by C Renee
I follow Seth outside and find him sitting on the kids swing. As kids we would always take turns pushing the other and try to get the highest. When we got a little bit older we would jump off the swing and who got the furthest would win. Someone would always end badly hurt and then our parents banned us from going on it.
“Remember how I would always let you win on these. Mom and dad were so angry that you would always get hurt and then at night we would sneak out just to play on these.” Seth looks up at me and smiles. We were both remembering our time as kids.
It was so long ago but standing here it feels like it was just yesterday.
I walk to the swing set and take a seat on the swing next to Seth.
“I’m in love with Alex and I’m afraid to tell him.” In that moment, I wanted to tell my brother everything. He was once my best friend and I miss that about him. We would always tell each other our secrets whether they were good or bad. He would never judge me and if there were something bad he would always help me through it. I was so gutted when he became a journalist. Our lives changed so much, so quickly. I lost my best friend and his dreams came true.
“I like Alex, he was a mess when he told us about you being in a coma. At first I was so mad at him for not looking out for you but after a few days and he told us that you and he were nothing more than friends. I started to look at him differently. He cares about you Louise, he cares a lot. Maybe you should just tell the guy how you feel. If that were me, I would want to know.” I know he is right but after everything that’s happened to me? I don’t want to wear my heart on my sleeve for it to get cut off. This is hard enough.
“What if Alex doesn’t feel the same way? I don’t want to jump the gun too soon. I don’t want to scare him away but at the same time I think our relationship is anything but slow.” I sigh; this is going to take some growing big balls to do.
“Lou, just tell him. Whether it be today, next week or in a months time. The timeframe won’t matter because you already love him.” Seth is right, I know 100% that he is but to actually form those three powerful words is going to be a lot harder.
“You’re a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for.” Seth gets up from the swing and starts pushing me in mine. This heart to heart is going to make my cry.
“Thanks Seth, I’m going to miss you when you leave us again. The first time was the hardest for me and I hoped with everything I had for you to be okay.” At that point I had no idea which country he was working in. It was scary to see your brother leave and you had that little thought of not being able to see him ever again.
“I’ll be okay this time too Lou, I’m going back to Paris to try and find that woman. Ever since coming back home I’ve felt something was missing and I need to have that part back. I’m not even sure if she’ll be there but I have to at least try.” He seems to care about this woman. I hope he finds her; I would love to meet this woman who captured my brothers attention long enough to care.
“Just be safe, I want to have nieces and nephews one day. They’ll be my own too.” I shouldn’t have mentioned kids; my chest gets tight at the loneliness I feel.
“Lou, you will have kids. You will beat any doctors odds they have lining up against you. I believe in you and… Alex.” Seth chuckles, I can’t believe he said that.
“Hey! That’s not very funny, it might not even be with Alex thank you very much!” I blush at the thought of Alex being the father to my babies. They would look so damn beautiful.
“Hey now, don’t throw the idea out the window. He could pop the question to you tonight; you don’t know what he’s going to do. So just be with him, enjoy being with him and see where it takes you.” Where has Seth gone and who is in his place?
“Okay Mr. Wise Guy. You know everything about love.” I have to thank this mystery woman; she has opened my brother’s heart, made it warm again.
“Lunch is ready.” I hear mom call out from inside.
“Last one in, is a rotten egg.” I call after my brother when I jump off the swing. I can hear his heavy footprints running after me. I can finally win something for real after so many years and just as I was about to touch the wooden door, I see Seth’s giant hand touch it first. Argh! Lost again.
“Too slow Lou. Always too slow.” Seth chuckles his way inside. I follow him, laughing along and tucking this moment into my favorite memories of us.
“What’s so funny?” Dad asks when we all sit down at the kitchen table.
“Lou hasn’t gotten any faster over the years.” Seth chuckles again, I’m glad he’s happy again.
“Mmmm.” I mumble around the chicken I’ve stuffed into my mouth. I hate being a sore loser.
“Never mind Dear, you will always be equal first in my heart.” A draw? I didn’t want that with my brother, I wanted to win!
“This is delicious mom, can you send me the recipe so I can make it for myself.” The chicken marinade with salad tastes amazing. I’m sure Alex would love this too.
“Louise, how are your therapy sessions going? Have you made any progress and what about the investigation? Are you going back to work soon? Are you still living with Alex? Do you think you will move back in with Steph or do you want to come home?” Whoa, getting bombarded with so many questions from dad. I didn’t expect this when they invited me over for lunch. Is it time to go shopping with Steph or do I have to sit through this interrogation for a few more hours.
“Well, that is a lot of questions and I will answer them to my best ability but it’s getting late and I still have to go shopping with Steph. So after this plateful I will be going home.” It’s not getting late, so I had to lie to quickly eat my food and get out of there.
“We are waiting for those answers Louise.” Dad’s tone gets firmer.
