by C Renee
“About the note, I didn’t want to let you in because of what this job might do to us. It involves Matt and his club; it involves an investigation into what happened with you, that night and especially the mole in the agency. My father left me his seat and I don’t want to let him down. I have a meeting with Mr. Wayne later today. I will let you everything that happens. This is me letting you in, us being more.” Alex leans over and lightly kisses my lips. It was only brief but it spoke volumes of how much I mean to him.
“Thanks Alex,” I look over at the clock on top of the fridge. “Oh shit! Is that the time? I have to go get ready.” I hop off the stool but before I could get anywhere Alex has a hold of me, he brings me in close and captures my lips with his. This kiss is everything. It’s soft but raw, it’s passionate and powerful. I pull away before I lose myself in him.
“I really have to get going.” I walk quickly to my room and change into a pair of jeans, a top and my jacket.
“I’ll see you tonight then.” I find Alex still sitting on the stool watching me walk towards him.
“Yes you will.” I walk into his open arms and place another kiss on his lips. They are soft but his stubble tickles my chin.
On my way to the car, I can’t stop thinking of how lucky I am to have Alex. How my life got better when he’s in it.
The building to the therapist’s office doesn’t look the best but once you get inside, you can tell fancy rich people visit on the daily. It has marble flooring, it has mirrors for walls and there are fresh flowers everywhere. I hope I have the right place because parking was a bitch.
I make my way to the front desk and the woman sitting behind it doesn’t notice me right away. She’s too busy being on the phone to someone who isn’t a client.
I catch the end of her conversation.
“Yes Sal, feed the baby food. I don’t know which food, just do it.” She hangs up the phone and then she notices I’m standing here.
“Can I help you?” She says with a bitchy tone, I must not react, I must not react.
“I have an appointment with Dr. Wicked.” I apparently have bad luck when it comes to doctors and their names.
“Louise Carter?” The bitchy receptionist asked.
“Yep, that’s me.” I must not react.
“Right this way.” She gets up from behind the desk and leads me down a narrow hallway. We pass a few offices with the doors closed. The walls have paintings hanging on them, and I nearly tripped over a flower pot that is sticking too much out from the wall. This place is too small.
“Here you are, go right in. Dr. Wicked is waiting for you.” We stop in front a purple door; it’s the only colored door in the building. Oh God, who did I get stuck with?
I put my hand up against the door ready to knock when the door flies open and standing behind it is a tall brunette woman. She is wearing a long skirt, a blouse and killer heels. The glasses make her look even more professional.
“Louise, it’s good to meet you. Come in.” I walk past Dr. Wicked and take a seat on the couch. This is crazy; I don’t want to have to be here.
“I normally do a few breathing exercises but with your case, I would prefer to get right in.”
“Yeah that would be great, I want to be cleared for work as soon as possible. I miss working.” I don’t bother sugar coating anything with her.
“Alright then, I’ve read your medical file and the police report. I’ve noticed you’ve been through a lot, tell me about it.” Dr. Wicked gets out a pen and notepad. This is what I feared. After we are done, I don’t think I’ll be stable to go back to work. Maybe they might put me in a mental hospital with padded walls and a straight jacket.
“I dated Matt, I knew he was from a Motorcycle Club and he’s been member for about seven years. He got abusive so I pulled up my big girl pants and left. I returned home to my best friend Steph and I met a great guy Alex but at the time he wasn’t so great. Then a member of Matt’s club found me and warned me. So to save my loved ones, I went back. Now everything is up the shit creek and I’m trying to move on. Are you done now?” I sit back and I notice my hands are shaking. I put them under my legs so Dr. Wicked wouldn’t notice.
“No, we are far from done Louise. Tell me how you felt when you first met Matt.” She writes down on her pad before urging me to continue.
“Well I’ll save you the boring details of where we met, but I can tell you some details of a special weekend he had planned and how I felt then.”
