by Lily Zante
I’m right, because as soon as I round the corner, I almost walk into him.
He was lurking in the shadows.
I just didn’t expect him to be so bad at spying.
I apologize and swan past him into the kitchen, but there’s nothing I need. He saw me. That’s all I wanted, for him to know what he had turned away. Jamie keeps staring at me to the point that I find it annoying. I feel naked and uncomfortable as I step into the cab, wearing my pin-heel stilettoes.
I won’t last the night in these and will have to take them off in the club.
“Is it a club or a bar?” I ask Jamie as we settle into the cab.
“It’s both. She said it’s a new place.” His eyes take in my dress again, and he looks at me, then looks away. “You look amazing, Mari. Knock-them-dead amazing.” I frantically try to pull down the hem of my short dress. Sitting down, it goes right up to my thighs and I feel even more self-conscious and very bare. While it was worth it, me wearing this sexy little number along with the beautiful satisfaction of having Ward see me in it, I’m now left feeling a little cold and uncomfortable.
“Why are you smiling?” Jamie asks.
“No reason. I just need a good night out.”
His eyes sparkle in mischief. “Yeah? You seem uptight. Are you?”
I rest my back against the seat and exhale slowly. “You don’t know what it’s like being cooped up inside that house all day.”
“I said you needed to go out more, didn’t I? Well?” he says, running his gaze down the length of my dress. He’s ogling me and I slap his arm playfully.
“Don’t do that!”
“You look hot.”
“Don’t say that.” It makes me uncomfortable and Jamie has never made me feel uncomfortable before. I wonder what’s changed things? Is it because of my foolish entanglement with Ward? Because I don’t feel ashamed about it, I don’t regret it happening. What I do regret is Ward making out that it was all my doing and reprimanding me for it.
“But you do look hot!” he protests. “I’ve never seen you in something that short and that … revealing.”
I wince. “Is it that obvious?”
“Is this your way of saying that you’re over him?”
“Over who?”
He frowns. “You’ve forgotten him already, I see.”
“You mean Dale? Dale who?” I throw him an exaggerated puzzled expression.
He laughs. “That’s more like it. I haven’t seen you smiling much lately.”
“That’s because I haven’t had a lot to be happy about.” If I was holding out any hope of Ward making me feel better about myself, wanting me, or telling me how much he wants me, that would have been a start. But he obviously doesn’t feel that way about me.
“We’re going to have a lot to smile about today, you and me.” Jamie sinks back into the seat and looks out of the window.
We reach the club not long after, and rush over to the group of our ex-work colleagues who are waiting outside. My heart warms at the sight of them. Familiarity and people I know. Jamie disappears then comes back with Raleigh and we all hug and kiss and excitedly talk all over one another. It’s been a long time since we all caught up. We had a great bunch of people working at the hotel, and I miss the camaraderie and friendship. We eventually go into the club where Raleigh greets us. Jamie gets a big hug and a kiss on the cheek, and I get a ‘Hey’ from her. Which suits me just fine. Apparently, we have a section of the place solely for our group. This is so much nicer than I expected, and I am so glad that I came out tonight.
“I’m getting this round,” Jamie says, brushing his hand on my back. “Do you want your usual G & T?”
“Yes, please! Thanks.” A G & T is exactly what I need.
He walks away to the bar and Raleigh follows after him. I have a good feeling about this. I’m sure she had a thing for him, but couldn’t do anything because he had a girlfriend. I’m also sure she didn’t like me much because Jamie and I always hung around together. I hope now that he’s single, he’ll be able to act on it.
My friends get up and hit the dancefloor, and I join them, forgetting that I’m wearing dangerously thin sandals. In a crowded club with people sweating, and the air heavy with sweat and alcohol, I lose myself.
This night was exactly what I needed.