“Fine, the therapist sessions are good even though I’ve only had one but I have another appointment on Monday. Not much progress with the investigation but Alex is keeping us updated. I haven’t asked about going back to work yet but that’s on my discussion list. Yes I’m still living with Alex and I will continue to live there because Steph has Alex’s best friend Reece are over there all the time. Oh would you look at that, I have finished my lunch. It was really good seeing you again mom and dad but I have to go. I promise to visit more. Seth would you walk me out?” I quickly get up from my chair, put my dirty plate in the sink and give mom and dad a kiss on the cheek.
I hear Seth walk slowly behind me, I know he doesn’t want to say goodbye but he wants this. He wants to go find that woman, even if it takes him his whole life.
“Thank you for coming over and getting to spend happy moments with me. I promise to call or text you and give an update. I will miss you little sis.” Seth gives me a long hug; I can feel myself getting teary. I hope this isn’t the last time I get to hug my brother.
“Okay, see you brother.” I kiss him on the cheek and steal another hug.
I’m really going to miss him.
* * *
I’m meeting Steph at Dè Lorant clothing store, I’m not sure why we are at a gown and lingerie store. None of us are engaged or know anyone who is or even getting married.
“Why are we here Steph?” I ask when she pushed open the door. Her floral mini dress flows in the wind, she looks bright and happy. I think I like this new look on her, Reece does a good job.
“Well, I thought since I have another fundraiser coming up, I thought we could shop for that gown. Just like last time, that was truly fun.” I don’t think she realizes that I won’t be going to that fundraiser. She already has a date now and I didn’t hear her say we need a gown. I feel like going home and let her get the gown herself.
“Sure.” I mutter with less enthusiasm.
“Lou, I’m sorry that you can’t attend this one but once you’re back at work there will be plenty of ones to go to.” She walks over to the black gown rack and starts skimming through them.
“Right, so Reece is your date for this one then?” I have to ask straight out,
I don’t want my hopes to get high and for them to come crashing down. I feel so left out now that Steph has Reece, I know I shouldn’t complain because I have Alex but these functions were our thing.
“Yes, I would have asked you but I wanted Reece there with me. Sorry Lou.” I knew it. I’m losing my best friend to a guy and what makes it worse is that he’s Alex’s best friend.
“It’s fine, do you really need me here?” I ask casually, I’ve had a really exhausting day already.
“Yes, you have to help me choose a dress but instead of just me trying them all on, I want you to try on some too. We can be twice as fast that way.” Steph picks up a simple black gown and she pushes me towards the pinks and blues.
“I want to wear maybe a blue dress or a black one this time. Will you try this on for me?” She pulls out a strapless gown and passes it to me.
I take it off her hands and walk towards the change rooms. I feel stupid for trying on gowns I’m not even going to wear.
The dress is a light material, it is a slim fit but it flows from the waist down. There are no straps on the dress but the back has a corset lace up. It is beautiful.
I open the curtain to the changing rooms and I see Steph standing in her black gown. It has one strap going from the left boob across her chest to the right of her back. It’s beautiful too. She suits that dress, her and Reece are going to be the couple of the night.
“Wow Lou, you look amazing in that but I like this black one. Thanks for trying it on though.” That was it? I tried on the dress for nothing.
I quickly get changed and I put the dress away. I don’t want to be in this shop anymore.
I walk outside in the street and this woman nearly walks into me.
She is short and has really dark brown hair but her face looks familiar. I feel like I’ve seen her before but I can’t put my finger on it.
“Watch where you are going!” She sounds so angry.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean it.” I try to apologize but she just flips me off and continues to walk away. That was very unusual.
“Are you ready?” Steph walks out of the shop with the gown in her hand. It’s tucked away in a long black bag. I feel a pang of jealousy but it’s her job.
“Yeah, I better get home. Oh, Steph that reminds me. How did you and Reece go from last night?” I forgot about asking her that, she was a wreck and that resulted in so many shots. Just thinking about it now makes me want to throw up.
“Yeah, he explained that part of his past. I can’t hold anything against him for having a shit past. We all have one of those.” At least they are okay.
“That’s good, well I better go now. Let’s hang out soon.” I give Steph a hug goodbye and make my way to where my car is parked.
I stop outside my driver’s side door when I get this sick feeling that someone is watching me. I quickly turn around and no one is in sight. That’s weird.
I get in the car and I look in my review mirror and I see a piece of paper. That’s strange; I didn’t see it when I got to my car. I get out and go to the back of the car to retrieve the paper.
There’s something written on it, it says:
‘I am always watching.’
I freak out; I crumble the note in my hand and tuck it in my back pocket. I search the people around me, on the sidewalk, the people I can see in the shops and I can’t see anyone suspicious. I don’t wait any moment longer, I get in the car and pull out of the car spot.
I make it home in record time, I notice Alex is home and I quickly run up the stairs to reach the front door.
“Alex… Alex… Alex” I call out in a panic voice.
“I’m here Louise, what’s the matter?” He walks over to me and I crumble to the floor.
He is on the floor with me in seconds.
“It’s going to be alright, I’m here.” I’m sitting in his lap and I reach in my back pocket and I hand him the note.