“Matt where are you taking me?” Matt had the day planned for the two of us. I was so giddy with excitement because we haven’t had a day out in so long.
“Be patient Louise.” Matt groaned at where my hands were wandering, I didn’t want to wait any longer. I wanted to have sex with Matt this morning but he told me to wait. I was sick of waiting.
“Can you hurry up, I’m really horny.” I pleaded with him but instead he just turned the music up louder. What an ass.
“Here we are, now remember that we have three whole days together. No phones, no contact with the outside world. Got it?” I was practically jumping in my seat. I couldn’t get out of the car any quicker.
I took in my surroundings and holy shit.
The place was amazing; Matt pulled the car up to a wooden cabin in the middle of nowhere. There was a massive lake just ten feet away from the cabin and the water looked like glass. It was winter, so the ground was lightly covered with snow. I hoped the cabin had a fireplace, I know where I want to spend most of those three days. Naked and warm in Matt’s arms. My chest expanded at the thought, that place was my heaven.
“What do you mean three whole days? I thought this was a day out?” I’m shocked; I didn’t think it would turn into a weekend thing.
“Surprise!” Matt yelled at the top of his lungs and you could hear the birds fluttering their wings in the silent air.
“This place is amazing Matt, thank you so much for taking me. Can we go inside now?”
“Sure.” He was standing closer to me than I thought. Next thing I know, Matt had lifted me up in his arms. I squealed and demanded to be put down. Matt walked to the front door of the cabin with me still in his arms and crossed the threshold.
My heart was in my throat; that weekend I knew I was going to fall more in love with Matt.
He put me down on the floor and I couldn’t believe what I saw. Inside the entire place was covered in glowing candles, there were red rose petals everywhere and soft music was playing in the background.
The man standing next to me had created the whole thing; in that moment I knew I was gone. I had fallen head over heels for that man.
“Yep, that was the day I knew I truly loved Matt.” I saw tissues on the table so I grabbed a couple to wipe the tears falling from my eyes and I blew my nose. I missed the old Matt.
“Thank you for sharing Louise, I know that was tough to go back and remember.”
I looked around the room; it was tidy, clean and organized.
“Okay, now I want to talk about how you felt when you found out Matt was from a Motorcycle Club.” She looked at me with concern. This isn’t a subject I wanted to talk about; this was the very reason Matt changed.
“Louise, it’s okay to talk about it. Whatever you say in this room, will stay in this room.” She waits for me to talk about it, I’m not sure if I can.
“Louise, did Matt ever talk openly about it?”
“No, he rarely spoke about it.” Short but sweet is how I’ll keep these answers.
“Did that concern you?”
“Yes, but I couldn’t change that.” The more she asks about it, the more I want to tell her.
“When did Matt get abusive towards you?” Now that is a tricky question. I feel my pulse getting quicker, I think I’m having a panic attack, I can’t breathe.
“Louise, look at me. Breathe. Listen to my voice. Count with me. One… two… three.” I follow her breathing and it helps. Maybe we did need those breathing exercises after all.
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br /> “It… it was after his father died. I haven’t spoken about this with anyone; I’ve been afraid that Matt will come after me and hurt me. But if you say it’s safe then I guess it’s okay.” I look at the table again and I notice a stress ball. How come I didn’t see that when I first walked in. I pick it up and keep my hands busy.
“Matt’s father was the president of Bloody Eagle, I never met his father. From the stories Matt told me, he wasn’t a nice man but those two got on well to an extent. His father would test him with certain odd jobs, to see how far his loyalty went. I never asked because I was forbidden to do so but in the end he told me awful, God-awful stories.”
“It’s alright Louise, keep going.”
“He told me some stories after he had to kill his father, but that wasn’t his father’s fault. It was his best friends, second in command or vice president. See Ray wanted all the power for himself, but not even 24 hours later he ended up dead. One of the stories Matt told me was the worst of them. Looking back now, I don’t understand why I didn’t leave sooner.”
