Braden looked at her. Confusion flashed through his beautiful blue eyes. “I shouldn’t have brought you. I’ll never forgive myself for putting you in danger.”
He regrets everything?
“I took care of myself,” she said simply, trying to mask the sting of his words.
Before he could brush off the entire trip, Liz opened the door and stretched her cramped up limbs. He may have regretted her coming along, but she couldn’t. Maybe that was why he had been so quiet on the trip. She knew he was unsure about her coming, but she hoped their ordeal brought them closer, that he felt something between them the way she did. Perhaps he wanted things to go back to the way they were before they left, where Liz was just a friend of Lexie’s and he was the protector of his family, willing to sacrifice everything to keep them safe.
Swallowing the hurt that was building in her chest, she double checked her pocket for the small vile that would save Ruby’s life. If nothing else, at least she didn’t fail at bringing home the blood. Saving Ruby was always her main goal. She could give Braden space to decide how he felt about her, but in the meantime, she would do what she had to in order to get through the day.
Come on Liz, put on your big girl pants.
It was hours before Liz had a moment alone with Lexie. Once inside Endellion and Donovan’s house, the entire coven descended upon them with questions and even chastisement for the decisions they made. While Braden had to explain why he wasn’t forthcoming with his family about his travel plans, Fianna and Endellion drilled Liz on whether or not she was hurt in anyway.
Teagan’s mother wanted details as well. Noticing Liz’s sadness, Aileen, brewed some flowery tea and forced her to drink it to restore her spirit. Liz knew her mood wasn’t a result of some unholy influence – it was because after all they had been through, she wasn’t sure where that left things with her and Braden. Watching the entire family together, especially Lexie and Torin who arrived together arm in arm, Liz felt more like an outsider than ever.
After a quick discussion as to whether the blood would do more good than harm, Endellion brought Liz and Lexie up to Ruby’s room to administer the cure. Standing in the entranceway of the private space, Liz almost turned her back to flee. Glancing at Lexie, her longtime friend gave an encouraging nod.
“It’s okay Liz. She’s always loved you. She’ll want you here.”
Moving slowly into the room, seeing her friend’s mother again was shock. Ruby’s body looked even thinner than she did just two days before. The angry rash from the lycanthropy virus left open red ulcers all over her skin. She had always been an attractive and vivacious woman, but curled on the bed with patches of hair missing from her scalp and dark rings under her eyes, Lexie’s mom looked like a stranger.
“Hello Ruby,” Liz said, finally speaking. Wrinkling her nose, she tried to keep her breaths shallow. Although the room and linens were kept spotless, illness flavored the air.
“She hasn’t been strong enough to communicate, but she can still hear you,” Endellion reassured.
While Torin’s mother mixed the vile of blood into some tea, Lexie helped raise her mother into a sitting position. Holding the cup to Ruby’s lips, the woman labored to take light sips. After a few minutes, the liquid was gone. Endellion helped lower Ruby back on the pillows. From where Liz stood, she wanted to believe Ruby’s cheeks looked a little less sunken in, but she knew wishful thinking could play tricks on the eyes.
“What if it doesn’t work?” Liz asked, looking from Endellion to Lexie. “How will we know?”
“She’ll improve Love, that’s how we’ll know. You were very brave in trying to help her. She’ll carry that along with her on which ever path she is destined to follow.”
Endellion spoke with such understanding. Liz wished she could be so self-assured in life and trust that everyone had a path leading to a predestined fate. Perhaps in all of Endellion’s years, she did know more than Liz ever could.
Did she know when she met Donovan that they were meant to be? Or that Lexie would belong to Torin forever?
“Lizzie,” Lexie said, breaking her from her thoughts. “Last night, I told Mom to hold on and to not give up because you were going to rescue her. She squeezed my hand because she knew you loved her enough to see it through.”
Liz smiled. It was a wonderful thing knowing you could give back to someone who gave you so much. She just hoped that it was in time.
