by S. C. York
Even though we walk down Main Street side by side, there’s an ocean between us. Crossing over the drawbridge in silence, I stare at the boats in the channel waiting in line for the bridge to open. I can’t believe this time yesterday I was wrapped up in his arms, as close as two people can be. Now, it feels like that moment never happened.
The tightening in my chest is slowly lessening. I find one thing to focus on and clear the emotions from my mind. In front of us is the Steamboat Wharf, I don’t take my eyes off it.
Breathe in and out, in and out.
I turn left on the dock, waving to the crew of the Argia, who are prepping the boat for the sunset sail. I think a few of my guests are booked for tonight’s cruise. He silently follows me. One hand is tucked in the front pocket of his trousers the other is carrying his sport coat.
I stop at the end of the dock, with nowhere to go. Finally, alone, I turn around to face him.
“You wanted to talk?”
He studies me, taking his time answering. His left cheek ticks and his left hand is curled into a fist at his side. “Vanessa, what the fuck is going on? I never pegged you as the type who likes to play games, maybe I was wrong.”
“That’s rich. You’re accusing me of playing games? Did you fuck Blaire, after our date at S&P?”
His head snaps back. Boom, I fired a direct hit.
“What the hell does that have to do with anything?”
“Everything,” I snap back. Taking a deep breath, I let every thought, every emotion pour out of me. “For one moment yesterday I was on top of the world. You made me feel invincible, for one day I was completely happy. Do you know how it felt when my best friend shamed me for thinking any of it was real? It reminded me how naive I was when we first met. Did you even realize how excited I was for our date that night? Then you were a complete ass—no surprise, by the way, but to go back to the boat, to Blaire after I left? You disgust me.”
“Vanessa, it wasn’t like that.”
“Oh, please. How many other girls have there been since we met? In that bed, in that cabin?”
“Does it matter?”
“Yes—God, I can’t seem to stop crying ever since I met you.” I turn away, wiping my cheeks. I feel tired, and I smell. My make-up is a mess and my hair’s greasy. This man has thrown me off my axis and I didn’t even knew he existed a month ago. I hear Ryan sigh behind me, clearly exasperated at the situation.
“I never planned on it. I was angry at myself for being such a dick to you, for ruining our night. I wanted you so very badly—I was too keyed up. Patience has never been my thing. I was so pissed when you walked out on me, but it was also a huge turn on.
“Obviously, I didn’t go back to the hotel. I never even turned the key in the lock.When I got back to the Stonington House it was dark, empty, and I didn’t want to be alone. Blake was over at MYC with some girls, thinking I’d be out all night. When I texted him that things had gone south with you, he told me to get over to the club.
I figured hanging out at the yacht club was better than sitting in the dark drinking alone. As soon as I got there, Blaire was all over me. I’d be lying if I told you she didn’t stroke my ego. Having her want me, when you had just walked out felt good. I took her back to The Majesty for an after party, and I let her go down on me in the hot tub. But I didn’t want her. It was your face I saw when I came, and then I sent her home.”
He ends with a shrug like it was no big deal. I feel my lunch churning in my stomach. I throw up the chicken salad that I had for lunch over the side of the pier. The only one’s celebrating are the seagulls flying overhead, overjoyed at my retching as they swoop down.
“Oh, my God, I feel like I just got hit by a dump truck,” I tell him, wiping my hand across my mouth. I’m repulsed and shocked that he admitted everything.
“You wanted honesty, Vanessa,” he says leaning against a pillar.
“Gee, thanks, I am never going in that hot tub.” I shudder, thinking about what’s swimming around in that water.
“It’s your turn to be honest. What happened after you boarded the ferry?”
I sit down, feeling wiped and dangle my legs over the side of the pier.
“TJ and Blake really bonded this weekend. Blake had no problem bragging about the sex-capades both of you have had so far this summer. When TJ filled me in, I had a major panic attack. I felt stupid and hurt.