120 hours after Matt killed his father he still hadn’t uttered a word to me. The house was too silent, I couldn’t bare it anymore so I went straight up to Matt and I demanded him to talk to me. It worked because he told me to sit down and shut up.
It was a start.
“Louise, what I’m going to tell you now will haunt your dreams. It will make you question your sanity.” Well shit, I didn’t need to know anything; I just wished he would talk to me but not about that, whatever that was.
“When I was old enough, my father pushed me and pushed me to do sick things for him. To prove my loyalty, fuck it was hard. I did awful things while we were together, I didn’t want to do it but if I didn’t. He would either disown me or kill me, and let me just say that killing me would have been a better option than being disowned.” Well that was great; did I want to know about this sick and twisted part of Matt? Probably not, but I didn’t have a choice then.
“When I was coming of age, he would take me to the strippers and ask for one on one. I thought it was awesome, until I was alone with them. He would come in the room and whisper things to me. He would tell me to strangle them until they blacked out. Then when I was getting the hang of it, he would make me set up dates with girls or women, I wasn’t sure of their age but he would make me suggest the real kinky shit. The girls loved it until I made them bleed. My father would come in when it was nearly over and watch me cut into them. Nothing too serious for any doctor or hospital to look at. Now Louise, the next major thing I’m going to tell you is when I’ve been with you. I begged him, I pleaded with him to make me not do this but he wouldn’t listen.” I looked at Matt with a face full of shock and disgust. I ran to the bathroom and puked into the toilet. I didn’t want to hear anymore but I heard him at the door and he kept talking.
“I’m sorry Louise, but I have to tell you the next thing. I think it’ll make us stronger if you know this next part.”
“No, Matt. Get the fuck away from me. I’ve heard enough.” He kicked the bathroom door open and his face was furious. He looked so angry. Oh fuck.
“Sit down Louise! Shut up and listen.” Matt had never raised his voice at me.
“This has only happened twice. I would have chosen death but I didn’t want to leave you alone, for my father to claim. Now, his last task was to make a girl fall in love with me, I would choose different locations. I would gain their trust; I would spend most of my time with them and when the time came to fuck them. I did. I hurt them, they screamed out in pain, I had to watch their eyes transform from love to pure hatred and then I would strangle them to silence them, I would cut them to make it look like a suicide and then dispose of the bodies near a prostitute hotspot. No one suspected it was me. I did it only twice before the police came questioning my father's club. I had to stop.” I couldn’t stop crying, the man I love or loved was standing here, a killer. All this time has been a lie.
“So… so the… night you met… me. It was some game!?” I can’t believe that I fell in love with someone who could have killed me. Wow, my heart has jumped out of my chest and got ran over by a semi-truck 100 times over.
“Yes, but Louise. You are different and I couldn’t do it to you. I fell in love with you.” I can’t believe after everything he had told me, I couldn’t get up and leave him.
“Just do me this, leave me alone for a few days. I can’t bare to look at you.” I knew I should have left then but I couldn’t.
“Matt is a sick and twisted bastard. I am so stupid for staying as long as I did. I knew that night it was wrong but my love for him was too strong. I never knew everything was a lie until that night and I still stayed. You should lock me up right now, and throw away the key.” I look over at the doctor and she is shocked,. No words are coming out of her mouth.
“I… Louise… I’m so sorry.” That’s all she said before the bitch of a receptionist came in and told us that the session was up.
“It was nice talking with you Dr. Wicked, until next time.” I collect my bag from next to me and I follow the receptionist out. We walk in silence until we reach her desk.
“Now we have you booked in for the same time next week, is that okay with you?” She puts on a fake smile and I just nod at her.
I quickly walk across the foyer to the exit and I get in my car.
Oh my God, what just happened? I can’t believe I told her about Matt, I know she will ask more questions about him and everything else I went through.
