Eventually his body broke, finding release as crying turned to sobs. And when he broke, Jason was there to catch him. Kale leaned into the comfort. He clung to Jason the way he had clung to his mother as a child. Jason didn’t say a word. He just held Kale and lightly rocked. When there were literally no more tears in his eyes, when his sobbing had turned to dry heaves, Kale lost himself in the steady rhythm of Jason’s rocking body. In time, he calmed enough to say the only thing he could think of. “I need to find Thomas. I need to take him away.”
“We will, Kale. We will. I promise.”
Soon after, Kale composed himself enough to stand. He took one last look at his mother’s final resting place and walked hand in hand with Jason back to the house. They found Mrs. Ellington sitting right where they had left her. She stood when they entered.
“Oh dear. I’m sorry I didn’t have better news for you.”
Kale nodded. “Thank you for your hospitality.” She moved to embrace him, but he acted as if he didn’t notice. He couldn’t be around her much longer. She was a nice lady, but she had owned his mother and had let her die. It was a childish thought, but Kale didn’t see the harm in it when he would never see her again anyway.
“Thank you, Mrs. Ellington.” Jason kissed her hand and took Kale out to the car. “Do you want me to drive?”
Kale wordlessly handed over the key and climbed into the passenger seat. A few minutes down the road, he spoke. “Pull over.”
Jason obeyed. Before the car was fully stopped, Kale hopped out and emptied the contents of his stomach. The bitter taste of vomit broke through the haze he’d been in since he heard his mother was dead. The reminder made him want to cry, but there was nothing left in him. His mother had taught him about love, but she had also taught him when to fortify his heart against pain. He was done crying. A slave shouldn’t dwell on things he couldn’t change. There was only one person left he could save. Only one word could direct his actions. Thomas.
Chapter Twenty-Four
It hadn’t taken any coaxing to get Kale to sleep. After he had thrown up, he’d drifted off in the car on the short ride to the hotel. As soon as he was in the room, he’d curled under the covers and passed out. Jason removed his clothes to make him more comfortable. The only response Kale gave was shifting as Jason needed. He didn’t even open his eyes. If Jason were in his place, he didn’t think he’d ever want to wake up.
Jason wasn’t tired at all. It was barely lunchtime. Once he had Kale situated, he went back downstairs to use the telephone. “Martin?”
“Jason?” It had taken nearly six months after Jason had promoted Martin from secretary to president of Arlington Steel to get Martin to call him by his first name. “How did the visit to Mrs. Ellington go? By your tone, I take it not well.”
Martin’s voice was a welcome change. It was hard to believe he had talked to him only yesterday. “No. Kale’s mother passed away some time ago.”
“Dear saints. How is he?”
“Asleep, thank the gods. I thought his mind was going to snap when he found out. There’s not even a grave marker for him to visit.”
“There wouldn’t be, would there? I’m so sorry. Is there anything I can do? Do you need me to come? You know Sophie and I could take the next train and be there by tonight.”
“That’s not necessary, but thanks for the offer. The best thing any of us can do is help him find his brother. That’s the only hope I have of him getting over this.”
“Well, I do have some news on that front. Mr. Driggson registered Thomas as a valet.”
“That’s excellent news.” If Thomas was a valet, then he was reasonably well taken care of.
“Yes, it is, especially since Mr. Driggson sold him. He’s passed through several hands, and each owner has maintained the registration.”
Registering slaves wasn’t a legal requirement, but it gave more value to the slave and allowed the owner broader protections under the law should his slave be stolen or destroyed. The fee involved discouraged most owners from registering any slaves other than valuable house slaves. Even then, a lot of country folk didn’t like the government in their business and preferred to simply sign over the title. The back of some slave titles were filled with signatures as one owner signed him over to the next.
“Where is he now?”
“Cooperville.”
“Cooperville? That’s in Millner County.”
“Yes. He belongs to a Mr. William Conroy.”
