Ethan had left.
Callen was the tainted, bastard son.
His life was marked by that one choice with Kaya Cheek and his betrayal of his brother.
Timothy’s legacy as the shaman would die with him.
It was more baggage that Callen carried on his shoulders. His mother’s disgust, his sexual abuse at the hands of a man who was sadistic, his brother’s disdain, and the destruction of their legacy.
It was all on him.
And he couldn’t carry anymore.
There were days when Callen wished he could just close his eyes, go to sleep, and never wake. His heart hurt nonstop, and there was no end in sight.
All he wanted was to get his brother’s forgiveness, and he could call it a day. He wouldn't be able to cross into the Hunting Grounds without it.
And he knew it.
So this mattered.
It was all that stood between him and peace.
When the cabby stopped in front of a really nice brownstone, Callen checked it out. The address matched, and he knew he had to do this.
Getting out of the cab, he headed up the walkway, dragging his luggage, until he reached the stairs. This was scary. Ethan was notorious for two things.
His temper.
Holding a grudge.
Neither bode well when it came to this apology. Callen expected it to fall short, and he’d been programmed to believe that he was never good enough to deserve it.
After all, he was nothing.
He was garbage.
Here was his proof.
His brother, after almost a decade, still wouldn’t look at him. He still wouldn’t let him apologize.
The man hated him.
Well, it was time for his next dose of reality and verbal flogging, and he accepted it.
His brother’s hate was his penance.
It was his to bear, and his alone.
At the door, he went to knock. Only, the door behind him opened before he could.
“Who are you?” the older lady asked.
“I’m Callen Whitefox.”
“And you know him, how?”
“I’m his brother. We’re estranged. I’ve come to try and talk to him,” he offered, unsure why he was telling this little woman anything.
Oh, he knew.
There were likely to be fireworks, so she’d hear it all anyway. Callen knew his brother.
The woman checked him out.
“You two do look a little alike. I’m Kay Feinstein. I’ve lived next to your brother a couple of months. My husband and I bought this brownstone.”
“Is he home?” Callen asked.
“Yes.”
Well, then it was time to do the deed. “It was nice to meet you, ma’am. Thank you for your time. Good luck with your new home.”
Kay closed the door, but she stayed to listen. He knew she was there. He hadn’t heard her walk away.
It was time.
Callen knocked.
There were footsteps. Then there was a pause. He knew what that meant.
“Ethan, I know you’re there. Open the door.”
Callen didn’t expect it to happen.
Only, it did.
“What do you want?” he asked, standing there in his drawstring PJ pants and no shirt.
Callen focused on the tattoo on his chest.
He remembered that day. His hand went to his abs where his tattoo sat. On that day, they’d taken a vow.
They were brothers.
They were blood.
One month later, he’d broken that vow and betrayed his best friend with a senseless act.
“I came to see you. I’m in town.”
Ethan went to close the door.
“God! Please! Stop.”
He did.
Callen felt the panic, the tears, and the pain. He fought to get through them for the sake of his grandfather’s wishes, and his brother’s hate.
“What do you want, Callen? We have nothing to say to each other. What we had was killed when you betrayed me. We’ve been through this.”
Tears filled Callen’s eyes.
He knew he’d carry this forever.
He’d broken his brother. He didn’t deserve his kindness or love—and he knew he’d never get it.
“I know you hate me, and I accept that. I want you to know that I still love my brother.”
Ethan tensed.
His whole body filled with a rage.
“You had your brother. You had me in your life, and then you decided that a woman mattered more. You put pussy before me, Callen. You cheated with my girlfriend.”
He wiped his eyes.
Oh, he knew what he did.
“It is my biggest regret in life. I’m sorry. Tell me what I have to do to be forgiven.”
“Crawl back to that hellhole and die there.”
A tear slipped down Callen’s cheek.
His heart broke further.
That’s what he thought.
This was the last resemblance of that bridge back to the family, and Callen had to try. He had to give it one more shot.
“If you ever betrayed me, Ethan, I wouldn’t say that to you. You would still be my brother. I would still love you.”
“I’m not you, Callen. I’m not a poet at heart. I’m damaged, trapped between being white and a filthy Indian, and living my own hell. You made your choice. Live with it.”
He went to close the door.
“I’m so sorry. Please find a way to forgive me. Don’t make me live this life alone,” he begged.
Callen was losing the fight. The darkness was there, and it was closing in. He could feel it nipping at his heels. Once it got to him…
He’d be lost forever.
“I can’t forgive you. I can’t forgive betrayal and lies. You’re dead to me.”
He slammed the door in his face.
Callen sat on the cold step, and he wept. There was no way he would ever be able to get Ethan back, and he had to stop trying. His heart couldn’t handle it.
It was a lost cause.
The door across from his brother’s opened, and the little woman appeared.
“Are you okay, honey?” she asked, coming out to see if the man needed anything. She’d heard it all, and her heart ached for him.