I sit in my car, I’m numb and my face is wet from my tears. I can’t stop shaking; there is no way I’ll be able to drive home like this.
So I sit and wait.
I watch the outside world, the people walking past my car, some are on the phone, others are walking their dogs and the lucky ones are holding hands with their loved ones.
Why can’t my life be normal and boring?
I don’t know how many minutes or hours have gone by when my phone started buzzing next to me. I look at the name on the screen and it’s Steph. I better answer it.
“Hello.” I say with not much enthusiasm.
“Hey to you too, where have you been? I’ve been calling you for the past two hours!” That’s how long I’ve been sitting here.
“Just outside the therapist’s building, I’ll be over soon.” We agreed this morning over text that I would go over to her place to talk about what we got up to last night. That seems so long ago.
“Okay, see you soon.” She hangs up the phone and I turn the car on and start driving to her place.
“It’s about time you got here.” Steph practically runs up to me and hugs the life out of me.
“I’ve missed you too,” I hug her back.
“Sorry I bailed on you last night, Alex needed me.” I close the distance between the couch and me and lay across it. What a day I’ve had.
“So how was your first therapy session? Oh and what happened last night? Oh my God, I have to tell you what happened with Reece and me. Holy shit balls.” Steph is in her sweat pants and an exercise bra. That’s something I haven’t done in a while, workout but I don’t want my scar to open up.
“Okay, okay. I’ll start with the therapist; you would not believe what her name is! It’s Dr. Wicked, but she is really lovely. Talking about Matt and the past with him was really tough. She asked questions that I wish she hadn’t but I feel lighter that I’m not the only one knowing what really happened.” Steph brought over a plate of cheese and crackers to the table. I’m starving.
“Well that is something, but seriously… I am dying to know what happened with you and Alex last night!” She is literally bouncing up and down in her seat. She seems to be in a really good mood. Did she and Reece get up to something last night? Hmm.
“Ha, well… Alex and I finally had sex.” I hide my face from the happiness I’m feeling.
“OH MY GOD! You did! I’m proud of you Lou, but how was it?” Steph always wants the gory details.
“Before I answer, what happened with you and Reece last night? He seemed really interested in spending time with you.” I lift one of my eyebrows to coach her on.
“Last night was great, he came over and we had a couple of drinks. I suggested we go out on the town but he didn’t feel like it. So instead we hung out here, put a cheesy movie on and we ended up in my bed. Lou it was the hottest sex I’ve ever had.” I knew it! I knew she had a thing for Reece.
“So you like him then?” I’ve got the curious bug now.
“Yes, well… that wasn’t the first time we hung out. Before you get mad, we didn’t want to tell anyone. With everything you and Alex have been through, we didn’t think it was necessary to tell anyone.” Whoa, that’s a lot to take in.
“So you’re saying… that you and Reece are dating?” I can’t believe what I’m hearing.
“Yes for a couple of weeks now. I’m really happy Lou, he is the greatest.” I guess I’m happy for her; everything seems to be moving really fast for me right now.
“Okay, I’m happy for you Steph.” I know I should be happy but I wanted to be the happy one in this moment.
“Enough about me tell me how it was with Alex. Reece and I knew it wouldn’t be too long before you jumped each other's bones.” Oh so it’s her and Reece now. I need to snap out of this jealousy fit. It isn’t fair for Steph.
“It was great, he took his time with me and he made it perfect. We didn’t plan it at all.” I probably should get back to Alex. We still have to talk about how his meeting went today.
“Oh, I’m sorry Lou. I forgot that Reece was coming over tonight…” She didn’t want to tell me to leave because that would have hurt my feelings but I got the hint.
“Sure, I’ll leave. I have to get back to Alex anyway, it was nice seeing you Steph and I really am happy about the news between you and Reece.” I get up off the couch and meet Steph at her front door. It was nice up until I grew the green eyed monster. I can’t help it, I only just got my best friend back and now I have to share. I suppose she can say the same thing about me with Alex.