Yeah, yeah I’m sure they’ve heard some not so romantic things and some stuff that’s probably closer to rated R than PG but to me, romance is romance, and that includes the good and the bad parts. No relationship is perfect, never has been and never will be.
Some people say that there are relationships that exist where you feel like you’re flying and could burst because you are so in love. I may not ever find that, but I do believe that what Brett and I have, even though it may not be the best love out there, I think it’s still pretty good.
My romantic heart will probably never stop dreaming of the what ifs, but I am not the type of person to dwell on the past or the what ifs too much. If I was, I don’t think I would have ever have gotten past my parent’s deaths. It was hard enough the way it was losing my hero and one of my best friends in the same night, but at the same time I’m happy they went together. I honestly don’t know how one of them would have survived without the other. I’m just happy they can still be together and never having to be apart. I honestly think that’s what has gotten me through these past two years, knowing that they are watching down on me together while holding each other close.
I walk up the steps to my apartment with a smile on my face. As I get closer to my door I hear what sounds like muffled yelling. It isn’t until I get right outside my door that I can hear Brett yelling at someone through the front door. He sounds furious, whoever he is talking to really must have pissed him off because I don’t know the last time I’ve heard him this mad about anything.
I quietly open my front door and slowly make my way into my apartment trying my hardest not to make my presence known. “Are you kidding me”, he bellows.
“I told you I needed the information by eight o’clock this morning in order to stick to my timeline. It is now creeping up on six. I gave you one job Chris, to get me the information I needed by eight this morning and clearly that was too much to ask of you!” I can see the vein on his neck trying to make its way out of his skin from where I’m hiding in the narrow doorway.
“What do you mean you can’t find it? There’s no way some old man could have done that good of a job of covering it up. I expect the information in my email by eight tomorrow morning or I will find someone who is capable of getting me what I want!” he seethes as he slams his phone down on the counter thoroughly scaring me, causing me to jump back and hit the wall, which conveniently gives up my hiding place.
“Harmen is that you?” he asks from the living room as I could hear his footsteps bringing him closer to me.
“Yeah it’s me,” I call back trying to look as innocent as possible and not like I had just been loitering in the entryway eavesdropping on his conversation. I step into the living room and practically ran into him as he comes around the corner to meet me in the entryway. Startled, I reach out and grab his arms to steady myself and can instantly feel just how upset that phone call made him. He looks like he could barley contain his anger at this point.
“Why didn’t you tell me you were home? Why were you hiding over here?” he asks with a scowl.
“I didn’t want to interrupt you’re call. You seemed upset and I didn’t want to bother you, I’m sorry,” I say while looking down at the happy “Hello Sunshine” mat by the front door. I could tell he didn’t care about my apology so I continued, “Who’s Chris? You seem really upset by whatever he was saying. Are you okay?” I ask him while softly rubbing my hands up and down his arms in attempts to calm him down a little bit.
At the mention of this Chris fellow’s name I can feel him go even more rigid under my hands if that’s even possible. You’d probably suspect I just told him I kicked his dog or something terrible like that from the way he’s reacting to the mention of this dude’s name. I look up into his eyes and see what looks like hatred there, but that can’t be right. I don’t know who the guy is he was talking to, but he can’t hate him. Brett isn’t like that.
Besides his temper, Brett is a loving guy who never has anything bad to say about anyone and gets along with everyone, well except for Grayson of course. But before I even get a chance to inspect that look in his eyes it’s gone and back to the loving look I usually see directed at me.
After taking a deep breath and removing himself from the hold I have on his arms he turns to walk back into the living room and looks at me over his shoulder with a smile. “I’m okay beautiful, he’s just a new guy at the office who doesn’t know what he’s doing yet but he’ll figure it out.”
“Why were you so upset though, did he mess something up for you?” “He just forgot to get me something that I needed by this morning, but it’s nothing for you to worry your pretty little head about, okay? It’s just work, I don’t want it to ruin our night.”
With a small sigh of defeat, I know I won’t get any more information out of him. “Okay, as long as you’re okay,” I say making my way into the kitchen to set my bag down on the table. I’m not sure if he says anything else or not because as I’m walking and trying to listen, I see a gigantic bouquet of purple and white calla lilies resting in a stunning vintage blue vase on the kitchen table.
This day started off terribly by fighting with my best friend, but it seems to have turned around completely. Flowers are the way to my heart and I’m so surprised to see the bouquet sitting on the table because Brett has never gotten me flowers before, let alone my absolute favorite ones. I slowly walk up to them and reach out and pull a silky petal between my fingers. I don’t even have to bend my head to smell them because they are already filling my entire apartment with their heavenly fragrance.
I slowly look up to find Brett standing on the other side of the table giving me one of his many smirks. “I can’t believe you got me flowers Brett, let alone calla lilies. How did you know I loved them?” I ask him with a look on my face that tells him he can take whatever he wants from me as long as he keeps getting me flowers.
At least I think that’s what the look on my face shows. And honestly the boy could use me however he wanted and I wouldn’t mind one bit as long as he keeps bringing me flowers. Yes, I’m a flower whore. What can I say, my mama raised me right.