Jamie comes over with my drink, but I don’t want to sit down, and I don’t want to hang onto my glass while I’m dancing, so I tell him I’ll find him when this song is over. But I don’t go, even when the song is over. I’m having so much fun dancing, and I’m so into the music that I don’t want to leave. It’s as if I’m making up for all the shitty days I’ve had these past few months.
All that dancing soon makes me thirsty, and I go to the bar to ask for a glass of water. A hand skims my back, and I’m too dazed to snap to attention immediately. When Jamie perches on the stool next to me, I grin like an idiot at him.
“Want another G & T?” he yells into my ear, trying to get heard over the sound of the music.
“What happened to my other one?” I yell back, directly into his ear.
“I gave it to Raleigh.”
I give him a thumbs-up and order a big glass of water instead.
“You’re looking ....” I don’t hear the entire sentence because the music has suddenly gone up a notch, and the bass reverberates along the wooden floor. I can feel it in my soul.
“What?” I yell, cupping my ear, indicating that I haven’t heard him.
“You look ...” He shouts something again, this time up close and right into my ear so that I can feel his hot breath on my neck, but the beat is loud and thumping. I still can’t hear him no matter how loudly he shouts.
I shake my head, and he reaches for my hand and then pulls me up. “Let’s go outside!”
I grab my glass and totter out with him, with one hand on my glass, trying not to spill the water, and also trying to get my hand out of Jamie’s grip. He’s pulling me along but I’m in my heels and I can’t walk that fast. We head out towards a grassy section with chairs and tables, but I trip in my too-stupid-but-sexy sandals, and fly straight into Jamie’s arms. The glass goes flying and lands on the grass, thankfully unbroken.
“Hey,” he says, holding me with both hands on my arms as if he’s worried that I’ll topple over again. “You okay?”
“It’s these silly heels,” I complain, looking down and examining the ends to see if they were still intact. I wish I’d worn my Converse sneakers.
“What happened?”
“You were pulling me along,” I complain. Why the heck he wanted to go outside, I don’t know. “What are we doing here?” I ask him as a passing server picks up the fallen glass.
“I couldn’t hear you in there.”
I fan my face. “It was so hot in there.” I need the fresh air. Jamie has suddenly gone quiet, and I look around for Raleigh or some other familiar faces. But I hear the notes of a new song playing. It’s one I really like. “Let’s go back,” I cry.
“Stay out here a while,” Jamie pleads. “We’ve barely had a chance to talk.”
But I don’t want to talk. I want to dance. “Aw, come on. I like this one.”
He makes a face. It doesn’t look to me as if he’s heading inside anytime soon. I want to go inside and get back to dancing. I look around for some of our friends. “Who are you looking for?” Jamie asks.
“Raleigh. I noticed you two were busy catching up.”
He cocks his head, as if not understanding.
“With Raleigh,” I say. “She looked so happy to see you.”
“She was happy to see us all.”
I poke him in the shoulder gently. “She looked especially happy to see you. Have you asked her?”
“Asked her what?”
“Come on, Jamie. Don’t pretend. You liked her.”
“I did not.”
I frown at him in disbelief. “You did, too.”
“She’s not really the one for me.”
/>
I find this hard to believe and fold my arms and frown at him again. “She’s besotted by you. Can’t you tell?”
He clears his throat and shakes his head. “Nope. Can’t see it.”
Another group of our friends comes over and we end up talking to them. The conversation soon changes to what we’re all doing now and where we’re working.
“I’m housesitting,” I say, my eyes shifting to Jamie and praying that he won’t tell them the truth about me. I don’t care that the guy I’m a housekeeper to is a famous author, I care more about my ambition and what my friends will think of me in my new role.
“Housesitting?” someone asks.
I tug at my earlobe. “Um-hmmm.”
“Let’s go and party at your place then,” someone else suggests. The idea is popular with everyone.
“You don’t want to do that,” Jamie says, “I’ve seen the place. It’s a dumpster. The guy has dogs. Five of them. It’s so not a party place.”