“She is blessed to have both of you.” Endellion replied softly, rubbing Ruby’s hand. “I’m going to help refresh your mum with a clean nightie. Why don’t you girls take some time to relax? I’m sure Liz is quite tired and has missed you dear one.”
Once back in the living room, Liz couldn’t help but notice how her friend moved about with ease. In her jeans and Converse, Lexie didn’t even limp. Any signs of the beating she took from Alik were gone. Plopping down on a solid leather loveseat, her best friend was at home in her in-laws house.
Liz sat down beside her. There was so much she wanted to share with her best friend, but it wasn’t the time or the place. Every time they had the room to themselves, one of the elders, their fate-partners or one of the cousins came strolling in. All of them wanted to hear Liz’s retelling of meeting the vampires, what their behaviors were like, and whether or not, the coven’s location was kept secret.
Liz listened to Braden retell the events. It didn’t miss her notice that he never once spoke Riley’s name. When Donovan asked how Braden knew there were draugr in Vancouver, Braden was quick to change the subject.
Although the elders would eventually expect an honest answer, they were confident in Braden enough to give him some space. What mattered to Liz is that he didn’t lie; reminding her again that Braden had integrity and was a man worthy of trust. He could have said anything he wanted, but she knew in time, when he had come to make sense of his own feelings, he would tell them about Riley. He just needed to decide for himself how he felt.
Maybe that is what he’s doing about me. Deciding how he feels.
Liz felt sick with anguish. Closing her eyes, she tried battling the wave of sadness that pricked every labored breath. She wished desperately to have grown up full of confidence – to not crumble from rejection. But it wasn’t that easy. After what her father did, her fear of abandonment ran too deep, she didn’t think she could ever get over it.
Even now, after living for years with Aunt Bev, the memory of her father’s final rejection still hurt. Growing up on base without her mom around wasn’t the worse thing. As soon as she was old enough, she took over making the meals and keeping their home clean.
Most every night, the Captain brought home young sailors who didn’t have family on base, men who weren’t much older than Liz, but old enough to serve their countries. At the time, Liz thought her father did it because he had compassion for them, because he was only eighteen when he first served. But now that she was older, Liz realized it wasn’t compassion that prompted the Captain to open his home. His motives were much more self-serving. He didn’t want to face hours alone with his only daughter.
When Liz first met Petty Officer Louis, she instantly liked him. Naturally tanned with an easy smile, he was always quick to compliment her cooking and get her laughing at his easy jokes. At her age, she was too young to date, but old enough to romanticize what it would be like to fall in love and get married. The young sailor was easy on the eyes and sweet enough to quickly become her secret crush.
I know why poets call it “falling in love” – the ground disappears beneath you and once you lose your footing no one can catch you.
At night, she would listen to him and her father talk about everything from the problems in the Middle East to football. Often times, other men who served under her father were there as well. The Captain kept the fridge stocked with cold beer and Liz filled serving platters with chips and buffalo wings. From her spot in the back of the living room, she tried anticipating their needs while secretly watching Petty Officer Lou
is with dreamy eyes.
The last night Liz saw him was one she wished a thousand times over she could forget. Super bowl Sunday – it was late and the men had been drinking all day. Most of the sailors had drifted on home once the Captain was snoring on the couch. Not Petty Officer Louis. He stuck around and helped Liz clean up the mess. Much more talkative and touchy feely than usual, she could tell he wasn’t sober.
At first his touches were nice – light brushes of the arms as they stood next to the sink washing cups and plates, his hands on her shoulder as she crouched looking for space in the refrigerator. But as the chores finished, the young man she had secretly been crushing on had changed his tone. His voice had become burly and he jokingly kept grabbing her hands, tickling her sides and leaning his face towards hers. Unsure where he was heading, she was alarmed enough to know that she had to go to bed and let him sleep it off. That was when he tried following her to her room.