“No. No, I’m never going to be okay again. I’ve lost my brother forever, and that’s hard to swallow,” he said, touching the burn scars on his arm.
His fingers ran over all twenty-three of them, and he pushed that pain down too.
It was over.
He was too far gone.
“I heard what happened.”
Callen wiped his eyes on his white button-down shirt. “Yeah, I betrayed him and I lost the only brother I have. I did something stupid, and he was taken from me. I wish I could go back and change my past. I wish I could go back before he ever met me and redo everything so he wouldn’t tell me I was dead to him.”
Kay sat down. “I’m sorry he said those things to you. I’ve only known him a while, but he’s not a mean-spirited person. He’s hurting.”
She handed him a tissue.
“He won’t even see me. I’ve tried. I’ve begged. I’ve pleaded. I’ve…”
Kay patted his arm.
“Time heals.”
“My granddad keeps saying that. There’s nothing in this world that will heal this. He really hates me. You heard him. He wishes I would crawl into a hellhole and die.”
“I’m so sorry,” she said, wrapping her arm around his shoulders. “Give it time.”
Callen stood.
There was no time left. This had been his last shot at getting forgiveness. Callen would take his chance with the universe.
He would take his chance at finding redemption into the Hunting Grounds.
“Thank you for listening, Mrs. Feinstein. I appreciate your kindness. I needed it today. Blessings to you and your husband. I have to go.”
“I’ll call you a cab,” she offered, wanting to take
the boy in and mother him. He was a battered soul. She could tell by looking at him.
His eyes were dead.
His soul was aching.
“I think I’ll walk. I need to just walk.”
“Okay, honey.”
He stopped.
“Can you give him this? Maybe when he isn’t so angry?” he asked, pulling an envelope from his back pocket. “I know he’s going to rip it up, but it’s the last chance I have to see if this is fixable.”
“Sure.”
He handed it to Kay, and then he headed down the stairs to his suitcase on the bottom step. “It was nice meeting you, ma’am. Have a good night.”
Callen headed down the sidewalk, carrying his bag, and she watched him go.
Immediately, she went and knocked on Ethan’s door.
He flung it open, angrily, ready for a verbal brawl. It was on his face.
Then he realized it wasn’t Callen.
“Oh, sorry, Mrs. Feinstein.”
“I don’t like to meddle.”
“Well, then don’t.”
She pointed at him and he actually shut his mouth.
“Son, you don’t give me any sass. I have a boy your age, and I can rip into you just as much as I can rip into him when he’s doing something dumb.”
Ethan was surprised.
Despite his anger, he was always taught to respect his elders, and this was no different.
“Yes, ma’am.”
“When I was younger, my sister and I had a horrible fight over a man. She stole my boyfriend away. She went behind my back, got him to propose, and took him from me.”
Ethan listened.
“She was the worst kind of sister. She betrayed me. I hated her and wouldn’t speak to her for years.”
“Then you know how I feel,” he said.
“Yes, and let me tell you how that one moment changed everything. The day I got the postcard telling me she’d died of cancer, it was a hard day to swallow. I never thought I’d outlive her. She stole my man, but you know what happened?”
He shrugged.
“What?”
“I found my husband. I had a beautiful family, and I actually got the better deal. You see, she ended up marrying a man who beat her, and even though she wanted to leave, she couldn’t. She had no family left.”
She held out the letter from his brother.
“She died alone, riddled with cancer, and abused by a man she saved me from. Sometimes, Ethan, things happen for a reason. Sometimes, you have a chance to make it better, and you need to be man enough to do it. What if he saved you from a fate worse than death?”
He was hurt.
It still stung.
He’d loved Callen more than anything, and that betrayal severed all ties with his past.
He didn’t want him to die. He didn’t want him to crawl into some hole and die.
Ethan just wasn’t ready.
“Read his letter. Give thanks that you have a good life and forgive. It’s the most powerful thing you can do.”
“Thanks, Mrs. Feinstein.”
She headed back into her brownstone, and he looked at the writing on the envelope.
He wasn’t ready.
Ethan had that festering hole in his soul. It wasn’t about the girl. Fuck Kaya Cheek. She was the biggest whore on the rez, but his brother had crossed a line.
That was his issue.
He headed to his gun safe and placed the letter inside. One day, he’d read it.
One day, when he was ready.
Today was not that day.
* * * E l i z a b e t h L a R u e * * *
Friday Morning
Hotel
When Chris woke, she was still beside him, and he couldn’t help but smile. Chris couldn’t believe that this was his girlfriend.
HIS.
He wanted to laugh and run around like an idiot, cheering and doing stupid things.
“You’re smiling too loud,” she muttered into the pillow, as she could feel him staring at her.
Chris pulled her into his body, and she rested against him. “I really can’t believe you’re going to be my girlfriend.”
She laughed. “Well, outside of work. At work…”
He knew.
“You’ll be my secret sex kitten.”
She snorted. “IF YOU EVER say that out loud to anyone but us, I’ll hurt you.”
