He'd woken her sometime in the afternoon. He'd found a road that led into Reno according to the mile markers on the shoulder, and they rolled into the Biggest Little City in the World around three p.m.
But after they'd gotten a hotel room on the fifteenth floor of the Grand Sierra Resort, he'd left her there alone, claiming he needed to clear his head. The no-nonsense man she loved had once again become cold and aloof, almost as if he'd regretted making love to her.
The pain in her chest tightened as she washed her hair. She'd hoped staying in a fancy casino might be fun, that they might forget B*E*A*S*T* for a time and enjoy themselves on Wade's dime. But it would seem Mac had more on his mind than merely trying to forget. She'd offered to join him, but he'd refused.
Now, her belly twisted in agony at her hunger, but she wasn't so sure she'd be able to eat. She'd wanted to go to one of the resort's buffets so they could eat their fill, but with Mac disappearing on her, that wasn't likely to happen.
Maybe she should just order some room service.
She wanted to find him. She was worried about his state of mind. He'd been a hairs-breadth away from shifting back in the Hummer. Would he be able to control himself in a crowd? The thought made her turn off the shower. Even the
heat of the water couldn't warm her chilled skin.
Robyn toweled dry and dressed in a clean set of clothes they'd brought up from the truck. They were men's clothes, but they were better than wearing the dirty rags she'd been wearing. She'd have to visit a shop on the ground floor and buy some tourist garb. She couldn't pull off a pair of baggy men's jeans to save her life, not to mention she still had Dylan's boots.
With a sigh, she attempted to brush her hair with her fingers. They really had nothing but the clothes on their backs. She thanked the hotel for at least having soap and shampoo.
Tugging on her boots, Robyn grabbed Wade's card along with her keycard for the room and walked out into the hallway. Aside from one other person, it was deserted. She strode on the colorful carpet to the elevator, hoping she'd be able to find Mackenzie in the crowd downstairs.
A few people were already on the elevator from the floors above, and they all rode it down to the main floor, stopping one more time on the seventh floor to pick up two more.
Once the doors pinged open, the cacophony of the casino reached her ears. The smells assaulted her all at once, heavy perfumes, cigarettes, and liquor.
The beeps and chirps of the slot machines rang in her ears as she made her way across the casino floor. She didn't smell Mac at all, but she climbed a set of five stairs up to a second level and scanned the slots with her keen eyes. She couldn't see him.
Screams reached her from the left and her heart leapt with fear. Voices of both men and women pierced the casino. Robyn raced down the steps hoping she wasn't about to come face to face with a Kodiak. But once she rounded a change booth, Robyn saw a group of people shouting and whooping with glee.
They'd just won the jackpot, and they were quickly ushered away by hotel security, wiping tears the whole way.
Her heart still pounded despite her relief. The momentary terror she'd felt, that Mac had been the one they were screaming at, gnawed at her. Where was he?
Even the beauty of the huge, glowing chandeliers
lining the ceilings couldn't calm her mood. Perhaps he'd gone into the bowling alley, or maybe one of the restaurants. No, probably not the restaurants. She had the credit card so he wouldn't have been able to buy anything.
Robyn searched the bowling alley, but saw only tourists having a grand old time throwing the balls down the lanes.
Damn it. She should have known that finding Mac in the casino would be like trying to find a needle in a haystack. She could have him paged over the intercom, but he'd only assume something was wrong. She didn't want him to worry. Perhaps she was overreacting. The man had been experimented on. God only knew what he remembered from his mind-wipe. And now, having to hold back the will of an unstable bear inside of him had to be tearing him up inside.
Her mind made up, Robyn was going shopping for new clothes before returning to their room to order room service. She'd give Mac his space. He needed to be alone. Something Rogan had told her when Mac had first brought her to their house in Miami came back to her in a rush.
When Mac was worked up, there wasn't much that could get him right again. He had to make the choice on his own. She'd respect that or die trying.