With her back against her door, the sailor pressed his wet mouth against hers. It wasn’t the pleasant first kiss she imagined sharing. His lips were tough and tasted like Coors. His hands held her locked in place. As she struggled to pull free, he taunted in her ear that he caught her watching him – that he knew she had been dreaming of finding out what it was like to be with a man for the first time.
It was a terrible way for her to realize Petty Officer Louis wasn’t the nice guy she had been fantasizing about. He was a jerk. As her broken heart drove tears to her eyes, she drove her knee up into his groin, forcing him to let go. As he stumbled backwards he slurred a string of profanity. It was just in time for Liz to look up and see the Captain staring at them from the end of the hall.
The next day, when she returned home from school, the Captain told her to pack a bag so she could go visit her Aunt Bev. He didn’t have the guts to say it to her face that she wouldn’t be coming back – that once she was on the plane for the states, he would have her possessions packed and air shipped to Connecticut.
It was almost a month before she forgave him enough to speak to him on the phone. When she asked him why he sent her away, he said it was easier for her to move on than having a good Navy man, like Petty Officer Louis, stripped of his rank; that because she was growing into an attractive woman, she needed a mother-figure to teach her how to behave around men. There might have been more of an explanation, but Liz hung up the phone. Her father tossed her away – deciding she wasn’t worth fighting for, just a hassle who caused men like Petty Officer Louis a hard time.
He didn’t need me so he gave me away – like a pet.
Since then, Liz let her Aunt Bev deal with the Captain. He insisted on maintaining her passport so she could come out for a visit, but he never picked a date and she never brought it up. A couple of times he had stopovers in the states for one thing or another and made short obligatory visits. But even on those rare occurrences, Liz made sure she and Lexie had plans.
The Captain let her down. Petty Officer Louis was almost just as bad. They both showed her what happened when you became too trusting and dependent on men – when you loved them enough to leave you crying. They betrayed the trust she placed in them. As much as she kept telling herself Braden wasn’t like them, it hurt so much to let down her guard, to try, or worse, to hope.
It didn’t matter how much she loved the damphyr – if he didn’t love her back, there couldn’t be a “them.” She couldn’t stay in Erris and see Braden around and pretend it was okay. Eventually he would find his perfect partner, the way Lexie and Torin did and then what would Liz do?
Brushing her hair from her eyes, she knew she would be bringing heartbreak with her. It was impossible to fall in love, to take the eye watering descent, without being altered by it. Although she insisted she would not fall in love with Braden Murphy – she did. It didn’t matter that he wasn’t her type or that he was too preppy and too serious to get involved with. She even insisted that she wouldn’t long for his touch or enjoy the delicious shivers he sent through her body when his lips touched hers, but it made no difference. As much as she thought she could fight it – Liz was left on the sidelines knowing, that despite every limitation she placed on her feelings, it was possible to want someone who could only hurt you in the end.
He’ll move on. He’ll fall in love with his fate-partner and feel nothing for me. It won’t be his fault – it’s just their way.
Liz stood up. The games she was playing had to stop. She couldn’t keep interfering with Lexie’s life – her best friend was obviously well cared for in Erris. Ruby seemed to be healing and as long as that continued to go well, Ella should be fine too.
As far as Braden, the damphyr had a destiny Liz could only dream about. Although it broke her heart to admit it, she knew he wasn’t hers. Every time he looked at her, she wanted it to be. She couldn’t imagine a greater happiness and no one ever made her feel the way he did. But the problem was, she could picture what it would be like if he was suddenly sending her away and too afraid to speak the words. He wouldn’t need her the way she needed him – she would only be in the way.
Just like when I was a child.
Maybe in time Braden would be a memory the way Petty Officer Louis was. Maybe she would forget him the way the Captain so easily forgot her.
Clenching her arms tightly at her sides, she was afraid if she breathed too deeply her heart would shatter on the spot. Heading in the direction of the front door, she didn’t think she would even stick around long enough to see Ruby on the mend.