“How much did Mr. Conroy pay for him?” Jason scrawled the information on the back of the paper with Mrs. Ellington’s address on it.
“Twenty-one thousand. It was a private sale, not an auction. In fact, all of the sales since Mr. Driggson were handled between private parties, so that’s good news.”
“Excellent. This should cheer Kale up.”
“I do hope so. Please give him my love and Sophie’s too. She’ll be heartbroken when she finds out.”
“Of course I will. Thank you so much, Martin. We couldn’t have done any of this without you. And even though Kale’s hurting now, it’s better that he knows the truth than to be left wondering.” Jason didn’t know how much he believed that last sentiment, but he hoped it was true. “I can’t wait to give him the news.”
“If there’s anything else I can do, please let me know.”
“I will. Thank you, Martin.” Jason hung up the receiver and went upstairs with a little hope that things would soon be better.
Kale woke after an hour and a half. Jason set aside the book he had been reading at the desk and sat next to Kale on the bed. It would have been nice if he’d slept longer, but given that it was still early in the day, it was the most that could be expected. At least the puffy redness was gone from his eyes.
“How are you feeling?” The question felt stupid, but Jason didn’t know what else to say. He brushed the hair from Kale’s face.
“My head’s pounding, but it could be worse.” Kale sat up. “Jason, I don’t know what to do. Before, I at least had this hope in my head that she was still out there somewhere, just waiting for me. Now I don’t even have that. When I was a slave, I was resigned to the fact that I’d never see her again. You would think it wouldn’t hurt this much.”
“Don’t say that, Kale. You have every right to hurt. You can kick and scream or sit and cry. None of it’s wrong. The only thing that’s wrong is that you’ve been deprived of your mother. Don’t you dare entertain a thought to the contrary.”
“So what do I do now?”
“You can start by eating. They’re serving lunch downstairs. I can have something sent up.”
“No. I’d like to go down. I can’t stay in this room. I’m liable to fall asleep again and never get up.”
“Well that wouldn’t do. I’d sure miss you if you decided to stay in that bed forever.” Jason gave Kale a half-hearted smile. “Throw some clothes on, and we’ll go down. Don’t worry about how you look.”
Kale nodded and laboriously dressed. It took him twice as long as normal. He looked as nice as ever, but his face seemed to have aged. The lines crossing it from his years in the sun appeared deeper. His hair had lost its shine, and his eyes looked dead, as if there was no spark of intelligence behind them. Jason schooled his expression, not wanting to worry Kale.
“You look great. Let’s go. I’m starving.” Jason led Kale downstairs. His hand was limp inside Jason’s, as if he didn’t have the strength to grip.
After a silent meal, Kale at least had a little bit of color back in his cheeks. It had taken some urging for him to eat, but once he started, he’d devoured a hearty portion. When the plates had been cleared away, they each had a cup of coffee. “Kale, Martin had some news for us.”
The listless look in Kale’s eyes turned to dread. Jason could only imagine Kale suspected the worst.
“It’s good. Really good actually. Your brother was registered as a valet. He doesn’t belong to Mr. Driggson anymore, so he isn’t here, but each of his owners
has kept up his registration. He’s in Cooperville with a Mr. Conroy.”
Kale nodded and drank his coffee. As Jason spoke, Kale’s eyes had come more alive. Now they stared at nothing, but there was an awareness in them that had been missing earlier. “Cooperville’s in Millner County, on the other side of Malar County, isn’t it?”
“Yes. I thought we could go back to the ranch and spend the night there. If we leave now, we can arrive in time for a late dinner.”
“Let’s go then.” Kale placed his coffee cup on the table and headed out of the restaurant. Jason was a few steps behind him. When he followed Kale into the room, Kale already had Jason’s bag on the bed. He threw their clothes and books into it.
“Are you all right, Kale?”
“Fine. There’s no point staying here any longer. You have a father at home who needs you, and it’ll be nice to sleep in familiar surroundings tonight. I’ll drive.”