“I got my first panic attack when I was five. I was playing hide and seek at my cousin’s house. I turned the lock inside the bathroom, but it got stuck and wouldn’t open. The light switch was on the outside of the bathroom door and my older cousin thought it would be funny to leave me in the dark. Her parents weren’t home. I screamed, kicked, and pounded that door for a good hour. When they came home, my uncle had to get his tool set out and take the knob off. Then he spanked me for scraping his door and ‘trashing’ the bathroom. I’ve never been the same since. When I get scared or overwhelmed, I have major anxiety attacks.
“After Sean cheated on me last year, they started up again. He was my first and look how that turned out. You…you were my second. I thought I was being humiliated again and I couldn’t handle it. You just saw what happens to me. Maybe we should just end this right now. To be frank, nothing good has happened since the night I met you. I’ve been physically hurt, publicly shamed, and now my panic attacks are coming back.”
“Oh, baby, come here.” He offers me a hand and I take it. He holds me close and whispers, “Look at us, too imperfect people, but together this feels perfect. I want to be with you, only you—I’m not a man who quits easily.”
I pull back not actually believing he feels this way.
“Really?”
“I know it’s fast, but it’s true.”
“I’m falling for you, too,” I tell him. He tries to kiss me but I pull back, “Ryan, did you miss the part where I puked my guts out?”
“No, I caught that,” he kisses me on the top of the head. “Let’s go. I need to have a talk with Blake before I head back to Boston. He needs to know to watch his mouth around you and your friends from now on. But Vanessa, please—next time don’t ignore me. I need to be able to get a hold of you. From now on, I need you to trust me. Let’s talk things out before you spin out of control like this.”
“Okay,” I whisper, ducking my face into the crook of his neck. I inhale his scent, so thankful that he’s still mine.
“Do you have to go so soon?
“Yes, I need to finish some work and send out a few emails. I dropped everything to drive up here. It’s another two hours north to my apartment in Back Bay. I was planning on coming down Friday night after work. It will be late, but if you can, spend the night with me?”
“Yes.”
He takes my hand and walks me back to the Inn. Anna doesn’t say a word. She pecks the keyboard hard with her nails and doesn’t look up from behind the front desk.
“Anna, can I have a minute?” Ryan asks her.
I’m shocked at his request. She looks up at the two of us holding hands and her mouth puckers.
“Seriously?”
“Yes, Anna. Take a quick walk with me out back,” he gestures with his hand.
“No. We can do this right here. There are no guests around,” she answers, throwing a pen across the counter.
“Anna, this isn’t professional.” I tell her picking up the pen she flung.
“You’re one to talk, boss,” she spits at me. She brushes past me, bumping into me slightly and follows Ryan out the lobby door.
They’ve been gone a full ten minutes. I pace around the lobby, only stopping to rearrange the glossy magazines that already sit perfectly on the coffee table. Taking some Windex, I wipe away imaginary smears on the front windows. I feel relieved when they both come back intact.
“Vanessa, I need to go. I’ll call you later tonight, okay?”
“Okay,” I smile at him. He bends down and presses his lips firmly on mine.
He walks out and i
nto a silver Suburban, my eyes track the car until it disappears.
“You’re hopeless,” Anna tells me.
“Hopelessly optimistic,” I reply, then punch out my time card, leaving her gaping at me.
The rest of the week passes by quickly. I’m giddy with new love. Ryan and I text or call each other as much as we can. The only cloud on my horizon is TJ. I haven’t spoken to him since the disastrous ferry ride and I miss him. We’ve never gone this long without talking, but I’m not ready to make the first move. I know he’s going to be pissed that I didn’t take his advice.
My phone lights up with a text from Eva, letting me know she just got off work and will be over in five.
Blake’s invited her to his house Saturday night for dinner. He’s ready to tell his father that they’re together. She freaked out, partly in excitement and partly in fear that Mr. Foster won’t approve. So she wants back up. Now it’s turned into a double date with Ryan and me attending.