“Lucky guess,” he answers in a way that tells me he knows what I’m thinking. I make my way around the table, stand up on my tiptoes and pressed a kiss to his cheek.
“Thank you, I mean seriously you have no idea how happy these make me.”
“I’m glad, you know that’s all I ever want is for you to be happy.” Apparently Gray isn’t the only one saying that today.
“Well I am, you make me very happy,” I reply as I reach up to give him one more kiss on his cheek.
After grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge that’s probably older than my deceased grandma, I make my way back over to the table where he is still standing looking at the flowers with a slight scowl.
Once I get closer his head snaps up with a worried look taking over his gorgeous features. “Did you talk to Grayson today?” Oh so that’s what the scowl is about. Shocker. Taking a deep breath, I meet his gaze.
“Yeah I did. He wasn’t too happy about it but I told him he needs to respect our relationship.” A slow grin spreads across his face as he steps closer to me.
“You really said that?”
“Of course, why wouldn’t I? You’re my boyfriend and after what you said this morning it makes sense to me. I told him we needed to go out together less which really pissed him off, but I told him he can either support me and my relationship with you or he can leave me alone.” I reach up and cup his cheek with my hand and say in a hushed voice, “I want you to be happy and if that means me spending less time with Gray than I’ll do it.” His slow growing grin has now turned into a full-fledged smile.
He reaches up and pulls my hand off of his face and intertwines our fingers. “You make me so happy, beautiful. Let’s go to dinner so we can come back and I can show you just much I appreciate you,” he practically purrs into my ear. You don’t have to tell me twice. I lean back and
try to give him my sexy smile, it probably makes me look like I’m constipated or relieving myself of some other sort of bodily fluid, but he doesn’t seem to notice.
“Okay, let’s go,” I grin and pull him by his hand towards the door all too excited to get this night started.
We got home close to eleven after a night full of wining and dining. Brett was so attentive all night, it started when we arrived at the restaurant he held the door open for me as we walked in and he even opened the car door for me before that. Once we got to the hostess stand and he gave the blonde bombshell manning the desk his name and we were escorted back to our table right away.
It didn’t sneak past me that the hostess kept looking over her shoulder and giving my boyfriend some pretty friendly eyes. I’m sure she’s a great girl, when she’s not making eyes at my boyfriend, but to my surprise Brett didn’t even so much as look at her.
It’s not that I thought he would… okay I guess I thought he would, that’s probably why it made me that much happier when he didn’t. It reminded me of our first date at the small Italian restaurant with the waitress drooling into my soup over Brett, but he didn’t notice her, even then.
After she shook her hips all the way to our table Brett pulled my chair out before we sat down, which lead to her huffing and puffing while making her way back to the front. Over dinner he called me beautiful more times than I could count and that really does a number for a girl’s confidence if you ask me.
It’s not that I thought I looked bad but I just never thought I could live up to his amazing modelesk looks. I mean come on, the man was pretty much straight out of a Hollister ad and they probably wouldn’t even let me into Hollister without a few heavy eye rolls as I would stumble my way through the doors. He was pure man and muscles and pretty much everything else that could make a girl swoon just by looking at him.
Not me though, nope. If I’m being honest, most times my long dark hair gets stuck in my arm pits even when I put it up in a ponytail, but I just can’t bring myself to cut it. And apparently that can turn some men away, who knew.
I always wish my blue eyes could be a little bluer, like my dad’s and my skin could be any shade other than pasty, but that’s just how God made me so I guess I’ll roll with it. I’ll just go out and get a spray tan here and there to pretend I’m not basically albino. I also tend to think I look like a man, minus a penis. It’s not that I’m hairy or anything, jeez I do shave… sometimes.
I definitely have an athletic build rather than a nice feminine figure, but I guess that’s what made me able to kick the guys’ asses in gym back in high school. But now that I’m older and with Brett I wish my boobs were maybe a little larger than pebbles and maybe I could get some hips while I was at it too.
So let’s just say I barely fill out the gray sweater dress I’m wearing paired with some black booties. It’s about as dressy as I get which is fine with me. Brett was looking absolutely gorgeous in a pair of dark jeans and a white button down rolled up to his elbows to show off his fit forearms. Let’s just say he looked mighty fine sitting across from raggedy ol’ me.
By the time we got home I was ready for some alone time with my incredible boyfriend. I just wanted to get my hands on him and I could tell he wanted to get his on me, even though I’m not sure why. I feel like this is how relationships are supposed to be, I can honestly say I think I have finally fallen in love with my boyfriend. Now if only my best friend could be happy for me.
Chapter 5
Grayson
I’m currently still standing outside of the small café while our audience from five minutes ago watch me through the windows like I’m some sort of wild animal. I don’t get where she would have gone in the two minutes it took for me to follow her out the door. She may be fast but she’s not that fast. Feeling defeated I make my way back to my car parked on the side of the street a few blocks down.