There is more talk about what to do after the club closes, and someone mentions a few parties that are going on tonight. People umm and aaah about which party to go to with nothing decided. They leave to go back to the bar, leaving me and Jamie outside again. I thank him.
“Why didn’t you tell them where you’re working?”
“Because I’m fickle and I don’t want people to know I’m a housekeeper.”
Jamie lowers his voice. “Not even to the great Ward Maddox?”
I shake my head. Hearing Ward’s name out loud does something to me. So far, this night has been successful, and losing myself in the music meant not thinking about Ward. I’m eager to know what makes Jamie think Raleigh is not the one for him. I decide to flip this conversation because it could give me some insight into my current dilemma with Ward.
Raleigh is standing over by a tree, talking to some people. I’ve been watching her and have noticed that she’s been glancing in our direction. Jamie’s had his back to her, so he has no idea.
“Look at her,” I say, tugging Jamie’s arm, and trying to be discreet without pointing.
“What about her?” he throws a glance over in her direction and turns back to me.
“She keeps looking at you.”
He doesn’t say anything.
“Oh, my goodness.” I slap my hand to my forehead. “I’ve messed things up. She thinks you and I are together.”
“And what if she does?”
“But we’re not. Go talk to her,” I insist.
“I don’t want to talk to her, I want to talk to you.”
“You won’t get an opportunity like this again, Jamie.”
“I’d rather stay here and talk to you.”
“This could be your last chance!”
“I don’t want to talk to her,” he insists, sounding more annoyed than he should. I stop pushing and we’re quiet for a long time. I’m not sure what’s going on with him tonight.
“Do you think this is a sexy dress, or a really sexy dress?” I ask.
“What?” he blinks rapidly, as if the question is confusing.
I run my hand down my dress. “Do you think this is tastefully sexy, or slutty sexy?”
His mouth opens as if he’s going to say something, but he doesn’t.
“Well?”
“You really want me to answer that?” Now I’m worried, because his reaction tells me that Ward’s reaction might not have been what I hoped. All of a sudden, I’m pulled down the rabbit hole of what that might be. Maybe my stunt to show him me in a sexy dress isn’t as clever as I first thought. Maybe he’ll see me as a slut and it might confirm what he already thinks. Maybe he’s glad he cooled things down between us.
“Yes, I really do. I need to know. Ward was in the kitchen and he saw me go out in this.”
Jamie squints in disbelief. “And?”
“And … and … nothing. I mean, I just wonder what he thought.”
“Why are you so worried about what he thinks?”
Jamie won’t understand it, but what Ward thinks matters to me.
“I don’t want him to think I’m some sort of floozy.”
“So what?” There’s a tightness in Jamie’s face. “He’s not going to fire you. Why the hell do you care so much about what he thinks?”
“I got into trouble because of you.”
How's that?
“I didn't tell him you took his pen.”
Jamie's mouth twists as if he's baffled. “Why's that such a big deal? Can't the guy take a joke?”
“You've met him. What do you think?”
“I'll tell him,” he says. “I'll tell him it was me.”
“No. Don't. Just leave it. He thinks I misplaced it. It's all good.”
“It can't be all good, because you're still talking about it.” He sounds irritated and annoyed. “You're always talking about that guy. Even now. We're here, in a different setting, meeting our friends and you're still harping on about Ward.”
“Sorry.” I take his arm. “You know what it's like. I have no other work gossip to talk about.”
“Then don't talk about work. Talk about something else.”
His anger startles me. “Okay, sure. Let's talk about ...Uh ...” I'm trying to think of something. “I know. Uh, I'm going to start looking for apartments as soon as Ward's job is over. I promise I'll be out of your hair real soon.”
“It's not a problem. You can keep your stuff at my place for as long as you need. You can stay at my place if you don't find something you like, you can stay as long as you like.”
I squeeze his arm, lean in and plant a kiss on his cheek. “Thanks. You're a darling.”
When I pull back, he stares at me and is surprisingly speechless.