I can’t wait to meet Charles Foster. He’s as infamous as his son. I’m also curious to see his reaction when he finds out that Eva’s in a relationship with his purebred son. From what I’ve heard, Mr. Foster is uptight and formal, a real stuffed shirt and Eva’s…well, Eva. There’s nothing prim and proper about her.
“You ready, Chica?”
“Yep, just let me grab my purse.” I walk into the back office where Anna’s printing up new fliers for the Inn. She barely talks to me now, unless it’s about work. It’s awkward. Picking up my handbag I clock out and don’t even bother to say goodbye.
The second-hand boutique is about a mile walk from the Inn, but after spending all day inside the small lobby, I’m eager to get outside and walk.
“I hope we can find something suitable for dinner at the Stonington House. Are you ready for this?” I ask Eva.
“Yes, but I’m nervous only because Charles is my boss. Blake’s so considerate. He wants to tell his father first before we take our relationship public.”
“There will be a lot of broken hearts in Mystic when word gets out,” I exclaim, putting the back of my hand against my head. “Why do they call it Stonington House, anyway?” I ask her.
“Oh, it’s just the family summer home. They have a small sales office in South Beach and spend the winters there. They take The Majesty down every fall.”
“Must be nice.”
“Yep.”
We turn the corner by the train station, it’s five-thirty and an Amtrak train from Manhattan just pulled in. Tourists are lugging suitcases and look confused wondering where the heck town is. I feel bad for them, all sweaty and tired from the long ride and now they are standing in the humid air outside looking lost.
“You want to go that way about a quarter mile,” I tell the crowd with a smile pointing behind us. A few wave back at me in appreciation while others groan that they have to lug suitcases down the street.
“You’re to sweet, Chica. I would’ve just let them swelter.”
“And that’s the difference, Eva. You’re so jaded even though I have more reason to be than you.”
“You’re loca, I love you, but you are clueless at how easy life is for you.”
“That’s not true.”
“I bet no one’s ever insinuated you scrub their shitty toilet.”
“Eva, I’ve worked as a chambermaid at the Inn before I got promoted to the front desk. You know I’ve scrubbed plenty of shitty toilets.”
“Whatever, you’ll never understand,” she huffs. Her eyes blaze, as she squares her body toward mine. Standing in front of me blocking my path on the sidewalk, I cringe not knowing what’s coming.
“When I first met you, I called you skinny bitch in my head. I only became your friend because you were the only other girl in the cafeteria no one would sit with.”
“Are you serious? You never told me this before.”
“Sí, but I’m so glad we were both losers, look at us now,” she says playfully, hooking her arm in mine. “Chica, you don’t have a mean bone in your body. That’s what I love about you. I’ve always admired your ability to see the good in life.”
“We balance each other out then because you are such a pessimist,” I tease. “Promise me we’ll always be there for one another.”
“Sí, su mi Hermana, Vanessa,” she tells me.
“You’re my sister, too,” I reply, teary-eyed. Jesus, this was supposed to be a shopping trip.”
“Vamos.” She leads me across the street and we enter the second-hand boutique.
My wallet is thick wih the money I took out of the ATM machine when I was on lunch break.
We browse through the racks but nothing’s standing out to me. I see a few Lily Pulitzer dresses that I could afford, but the thought of dressing like Blaire ruins them for me. I find a pair of Tory Burch flip flops in excellent condition for thirty bucks and snatch them off the counter.
“What do you think?” Eva holds up a dark rose-colored dress with a v-neckline that has ruffles around the edges.
“It’s perfect.” The color of the dress complements her hair and eyes.
“It’s Marc Jacobs and on sale for $225.” She goes into the dressing room and tries it on.
I finger through the dresses on the racks and find a soft peach peplum dress. It’s perfect for a dinner party, but I could also wear it to work in the city. I check the tag, it’s $250, but the label says it’s a Carolina Herrera. It’s more than I want to spend, but decide to try it on anyway.
