”
Jason settled into the cushions with his arm across the back of the sofa. “All right, that’s partly true. I don’t want to go, and I didn’t want you feeling bad about it. I know you think my falling out with him was your fault, but it wasn’t. We argued about a whole litany of things for years before we argued about you.”
“He’s your father, Jason.” At least this time his name was said more gently. “Regardless of the cause, you need to go to him and mend this rift.”
“What?” Jason leaned forward. “Why? That man has never approved of me. He disowned me.”
“And took you back when you married Renee.”
“Yes, I’m sure he’s thrilled that my wife lives in Arine while I’m here playing house with my slave. You know that’s how he sees us. I’m dead to that man, and pretty soon, he’ll be dead to me.” Jason’s resolve wavered on the last words. It was the first time he had spoken them out loud.
“Jason, you can’t fool me. You may like to pretend that he’s nothing to you, but I know better. You’ve always wanted his approval. If he is really nothing to you, why do you care what he thinks?”
“Going to him won’t change what he thinks of me, so why go? So I can get more of the same from him? One last jab at me from his deathbed?” Jason didn’t even realize that’s what bothered him until the words came out. There was no taking them back. Kale would know they were true.
“If you don’t go, you’ll always wonder. It could turn out better than you think. You could make peace with him. And if he chooses to be an ass, at least you’ll know. You won’t have to wonder and torture yourself with guilt, which we both know you excel at.”
“I’m willing to take the chance.”
A glimmer of distress passed over Kale’s face, a brief widening of the eyes as the muscles of his cheeks tensed. At one time, Jason had believed Kale was the picture of equanimity. That was before he’d trained his eyes to search for the signs. Kale wasn’t a calm pool; he was the ocean that only appeared tranquil from a distance. “Why do you have to be so stubborn?”
“Why do you want me to go so badly?” Jason narrowed his eyes, alert to any change in Kale’s demeanor in case the other man wouldn’t be forthcoming. “We don’t keep secrets from each other, remember? Why do you want me to go?”
“Because you have a chance at peace with your father.”
“And why does that matter to you? Because you never met your father?”
“What? Don’t make this about me. I’ve told you before that I’ve never had a father, so there’s never been one for me to miss.”
Jason had missed the mark, but there was something there. Kale had been more defensive than normal. “Yes, but you do have a mother and a brother. Is this about them?”
“No, it’s about you and your father.” Kale’s voice was steady, but his breathing had increased, his chest rising and falling in shallow waves. Jason had seen it before.
“Kale, what are your nightmares about?” Jason scooted closer to him on the sofa but didn’t touch, worried at this point that it might provoke a negative reaction.
Kale’s face was stricken. His skin blanched, turmoil swirling in his eyes. For a moment, Jason wanted to take the question back and hold Kale in his arms, anything to make that look go away. “Nothing.”
Jason grasped Kale’s head between his hands, forcing eye contact while he pressed his body against Kale’s, letting his weight settle aga
inst him without pinning him. “What is this really about, Kale?”
Tears pooled in Kale’s beautiful, pale green eyes, magnifying the amber flakes in his irises. Kale rarely cried. Jason could only think of a few instances in the years they had been together. He had let this go on too long. He should have pushed for the truth about the night terrors long ago.
“They’re still there, Jason. They’re my family, and I left them there so I could live this perfect life with you. I don’t know if they’re even alive. You have a chance for closure. It’s important. I know because I live every day without it.” The tears broke free from his lashes and spilled down his cheeks. “Please take it.”
“Oh, Kale.” Jason pulled Kale into a hug. “Why didn’t you tell me about this sooner?”
“I didn’t want to burden you or make you think anything was wrong or that I was ungrateful. I’m so happy here with you, Jason. I really am. But that just makes it harder, knowing how happy I am. What right do I have?”
“Every right. It’s not your fault they’re slaves.”
“Maybe not.” Kale leaned back on the sofa. “But I should have tried. I shouldn’t have run away without even a backward glance. They’re my family. I need to go back and try to find them. After last night—seeing how everyone cares so much for the slaves in Arine they’ve never met, and here I am with family still enslaved not doing half as much as they are—I decided it’s time to act. I was rummaging through your things because I was looking for your appointment book. I wanted to see if there was a time that might be good for a visit to Arine.”
“We’ll make time. We can leave as soon as you like—today if you want.”
“Thank you. But I want you to make a real effort with your father. I can’t bear the thought of the regret you’ll feel if you don’t at least try.”
Jason nodded. He would do anything for Kale. “Of course. I promise I’ll try.”
“Good.” Kale stood, placing Martin’s crumpled letter on the side table. “We promised Lisa we’d go to her lecture. Today should be about her, but I’m anxious to leave as soon as we can be ready.”
Jason nodded. Kale could always be counted on to keep his commitments to his friends. Jason couldn’t imagine the feelings of disloyalty eating away at Kale for leaving his family in Arine. It would take more than words to assuage his guilt. Jason only hoped that Kale would be able to find the peace he so wanted for those around him.
Chapter Six
Kale felt an itch deep inside. Ever since the decision had been made to travel back to Malar County, he’d felt out of place. While Jason had been willing to leave right away, Kale insisted they attend to practical matters first. The trip would be easier if there weren’t things back home occupying their thoughts. Even though every minute of his day was spent preparing, Kale still felt as if he should do more. His blood tingled with the urge to move, to walk out the door and keep going until he reached Arine.
Kale folded the last of Jason’s trousers and placed them in his trunk. Keeping his hands busy helped calm some of his anxiety. It took a little maneuvering, but Kale situated everything and closed the trunk. The soft click of the clasps removed one more item from his mental checklist.