Jason surrendered the keys and followed Kale back downstairs. He stopped at the front desk to check out and call his father to let him know they were on their way. When he finished, he found Kale in the car with the motor running. As soon as Jason shut his door, Kale headed out of town.
Chapter Twenty-Five
The drive back to the ranch was as peaceful as Kale could have hoped for. It was quiet, or at least if Jason had spoken, Kale didn’t hear him. He was too focused on the road ahead. In a world devoid of purpose or sense, he had been given a goal. As long as he kept driving, he would complete it. All his energy focused on getting them to the ranch, getting Jason to his father. These were simple objectives with measurable results. Each kilometer that passed was proof of his success. It was a small victory, but he needed the triumph.
All too soon, he pulled the car up the drive to Robert’s house. Time to focus on another goal. He took their solitary bag upstairs and unpacked, putting everything in its place. The clothes would need ironing. No need to ask a slave to do it. Kale had ironed thousands of shirts in his life. He relished the idea of smoothing out wrinkles, seeing the pristine fabric after he had ironed it. Such a visible sign of accomplishment.
“Kale, what are you doing?”
He was opening the door of their room to go in search of an iron when Jason’s voice stopped him. “I need to iron our clothes.”
“We can have someone else do that.”
“I can do it.” Kale stayed resolutely turned away from Jason.
“I know you can, love, but you don’t need to.”
Kale felt Jason near. “Yes, I do.” He needed to keep doing, to keep moving. If he stopped, he didn’t know what would happen.
“No.” Jason’s hand covered Kale’s where it rested on the doorknob. “I’ll not have you spend the rest of your life outrunning your grief. I understand you want to stay busy, but we need to go eat with my father. He held dinner for us. Since he sleeps most of the day, time’s pretty relative to him right now. After we eat, we’re going to bed. If you need to focus on anything, focus on those two things: eating and then sleeping.”
Kale adjusted his mind, replacing ironing with the task of eating. Sleeping seemed too tall an order. One thing at a time. Eating he could manage. When Kale nodded his understanding, Jason released his hand, and they walked down to dinner.
Robert was paler than he had been before. Or maybe it was just that everything seemed less vivid to Kale. He took his seat, placed his napkin in his lap, and eagerly awaited the soup. When it arrived, he focused on one spoonful at a time. As long as he had something to do, he could get through this. The emptiness inside would abate sometime, or maybe he would simply learn to live with it.
“I was sorry to hear about your mother, Kale.”
Robert’s voice interrupted Kale’s steady rhythm of one spoonful after the next. He looked up at the older man’s eyes and was relieved to see concern there, not pity. “Thank you, sir.”
“It’s a shame. Losing a parent is always difficult. I imagine it must have been even worse, given your circumstances.”
Kale nodded. He didn’t want to talk about it. He couldn’t. Not if he wanted to make it through dinner.
The soup warmed him. He hadn’t realized how cold he had felt inside. Instead of sating his hunger, the soup had only ignited his appetite. The steak and potatoes tasted heavenly. No other meat tasted as good as Robert’s fresh beef. The food not only energized his body, but it cleared his mind. His thoughts went to Thomas and what he needed to do to get his brother.
“Sir?” Kale broke the peaceful silence.
Robert looked up from his plate. His steak sat untouched, but the mashed potatoes were nearly gone. “Yes?”
“We found out where my brother is, and I intend to buy him. When I do, I was wondering if he’d be welcome here or if I should make other arrangements.” Kale was returning with Thomas one way or another, even if he had to steal him. It was not only polite to ask Robert’s permission, but Kale also wouldn’t tolerate Thomas being mistreated. If Robert was going to treat him as just another slave instead of as Kale’s brother, it would be better for all involved for Kale to get a hotel room for them.
“Of course he’ll be welcome here. He’s your brother. He’s welcome to all my hospitality for as long as he would like it.”