“Lizzie wait,” Lexie called, trailing after her. “Where are you going?”
“I’m really tired,” Liz said, unwilling to explain. Tears were about to spill and she couldn’t let them go, not now, not in front of her friend who was just getting her life back after the world’s shittiest year.
“Oh, okay. Tonight at the school, there is going to be a candle light vigil for a girl in town that Alik killed. I thought, if you were rested up in time, maybe you and Braden can come with me and Torin.”
“I was thinking about heading home Lex.”
“Home? But, you just got here,” Lexie said, confused. “I was hoping you could stay. I’ve missed you so much and I could really use your help with Ella. She hates me.”
Liz looked down at her feet, confused with what to do. She wouldn’t be much of a help with Ella. After asking Lexie’s kid sister if she had relations with the youngest Serov, hatred probably wasn’t a strong enough word to describe how the thirteen year-old felt about her.
“I need a little time alone – to think.” Liz looked up at her friend. Lexie was the one person Liz could count on. Even now, without knowing the details, her friend could sense her pain. “I promise, if I decide to leave, I’ll come and tell you first.”
Lexie reached out and pulled Liz to her. Hugging her tightly, she whispered. “When you’re ready to talk, I’m here, but if you dare leave without telling me, I’ll show all of the guys your freshmen year class photo.”
30
BRADEN
Braden hurried across the lawn. At the edge of Torin’s driveway, he stopped. Liz was standing next to her Chevy, with a map spread across her hood, her black hair spilled across her face as she leaned forward, tracking a route back to Connecticut with a neon sharpie. Even her small movements were graceful; he could stand there and watch her all day.
Except she’s trying to leave.
After walking around Torin’s parent’s place hoping to find her, Lexie pulled him to the side and gave him hell. She said it was obvious her best friend had feelings for him and if he didn’t want to ruin his best chance at happiness, he better track her down and tell her how he felt.
At first he wanted to laugh. Lexie was one of the nicest people he had ever met and she didn’t do intimidating well. But once he realized what she was saying, that Liz was unhappy and on the verge of leaving, he quickly wiped his amused grin from his face. Lexie’s warning made him move. If Liz truly did have feelings for him, he wouldn’t waste another m
oment second guessing if she wanted Riley instead.
I never knew I could feel this way about anyone, but now that I have, I can’t let her just walk away.
Braden knew he was hardly beautiful, but she was – outstandingly so. Liz was perfect in every way. In the last twenty-four hours, he had longed to reach out to her, to say something that would remind her of the kisses they shared in Vancouver. But, like with everything else in his life, he could give directions, take down a bear, track the Serovs through the Allagash Waterway, but was clumsy with words that were attached to feelings.
Moving soundlessly, he edged up behind her.
“Please don’t leave,” he said softly.
Liz spun around.
Braden was afraid to speak, afraid that he would ruin everything again with his desperation for her to stay. He wanted to put his arms around her and kiss her lips. The way he did the other night when they were outside the club and he couldn’t hold back – before Garrick tossed him into the basement cell. Or at Sunnydale, when Liz told him she chose to stay and fight for him and not runaway with his brother.
Liz tilted her face up to his. She looked as vulnerable as he felt. “I don’t know if I belong here.”
“You do,” he said, staring down at her. “Stay with me.”
Tears spilled down her cheeks. “Someday you’ll have a fate-partner. There won’t be a place for me.”
“I love you, Liz. That’s all I know and nothing can change that. Can’t you feel it? Can’t you tell there is something pulling us together when we touch? When we kiss?”
Liz closed her eyes, her bottom lip trembling. “I’ve tried to forget what it was like when we kissed, but I can’t. I keep telling myself that it was the trip and the stress – but I know that my head is just lying to my heart.”
Braden pulled her into his arms. Once again he was struck by how amazingly she fit against him. “Tell me you feel the way I do. Please.”
Blood Twist (The Erris Coven Series) Page 13