He gave her a kiss.
“I promise, Kitty.”
She elbowed him hard.
“Kitty? Are you out of your mind?” she asked. “Did you fall asleep and forget who I am?”
He snorted.
“I’ll call you that in my head, and you can’t stop me,” he taunted.
He made her laugh.
“Christopher…”
“Will you be safe today?” he asked.
“No, I thought I’d juggle chainsaws to spice my life up a little bit.”
Chris loved her sarcasm.
“You should light yourself on fire first, and then juggle them. That would really push it over the top. You know, go big or go home.”
She tossed him his boxers with a snort. “Maybe you should get dressed.”
“Why?” he asked.
“Well, other than work, there’s a coffee shop downstairs, and I am going to need caffeine. I have to spend my day with a cop. It’s going to be a long one.”
He got it.
“Want me to run down and get it?”
“No, we can go together.”
He was good with that. After sex, having their very cold burgers and fries, they’d showered, had sex again, and dropped into bed.
The least he could do was buy his girl a coffee.
HIS GIRL.
He was whistling.
“If you keep that up, Tony is going to suspect something is going on.”
“Well, I kinda have bad news for you, Lyzee,” Chris said, pulling on his clothes for the day.
“What?”
“He already knows. He was privy to the great online dating caper and the booty call adventure.”
“Christopher!”
“You didn’t tell anyone?” he asked.
“HELL NO!”
“Oh.”
“Hey now! Don’t get upset. When a guy has a bed buddy, he’s cool. When a woman does it, we’re skanks. We don’t exactly spread that around.”
He felt better.
“I am going to tell my daddy.”
“What?”
“Well, he’s going to ask if I found someone yet, and I can’t lie to him. You don’t dare lie to Charlie. He’ll lose it. So, I’ll tell him I’m dating.”
“Oh boy.”
She laughed as she pulled on her Kevlar and finished getting dressed.
“Tell me you don’t talk to him all that often.”
She snorted. “He calls like clockwork every Friday night, hoping I’m out with a handsome man.”
“Oh, Jesus.”
She found that funny. The look on his face said it all.
“About tonight...?” Chris began.
“What?”
“Want to go out for dinner? It seems I have this sweet, new girlfriend, and I am sorta looking for some street cred.”
She laughed.
“Am I your freaking arm candy?”
He got serious.
“Yes. Nerds like me don’t get babes like you. It doesn’t happen unless we’re rich.”
She stared at him as his words registered, and she didn’t like the implication at all. He was a rich nerd and she was…
Yeah, that sucked.
“I see,” she said, and her tone must have warned him.
Chris saw the look on her face, and it wasn’t one he ever wanted to see again. It was a mix of anger and hurt.
“Wait! Elizabeth, I didn’t mean…!”
She didn’t give him a chance to explain. His words had stung, and that sucked.
“I’m going to grab some coffee,” she said, pulling on her blazer.
“You take the vehicle to the lab. I’ll be fine. I’ll call the detective and catch a ride.”
“Elizabeth.”
She headed for the door.
“I didn’t mean it.”
She turned to face him. She wouldn’t just head out without the parting shot.
“You know what, Christopher?”
“What?”
“You just sold yourself short, and me too. I don’t date a guy because of his bank account. I would have dated you without knowing anything about it.”
“Honey, I know. Don’t hate me. I was being honest. Guys like me don’t get girls like you unless we are rich. I didn’t mean you were like that. This is like Christmas morning for me.”
“You are a smart handsome man, Christopher. There are women out there who would like you for you. Maybe you should learn that.”
She opened the door and headed out.
“Honey! Please!”
When she closed it behind her, she was all stirred up. Going downstairs, she grabbed two coffees and a giant cookie.
Why?
Because she felt bad that she’d walked away from him. Chris was never mean, but that one thing always hit her where it stung.
Men expected her to be a gold digger.
Men expected her to sleep her way to the top.
When he said it, she was reminded that the universe had the deck stacked against her because she was a woman.
But that wasn’t his fault, now was it?
No.
It was time to say she was sorry.
When she pushed the button to take the elevator back up, it opened with him in it.
He looked like he’d lost his best friend.
She handed him a coffee and the cookie.
“You came back for me?”
“Yeah, because I get it. I’m a little in awe too. Girls like me don’t get gentlemen who treat them well. We get assholes who expect us to put out, be their arm candy, and play stupid so they can feed their egos.”
“I never want you to do that for me or anyone else, Elizabeth. You’re more valuable than that. You’re precious and a gift.”
And there it was.
That was EXACTLY how he got her.
“It’s my Christmas too. Men mostly hit on me to get in my britches. For some reason, you like me.”
“I love you. I don’t see the tits and ass.”
She lifted a brow.
“Okay, I see them, but that’s not why I want to be with you. You’re smart, and you are sweet. You have a lot to offer the world, and I want to be by your side.”
Dawn of Evil_FBI Flashback Page 14