I turn in the full-length mirror and see Eva behind me reflected in the glass. “Nessa, you look great, with your blonde hair and summer tan, that dress is it.”
“Thanks, you look beautiful, too.” We get dressed again and head to the register to pay. I reluctantly put down the Tory Burch sandals, not having enough money for them and the dress. I take out my cash and count the bills and Eva rolls her eyes at me.
“Cash? Just use your debit card.”
“Ha, no—I wish. My dad taught me how to budget. He says only take out a certain amount of cash and spend that amount. That way you never go over, it’s too easy to overspend if you just swipe.”
“Huh, that’s a great tip.”
“Here you go, sweetie,” the cashier says, handing me a twenty percent-off coupon.
“Oh, thank you,” I tell her.
“Shoot, look at that rip,” the cashier exclaims.
Puzzled, Eva and I stare at the dress but there’s no imperfection.
“That’ll be another twenty percent off since it’s damaged.”
She punches numbers into a calculator next to the register, “Okay, with the coupon and the discount for the tear it comes to $160. She picks up the flip flops putting them back next to the dress and rings me up.
“Thanks,” I smile gratefully at her.
She gives me a wink and I hand over my cash. I even have a few twenties left to put back in my pocket.
“It’s only 6:15. We have plenty of time to make the beach concert if you want to go,” Eva says as we exit the shop.
“I don’t know. It’s just…going to Esker used to be the highlight of my week every summer, and now we haven’t been back in four weeks. I just don’t feel like running into Carter, Blaire, and that crowd. It’s weird. I’ve lived here my whole life and never met any of them there before.”
“It’s not, Nessa. Blake told me he and Blaire met at The Cheshire Academy. That’s the boarding prep school every kid in Connecticut attends when you come from a ‘certain class’.”
“Well, I’ve never heard of it.”
“Why would you? Anyway, Blake said he’s not going to the concert tonight but spending time with his dad. I thought we could just go, you and me. We could sit in the back on a few beach chairs and eat dinner there without participating in the whole scene.”
“I’d like that. I guess I just need to get over it and hold my head high, and not let those people ruin my favorite summer tradition.”
“That’s my girl.”
&n
bsp; My phone buzzes in my purse. I take it out hoping it’s him.
Hey Sweetie, working late thinking of you, Xoxoxo.
My fingers type back, Thinking of you too, about to return to the scene of the crime :)
Be good ☺ No one else sees that a** but me now. He writes.
Yes, Master!
Good. P.S. stay away from the crazy cop!
Will do. Call you before I go to bed. Xoxoxo.
I put my phone away with a sigh, “Eva, I hope Sean’s not there.”
“Christo, I totally forgot about him. Don’t worry, I’ll tase his ass,” she says pulling out what appears to be a taser gun.
“Holy shit, where did you get that?”
“My mom bought it for me, you know, since I’m taking classes in Norwich at the community college at night.”
“Eva, put it away, you can’t tase Sean. As much as I’d love nothing more, he’s a cop, and that’s a felony.”
“Well, I can always do it in my mind.” I laugh with her, and we climb into my MINI parked behind the hotel.
“Esker, here we come,” I say as we pull out onto Route 1, crossing the bridge. I pull over at the Mystic Market and we pick up a few salads to go. The beach lot is full, but when you’re driving a MINI, almost anything can be a parking spot. I pull up on a small clump of grass past the beach and put the MINI in park. Eva grabs my beach chairs from the trunk and we find a place to set up close to the road to the left of the stage.
“Oh, God,” I say.
“What?”
“The dune behind us is the very one I tried to hide behind last time I was here. You know, when I puked my guts out?”
She shakes her head at me and sits.
“Vanessa.” My whole body tenses.
“Sean, what in the hell do you want?” I slap my leg and put my food down, standing up to face him. He’s off duty, and I admit, dressed in his street clothes he looks like the boy I loved last summer. He has a heavy build, compact like a wrestler, but emanates an All-American boy charm when he turns it on.