Swiping the card in the door's lock, Mac walked into the room he shared with Robyn. A huge, king-sized bed took up most of the room, and Robyn cuddled under the blankets on the far side. She was reading a book and didn't bother looking up when he shut the door behind him. A room service cart was near the table, filling the air with the scent of steak. His stomach did a flop. There were two plates on the tray. One had been eaten, the other was still covered.
"Got you something to eat if you're hungry,” Robyn said, turning the page on the book, still not looking at him.
A few bags bearing the logo of the resort on them were crumpled in the trash can, along with tags that had been cut off clothing.
"You've been shopping.” He couldn't think of anything else to say. Robyn seemed detached from him somehow, untouchable on her side of the room. He knew leaving her alone so abruptly was both rude and insensitive, but he'd had to come to grips with the thoughts running through his head.
Walking into the casino to book their room had roused the bear's interest once more. Mac had shaken his head many times, but the more he tried, the harder it was to clear his head. Only having Robyn pressed against him soothed his thoughts.
Once they'd found their room on the fifteenth floor, he'd felt claustrophobic. He'd needed to get away, to see for himself if he could control the bear on his own. Perhaps it hadn't been his best idea. If he couldn't control it, a bloodthirsty bear would have rampaged through the tourists, probably getting itself shot dead by hotel security.
As it was, he'd been damn lucky he'd barely held on to his sanity. The flashing lights and the jingling of coins in the casino had been a distraction from concentrating, and more than once, he needed to take a few deep breaths to calm his racing heart.
He hadn't wanted to risk it anymore, so he'd returned to the room, expecting to find Robyn in a fit of rage. He'd insisted on leaving her behind and he'd smelled her hurt and anger before he left. What he hadn't expected was her indifference upon his return.
"I bought you a few shirts,” she said, giving him a quick glance before reading once more. “Some pants too. Figured you wouldn't want to wear B*E*A*S*T*'s clothes forever."
The brief moment he'd held her eyes, Mac saw her pain. It was still there, under the surface, but she was trying her hardest to seem unaffected. She was doing a good job. Even her scent wasn't strong, but it was guarded. Perhaps she was angry after all. He'd never fought with her before. For all he knew, this could be how she dealt with things.
"Food's getting cold."
His stomach growled loudly. He placed his hand over himself as if to quiet his belly.
With a watering mouth, Mac crossed the room and grabbed the covered plate. Carrying it to the nearby table, he sank into the chair and ate voraciously, barely coming up for air between bites. He didn't even know what had been on that plate when he pushed it away—practically licked clean.
He glanced up and saw the look of shock on her face, but she graced him with a small smile.
"Not sure you're supposed to inhale Filet Mignon."
When he didn't respond, she went back to her book.
Mac heaved a sigh, finally full. He stood from the chair and went in to the bathroom, closing the door behind him. He couldn't face Robyn, not after the decision he'd made in the elevator on the way back to their room.
He was too volatile, too likely to shift and rip his world—and her—apart. It was hard enough coming to grips with being a shifter. He had no idea who he was in his life before, but he didn't give a shit about that. Now, however,
he had to deal with being a crossbreed and the instability that came with it.
He was in love with Robyn, he knew that beyond the shadow of a doubt. And because he loved her, he had to send her away. She was his mate, but she'd never asked for his madness. She never asked to fear for her own safety around him.
Before they'd made love in the Hummer, he'd been so close to shifting and carrying out his disgusting fantasies, it scared him to the core. If Robyn knew the bear had wanted to hurt her just to delight in her screams, she wouldn't look at him with such trust. If she knew the bear lusted after her and wanted her to take his colossal dick in her mouth, she'd run for the friggin’ hills.
Jesus.
Just the memory of those thoughts had him hard and ready. He repulsed himself.
Hitting the countertop with a closed fist, Mac pivoted and turned on the shower, desperate to wash himself clean. He needed the reminder of the scalding water to tell him he wasn't the bear.