“I just got off the phone with Donald in the prime minister’s office.” Jason walked through the open bedroom door. “He assures me that Gerald will place the full weight of the government behind us if we run into any problems while we’re in Arine.”
“That’s nice to know.” Kale scanned his closet, trying to decide what to bring.
“You’re not worried are you? The Arinian government is already concerned they’re going to have to make some concessions on the issue of slavery in order to get the trade treaty signed. There’s enormous international pressure. They’re not going to inflame the situation by making an issue over a legal Naiaran citizen who used to be a slave.”
“I’m aware. It’s not the government I’m worried about.” Kale turned from the closet to give Jason his full attention. “I have no fears of being made a slave again. You’ve made sure of that. It’s one of the many things you’ve given me, and you don’t have to worry. I promise. I’m much more concerned with the local trouble we may run into.” There wouldn’t be too many people happy with the thought of a former slave returning to buy back his family. There was no legal way for a slave to be freed in Arine, so the circumstances were more than taboo—they were anathema. Only Naiara’s willingness to grant Kale citizenship had saved him from legal entanglements.
“I’ve packed all your documents in my valise that I’ll be carrying with me on the train. Your title is in there along with our passports and the articles of incorporation, just in case.” It was wise on Jason’s part, but Kale had mixed feelings about his title. On one hand, it was a reminder that Kale had been merchandise that could switch hands. On the other, it was the closest thing he would ever have to emancipation. Jason had established a corporation owned by Kale and had transferred Kale’s title into the corporation. Holding his own title was the closest Kale could come to freedom while the law still viewed him as a slave. “I hope we won’t need them. Do you really think there’s a chance you’ll be recognized?”
“Not by most people, but the Cartwrights will recognize me. I haven’t changed that much since your father bought me from them to give to you. They’ll take issue with me being back as a free man. My only other concern is your father.”
“We don’t have to stay in his home, Kale. We don’t even have to see him.”
“Yes, we do. Or at least you do.”
“I’m not going to let you stay by yourself.”
“Exactly. Staying there is the best situation. I can find my family, and you can take the time you need with your father. Beyond that, there are practicalities. Once your father passes, you’ll need to be there to handle the estate.”
“That’s what attorneys are for.”
“We can’t move forward while our past is still clinging to us. If it doesn’t work out, we can always go to a hotel. I’m not asking you to do anything against your conscience. I’m just asking you to take a chance, to know that you did your best so that, when he passes, we’ll be free of him in heart and mind as well as body.”
“I hate it when you make sense. Out of all the men in the world, I have to fall for the one who’s always right.”
“I can think of a few times I’ve been wrong. At least when you’ve been wrong, lives haven’t been destroyed in the fallout.”
“Not destroyed, strengthened.”
Their eyes met and held. Kale was once again stunned that Jason held no animosity toward him for all the hell he had put him through, the hell he had put both of them through. Jason believed the words he said. Kale cupped Jason’s neck and kissed him hard. Kale was the luckiest bastard in the world. For some unknown reason, the gods had smiled down on him.
When they broke apart, Jason was flushed, but there wasn’t time to pursue him further, so Kale went back to the closet.
“Did you pack a set of tails?” Jason moved toward his trunk.
“Don’t open that. Yours is all done. Yes, I packed tails, though I don’t know when you think you’ll have cause to use them.” This was what was making Kale’s packing so difficult. If it were up to him, he’d throw a few shirts and a few pair of trousers in a bag and be good, but Jason wanted them to pack their finest clothes. It was a sad attempt to impress his father. It amazed Kale that Jason knew so little about his own father after growing up with the man. Kale had spent less than three days in Robert Wadsworth’s home and knew that fancy clothes were more likely to decrease Robert’s opinion of his son than to increase it.
“I don’t want to be caught unprepared.”
“Then prepare yourself to see your father differently than you ever have. That letter made it sound as if he’s pretty bad off.” Kale pulled some shirts from their hangers and threw them on the bed to fold.
“Don’t worry about me. Is there anything I can do to help?”
“Did you get the tickets arranged?”
“Yes, they’re waiting for us at will call in three hours. I also have a space in freight reserved for the car.”
Kale smiled his thanks. It would be nice to have that bit of freedom and familiarity, but he had been too frugal to ask that they take it.
“There was no way I was going to listen to you pine for it the entire time. I’ve called Martin and let him know we’re coming. He says he shouldn’t need me for any business matters. Since you’ve already packed my things, I don’t see that there’s anything else for me to do. What do you have left?”
“Just to pack my trunk. It shouldn’t take long. We’ll drop off that painting in the corner at the gallery on our way to the station. I don’t have any other commissions that can’t wait until we get back. Are you sure you don’t want to call your father?”
“I don’t even know if he has a telephone. He’s never been one to keep up with technology.”
“You could write or send a telegram if that’s really the issue.”
“No. I don’t want him to know we’re coming. I want to see his reaction. If he doesn’t want us staying there, I don’t want him to have time to spread rumors about us and make things more difficult. It’s better this way.”
“Fine, if you say so. I’ll be ready in a half hour.”
Jason nodded and took his valise downstairs. Kale turned back to the closet and grabbed a stack of trousers. He made sure he had some nice clothes to match Jason’s so he wouldn’t embarrass him, but other than that, he didn’t care. Ten minutes later, he hefted their trunks into the car.
Chapter Seven
Jason sat across from Kale, watching him gaze absently out the window. The ride to the station had been filled with empty chatter, confirming that everything was ready. There had been an undercurrent of excitement, but it was comfortable. As soon as they’d boarded the train, the chatter stopped. Kale sat and looked out the window as the train pulled away and hadn’t moved in the three hours since. He didn’t even seem to be aware of Jason watching him.
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