Why do girls have to be so difficult? Okay, that’s probably not the right thing to say – let me rephrase. Why does my best friend who is of the opposite sex have to be so difficult? I mean really, how can she not see that that prick is trying to change her. No one in their right mind should ever try or want to change Harmen Brooks. She’s what I would call a diamond in the rough, super cheesy I know. She’s everything any guy could ever want rolled into a nice small package.
Don’t get me wrong, she definitely has her faults. Especially when she turns into Harm – the deadly dragon who lives and breathes fire and harm – hence the name. But more often than not, she is the type of girl that belongs in every guys’ fantasy, even though I would personally pummel any guy whose fantasies star Harmen.
Once I close the door of my small two door beater I reach into my pocket and pull out my phone. I know she is going to ignore me if I call or text her, but I can’t help it. She’s my best friend and I hate when she is upset with me, even though I love to piss her off. I know it doesn’t make any sense, but I don’t care.
I pull up my messages and send her a quick apology. “I’m sorry Har. I didn’t mean to upset you… I just wanted you to understand and to hear where I was coming from. I hope I’m still your best friend. Love you.”
Every time we get into any kind of argument or disagreement I make sure to drop the best friend card. I want her to realize that I will always be her best friend and that she can trust that I won’t be going anywhere, even if she tries to force me.
I would honestly do anything for the girl even if it means apologizing when all I am doing is trying to look out for her and I hope that after all of these years she knows that. She is the most important person in the world to me and I just want her to be happy and safe. I know she says she’s happy with him, but I don’t know that she’s truly safe.
She may be physically safe but I don’t know that she is emotionally. I don’t know how to explain it, there’s just something about that guy that rubs me the wrong way and always has. Maybe it’s how it seems like he’s constantly trying to change my best friend even though she is the most incredible person in the world just the way she is. I know she doesn’t see it or notice that he’s doing it, but I can see it and I don’t like it. Not one bit.
After a couple more unanswered messages and calls I make the executive decision to show my friend just what she means to me. In a completely platonic way of course. No matter what Harmen says she is a complete sucker for flowers, specifically white and purple calla lilies. I honestly think she would have them in every room of her apartment if she could.
She’s loved them since we were little and she attended one of my family’s friend’s weddings. The bride decided to go with a plum and ivory color scheme with the same colored calla lilies. At the dance my friend wanted to catch the bouquet just so she could take the flowers home with her. She ended up using her scrawny elbows to take out the girl to her right before she caught the flowers and that’s how Harmen ended up catching the bouquet at ten years old. Great story, I know.
Let’s just say the flowers had a spot of pride on her night stand for the next year until I could convince her to finally throw them away when I bought her new ones. Ever since then she has had a secret love for them so I know I can at least put a smile on her face if I get her some.
I make a pit stop at the small flower shop downtown to pick up some flowers. The older lady who owns the shop, Mrs. Kelley, knows exactly why I’m there when I walk in the door seeing as how I always get Harmen a bouquet when I’ve upset her.
“Are you here to grovel again boy?” Mrs. Kelley asks with a knowing smile on her face.
“Yes ma’am, I sure am.”
“What’d you do this time?”
“Politely tried to tell her that her boyfriend is trying to change her and that she could do better than him,” I say with a tight smile.
“And are you the guy she could do better with?” Ah this old lady knows more than I thought she did.
“You said it not me,” I answer with a wink.
“Oh boy, you are
in trouble aren’t you?” she asks while laughing at me.
“Some would probably claim so,” I answer truthfully.
“Well, let me run in back and grab you what you came here for.” After she leaves the room I peruse around looking at all of the little knick-knacks she has lining the shelves. My eyes get caught on a light blue vintage vase that reminds me of Harmen’s eyes and I know she has to have it the second I see it.
I grab it off the shelf and bring it up to the counter as Mrs. Kelley comes from the backroom carrying a bouquet of white and purple calla lilies for my favorite girl.
“Looks like you found something else did you?” she asks with a pleasant smile.
“Yeah, she loves everything and anything that could be viewed as vintage or an antique. So I guess why not try win her over a little more. Plus, if I’m being honest, they remind me of her eyes,” I say feeling shy all of a sudden.
Seeing my shyness, Mrs. Kelley leans over and gives my hand a reassuring a pat before turning to the cash register and ringing up the flowers and vase.
After the bill is settled I ask her if she can fill the vase with water and the flowers. She comes back out a couple minutes later and hands me the vase that is now spilling over the edges with my best friend’s flowers.
“You know boy, one of these days you’ll have to tell her how you really feel.”
“I know, but today isn’t that day, maybe someday. Thank you Mrs. Kelley,” I say as I make my way towards the front door.
“Fine, maybe not today but one day soon. You owe that girl and yourself that much,” she yells as I reached the door.
“I know Mrs. Kelley, I will. One day soon, I promise,” I respond as I walked out the door and get back in my car.
On my way to Harmen’s apartment I call and message her a couple more times. Still no response, not that I’m surprised though. I leave her a message asking if she was home, but of course I won’t get an answer to that either. I know she has classes all day, but I’m guessing this has more with her ignoring me than being busy with class. I pull into a parking spot outside her building, grab the vase of flowers, and make my way inside.
If Only I Knew Page 4