He wasn't the goddamn bear!
Mac stripped out of his clothes and stepped into the tub, pulling the curtain closed. His strong fingers washed his hair, yanking and twisting, while he worked in the shampoo, wanting to hurt himself for his revolting desires.
His eyes stung but he refused to break down. He would not give the Kodiak the friggin’ pleasure.
[Back to Table of Contents]
THIRTY
Robyn sat up on the bed. He was taking a shower. Mac was in the effing shower! If that man thought he could avoid her forever, he was sorely mistaken. She was his mate. She wasn't about to stand for the silent treatment, especially when she had no idea what the hell she'd done to put him in a foul mood.
Sure, he was going through a very hard ordeal, but if he would just talk to her, they could face it together. He didn't have to go through it alone.
It was about time he knew that.
Damn stubborn, mule-headed bastard.
Tossing the book on the side table, Robyn could care less when it fell to the floor. She hadn't been reading it anyhow. Every page had to be read at least three times to be processed in her befuddled brain. All she could think about was Mackenzie, but the man seemed to be only thinking of himself.
She was going to give him a piece of her mind.
Robyn stomped to the bathroom door and shoved it open, greeted on the other side with a cloud of steam. She didn't stop until she stood in front of the tub. She reached up and swiped back the shower curtain, spooking Mac on the other side.
He was slick and wet, gazing at her with a look mixed with concern and surprise. Staring at the hair matted against his head, she almost forgot what she'd come in here for. The man never ceased to rev her engine, and hot damn, now was no different.
He even had a hard-on staring her in the face.
Finding her backbone, she pointed her finger at his chest and drew her brows together in anger.
"You don't get to ignore me, Mackenzie Bishop,” she said, seething. “We are in a relationship. People in relationships talk to each other. I know you're going through some shit, but it's not just you. We are going through it. We will deal with it. You've got to stop avoiding me. I love you, damn it!"
Mac was calm when he turned off the shower spray.
No, he wasn't calm. He was seething, just as she was. She smelled the undertone of his scent through the perfume of the shampoo. When he turned back to look at her, every emotion he kept hidden within him was evident, fear, anger, pain... It made shudders travel up her spine.
His hands slicked his hair back a moment before he stepped from the tub, an Adonis who looked mad enough to snap her in two. She took a step back in spite of herself. He followed. She took another step and came up against the countertop of the matching pair of sinks.
Mac advanced, and lordy, she wanted to wrap herself around him. His spicy desire laced the room. Or was that hers? She had no idea. He bent before her and she cried out when his hands grabbed her thighs to lift her onto the counter.
With rough hands, he forced her legs apart, making her acutely aware of the fact that she was only wearing the long night shirt and a brand new pair of panties she'd bought herself not too long before.
Need pulsed between her legs and she ached for him to touch her there. Instead, he took hold of her collar and tugged. The shirt ripped right down the middle and he didn't stop until it lay in a ruined heap on the floor.
"Mackenzie!” she squealed, hopelessly aroused by his sensual assault.
He didn't answer, he merely tore her panties away with the same brute force, ensuring she was as naked as he.
Grasping a handful of her hair, he scooted her forward until her backside barely perched on the counter. His erection was stiff and long, pressing between them. Robyn ached for it. Mac knew damn well.
"You tell me right now what you want me to do,
Robyn,” he demanded, his voice full of venom. Was his anger directed at her? Stroking his face, she couldn't tell, but she didn't think so. He was fighting himself, fighting what that asshole Carver had done to him.
"I want you to talk to me."
He scoffed. “I'm not in the mood for talking."
"I want you to trust me."
"I trust you with my life, woman, you know that."
"I want you,” she whispered. Tears filled her eyes, but she didn't care. “That's all I want. All of you. Every piece. I want your heart, your body, the jag, the bear—"
"You don't want him,” he said, interrupting her. His hand was still twisted in her hair. She winced when he tugged.