I can feel it burning in my hands.
He reads then note and his face drops.
Chapter Fourteen
Alex
I READ THE NOTE five times; Louise shouldn’t be getting stuff like this.
I’m holding her in my arms and she’s sobbing, I smooth my hand over her hair and whisper soft words. I need to go into the agency again but after this afternoon’s news I don’t want to tell Louise yet. The research I have had to do about the mole has given us a lead and we are waiting to confirm who the stalker is.
This agency needs to broaden their resources in these kinds of situations.
“Hey Precious, it’s going to be okay. I’ve got you.” I help her up and I carry to my bedroom. I lay her on my bed and I leave her to go run the bath. She needs a long soak with some bubble stuff that smells good.
I sit there while the water runs; my thoughts go back to the countless meetings today. Mr. Wayne didn’t bother having that huge board meeting but instead we sat in his office brain storming multiple sceneries and possible suspects.
When Louise starts to feel like her self again, I will mention all of that to her.
The bath is full and it’s overflowing with bubbles, it smells like wild roses. I turn the tap off and feel the temperature of the bath; it’s hot but won’t burn her skin.
I walk back into my room and Louise hasn’t moved. I kick off my shoes and I take my shirt off. I slowly approach Lou; she doesn’t even look up at me. I need her back.
“Lou come on, let's take a bath.” I pick her up again and take her to the bathroom. I set her down on her feet and begin to undress her. I take off her top and then I unclip her bra, they both fall to the floor. I move my hands up and down her bare arms, I step closer and lean in for a kiss. I kiss her forehead, and then I kiss her left cheek. I kiss her nose and I place a light kiss on her lips. She needs to feel and to let me take care of her. I see her smile up at me but she hands over complete control of her body. I have to step up and take care of my girl.
“Let’s get the rest of these clothes off.” I unbutton her shorts, I slowly pull them down her legs but I take her undies with them. She steps out of the pants and I toss them aside. There is nothing sexual about this moment between us, there is a lot of trust and self control for the both of us right now. Well for me anyway.
Having her stand here in the bathroom light, she looks exquisite. Her soft skin lights up and when I touch her, my whole body feels like it’s on fire.
“I’ve got you.” I ease her into the bath and I hear her whisper a sigh. Whatever she needs me to be, I’ll do it in a heartbeat.
This woman is my world.
I watch her head rest against the edge of the bath and she sinks down further into the tub. I can’t let my anger get the better of me; I can’t let it ruin this moment. This moment that I have to truly care for Louise, to show her I’m not going anywhere when the times get tough. She should know that by now but I want to make it stick.
“Will you lay with me?” Louise’s soft voice rings out in the quiet bathroom, I don’t think twice about what she’s asking of me. I take my pants off in record time and I step in behind her. The water sloshes out of the bath when she moves forward and again when she lays her back against my chest.
I rest my arms on the edge of the tub; I don’t want to suffocate her. She hesitates before she rests her head on my left shoulder and that’s when I kiss the side of her head.
My chest is tight with so much emotion right now; I can’t even form any words to describe what I’m feeling towards Lou right now.
This moment… right now… is everything.
“I… love… you… Alex.” I hear Louise whisper the words but I have to close my eyes and imagine her saying them again. I open my eyes and it felt like a dream.
“Did you hear me Alex?” Lou speaks louder this time.
Fuck! It wasn’t a dream, holy shit.
This woman loves me! She finally said it, oh shit. I haven’t said it back.
“Yes Lou, I heard you.” I smile to myself, I know I haven’t
said it back but I’m still in shock.
“I love you too Precious.” I whisper into her hair. I feel her relax even more in my embrace. This moment couldn’t have gone any better.
Louise loves me. I can’t get over how happy that makes me, to actually have someone love me again. After every bad thing that’s happened in my life, I get this amazing moment in time that I will cherish forever.
“Did you want to leave the bath now Lou?” I don’t want this moment to end but I can feel the water getting cold and I don’t want her getting sick because of me. I still have to tell her about the meeting I had today and tell her that I have to leave her tonight to return to the agency. This note update can’t wait any longer. Someone needs to know about it and fast.
“Yeah, I’m ready to get out now. Thanks for being here Alex. I don’t think I could have managed this on my own.” She gets out of the bath and grabs the nearest towel and I stand up in the bath, she passes me a towel too. We both dry off and I wrap my towel around my waist and I follow her into my bedroom.
I feel drained all of a sudden, the stress and energy from today has worn me out. I think I’ll have to go to the agency early tomorrow morning, get that sorted before anything else gets out of hand.
“Did you want to sleep in the spare room tonight or in here?” Louise is just standing in the doorway to my room. I hope she doesn’t choose to sleep in the other room. I loved having her in my arms when I’ve fallen asleep. She keeps the occasional nightmares at bay.
“In here is fine, but there’s something I want to talk to you about.” I walk towards where she is standing and I pull her towards my bed. Tonight isn’t about getting my dick wet; this is about communication and trust.