“Are the two of you together now?” Raleigh asks, joining us.
“No! We are just friends. It's not like that.” I swat Jamie's arm playfully. “He's like my big brother.”
I wouldn't usually have more than two words to say to this woman, but I feel the need to explain our situation, especially because I can see the way Raleigh looks at him. I can see it and I have no idea why Jamie is totally blind to it.
“We're good friends,” says Jamie.
“Can I grab him?” Raleigh asks.
“Take him, please!”
Jamie's mouth opens, but I take my chances and leave the two lovebirds alone.
I ponder over what Jamie said, about me talking about Ward all the time. I like Ward. I have feelings for him, and I hate that I am this woman who can't stop thinking about a guy even when he doesn't want her.
He's in my pores, in every cell, and every fiber of my being. I can't stop my obsession. I can't stop thinking about how much I want him. When we're in a room, everything is amplified. I sense things, I can smell his scent, gauge his mood, feel him. I'm not normal around him, because my obsession for him clouds my judgment.
Tonight was less about going out than it was to show Ward that I could go out with another man, and be happy.
It was pure luck that he saw me all dressed up, but all the time I've been here, I've been thinking about him.
I hate myself.
“Hey.” Someone nudges my arm as I wait at the bar to place an order for my drink.
It's Danny. He used to be in charge of the hotel's amenities.
He joins me and we end up talking. He's got a really good job now, working for another bigger chain of hotels. This is good to know. I tell him I'm looking for work and he thinks he can hit me up with some contacts at his place.
We're still talking by the time the bar closes, and someone comes over to tell us about a party in one of the suburbs.
“Wanna go?” Danny asks.
I look around for Jamie, but the place is still crowded and I can't see him.
“We're going now. Coming?” Danny asks.
I jump up and follow him.
The house party turns out to be a whole lot more fun than the bar and club.
When the house party ends, I get
a cab back with the others and it’s almost five by the time I get home. I have no idea what happened to Jamie, but at some point during the night I texted him to let him know that I'd left. I sure hope he and Raleigh are having a good time.
Chapter Thirty
WARD
* * *
I wake up, not that I slept much, tossing and turning in bed all night, sliding in and out of pockets of sleep. Fragmented images of my mangled plot and Mari in that dress poked and prodded at me all night.
She’s probably still with Jamie now. The thought makes me leap out of bed. I need to do a workout, because there’s no other way I can vent my frustration better. Pumping iron and doing one of Jamie’s harder workouts might calm me and get rid of this restlessness that keeps me awake.
Tomorrow, I will call Rob and demand to return to New Orleans. This current setup messes with my head too much. It gets in the way of my writing, my life and my sanity.
Grabbing my sports towel and a bottle of water, I head for the gym. The last few times after a good workout, I’ve left on a high. There’s some truth to the endorphins and adrenaline after a good workout which leave me feeling happier, more capable and less stressed.
As I walk in, eagerly looking forward to it for probably the only time in my life, I see her. Mari on the mat, her hands and feet planted firmly on the floor, and her butt high in the air. She’s doing that same goddamn downward dog pose she did the last time.
When the hell did she get back?
I hear her gasp, and then she stands up quickly. Her face is shiny. I can’t tell if she’s just warming up or is halfway through her practice. An awkward moment drags out into a prolonged stare. Her hands slide to her hips, jarring me with the image of her in clingy leave-nothing-to-the-imagination gym gear. This is quickly replaced by the image of her in her party dress and heels last night.
I pray my cock doesn’t stand to attention and salute her.
“I’m nearly done,” she says slowly, turning her back to me and standing tall, stretching her arms high in the air, then bringing them down to her chest. When she stands on one leg, planting her other foot against her inner thigh, I don’t know where to look. She’s calm and composed and balanced—on one leg. I am not. Even standing on two legs and admiring her figure from behind. My insides are in chaos. Bedlam ensues. My nerves are in turmoil. Only my cock is super happy.