“Thank you, sir.”
“Thank you for showing me the courtesy of asking, though it was hardly necessary.”
“Just the same, I appreciate your support.”
The silence resumed. When the meal was finished, Kale and Jason bade Robert goodnight and retired.
“Was it just me, or did my father look worse than when we left him?” Jason undressed while Kale put away his clothes.
“No, I noticed it too.”
“I know the doctors say it’s terminal, but I didn’t really expect him to get worse.”
Kale settled into bed and opened his arms. Jason snuggled close, making everything in the world seem a little better. “I understand. There’s nothing wrong with hoping that the doctors aren’t right. At least you have this chance to be with him.”
“What time do you want to leave tomorrow?”
“I want to call first. If Mr. Conroy paid twenty-one thousand for my brother, I’m sure he has a telephone. I want to try to negotiate a deal before I get there. I don’t trust myself to do it in person. I’ll give too much away. With your father in the condition he’s in, I don’t want to leave without a deal and then end up having to be away for days the way we were this time.”
“That sounds reasonable. I can call him if you want.”
Kale ran his finger up and down Jason’s arm. “No, I want to do it, but you’re sweet for offering.”
“If you change your mind, let me know.”
There was one matter left to be discussed that Jason had clearly not thought about. “I was wondering if you would be all right with me offering to pay twice what Conroy paid for Thomas.” The thought of haggling over his brother was sickening. “I know it’s more than we need to pay, but I don’t want Thomas thinking we were only willing to buy him if it was a good deal.”
Jason looked up into Kale’s eyes. Their warmth did more to melt Kale’s muscles than a massage could have. “Of course. You don’t even need to ask. It’s your money as much as mine.”
“Well, I felt I needed to because I don’t want your name on the title. I intend to purchase him using the same corporation that holds my title.”
Jason ducked his head, but Kale saw the hurt in his eyes. “It’s not that I don’t trust you, Jason. You have to know nothing is further from the truth. I don’t want Thomas to feel scared of you or worry about you wielding any power over him. I know you would never give him cause to fear, but he won’t know that. It will just make things simpler.”
“I understand. You still don’t have to ask to spend the money. You know it’s yours to spend however you’d like.”
Kale snorted. “I barely make enough to cover our expenses.”
“And you’re the one who arranged th
e marriage to Renee so I’d inherit Arlington Steel. We’re even.”
Kale marveled that Jason saw it that way. Instead of dwelling on the fact that Kale had almost destroyed their lives by insisting Jason marry Renee, Jason focused on the good that came from it.
Jason yawned and settled in closer, content to cuddle. Kale was grateful. As much as he loved Jason, his physical passion was nowhere to be found. There was only hollowness inside of him. During his years of hard labor after Jason sold him, the sheer exhaustion of his body and the hopelessness of his life had chased away his sexual desire. Jason had been the one to coax it back. Kale was frightened that he no longer responded to the call of Jason’s body.
Kale’s fingers traced Jason’s spine in the darkness. Blindfolded with nothing but a lump of clay, Kale knew he could shape it perfectly into the form of his lover. Each curve, every plane, dip, and angle of Jason’s body was permanently etched in his muscle memory. The fire that the mere thought of Jason usually lit was extinguished, leaving not so much as a warm coal in its wake.
Kale wanted the comfort of their lovemaking. He yearned for it. His body refused, as if there was no hope for happiness. His body betrayed him, and he cursed it, feeling out of place in his own skin. In his mind, he knew he didn’t deserve the comfort—that he had failed in so many ways—yet he still craved it, and his body refused to give it to him. A part of him had died with the news of his mother. He could only hope that once their lives returned to normal, Jason could bring it back to life.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Jason choked on the smoke from his father’s cigar. “How can you smoke those things when you’re coughing every few minutes?”
“They’re one of my last pleasures in life. I’m not about to give them up now.”
[Measure of Devotion 03.0] Measure of Peace Page 13