"Yes. I do. He's a part of you."
"You don't know what you're asking.” Mac's breath puffed on her lips. If she sat up straighter, she could kiss him.
Instead, she wrapped her legs around him until his length rested in her curls. Her hands explored the soft planes of his chest before climbing his neck and disappearing in his wet hair. He closed his eyes, making a noise deep in his throat, much like a low growl. His entire body trembled.
"You are not a monster,” she said, pulling his face closer until their noses touched. “You are a strong, loving man. You're the man I adore. I want you any way I can get you. If the good comes with the bad, I'll embrace them both."
"Even if the bear—"
She placed her finger on his lips.
"Even if."
"You don't know the thoughts in my head. You don't know how hard I fight to keep them out. It's nearly impossible. If you knew, if you heard them, you'd bolt. You'd run and never look back."
"Try me."
He shook his head.
"Mackenzie..."
"No."
Robyn's heart broke. He wouldn't believe her words. She'd have to show him.
Inching closer, she brushed her lips on his. He followed her gentle kisses, increasing the pressure bit by bit. But the moment her hand gripped his erection, he took over and delved, his tongue battling, demanding.
Leaning her across the counter, he held her with his iron grip so she wouldn't fall against the mirror. With her legs around his hips, it wasn't hard at all for him to squeeze inside, pressing into her so lovingly, it made her swoon.
Clinging to him with all her might, she rode out the wave of ecstacy he created, feeling the fullness of him claiming her heart forever. He was the only one she wanted, her heart was overflowing with love for him. He had to smell it.
"No, please...” Mac ripped his mouth away and stopped his rhythm, resting his head on her shoulder. His scent had changed. The bear wanted free again.
"Think of me,” she breathed in his ear, pushing against him to keep his thoughts in the here and now.
"He wants out. He wants you!"
"It's okay,” she cooed. “I want you to concentrate on me. Think of what I'm doing."
Mac still held her against him. She was free to use her hands to roam across his body, caressing his face, his shoulders, and behind him down to his ass.
"Mmm,” he moaned. The scent was fading. “I can still hear him."
"Mackenzie?"
"What?"
"Tell the bear I love him, too."
Mac's eyes snapped open and he stared at her for a few eternal seconds. He looked as if he was going to break down and cry, but instead, he claimed her mouth and began his loving anew.
In and out, he seemed determined to imprint himself on her heart. But he was already there. He always had been—he always would be.
The instant Robyn felt the creshendo of her passion cresting, Mac came right along with her, holding her tight until she saw nothing but stars.
[Back to Table of Contents]
THIRTY ONE
Robyn wasn't asleep. Neither was Mackenzie. They'd moved to the bed, after their interlude in the bathroom, but they hadn't made love again. His body was so warm, Robyn couldn't help but snuggle up to him. Ever since he'd found her in Florida, she'd been so cold. She had no idea why. Perhaps her worry was the reason, because she didn't remember being cold when they'd first made love, and they'd been outside in the elements.
Thinking on what little he'd told her in the bathroom, she knew he was scared, probably terrified of what he could do if he ever lost control and shifted into the bear. When he'd shifted at the compound, he'd singlehandedly brought down Lucian's helicopter. That, in and of itself, had to be sobering.
If he had the strength to pluck a chopper out of the sky, what else could he do if he flew out of control?
Mac was staring at the ceiling, absently rubbing his hand up and down her arm. She was on his chest, lightly playing with his coarse hair. Their legs tangled beneath the blankets, and she couldn't help but run her foot up his calf.
"What are you thinking about?"
"Ah, sweetheart, you don't wanna know."
"I do."
He scoffed.
Her palm cupped his cheek, forcing his eye contact as she rose over him on her elbow.
"Yes I do. These thoughts are destroying you. I want to help you. Please let me in."
Mark Of The B*E*A*S*T* Page 16